One of my great Anxiety triggers

It's so important for me
It’s so important for me

Hey pals, I want to share with you one of my great anxiety triggers and how l have dealt with it most of the time. It’s sort of an odd one maybe but it can get me go ‘shaggy’ pretty well. That is, being late!

It’s funny that it is only until recently that l came to realize that l was obsessed with punctuality as a ‘fighting mechanism’ against anxiety. l mean real freaking anxiety.

l am doing the 33 day journey to discover my soul signature as created by somebody l discovered online, his name is Panache Desai and you could check that out for yourselves right here.

How it all started

I don’t recall bothering much about punctuality until l was maybe 14 and ‘in charge’ after my parents’ divorce. One day, I had to meet our mum in a neighbouring home to collect provisions she often brought for us given that back at our dad’s we were often starving.

When I wanted to leave, l realized to my horror that my dad had padlocked the gate on his way to work or maybe it was our ‘step mum’ following his instructions? He said he didn’t want nobody entering or leaving his house without his permission.

I was so freaking angry but I had to think quick because the time my mum and l had agreed on was already a few seconds away. If only I had tried to leave much earlier, l would have seen that gate locked and thought of a good plan right? Or so I thought.

If only l had watched as he left for work, l would have had a first hand account of what actually happened or outrightly challenged whoever was locking that gate right?

That day, in order not to miss my appointment with our dear mother, I skipped our tall fence which had broken bottles on top. I don’t know where the energy came from and how l was wounded that day or all the other many times l did that.  l however decided since then, to try and be as early as possible than late even by a second.

Being late for sports today

And so, l have always tried to be ready well ahead of time and hate this notion of Black Man Time. Heck, I did a post on that during a recent Blog Challenge and was surprised at how many people commented and all.

getting ready to leave
getting ready to leave

You can imagine how freaked l was to get up late this morning for sports. I mean 30 good minutes late? What were you dreaming of? Sure l slept late because l hosted my colleagues for dinner, sort of a farewell, and they had ruined my plans by coming a good hour late and leaving an hour later. But still then, l should have put the damn alarm right? Those voices ranted on and on, l was so pissed but l was equally determined to go if only to calm down and teach myself a lesson.

The sports dealt with me
The sports dealt with me

You see, l don’t like going for sports at 6 am but 5.30. l prefer when am almost the only one out there with mother nature and all. Men, l was even called a witch back home because l went out at 3.30 /4 am.

Managing that anger of being late

I try not to be in the first place. I rather be 30 minutes earlier like when l had to visit my dear June in London. I prepare for a trip 3 weeks ahead, l go to work 30 minutes ahead, l got to my own wedding 15 minutes early and left their decorated car behind because it was still at some florist.

Yet, there are situations l can’t help but only deal with right? lt sure takes a lot of my 3 Ds, but l often manage to pull through.

This morning, l went for the sports to calm down and l worked almost twice as much. l even met another jogger and we smiled at each other. Hmm, that was cool. I heard more birds sing and saw businesses open up and cars go by. Not bad indeed. I talked to myself and my music helped. l am grateful for all these tactics and opportunities.

Ama was proud of herself afterall
Ama was proud of herself afterall

And when it is people who are late for our appointments, l have learnt not to freak but to read or listen to music while waiting. To close people, l can be nasty for even a 5 minutes delay or mere suspicion of one. But that’s that. I somehow have to release my frustration and keep any depressive flags at bay right?

Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, how do you recognize and deal with any triggers you may face in life?


7 thoughts on “One of my great Anxiety triggers”

  1. Hi Marie,

    Now I know why you were so early when you came to see me. Oh Dear! If only I’d known about your punctuality issue, I would have started cleaning and cooking earlier. Anyway, next time I won’t keep you waiting. 🙂

    1. Junie,

      Oh no, you did not keep me waiting. I just arrived earlier to keep myself cool as l often do. I don’t want people to change schedules because of me, l share so people learn to empathize more and maybe understand some more how you could appear so normal yet have real struggles?

  2. I have the same trigger! I don’t seem to mind when others are late – unless they completely ditch me or are way late and don’t tell me, then I think it’s rude. But for me, I’ve been time-obsessed since I was in middle school. Not sure why!

    You know, I got so mad that I was SO late to church that I missed it – because I didn’t know they had changed to an earlier hour. So mad I went home and destroyed things in my apartment. So I don’t think I’m one to give advice on punctuality – but you’re not the only one!

    The one thing I can say is that to ease this stressor every so often I make sure I have a day set aside with NO plans and NO expectations to be anywhere or do anything at any particular time. I stopped wearing a watch on my wrist because I would obsessively look at it – and I only have one clock in my house – in the bathroom – mainly to track how long I am in the shower so I know I don’t stay in too long and waste water.

    1. Peace dear P,

      Thanks for taking the time to share this much. I used to find it bizzare until l realized dealing or anticipating with it helps me cope better. So am not alone? Haha, comforting to know :-). yes l read that post when u were late to church by no fault of yours other than not being in touch for so long that you didn’t the schedules had changed.
      I have also stopped wearing a watch though the phone is there 🙂
      I share so peole know how different perception can be from reality and how we sometimes go to lengths to keep calm and check ourselves not to go real ‘shaggy’:-)

      Peace men, Marie

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