Posted in Journey to Coaching, Marie's Garden, Mental Health Advocacy

Is there any “settling down in this life”?


I guess we’ve all heard of the expression to ‘settle down’ right? It’s probably the short, medium or long term goal of most people depending on the period of their lives when you meet them. For me, it’s been almost a ‘nagging’ goal especially these past years when I have kept finding myself ‘restless’.

I mean be it emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually, financially and all – I admit to a cycle of constant mental upbeats. Simply put, I long to ‘settle down’. My longing to so ‘settle down’ (don’t ask me where I was previously settled), has led me through a journey of a most thrilling life lane that even my memoir couldn’t really ‘tell it all’. One of my ‘fans’ (haha let me regal myself with calling him so), told me he thought the book was so crammed with events of all sorts and it was like trying to learn about a 35 year old event in just 360 pages.

Yep people, even in writing that memoir, ‘settling down’ was at the back of my mind. I thought to do so I had to take off my mask, be real me, deal with my past by liberating myself of that ‘shameful burden’, and then start again to make the best of whatever time I had left in this life.

Oh my, it’s not been easy at all. I doubt if ‘settling down’ is just an ideal. And so here we go barely at the start of another year, just when I had thought I was on my way to ‘settling down’ at least temporarily in a new ‘home’, after making the difficult but right for me decision to quit someone I’ll always call my Ss Hero, of even going as far as shaving my hair just so I could feel the ‘settling down’ run though my scalp, I am yet at another crossroads.

I mean, I ain’t even thinking or mentioning my studies, job or otherwise right? We all know it’s important to have a good night’s rest to be able to face all those other stuffs. I have for a very long time been a candidate for a ‘sleep disorder’ of sorts. I had to go to therapy to get to sleep no later than 10 pm and to try to stay in bed even when the sleep left sometimes at 3 am. But now, where do I sleep in the first place?

Simply put, the very landlady my friend Alaina said should be happy to have me in her house, in a comment on a recent post of mine about anxiety and erratic behaviour, told me barely two days after that incident to leave her house – yeah one with a default heating system which I’ve had to endure for over a month now mindful of of my health history (am actually going to the Doctor’s today for some joints stuff). Although and well she came back hours latter to say she was sorry, that doesn’t change the fact that she’s sold the house and it has to be vacated not latter than March 20th and she gives a damn about what’s next for me. She never put it to me that way when I visited before moving in, and so whatever be the case I have to be out of here by then.

We all know how tough it is to find a lease out here in the west especially if you are an ‘immigrant’/foreigner or whatever term you can coin. Now, with the recent stuffs in Paris and all,landlords think three times once they see your face – they ask you for all kinds of guarantee which you probably don’t have – and so if they really want your money anyway, they offer an open stay, one without a contract and at a higher amount. It’s a take it or get lost scenario, and when you’re in such a situation – how do you ‘settle down’?

That’s just where I find myself right now. I do not only need to move, I need to move to a place where I can have a registered address. Ha, talk of an uphill challenge. I just can’t offer myself the luxury of ‘settling down’ now on my ‘misery’. I just have to stay optimistic. There is so much at stake now. I got a thesis to finish and submit by March 01, I have got two demanding jobs to juggle, I have got an e-family to visit, a blog and several websites to update, and most importantly, I have got my boys to hang in for and to look forward to talking to every other weekend – In the Meantime, I have always got me to keep alive the best I can.

I know, that maybe sooner than latter, I’ll be returning to my mother’s house – for that’s my best bet at this ‘settling down’ saga. I am expected, anticipated, mapped out and all. It just makes me want to cry my balls out. Let me borrow my friend Timi’s words in the title of a post an Anatomy of a move back home – I’ll soon be, and hopefully and longingly be, that woman. Maybe that’s where I’ll get to ‘settle down’ some? I want to very much believe so. By then, I mean even now, I have learnt so many lessons in this my visit on mother earth, to see me through that “best settling down venture”.

Dear gentle readers and followers, this week is supposed to be a very special one for me – we’ll all know by Sunday (yeah well some already know in advance, although the one who never forgot to refresh the entire family is gone with the wind – hmm gabs I still so miss you). I am not letting my present predicament ruin anything. I am keeping faith, I am hopeful, and I grateful nonetheless. Do all have a splendid week ahead – aha mindful of the weather.


Marie Abanga aka MAG likes to describe herself as a “Jacqueline of several trades”. She is an everyday woman and mother with a zigzag profile. Let’s give it a try! She is an Activist, an Author, a Coach, a Consultant, a Feminist, a Lawyer, a Lecturer, a Prince 2 Project Manager, a Psychotherapist, a Philanthropist, a minister of the Word of God and...! She just loves to sum it up by saying she is a person of passions and a tale of talents. Her life’s journey has filled over 6 books already and her three musketeers keep her busy at home. MAG is also the founder and CEO of the association Hope for the Abused and Battered, and the Country Director of the Gabriel Bebonbechem Foundation for Epilepsy & Mental wellbeing. The plethora of life's experiences and shenanigans she has lived through and learned from in near 4 decades of existence, have equipped her with such an arsenal to coach, train and motivate just any and everyone. She is so charismatic, dynamic and full of life, going by her designed mantra of 3Ds: Determination; Discipline and Dedication. These sum her+her quest to be the best version of herself and impact others perfectly. She attributes all her wealth of knowledge to her conscientious attendance of both informal and formal school.

10 thoughts on “Is there any “settling down in this life”?

  1. Oh no!! I am sorry you are in this situation! How scary for you!

    When I read your post about your landlady being nervous, the thought came to me that she may have been so nervous because she was planning to tell you that you would need to move. But I told myself that it was silly for me to think that, for surely the landlady knows how lucky she is to have a kind caring person like you living there. This is why I made a point to tell you that your landlady was lucky to have you.

    I have had the same thing happen to me, several times in my life, when I was given short notice to move. It happened when I did not have any money to move. How do you find a new place to live with no money? I was terrified! But here is the amazing thing… in each of those times, my forced move turned out to be the best thing for me in the end.

    I hope and pray the same will be true for you. May you soon be in a better place, with good heat… and no nervous landlady!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Alaina, l may even have the money but not find such a place for other reasons. I am not so terrified, l have acquired some thick skin in life you know. She is not too good herself as far as her mental health is concerned, but l just can’t cope with dealing with all this too! I stay optimistic! Thank you very much!


  2. I don’t think there is all that much settling down in this life, as much as I’d like for that to be the case! :0 Apart from that, I will totally have you in my prayers that the right housing situation comes your way. I’m so sorry you had that news sprung on you by your landlady – here’s hoping for a 100% better situation!!! XOXO Dy

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It sounds as though you’re in a very tight spot, and you have a deadline on your thesis as well. I like your spirit, hang in there. It can be difficult to feel settled in your mind when you’re not settled in a space you can call your own. I hope you find a new place soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks T,

      I am hanging in there and even smiling now – so am better than yesterday. I even visited a flay share yesterday and have another appointment today. I had also tried to cover about 2/3 of the thesis already so I don’t mind focusing on finding another place this week – em yes coupled with work right? That’s life but Hope makes it go round.


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