Near two tough weeks: Grateful for a reachout from Kenya


This is a zig zag post, beating myself to write. Scared am losing my blogging zeal, thanks to some real tough times for almost two weeks now.

My last two posts of last Friday and Monday this weeks were equally sketchy and soulful. Indeed, the two before those were on ‘achievements’ and ‘allegations I took the easy way out’. Don’t even have energy to link those.

One big ray of cheer came last weekend from a guy in Kenya who wanted to get two copies of one my books. Amazon doesn’t mail there, he had to pay me first and then I ordered the books to be delivered to the US from where they’ll be mailed out to him. ‘Too much Trouble’? I learnt so much from that experience and really appreciate that reach out.

One thing trying to keep me sane so far is sports, and yes my boys and all their buzz, and a few others  – the campaign for my late brother’s foundation is ok on my mind though lot of pressure comes from there too…

Let me not bore you more – glad I did write this – a way to face my demons and not flee from them – and I know such times shall come to pass in my Almighty Father’s name Amen

Have a nice weekend

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Support us and share the campaign

 

Dear all,

It’s that time of the year again and our foundation is organizing an enlarged medical mission to it’s pilot area in the Lebialem division for epilepsy, diabetes, mental illness and al.
I am appealing to you to support our Gofundme camapign by making any donation you can.
You can equally share the campaign with your networks. Here is the link:
Thanking you so much in advance for your generosity and wishing you all the best of the season.

Why expect gratitude which you find so hard to show?


The Greates virtue
as tough as other virtues to achieve

Hello world,

Sometimes it is difficult for me to articulate a post; and well I just go with my spirit. Last friday I was faced with one of such posts, and today again here comes another.

I have written a few posts on gratitude; and I end each day I can with enteries into my gratitude journal. It’s made such a tremendous impact in my life. I learnt that from Oprah.

So when someone wondered if they were being acknowledged enough, I quickly recalled pondering at their own lack of appreciation I had personally witnessed on some ocassions.

What goes around comes around. When you can’t bring yourself to say thank you, why expect someone else can? When you can’t be grateful for life and being alive, why expect life to be grateful to have you alive? You’ll find it difficult to live on and that’s just what you’ll keep noticing – the frustrations and adversities.

I am grateful to be alive and to get a second chance at life – seven years into what I call my bonus. I seize all opportunities to show gratitude and I don’t expect it in return  – yet get it too so much…

I want to share how moved I was to read a post by Talasi Guerra who struggles from several issues and yet could still be grateful for life – after yet another difficult night.

Wishing us all lots of reflections this week, some bliss and wow moments full of gratitude

Gratitude post by Maya
Wow, I had never come across this quote by dearest Maya

I hate you: Please don’t leave me…


I hate and love you

Who identifies with such? I sincerely don’t know how to go about writing this post. Maybe this other picture can say some more:

hate and love how boderline

And sometimes, no matter how much we try or wish, we can’t even hug nor punch…

Do you feel a victim? Then this picture can help maybe? :

being happy with yourself

 

Reminds me of my post on where my peace comes from

Are you a propagator? I mean are you a narcissistic with a boderline personality and co? These are all mental illnesses and some help can be found if only you seek it in all genuiness.

If we don’t stop the cycle at some point be it as victims or propagators, then that is enabling and keeping the generations chained in that trauma. A hurt soul can only hurt another soul – until one finds light, love, peace and happiness through Self-Awareness, Self-Acceptance; Self-Love; Self-Help; Self-Care … the brokeness continues

Some reflections from my searching soul… have a warm weekend

Some say I took the easy way out: really?


easy way out

Hello world,

This post is a ‘rant-lite’ and also a call to authenticity and responsibility.

Some tough issues I have been dealing with recently especially relating to my holistic health, has provoked this post.

The title is literally a discussion I had last December with one of my former college children ( a local jargon to define children we take under our wings in college – boarding school). We were talking and they said the general buz out there in the bush ( another local jargon to mean abroad cause the notion is you go abroad to work your ass off like a farmer going to a real bush) is that I took the easy way out. I was so taken aback and all I could say then was: “really?”. Later on, because I still love them so much, I took the pains to explain to them why I chose to leave bush and relocate home, as if it wasn’t normal in the first place for a parent to want to relocate back home and be with their children.

I am therefore doing this post as an open reply to the bush buzzers, and an open challenge to all to dare authenticity and be responsible for their lives and choices.

Before I proceed, I will want to state that I did visit several ‘bushfallers’ ( local jargon to refer to those who live abroad) both in Europe and the US before my relocation home in August 2015. When many heard I was planning on relocating, they were mainly wow wow wish we could too. I think it’s also this ‘hypocritical irony’ (forgive my choice of words) that set me off when I heard the bush buzz.

