My Love – Hate – Promising Affair with Sleep


Sleep is all I need

Wow, I feel so better today, hmm almost groovy as in getting my groove back. Yesterday I did a post on vric-vrac-groovy, where I sincerely longed for groovy. I think I am headed in that direction. I got up with the title to a post and even the structure in mind. You see that? I also thought of using my computer so I could do link ups and maybe put a photo or two. Remarkable! I am not going to the gym this morning for two reasons; lest I wear my tendons too much, and lest I can’t differentiate if I can sleep without it due to tiring gym workout.

And so we come to my ‘romantic’ affair with Sleep!

In the beginning was a Love Affair

I know some ‘normies’ would find such a post whatever, but I truly write it for ‘shaggy’ ones like us who sometimes struggle to get going, while at other times, struggle to ‘calm the heck down’.

I grew up sleeping normally like many other kids you know. I actually loved sleeping – at my own direction. Well, for all I remember, siesta wasn’t my portion and my mum soon got fed up trying. Apart from that, I slept like a log! This is how a friend came to describe my sleeping habit of just passing out like a log of wood. If I had the chance of muttering goodnight, then you could throw a party for all you cared, I was already Alice in Wonderland. And just as I logged out, that is how I stormed up like an Alarm clock . My brain clock was first set to 5 am even if I logged off at midnight, then it started cheating on me and fast forwarded to 3 am. At a point in my life, that was ok for me because I loved going out for sports at exactly such ungodly hours. I even came across bandits twice and just told them I was an ‘Area Girl’ (will do a post about this qualification of mine later).

No more Love?

I dare think the relationship got so sour by the time I landed in Europe. Depression was very much flirtingly around every other week. I struggled with ‘settling down’ in this strange land. I still do, but with the exception that I have a road map now for going home by 2016. So, my sleep was DISRUPTED almost completely. Before, I logged off usually at 9/9.30pm, and now, I was lucky to drift off by 10/10.30 pm. The Brainy alarm for its part, kept its rhythm. It even graduated from battery run to electrical. I got up several times before the final 3 am get up, to go to the Loo, wonder about, prepare for the day, do a mug of milk, and whatever. I was concerned. I started to hate sleep. If I sleep, am I even gonna wake up again? If I don’t, am I not just gonna end up in psy ward? My Friend was concerned. When we went on vacation with his family, they got concerned. And then boom, disaster, my darling brother dies. Fuck you sleep which prevented me from hearing the phone ring at midnight as my sister called to tell me. I remember not being able to sleep for even 3 hours for the next three days after that fateful August 2nd. My friend got me a gym subscription, but no matter how tired I got back from there, most of my nights were spent writing his book – I took a month in total to finish it, coupled with all other things I was doing including GRIEVING!!! One thing I didn’t want involved in my affair with sleep, was medication. I refused my shrink’s offer and discussed other options with my life coach, my Mummy dearest and also my Friend.

Back to Promising

This is the third night in a row I am logging a big improvement in that affair of ours. I have gotten up once each of these nights to use the loo, and this very morning I got up finally at 6.45 am!!! Wow, and to think I logged off at 9.30 pm after reading a few pages of Maya Angelou’s “Letter to my Daughter”? Reading is one of the bedtime techniques I use – no doubt bedtime stories do as much to kids 🙂 I think it is on the promising trail. Lots of fluids, fruits, veggies, support especially from my e family and of course my Mummy and co.

It shall come to pass she said

Mum assured me that all those mental and etc challenges of mine shall come to pass. I am so grateful and graceful for her and all the support I have. It’s not easy especially when most people know you for the “Success” you are or represent and all what you do/seem to accomplish and inspire/motivate others. But, I came to realize I couldn’t live parallel lives anymore. I took off my mask, even shaved my hair off. I choose Genuine over Genius – that is, if I can’t have both. I am not even eyeing that rubbish called ‘Genius’.

And so dear gentle readers and followers, I hope sharing this yet another personal story of mine, helps even one other ‘shaggy of us’, to know that whatever we are going through, shall come to pass, albeit even manageable is good right? Have a great Sunday.

I

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9 thoughts on “My Love – Hate – Promising Affair with Sleep”

  1. Oh dear Marie, while i know your lack of sleep causes real suffering, your writing about it just makes me laugh out loud, yay for us shaggy ones who always have one foot in or near the psy ward! Sleep is one of my biggest bugaboos, though frequently for reasons quite the opposite of yours. Never the less, the affair has been less. Than love at first sight. I have to sleep, i cannot NOT sleep, but it is not the easiest of relationship i ever had…maybe in fact, i will follow form and write about my own on again off again relationship with with this fellow in my own blog! Thank you so much. I loved reading this. Sleep well, and if not, read well and feel free to call me at any time!

    Love
    Pam

  2. Hey “Shaggy” – thank you for sharing your story. I also like to read before sleep. I’m SO glad you’re sleeping better!!!! Sleep is the #1 most important “medication” for me, and unfortunately I didn’t sleep much Saturday night. As a result I was very, very ill yesterday….I’m doing better now but I’m still wiped out as I took triple the amount of Seroquel I usually take last night to make sure I got some sleep, which I did, but the price I pay is next-day grogginess. Each day hopefully will be a little better…..you’re right in that whatever is going on with us will come to pass.

    Sending you XOXOX as always, Dy :))))

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