Ok people, let me state from the start that no fists were involved here! The following were involved: Fuming, Intense Breathing, Counting to 100, Facing and Talking about the episode, Walking; Biking, Drinking and a good night’s sleep.
I don’t know exactly when it started, but I know that I have a propensity to overeact and even get way out of rational when am angry. At some point, especially when I was married, anger was expressed physically by both my ex and I. I couldn’t dare him with my fists, but I could hit the table with that fist. I could equally use my voice and let Hell broke loose. The next step was usually a no-talking to each other for sometime before whatever semblance of ‘normal’ or ‘peace’ returned.
Whatever happened in my life happened, and I had to deal with none other by myself. I consider myself the biggest casualty and victim. In a recent post I admitted I had but myself to face in the end. It did take a lot of counseling, meditation, prayer, therapy and much more to get here, where I realized I was helping myself by dealing with my anger the way I was doing. There was sure a better way – a more productive one and yes I could do it.
There was a misunderstanding with a friend over my approach to an issue. He thought I pushed too hard, and I didn’t. I seen a positive outcome when last I did, but he thought the current circumstance wasn’t likely to lead to the same outcome. Ok all of this was infront of the subject, and I didn’t want any drama so I let go. Yet I was already ‘raged’ and I’fumed within’.
I went and sat sulkingly outside and was glad for the sun. I continued breathing in the meantime and decided to start counting to 100 when he came and sat by me offering we could talk. I needed to be sure of myself before I opened my mouth. Then when I felt ‘calm’, we did have a productive though difficult talk. No voices were raised and that’s a plus. This is one trend I am very proud of for quiet a while now.
I then felt the need to be alone and to process our talk. I went for a walk and also called a dear friend for a third opinion and other tit tats. I felt much better and remembered my grandma telling me it wasn’t wise to let the sun set on a disagreement.
Road to Resolve
We had a biking date made the previous afternoon, and I looked forward to it. It was initially for further training, but now I saw that date as my road to resolution and reconciliation. The anger wasn’t completely gone from my body and I could feel my articulations especially around my hands still taking a toll. But go we did and gradually we braved the road and 30 mins it took to return home laughing.
The white wine which had been bought the day before in anticipation of the continuous nice weather, could now be opened. Dinner was cheerful as usual and I could sleep as a log (as I usually do when ‘peaceful within’.
Dear gentle readers and followers, this is so much work in progress! Yet, the gain is definitely worth the pain. We can’t avoid anger or conflicts/disagreements or disappointments – but we can deal with it better if we remember that our sanity is the biggest casualty here. Or would you rather stay alone in your corner and not even meet people in the first place?