In the fourth and last post in these series, Ashley shares with us how she over came her fear of – hold your breath – yes of becoming a writer.
Woah, how we often think some things are so natural. Read on:
“I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder roughly five years ago. Since being diagnosed, I have been on this journey of facing my fears. Some of my fears have been snakes, bridges, moving, and lately I have been facing my fear of becoming a writer. I know you may be thinking that is not really a fear, but it is. One of my friends put it best; she said she has not only a fear of failure, but also a fear of success. According to the book “Dancing with Fear,” the author describes fear as paralyzing and stifling future endeavors. So terrified to death, I started putting myself out there for the entire world to see. Okay, I don’t have that many followers, but you get my drift. Writing is baring ones soul and becoming vulnerable to others. I have always felt called to write and ever since I can remember I have wanted to write. So this is part of my current journey of becoming a writer.
Conquering my past: In the 8th grade, the entire class was asked to write down three professions that we wanted to be when we grew up; I wrote that I wanted to be a writer, teacher, and zoologist. I remember being so proud to show my list to the teacher, but feeling very discouraged when she looked at it and made a disapproving face. My heart sunk down to the ground. Why would she not encourage me to write? Am I that bad of a writer? I made it all the way to 8th grade with mostly A’s and B’s. Why does she not like my chosen profession? Mind you, my entire friends pretty much all put down that they wanted to be teachers. Yes, I have always been a different child. And no, I have not always embraced it. So for the first time putting myself out there and in my eyes, getting rejected, I started to rethink my destiny. To make a long story short, I decided to trade that profession in and try to find a more “realistic” career. Sadly, all the careers I have tried are all washed up and it’s just me and my pen staring at each other. My pen never left my side and neither did my true dream.
Keeping a journal: I toyed with the idea of writing a novel about four years ago, but procrastinated mid-flight. I decided to start journaling as much as possible. I started to have that feeling of pure joy again. Finishing a poem or discovering an ah-ha moment while writing was exhilarating. I had not felt this way since I was 13 years old. I wanted more of this feeling, so I continue to journal and create poetry.
Writing down every idea: After three years of journaling, I became so addicted to venting that I was writing more and more often. I learned how to get all the negative thoughts out of my head onto paper and then turn the negative thoughts into positive ones. With my mindset getting stronger and my need to write becoming deeper, I decided to write whatever came to my head. Some of these ideas were made into songs and rough drafts for books that I intend to write. My spirit lifted every time I created something. My creation was a reflection of me and I found a profound meaning in my life. My dreams were planting seeds.
Start finding gigs: After being a counselor and nanny on and off for the past eight years, I decided that I was burnt out from both professions. I no longer had any more energy to change one more diaper or help one more person with their problems. It was time to start living the dream I always envision. I was worried because I felt that I was getting too old to change careers, but the desire was much stronger than logic. I made a resume geared toward writing and started sending it out. Then I joined several online sites and started the writing process. My niche was writing about relationships, which I would not have been that great at if I did not have my experience as a counselor. Things started falling into place and more jobs lined up.
Published: Seeing my first article published online was amazing. I never thought in a million years that this long lost dream would ever come to pass. It will probably be the cheesiest article I will ever write, but it is mine. I knew at that moment that this is just the being of a long fulfilled journey that is ahead of me. I felt deep down that I am a writer. I am a professional writer. I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but I am so thankful that I faced the fears in my life and decided to follow my dreams. My seeds are now starting to blossom and I could not be happier.”
Source: Dancing with Fear: Controlling Stress and Creating a Life Beyond Panic and Anxiety; Paul Foxman, Ph. D.
What do we think of Ashely Rose and her series? How motivating are they?
I was so grateful to get these from her and I wish I could get more people share posts with me on my platform just like Talasi from Braver than Before generously did a while ago. Come one come all this is a very guest friendly platform!