This week is a mix of highs and lows. Anyway, I am happy because tomorrow… lets wait to see what happens right?
Today I write about my father. I have hardly mentioned him in my posts maybe other than that he tried in his own way to be my father?
It however seems he doesn’t know me
l saw this caption somewhere and it made me think of my father. Our relationship is summarized in one of the first chapters of my book. Maybe rather one of my stations of my cross as l called the chapters?
I just keep thinking what would have happened if he knew not only me but any of his children? Maybe he didn’t even know his own self and still doesn’t?
When I told him just yesterday that I had almost committed suicide, he was simply put embarrassed. He has always avoided any thing related to ‘shame’, and cared so much about ‘success’, ‘status’ and bla.
Maybe because my father never knew me or any of my siblings, he did not care about how his efforts to alienate us from our mum, was ruining us and our relationship with him.
I was maybe 12/13 when my parents divorced but I had seen it coming despite their efforts in trying to hide their sustained disaccord.
When it happened, although I had heard of stories where mostly the Fathers alienated the Kids from their mothers, I did not expect my own father (who to me was a ‘refined’ man), to try keeping us away from our mum. It was simply terrible.
The more he made negative comments, corroborated by his ‘friends and family’, the more we longed for our mum. I knew what he was trying to do and he did not care to see what it was actually doing to us.
Parental Alienation to me at the time simply meant daddy did not want us to see our mother.
I was so hurt and I could understand why at some point my mother stopped trying to come by our house. It was so sad to see her insulted as she stood for hours in front of the gate while we were locked up in our rooms. She wasn’t any danger to us, and I told my siblings we could not hate our mother no matter how our father tried.
Yes, he got custody in court thanks to his money and power back at the time, and refused to respect the limited visitation rights accorded her.
Through sheer determination and continued demands from my siblings and I, we eventually went to live with our mother again. It was easier for my two sisters because the first was an adult and she just upped and left one day. My kid sister was “saved” by ill health. She was so unwell that the doctors advised she live with our mother. It is probably the trauma of that in between period and much more that followed that affects my brother and I so much that we each suffer from some form of ‘mental illness’ or the other.
The entire article l wrote on this is up over at the Divorce Magazine where l am a regular contributor. You could read it all by simply clicking here.
I have nothing really to add other than that my father really doesn’t seem to know or care – maybe he does?
Yesterday once more, I called him to plead with him to call my brother who is actually having a ‘minor’ crisis. l hear it is not ‘manic’ so l use the term ‘minor’ maybe out of consolation? So l talk to or with him and as usual, l have to approach it in a no nonsense tone because my father can silence you with a mere cough or stare. Even over the phone you can feel it.
He tries to shun me off and or change the topic and l get more frustrated. Indeed l feel sorry for my mother who got married to him, coped with him for 14 years, and now has two children to worry about their mental health. I sincerely think, if only my father had tried a little bit more to me us, maybe things could have been different?
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, what says thou?