Posted in Journey to Coaching, Marie's Garden

An ironical anecdote of my Self Esteem Journey


Plain Me
Plain Me

I resume a much more hollistic blogging this November, from the October trend dedicated to Mental Health Advocacy. I hope to concentrate some more on my Journey to Coaching and invite you all to visit my website though still under construction.

Why Irony?

I thought of irony when I read a post on the site personal growth for life by my good friend Mickey. In that post, he advices that we should stop letting other people choose who we are attracted to. It was then that I realized most of my own issues came from ME and not really others. I had and still do the qualifications, analysing and all within before even thinking of what other people may think, do or say. In respect especially to his post, I think I am the one who in my childhood and teenagehood, didn’t think of myself as good enough, pretty enough, likeable enough, jolly enough, well reserved enough, well-brought up enough and all what else you can add? My relationships suffered. I suffered most because no matter which one I somehow got into (sometimes much to my own amazement), I didn’t last out for long in there. I mean I had a ‘mask on’ pretty much of the time. And that is the irony in my anectode.

What happened?

As earlier said, I was very critical of myself then. I still struggle with that very much. I wasn’t always the smiling one especially when it came to ‘personal relationships’. I felt so vulnerable. Did that have something to do with what I grew up witnessing? I may never tell. However, because I felt I wasn’t ‘good enough’ to be dated/courted/loved/approached…, it was ackward to get ‘so many’, albeit ‘unconventional guys’, talk/approach/like/love (or whatever you have) me. I gather now that I must have been somehow ‘readable’ by some of them, or maybe likeable/pretty/attractive/funny or whatever. The bottom line is, whenever I felt very vulnerable or not ‘ME’ in that relationship, I called it quits. My Adulteries probably have some explanation (I have come to learn of befitting terms like impulsion and compulsion) for my chaotic self esteem and other issues in life – mental challenges.

What has happened?

I admit I also sometimes thought of what others may say/think/do with, or about my ‘personal relationships’. I have therefore zoomed in and out several relationships and yet missed some of them that bad. I have come to realize it is my journey and I have to chart my course. I now esteem myself very high, if only to have lived and been through it all and still be ‘pretty’ enough to write them down.

I wonder how many like myself have dwindled in out of this self esteem ballet. Sometimes we hold ourselves so high and then others/sometimes those least expected, fling us so low. Other times we esteem ourselves so low, and then some least expected, swing us so high. Finding your balance in your journey, isn’t easy at all but it is worth keeping Faith.

Gratitude all the way
Gratitude all the way
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Author:

Marie Angele Abanga (simplified to Marie Abanga) aka MAG likes to describe herself as a “Jacqueline of several trades”. She is an everyday woman and mother with a zigzag profile. Let’s give it a try! She is an Activist, an Author, a Coach, a Consultant, a Feminist, a Lawyer, a Lecturer, a Prince 2 Project Manager, a Psychotherapist, a Philanthropist and an etc! She just loves to sum it up by saying she is a person of passions and a tale of talents. Her life’s journey has filled 6 books already and her three musketeers keep her busy at home. MAG is also the founder and CEO of the association Hope for the Abused and Battered, and the Country Director of the Gabriel Bebonbechem Foundation for Epilepsy & Mental wellbeing. The plethora of life's experiences and shenanigans she has lived through and learned from in near 4 decades of existence, have equipped her with such an arsenal to coach, train and motivate just any and everyone. She is so charismatic, dynamic and full of life, going by her designed mantra of 3Ds: Determination; Discipline and Dedication. These sum her+her quest to be the best version of herself and impact others perfectly. She attributes all her wealth of knowledge to her conscientious attendance of both informal and formal school.

5 thoughts on “An ironical anecdote of my Self Esteem Journey

  1. I have had my ups and downs with a “zig zag” curve but what has been constant in me is that I have always sought out how to avoid falling the same way that I did rather than justify my fall as being caused by someone else. My questions are usually: what happened? why did it happen? could it have been avoided? If yes, then how? The answer to “how” helps me to avert the fall the next time. I can avoid by skipping, going round or proactively planning how to manage the consequences or the impact of the fall my way forward entails taking the same route. Besides, I am very certain that I am unique and can only be me. While seeing the importance of mentoring and role modeling, I do not believe that I am expected to take the personality of my mentor or my role model.
    Therefore, if I fall, I dust up, hold my head up higher and move on to higher heights.

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