If only I could leave this bed and house…

I have had to face this since Monday Morning

Hello world, it’s been such a mixed couple of days so far that I just had to share not one but two blog posts this very day. Ok let’s start with the first.

Since Monday morning, I have had a very hard time leaving bed. Ok, for someone who once slept just 4 hours (yes that’s bad too I know), sleeping 7 or 8 and still feeling like staying in bed, isn’t so good either.

Monday morning

Well, I am jobless sort of (don’t mind my other posts of creating lots of positive stuff, recently publishing another memoir, and much more), and the dread of not having an income and knowing that the minutes will usher in another bill, does root in apprehension. I try to stay positive and to do lots of stuffs like even learning to bike and writing projects and all. But then I equally just feel like sleeping it away. After all who cares right?

Well, in the end, I grudgingly force myself out of bed and that house by some time I can’t even remember. I go visit my dear friend who fortunately for me lives only 20 minutes away, and who so nicely got me a sybscription for the Villo! (city bikes you can rent for short distance).

Tuesday morning

I think I should go to the gym because a workout could help my sore self. I had biked for over 3 hours on Sunday and I think the body was keeping score. I therefore manage to get ready (a good 30 or more minutes), and then I walk to the gym (fortunately just 3 minutes from my place). I stay there for only 20 minutes and just can’t do anymore workout. Well, I don’t beat myself so hard and look forward to b iking to my friend’s. Really I don’t know where else I would have looked forward to going to during this ‘ackward’ tansition period of mine. (Mummy calls it a period of Grace, I admit but…)

So I survive the day at his place, but one thing leads to the other and am really nervous even at 10 pm. I can’t even get up to return home. He kindly helps me to brave it and he drives me home.

Wednesday morning

Well, I have to leave that bed and house anyway because there is an event I am invited to. It’s the national day of my country Cameroon, and there is a dinner at the Ambassador’s Residence. I finally leave the house at 1 pm and go get a hair cut. I am bent on keeping a low hair cut for as long as possible. It’s more refreshing feeling the shower through my scalp.

My dear friend drives me there at 6 pm, and kindly comes to pick me up at 9 pm. I make it looking like this below, and yes even feel some bliss watching all those people and chatting a little you know:

On my way out

Thursday Morning

I get up at 6 am, but decide to sleep again because well I slept late last night and am trying to re-establish a good sleep hygene right? I wake up again at 7 am and that voice urges me to go back to bed. Afterall, what am I going out to?

A job? Children to drop off at school? A companion to cook for? Who cares if I add some weight? So what is this frenzy about the gym or bike and all?

It is then that I talk real harsh to my own self. I CARE and I still CAN do something about it.

Dear gentle followers and readers, I know some of us have such days too. I share to cheer us up. Not all days are like these, but such days aren’t easy to face. I told an aunt this morning I was trying my best, and she said she thought I was doing fine. Of course I told her sometimes you just have to give such ‘correct answers’ because who cares anyway what’s going on in you? I don’t know how to properly conclude this post, I just go and write the second one I mentioned above

Wishing us all the best…