Posted in Marie's Garden, Mental Health Advocacy

Sleeping in his PJs

In his PJ on his coffin stand
In his PJ on his coffin stand


Today is three months since I got that ugly midnight call. Was it not sad enough that I get woken up from my sparsely populated sleep, not that I didn’t even have a decent PJ on? Since I got so stunk that night, and almost lost whatever sleep I had tried to catch all these years, I promised myself to bring back at least one personal belonging of my brother’s. I ended up getting many but my delight was huge when I saw his PJ neatly folded in his luggage.


I love to request for either a PJ or a perfume as a gift from one of those bushfallers (our local slang from those coming in from abroad – well now I sure am one). Moreover, I needed to be very close to my brother. If in his fourth stage I hadn’t lived with or close to him, I will not miss sleeping in his PJ.

The Experience

In his PJ, by one of the decos on his last visit home
In his PJ, by one of the decos on his last visit home

Those first nights before mum came in from the US with his luggage, I had trouble sleeping. If in ‘peace’ time my sleep is that ruffled, you could imagine how in pieces it had now been cut by this tsunami.Yet, I was shaking when I first put his PJs on, not only were they a bit over size on me, but well he had just died. And so, I left the lights on for just in case…

But wow, I had a break through. I slept until 2 am and then after the loo, I mustered to turn the lights off. Come to think, that I slept in total 6 good hours that night. I did get up some, but just a few minutes can’t make a shift.

I woke when the sun was already up - a record
I woke when the sun was already up – a record

The Message

It shall be well I gathered. My brother is off to rest. Good for him maybe cause no more meds to call. I suppose in finding such peace in his PJ, adds him to my list of secret angels. Yes, the Pain was cruel, it’s just getting whatever… I still can’t understand and so will tell any tales which come my way – I really don’t care if some find them too pale. I am lucky and happy to grieve out my way, and to have so many fond memories, support structures and all my way.

I wrote most of his journey in those PJs, and they are now my PJ of choice. I won’t bother anyone to bring me PJs again, and neither will I go shop for any.

Dear gentle readers and followers, I release this memoir in exactly a month from now. It will be free on kindle for that entire week. Hope you help yourself to that thrilling tragedy. Thank you

I am sure this better than this
I am sure this is better than this


Marie Abanga aka MAG likes to describe herself as a “Jacqueline of several trades”. She is an everyday woman and mother with a zigzag profile. Let’s give it a try! She is an Activist, an Author, a Coach, a Consultant, a Feminist, a Lawyer, a Lecturer, a Prince 2 Project Manager, a Psychotherapist, a Philanthropist, a minister of the Word of God and...! She just loves to sum it up by saying she is a person of passions and a tale of talents. Her life’s journey has filled over 6 books already and her three musketeers keep her busy at home. MAG is also the founder and CEO of the association Hope for the Abused and Battered, and the Country Director of the Gabriel Bebonbechem Foundation for Epilepsy & Mental wellbeing. The plethora of life's experiences and shenanigans she has lived through and learned from in near 4 decades of existence, have equipped her with such an arsenal to coach, train and motivate just any and everyone. She is so charismatic, dynamic and full of life, going by her designed mantra of 3Ds: Determination; Discipline and Dedication. These sum her+her quest to be the best version of herself and impact others perfectly. She attributes all her wealth of knowledge to her conscientious attendance of both informal and formal school.

3 thoughts on “Sleeping in his PJs

  1. Hi Marie,

    Like I said in my Tweet, you’re a brave lady. I like the bit about keeping the lights on for a while. I know what you mean by that. After my dad died, I kept thinking he was in my bedroom watching me. I slept with the lights on for many weeks afterwards. Lol!

    But keep on doing what you’re doing Marie. It’s helping the healing process and that’s all that matters 🙂

    Have a blessed day.


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