Charting my way to Pammy: The Journey so far


By Pammy my heroine
By Pammy my heroine

Hello world, I leave this morning for Vermont via New Hampshire Lebanon, yes to finally visit my friend Pammy. Pammy and I have in the past year and half, become much more than blogging friends. There are at least three posts in this blog about Pammy. You can read either this, that or that.

On the Faith of Pammy’s invitation

I am a very honest person. It was on the faith of a very simple invitation letter from none other than Pammy, that I finally got this eldorado of a US Visa. Indeed, after my brother died, I loathed coming here nor even ever trying to get a visa. When Pammy asked if I could visit her someday, I said “sweet, if on the faith of your invitation I get that magic visa at last, for you I’ll step foot there”. So, I couldn’t fathom coming to this country and leaving without visiting Pammy…

And yet it almost happened that way…

Some more truths be told:

  1. We had a little issue, more provoked by third parties than by ourselves. Pammy panicked and lashed out at me. I stayed calm, did as she said, all the while reassuring her of my genuiness and unconditional love. I am concerned to this date that this episode was among the triggers which landed Pammy back in some institution;
  2. Pammy being institutionalised, caused some panick now from my end. Is it still worth it to go visit her? How do I even get in touch given that she was now cut off internet and mobile phone,  and I had no other number by which to get her?

By Faith once more

I contacted a mutual friend Alaina, this wonderful friend who called 911 to rescue Pammy when the voices in her head urged her to hurt herself further. Pammy had reached out to Alaina in distress. Anyway, Alaina didn’t have any further information.

Somehow, Pammy finally got wifi and sent me an email and contact info. Before a week had run out, she had to be moved because there was another lapse. Loss of contact again and I was already in the US with a ticket to see Pammy. My friend Richie whom I met on the bus to NC, advised me to go the Red Cross once I got there. I talked with whoever I thought could help. I called the last address and fortunately she had signed a release form for me. I got infor for the new place, but when I called there and didn’t know her unit – they said they were sorry. And yet, Pammy later told me she had signed a release form for me in this new place too. The receptionist or whoever answered the call, just didn’t have the time to check in her file.

In the meantime, Pammy remembered her neighbour’s number and called him. She asked him to go on my blog and reach out to me through my contact form. Now I got this wonderful email just as I was leaving for Boston on Sunday. It made my trip which was already ushering in very emotional times:

“I’m not sure if I’m contacting the right person. If you’re the friend of Pam Wagner and are planing on a visit to Brattleboro this month, please contact me. I have info for you”.

I didn’t doubt this guy when I read the above from him, and I know by faith it shall be well. I’ll get to Pammy everything being equal…

Dear gentle readers and followers, allow me to share with you a few lines of the last email I got from my sweet Pammy last night:

” Just to let you know that as far as I know ————, will be picking you up iin New Hampshireon Wednesday, tomorrow. I will be online for hte next half hour or so, and can be online tomorrowif I am able in the morning. I will try. SOrry to inform you that I cannot speak again which is why I refused the calls., NO one would tell you that for me… Love, Pam” Nothing added or substracted from her mail.

In Sum
One of my mantra in life is that I try to walk by Faith as much as possible. Some say Love is blind? For me, my Trust is. Maybe my intuition leads me too, right? Hardly have I been mistaken. I  have known sometimes when it’s not going to turn out right. I’ll visit Pammy where she currently is, voice or no voice. I’ll stay alone in her apartment and care for it the best I can, I’ll also consider my intended 4 days there as a retreat. Visiting Pammy is not only visiting a friend, but it makes me feel like I were visiting my own brother. Thank you Pammy for inviting me to the US…
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