Posted in Journey to Coaching

When your trash becomes someone’s treasure: Who should you take that out on?

Hello World, 

This lady here who blogs her heart and soul out especially since she got the bug, is getting happier by the day. Indeed, I have changed a gread deal; I have fewer of those moments when I simply don’t have it in me or don’t care about what goes on, I look more and more forward to living wholy if my mandate around permits. In a week, I turn 38 and oh my could I believe I could someday be a man’s treasure? I mean even just orally? Come on all, I have dealt with so much emotional trauma in my life and so I can even if only temporarily let my spirits be lifted this high. And when I think I was told off as trash and treated maybe even worse than trash by another man some years ago?


So now, without going so much around… let me gist you a little bit about my new self… Ok, the same me, the shaggy one who writes just anything which pops into her skull, who works out like she’s sick (I was even told I could be HIV +), who has messed up countless times, is now told even if only on social media, that she’s awesome, impressive, lovely and etc. I am not actinh on any of those flirting, but at least a good starting point I acclaim.

Candidly, I personally know I am worth all of that and much more. I tell myself such affirmative talk each day because I know by Faith I am the best for me and I am unconditionally loved by my Almighty Father. But to be told this by a someone else, keeps its own special warmth inside out too 🙂

So, who do you take it out on when you see your trash become someone’s treasure?

That is what I seem to be becoming (some man’s treasure); and it makes me wonder more on what I have also come to observe. That when a man has trashed a woman out (of her witts) and trashed her out of his house, he hardly thinks anyone should pick that trash up and clean it up, or start treasuring same; most of such a man goes wild. I mean we have all probably read of those who throw acid on the women so that nobody has them again right? And the ‘honour killings’ and incesant blackmail and other psychological torture. Precisely on the 2nd, my ex went on one of his sms rampages telling me all he’s ever said before and more, all because I couldn’t reach the kids and dared sms him. He had once again seized my son’s phone which I got him. I ignored him, better still, I told him to man up and tell me that to my face – I actually showed up at his house – daring him to call the cops – but ofcourse he stayed indoors. I checked on my kids and left. Could he still be dealing with so much loathing for me – or himself maybe? 

Ok now, who is he gonna take it out on when he sees me another person’s treasure – or even hears about that? I never thought of taking anything out of him even if I may also have treated him poorly, maybe because I wished him so much well – was glad to learn that he’s remarried and moving on even in fatherhood.

Why all the hate, why all the trying to treat others as trash in the first place?

Maybe we should start from here I dare suggest, I now see why I hated some people at some point in my life. I hated my life as it was and thought to hold others responsible. Maybe they didn’t treat me right, but was I treating myself right? I know when you are under someone’s responsiblity say as a kid, you don’t have a choice – but am talking about adults here and under normal circumstances. As to treating people like trash, I have never consciously and directly treated someone as such – I don’t consider my infidelities as treating my ex as trash… Anyway, the past for me is past and am not seeking to take anything out on anybody at all. I am seriously Sassy, Single and Satisfied to live and live the bloom out…

All the best from my crew and I;

Now over to you, any such experience to share?


Marie Angele Abanga (simplified to Marie Abanga) aka MAG likes to describe herself as a “Jacqueline of several trades”. She is an everyday woman and mother with a zigzag profile. Let’s give it a try! She is an Activist, an Author, a Coach, a Consultant, a Feminist, a Lawyer, a Lecturer, a Prince 2 Project Manager, a Psychotherapist, a Philanthropist, a minister of the Word of God and...! She just loves to sum it up by saying she is a person of passions and a tale of talents. Her life’s journey has filled over 6 books already and her three musketeers keep her busy at home. MAG is also the founder and CEO of the association Hope for the Abused and Battered, and the Country Director of the Gabriel Bebonbechem Foundation for Epilepsy & Mental wellbeing. The plethora of life's experiences and shenanigans she has lived through and learned from in near 4 decades of existence, have equipped her with such an arsenal to coach, train and motivate just any and everyone. She is so charismatic, dynamic and full of life, going by her designed mantra of 3Ds: Determination; Discipline and Dedication. These sum her+her quest to be the best version of herself and impact others perfectly. She attributes all her wealth of knowledge to her conscientious attendance of both informal and formal school.

8 thoughts on “When your trash becomes someone’s treasure: Who should you take that out on?

      1. Mystery? Ha darling I don’t write mystery. Let me first check your post out. Thanks anyway for thinking of me… I truly thought I received the full breed of awards hahaha


  1. Marie I LOVE that you turned your trashed self into TREASURE…I only want that you treasure yourself and do not depend on any man alone to treasure you for you to feel like you are GOLDEN. You are truly a treasure to me and should know this, that you are, in yourself, a treasure. No one should ever treat another person like trash. That is horrendous and it makes us feel like, well, garbage. People who feel like garbage usually treat themselves and often others like garbage…It becomes a vicious cycle if they cannot change themselves and their self-perception. I am so glad you have and did. This is wonderful! You are a precious gem, Remember that. NO one needs to treat you like that for it to be so, because it is just what and who you are IN YOUR ESSENCE.


    1. Darling Pammy, you get the point right on when you day people who feel like trash can often treat themselves and others in like manner. You see, children don’t know their self worth because they are wired to get that from their parents. That’s the beginning. We grow looking up to them, to God, to friends, to others to give and show us that. It takes learning often through life’s twists and turns, to realize you are responsible for loving you… You decide who You is, what You is worth and you gotta love and treasure You to the fullest above anyone else. But dear, if in the meantime you have been so treated like trash by several of the others I have mentioned, you may have lost the ability to even look within yourself and believe you are worth otherwise. Sometimes and helas, it takes someone or some people, to treat you otherwise, and then you go wow wow wow… Then onward you do the rest and come out real good. I love you too so much Pammy


      1. Dearest Marie

        I am finally on my way to bed now but I did want to say that I think the hardest thing in the world is for those of us who have been abused and made to feel like garbage to learn to love ourselves!! It is so difficult it feels not only almost impossible it feels yes forbidden! For all my life I felt I was not permitted to even like myself one iota for fear that I would be liking a being of extreme evil and satanic worthlessness! The voices I heard confirmed this constantly so I believed I was Satans spawn and evil yo the core, and other people only made me feel more certain of this because when they abused me I understood that only an evil person would bring down such wicked behavior from others onto her all the time! I mean, why would people treat me so terribly unless I deserved it?!?!? You understand this intimately I know, sweet Marie… I just know you do. Even now at age 64 I find it extraordinarily hard to say that I love myself at all– all I can do is settle for not despising myself completely. But it is always so shaky, my sense of worth and right to exist…. if anyone I admired looked st me cross-eyed and said to me, what gives you the right to be st this glorious table of life? I know I would still shrivel up and have no answer for them! So you see how I can support and believe utterly in you but have no such belief in myself? Argh! It is hard/life!!!! Love you,



      2. Pammy, you get it right, you say it so soulfully true the way you live it and the way the ‘trashy feeling and treatment from far and near, familiar and unfamiliar, heightened by the voices”, has impacted and affected you. Pammy, the importance for me at your will be to be doing just what you are doing. Fearlessly and shamelessly accepting the tough journey I’ve had, admitting my limitations no matter how ‘,silly’ some may ‘seem’ to a ‘conventional mind’, and doing just one little paint stroke after the other even if only to rainbow my thought pattern so that it’s not always all evil thoughts about me and my worth and my ‘deserving’ of attonment… I know you know what I mean. All this in so much love always


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