Today is three months since I got that ugly midnight call. Was it not sad enough that I get woken up from my sparsely populated sleep, not that I didn’t even have a decent PJ on? Since I got so stunk that night, and almost lost whatever sleep I had tried to catch all these years, I promised myself to bring back at least one personal belonging of my brother’s. I ended up getting many but my delight was huge when I saw his PJ neatly folded in his luggage.
I love to request for either a PJ or a perfume as a gift from one of those bushfallers (our local slang from those coming in from abroad – well now I sure am one). Moreover, I needed to be very close to my brother. If in his fourth stage I hadn’t lived with or close to him, I will not miss sleeping in his PJ.
Those first nights before mum came in from the US with his luggage, I had trouble sleeping. If in ‘peace’ time my sleep is that ruffled, you could imagine how in pieces it had now been cut by this tsunami.Yet, I was shaking when I first put his PJs on, not only were they a bit over size on me, but well he had just died. And so, I left the lights on for just in case…
But wow, I had a break through. I slept until 2 am and then after the loo, I mustered to turn the lights off. Come to think, that I slept in total 6 good hours that night. I did get up some, but just a few minutes can’t make a shift.
It shall be well I gathered. My brother is off to rest. Good for him maybe cause no more meds to call. I suppose in finding such peace in his PJ, adds him to my list of secret angels. Yes, the Pain was cruel, it’s just getting whatever… I still can’t understand and so will tell any tales which come my way – I really don’t care if some find them too pale. I am lucky and happy to grieve out my way, and to have so many fond memories, support structures and all my way.
I wrote most of his journey in those PJs, and they are now my PJ of choice. I won’t bother anyone to bring me PJs again, and neither will I go shop for any.
Dear gentle readers and followers, I release this memoir in exactly a month from now. It will be free on kindle for that entire week. Hope you help yourself to that thrilling tragedy. Thank you