I am an unconventional lady and I have taken off my mask. I try 97% of my time to dare authenticity especially since May 2011. I attempted suicide and know desperation; been near bed ridden for 2 years taking one meds after the other. I hit 115 kg (250 lb or so) at one point in life and felt so bad; really I should have taken an easy way out then had I known one. So, when I eventually fled home for bush leaving my boys behind, that could easily and maybe even logically be seen as choosing the easy way out right?

Look at some of the things I did or considered which should have literally prevented my relocation back home.

  1. I published my very unconventional memoir publicly declaring myself an adulteress and Al… Wow, what humiliation? What disgrace?;
  2. I published another memoir on my brother’s journey with a mental illness as if his having epilepsy wasn’t ‘stigma and shame’ enough!;
  3. I admitted to being a victim and propagator of domestic abuse in yet another unconventional memoir!
  4. And then bam, I published my own personal journey with mental challenges!!!
  5. Above all I had no sustainable plan lined out especially when my long term goal was to take my boys and live with them in our own home and raise them on my own!!!

So, considering the above, how was I anticipating my come back? How was I going  to face the public back home? What was I thinking? That it will be a smooth ride? That I will just fit in and resume from where I left and just find some economic, emotional and even mental stability? Physically I was in top shape, had succeeded in dropping and keeping off over 40kgs – so yes there was surely an easy way out maintaing that physical trend but was that all to it?

Look at what I was giving up from the new life I had managed to forge abroad:

  1. A wonderful relationship with a gentleman, one I still regard as my Super super Hero;
  2. ‘Illusive peace and tranquility’ from not having my children meaning I can do pretty as I want and go where and whenever I please (I mean, I know many bushfallers who send their kids back home to be raised by their parents for various reasons including the cost of childcare out there – the peace and tranquility I got from leaving and living without my own was ‘illusive’ – I don’t know about others);
  3. Some great relationships which could only be tended if I stayed in bush, lots of adventure like even learning to ride both a manual and motor bike, in short a new and more ‘modern’ way of living!;
  4. Insurance coverage which gave me access to the hospital, basic medications, doctors and specialists like the dentist – one I haven’t seen since I returned for lack of coverage and means or need!;
  5. And who knows, I may have worked my ass real out (I wasn’t already doing badly and could send some euros back home every now and then), and taken my sons over after maybe 3 -5 years (what they would have turned out then and how our relationship would have evolved, I can’t guess);
  6. The possibility of more stress due to the drop in standards of living, less income, difficult relationships, readapting to a culture after mixing up other bits from different parts of the globe…

So, reading all the above which I am greatly limiting because my intention with the post as I earlier said is to invite people to dare authenticity and be responsible for their choices;

DO YOU MY GENTLE READERS AND FOLLOWERS ALSO THINK i TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT?

 If that really is an easy way out what I have chosen, then why don’t many more take it instead of playing out their lives on social media and whining all they can behind their screens?

I am grateful for my choices; I am grateful for all the chances; I am grateful for all the changes

I don’t think any is an easy way out, the grass very often seems greener on the other side until you are stuck on it: I chose to relocate having found who I was looking for – and that is ME; I chose to dare authenticity and say it as I see and live it;

Have a great mid week o

Easy way out quote

What do you measure achievements by???


The dreaded mumps of 5 days ago are all gone

I am sitting as you can see from the above picture ( I just learned how to play with pictures et voila), waiting for a gathering to start, I am already anxious because it’s an hour and a half late and still no sign of starting. I have already been given my badge as a panelist, on which it is boldly written: “I am a Barrister at Law”. That badge sparks this post…

Is the Barrister accolade my greatest or even an accomplishment I want to be known or remembered for? It’s not like I was ever asked which to be used anyway.

This musing about accomplishments flashes me back to a discussion with someone last week about the same subject. Ah my ever searching soul…

I had just been told someone I knew had been appointed to a high public office. I was sure happy for them, and in our exchange we marvelled at all their accomplishments. Well, those we knew of, those we read and heared of, you know like this my ” Barrister at Law” tag…

And then I told the person I was chatting with that I looked at accomplishments from a very different angle altogether. For example, I told them I felt they had accomplished a lot coming out of a tradegy the way they have. I added that I felt more accomplished today than 10 years ago when I ironically had more money, two cars and was a ‘Mrs’…

But then, this is my view; it depends first of all I guess on what you consider accomplishments. Maybe I should have started this post by looking that up?

So, I scheduled this post for two days later, so that maybe I could come up with ideas over the weekend or some input from a discussion I may pick up during the gathering.

In the meantime, another of my recent accomplishments is being able to treat a dreaded mumps with more natural remedies than would otherwise have been the case 10 years ago… (I only grudgingly took an anti inflamtory for 3 days) – and am also grateful for all the moral support I had during this difficult period

But then, let me throw this open to my e family, what do you consider accomplishments? What do you measure them by?

Have a great week ahead

GUEST POST: Before we blame our children’s choices, did our ACTIONS or INACTIONS influence them?


