I guess we’ve all heard of the expression to ‘settle down’ right? It’s probably the short, medium or long term goal of most people depending on the period of their lives when you meet them. For me, it’s been almost a ‘nagging’ goal especially these past years when I have kept finding myself ‘restless’.
I mean be it emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually, financially and all – I admit to a cycle of constant mental upbeats. Simply put, I long to ‘settle down’. My longing to so ‘settle down’ (don’t ask me where I was previously settled), has led me through a journey of a most thrilling life lane that even my memoir couldn’t really ‘tell it all’. One of my ‘fans’ (haha let me regal myself with calling him so), told me he thought the book was so crammed with events of all sorts and it was like trying to learn about a 35 year old event in just 360 pages.
Yep people, even in writing that memoir, ‘settling down’ was at the back of my mind. I thought to do so I had to take off my mask, be real me, deal with my past by liberating myself of that ‘shameful burden’, and then start again to make the best of whatever time I had left in this life.
Oh my, it’s not been easy at all. I doubt if ‘settling down’ is just an ideal. And so here we go barely at the start of another year, just when I had thought I was on my way to ‘settling down’ at least temporarily in a new ‘home’, after making the difficult but right for me decision to quit someone I’ll always call my Ss Hero, of even going as far as shaving my hair just so I could feel the ‘settling down’ run though my scalp, I am yet at another crossroads.
I mean, I ain’t even thinking or mentioning my studies, job or otherwise right? We all know it’s important to have a good night’s rest to be able to face all those other stuffs. I have for a very long time been a candidate for a ‘sleep disorder’ of sorts. I had to go to therapy to get to sleep no later than 10 pm and to try to stay in bed even when the sleep left sometimes at 3 am. But now, where do I sleep in the first place?
Simply put, the very landlady my friend Alaina said should be happy to have me in her house, in a comment on a recent post of mine about anxiety and erratic behaviour, told me barely two days after that incident to leave her house – yeah one with a default heating system which I’ve had to endure for over a month now mindful of of my health history (am actually going to the Doctor’s today for some joints stuff). Although and well she came back hours latter to say she was sorry, that doesn’t change the fact that she’s sold the house and it has to be vacated not latter than March 20th and she gives a damn about what’s next for me. She never put it to me that way when I visited before moving in, and so whatever be the case I have to be out of here by then.
We all know how tough it is to find a lease out here in the west especially if you are an ‘immigrant’/foreigner or whatever term you can coin. Now, with the recent stuffs in Paris and all,landlords think three times once they see your face – they ask you for all kinds of guarantee which you probably don’t have – and so if they really want your money anyway, they offer an open stay, one without a contract and at a higher amount. It’s a take it or get lost scenario, and when you’re in such a situation – how do you ‘settle down’?
That’s just where I find myself right now. I do not only need to move, I need to move to a place where I can have a registered address. Ha, talk of an uphill challenge. I just can’t offer myself the luxury of ‘settling down’ now on my ‘misery’. I just have to stay optimistic. There is so much at stake now. I got a thesis to finish and submit by March 01, I have got two demanding jobs to juggle, I have got an e-family to visit, a blog and several websites to update, and most importantly, I have got my boys to hang in for and to look forward to talking to every other weekend – In the Meantime, I have always got me to keep alive the best I can.
I know, that maybe sooner than latter, I’ll be returning to my mother’s house – for that’s my best bet at this ‘settling down’ saga. I am expected, anticipated, mapped out and all. It just makes me want to cry my balls out. Let me borrow my friend Timi’s words in the title of a post an Anatomy of a move back home – I’ll soon be, and hopefully and longingly be, that woman. Maybe that’s where I’ll get to ‘settle down’ some? I want to very much believe so. By then, I mean even now, I have learnt so many lessons in this my visit on mother earth, to see me through that “best settling down venture”.
Dear gentle readers and followers, this week is supposed to be a very special one for me – we’ll all know by Sunday (yeah well some already know in advance, although the one who never forgot to refresh the entire family is gone with the wind – hmm gabs I still so miss you). I am not letting my present predicament ruin anything. I am keeping faith, I am hopeful, and I grateful nonetheless. Do all have a splendid week ahead – aha mindful of the weather.