I remember the day when I broke down in a hospital after walking by a nursrey. Yes, I wondered how and how long one needed to mourn a child. I still miss my brother so much, but I thought I was coming along fine as far as mourning his LIFE was concerned.
Well, this morning, I was to be proven otherwise. A gallon of milk so emabarrased me and made me cry right there in a supermarket. I am not proud to be writting or admitting such, but I am proud to share the experience and how I dealt with it. If only it helps some other person too.
Here is what happened. I accompanied a friend to the Netherlands which happens to be a 30 minutes drive from their village in Belgium. I came here for sort of a retreat, but couldn’t resist going to the Netherlands with them for groceries. And it was there that I saw gallons of milk. I have somehow not come across a gallon of milk in Belgium ever since. I felt so angry at seeing these gallons of milk. I first felt like buying a dozen and then spilling all the damn contents. I even raged up and felt like pushing the shelves, and then I broke into tears.
You see dear readers, my brother loved milk just so much. One day, I heard that he went into the neigbour’s flat and helped himself from a gallon of milk in the fridge. The police were called, and he and my sister with whom he lived, were evicted from their own flat. In his final months, he was so ‘whatever it is I lack the app words’, that when I asked him if he still drank milk, he told me No. I think he said he couldn’t afford it anyway given the disability check he got.
I decided to let the tears flow and not hold them back. I retreated to a quiet aisle but refused to leave the supermarket. I knew I wanted to face that shelve again. I needed to tell those gallons it wasn’t their fault what happened to my brother, but they were sure some trigger this morning. I shared my experience with the friend I accompanied, and then when I felt ready, I went back to that aisle.
I must add that, the incident increased my vulnerability and propensity to overeact. I think I did that over some other incident this morning. What I know I equally did, was that I tried to first deal with the issue within myself, and counted up to even 1000 before talking after that same incident.
I never could have imagined a mere gallon of milk could do this to me… I however know that it was simply one of those incidents which reminds us of our human nature…