I have hardly followed a blog for a a few months and then offered a guest post. I was moved by all what I have been learning and sharing on this blog, and as a parent I realized any healthy choices I made in life wasn’t for me only. Just like Michelle Obama’s campaign Let’s Move, I have come to realize I can’t expect healthy kids if I don’t set healthy examples in all areas of my life. It was an honour to be so promptly hosted on such an awesome blog. I hope my post inspires and motivates many parents on the blogosphere. Namatse

All About Healthy Choices

I have been given the honor to host a guest post from one of my recent followers and fellow bloggers, Marie Abanga. I appreciate Marie’s candor and the comments she leaves on my posts accompanied by some very personal examples, provoking positive reflections and reactions. Join me in welcoming Marie on my blog as she shares what she has come to understand making healthy choices should mean to a parent.

Please place all “likes” and “comments” directly on Marie’s blog site

after she re-blogs it to her site!!!

I am currently involved in a local project that will keep me off my computer for the next two weeks. Looking forward to catching up with everyone when my project is completed!

UPHOTO_20170317_173209 400 Marie Abanga

Life is really all about healthy choices, not only what we eat but also how we eat, how we help that food spread itself out in our bodies…

View original post 1,057 more words

DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?…


Source: DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?…   If there was only one post I will recommend anyone to read on one of the most awesome blogs I follow: It will be the above… every other thing to me flows from here.

If you like yourself, you’ll be able to genuinely care about what you eat, think, say, do, write etc etc; and you will care what anything or anyone does to you to the best of your faculties.

The blog is none other than: All About healthy Choices. And yes, I am all about that and it pays big time.

I leave us this weekend then with this post which calls not for a quick like or comment but above all for authentic introspection and genuine resolutions.

Thank you Doctor Johnatan, you are my Hero and I will be talking about you on the panel I join today on leading from the heart – cause I feel that’s what you are doing

One of those inspiring & motivating feedback from a student …


With some students at PaidWa
With some of my first students: Sidoine is to my right. The dressing to near match was pure coincidence

My first lecturing gig was at the Pan African Institue for Development West Africa, in Buea South West Region Cameroon. That town hosts the famous Mount Cameroon and the School is not far from the foot of the mountain. SO yes it gets pretty ‘winter – like’ cold up there especially for someone like me with rhumatoid arthritis.

So, when you brave it there twice a week for two months; catching a good cold and fever along the way, leaving your city at 6 am to be there by 10 am ahead of a 4 hour lecture regardless of how you feel about that ‘calvary’ – and then a year later you get such an sms from a former student who also interned with your foundation, how else can you feel but super motivated to keep trying your very best?

March 10, 2017

From Sidoine Felix Paid-Wa and later Gbm intern

“Hey good day Mm. Long time trust you are fine. Sincerely permit me express my gratitude to you for all the invaluable knowledge and support you gave me during my stay with you. I can’t believe this but its true and happening. Since I left Douala I have been very engage in project proposal writings here. And Mm, the projects we work out together have been my guide and masterpiece in all the ones I am writing now. And guess what??? People are praising and appreciating the format and maturity of the project proposals. I haven’t done much but to contextualize these projects using what you thought me with. And sincerely I can’t go any further but to express my gratitude and joy. Thank you very much Mm. Hope the boys are all fine. My regards to them please”.

And as coincidence will have it, I was in Buea on that day for some work and had actually planned on checking on him – cause sure we have kept in touch. I offered him lunch and we had a good 45 mins of inspiring and quality time.

Such and many others from the others I have taught in my own city since then, keep me grounded and so motivated. The second batch I taught (and by grace they are all asters students) voted me the best lecturer they had ever had, and invited me to their end of year party, offering me a gift… it was all so emotional. I love teaching, sharing knowledge, relating with the students at any point, and simply trying to teach better than I was taught. I actually let them teach us all too and I have also learnt so much along the way. I actually dragged my mumps face to class last Sunday and braved an 8 hour lecture.

I have as often as I can told the lecturers who impacted me most that I was so grateful. I have visited a few who taught me even 15/20/30 years ago and oh my that made our day. Before I started teaching, I had a talk with my best undergrad lecturer and she inspired and motivated me along. Today, I consider teaching one of my top passions.

Is there any lecturer in the house? How do you feel about your work? Any student too? Have you ever thought how a small appreciation from you could mean the world to your lecturer? Much more than any salary raise? I have as often as I can told the lecturers who impacted me most that I was so grateful. I have visited a few who thought me even 15/20/30 years ago and oh my that made our day.

PAW Pink Party: I will be on a panel


So, hello world, we get what PAW stands for, and PAW Cameroon is slowly but taking off. I was invited to join a panel and I am excited about the panel I’ll be joining.

Getting Authentic: Leading from your Heart against all odds

This is a VIP highlight of my week. 

The week is starting off challenging because I somehow contracted the mumps virus… (I thought I was too old for that oh my), but I hope all is well by then.

Have a nice week everybody, and I ‘ll sure share feedback.

Thank you for your support and all