When we often think of domestic abuse, we sure think of those black eyes and bandaged hands right? Well, we also know today domestic abuse very often includes emotional and verbal aspects right?
Since I started my Monday series on emotions, I decided to talk today about my emotional abuse and of course all other abuse I got in my six year marriage.
In Africa, this issue of domestic abuse is still a ‘semi-taboo’ because of the popular adage to women to ‘tie their heart’ (just bare it all ) supposedly for the kids or if there are no kids, then you don’t even have a raison d’etre as a worthy wife.
As for men, oh it’s a ‘God forbid’ for even your neigbour to hear that you were abused by your wife. So for them, it is, hmm ‘I beg let no one even hear’.
Well, I tore away from all that, I am an unconventional ‘african’ woman (if it means anything), and I wrote about my Unconventional Loves.
Before I share some of my ‘subtle’ episodes of emotional and otherwise abuse, I admit that I also abused my husband. Both in reaction to his abuse and dare I say out of proportion and irrationality? Could it be frustration and illusion?
How it all started
I re-called in that article how it all started as a ‘cold war’. Now, we surely all can remember the cold war of the 60s’ between those super powers right? That was the scenario in my home for a long while, an unhealthy one to say the least. This to me is Emotional Abuse. It tears and mocks at any great emotions you ever had and eventually leaves you doubting your own sanity.
From Emotional Abuse, I graduated to Verbal Abuse.
Well, frankly it is we both graduated. The emotional abuse left us both (each in his own regard I suppose) drained and the intensity of the emotions involved had surely climbed from mild to strong. It was lashing out time. I by then weighed 115kg and this is ‘ugly’. What a good weapon that was. ‘Oh you good for nothing fat, ugly, broke and lousy wife’ to say the least. I mean, I don’t need to wear you out dear readers and followers of mine with such details right?
But, when the abuse took on a physical, I knew I had to choose between Leaving or Living
When the abuse gets physical, there is no turning back. He has done it once, he will probably do it again and again unless…
I remember one episode as recounted in my book, when I locked the door of the room and hid the key with the hope of forcing my ex husband to have a conversation. He first gave me a sound slap, then he broke the door, then he kicked and pulled me out with my hair and throwing me away in the sitting room, screaming he no longer wanted to see me in our bedroom.
That room stayed without a door for three good months although I slept in there.
When such incidents happens and your spouse still demands sexual intercourse and forcefully gets onto you, I wonder what more we have to undergo before we save ourselves?
Yes, Emotional Abuse got verbal and physical and I just spare financial details for I don’t know what got me to put my money into a joint account in the first place!
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, sharing is helping, and commenting is encouraging unless you think otherwise?