Deciding by Faith and not by Fear


Dear World,

Sometimes and yes there are such times, we get to a crossroad in life where we have to imperatively make a critical decision. In such times, one or more of those dreaded emotions overtake us, and we feel so frustrated because we just want to be Ok. We just want whatever situation it is to be over, and not being sure of how to proceed nor the outcome, fear creeps in. In such moments, I think if we decide led by that fear, we may make a painful or even bad decision.

Now my story… I have made a decision to use my story as often as I can to illustrate my write ups.

Yesterday was a day like most, I sent my boys off to school. My last son however, has since returning from the Christmas vacation developed the aching habit of leaving school once they close, and going to his dad’s until evening. This will leave me worried and I’ll be making calls sometimes ignored. Yesterday and even on Wednesday my birthday, he did same. I have been praying over this situation and yesterday it came to my heart to let him go live with his dad if that will make him wander less, make me worry less and keep him safe and stable. We talked and he told me that’s all he wanted.

I talked with a few others especially my mother, and I called his dad. We prayed with his brothers and I took him there. It’s a 15/20 mins walk from my home and he’ll stay in the same school as his brother.

Ah, although none of us shed tears, I wept within. That was another of those emotions, that negative voice trying to convince me am a failure at motherhood. The same kids I fought for and came back home for, can’t stand me blablabla. But this I know deep within, I let him go for him and not for me. My ego can hurt all it wants. My boy is entitled to his own experience. He’ll be Ok by faith.

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5 thoughts on “Deciding by Faith and not by Fear”

  1. Ah, marie, i feel for you but i think you have been very brave and strong snd made the right decision, by the process that works for you. You acted through the force of your love for your son, and it shows in your tears. I know it feels as if you somehow “failed” but i read this decision to let your son go live with his father as an amazing success. Are you surprised? It just felt so — what? So utterly empathic with what your SON needed instead of going only for what you wanted and needed.

    So many immature parents think often only of what they want and not what might be best for their children at the moment…truly! How often have we heard a mom or dad yell in anger at their child rather than consider how the child cannot help behaving as it does. but at that moment mom or dad getting their anger out is more important than not traumatizing their child!

    Anyhow, i went a bit tangential there, but in contrast to that scenario, i read your account of yesterday in your blog and cheered. You thought first of your sons welfare and needs, as it should be. And you know, he will be grateful to you for letting him discover for himself what this brings. Because sometimes young men do need a father in the house ar a certain age, no matter how wonderful the mother, but if you let him go with grace, he will always remember what you did!

    Okay dokay, sermon over for today! I loved this nonetheless. And your son will always love you for it too, i bet.

    Love,

    Pammy

    1. Dear Pammy,

      Where do I begin to show my sincere appreciation for your comment? Look here, your comment alone suffices for my daring once again to put such things out here. I have near been impeached for sharing such stuffs here but that’s my conscious decision. I want to share my good, bad, ugly, difficult and all life… to inspire and motivate even if only one, just like I have been done too by someone’s ‘dirty and sparkling’ laundry aired out for all’.

      You nail it so right, I hear the child in you speaking … Truth be told, I also went through a similar process… asked to go live with my dad and was sent there… I was older maybe but I made my experience and came back different… That’s what I want for my Son because yes I love him above me – my ego. And I do think he’ll remember this when he grows older and who knows what his own experience and journey will be?

      You see I hate spanking and using up energy to lash out at them and all… I just realized I had to sort this out differently cause lashing out, beating or punishing could have given me a blwn out rebel and lots of head/heart aches.

      I am peaceful and feel in me he is happy. I sincerely do not care what nay sayers have to say about this.

      Thank you once more so so much for your comment, please have a good night and know I will always love you

    1. Thank you Timi. Very tough, at least his brother sees him in school everyday and tells me he’s fine. I will see him in school on Wednesday and feel for myself. In the meantime, I can’t call him so only prayers are what I have. I miss him is an understatement, but his happiness and stability is my priority. The price of divorce never ends I tell you

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