A Stint in a cell and more musings from my end

Hello world, I now know what it means sitting in a cell. I sat in one for a few hours yesterday, yes an incident of domestic violence. But hmm, sometimes you need to let your anger and frustration out and not suck it up till you snap. Your mental health also comes at a price so it seems.

I lost my cool because I was provoked, but I am responsible for my choices. I made one, conscious it could lead to the cops being called for a final resolution in civilized terms of the impasse.  Well, as I tweeted yesterday afternoon as if by instinct and anticipation: “to make a pig a pet, you might as well have live in the pigsty”. In other words, speak their language. It hurts that I had to stoop that low, but it soothes that he got my message. I wouldn’t be physically or emotionally abused again especially when it concerns my sons.

There has been quiet some understanding especially from quarters I least expected, and some ‘surprises’ too. But all is well that ends well, my sons and I got back home safely by midnight yesterday.

 This nightmare may not be over, but I know now for sure I have to stop for a few years in thinking they boys could have a relationship with their dad. He is not there for them one bit, packs them up as soon as I send them his way, and sends them to his village until 48 hours to schools resumption.

Now, a few lessons and maybe someone going through something similar may be inspired or motivated who knows:

1) The cell is a sad place no doubt, but your state of mind even while locked up is the determinant. I was so serene, not because I am a lawyer but because I knew there was going to be an outcome and some formal engagements made with regards to the boys and our respective relationships with them or each other;

2) Kids can get traumatized, but talking with them during and after the ordeal is more reassuring than trying to blackmail one person to them, sheild them, scold them or even ignore them. I was fortunate maybe because the boys asked for, to get them with me in the cell;

3) life is to be lived, emotions and feelings are to be felt in the process and handled how best we can. The choices we make to navigate through this all have consequences. We shouldn’t seek to stuff up our anger and frustration, but let them out in the least damaging way. I have resorted to writing, venting, crying, shouting, etc but yesterday I felt only a stronger statement was going to help me. Sadly, I only saw damaging property as a satisfactory way of making that statement. I stopped when I felt I had made a clear enough one.

4) Make peace with what you are dealt: I was prepared to sleep in that cell and make myself as comfy as possible. Indeed, I dozed off while he was giving his one hour long statement, narrating even what was of no relevance to the case at hand, dating as far back as 2008. I was done in 15 minutes. I was so serene even the cops were surprised. All the poems and posts I have written this week seem to have been leading to last night’s saga…I also thought of the poem where I wondered if for the sake of peace was a one way street.

And so all, I hope I haven’t scared anyone with my write up, I write to put this unfortunate incident behind me and to inspire someone who knows. even if only my sons for posterity…

Have a nice week and happy labour day in anticipation to my Americana peeps in the house…


11 thoughts on “A Stint in a cell and more musings from my end”

  1. Wow Marie you are one fierce mama! All I can say is maybe sometimes the situation calls for s little property damage and s stint in a cell to get your dons away from that man is not such a bad thing. But wow what a night. Or dsy that must have been ? Brava to you !!!

  2. I’m coming back here tomorrow to write a comment. I can’t BELIEVE I missed this one, my friend!!! Do I have thoughts I want to share. In the meantime, love you, Marie!

    1. Am waiting. Funny how we both missed each other’s post shared on that same day lol. Yes you go sleep your daughter is right to pull you away from the computer. Loads of love too my lovely lady

  3. Okay, I’m back and I read your post carefully. Oh Marie, I am beyond sorry you had to go through this deeply stressful, alarming situation. I would’ve done the same thing you did in order to make a strong-enough statement. But I’m so inspired and amazed at how peaceful you were – you even surprised the cops! I hope with all my heart that by now this is becoming a less-heated memory (I have a feeling it is) and I am just so proud of you in the end. Look how much you’ve grown as a person…you are one remarkable woman, and you could never scare me with what you write. I’ve been in a secluded cell before after damaging hospital property after I was treated unkindly by staff (I wrote about that in the book, you may recall) and I sang the whole time – the whole 4 or 5 hours. Mania saw me through that experience, but it’s not the best way to go when in seclusion. It’s much better to be sane and strong and calm like you were. Sending you love, strength, and a renewed spirit! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

    1. I wish I could sing lol, but yes I was so Serene my ex could choke. My statement lasted 15 mins while his even found me dozing off in the cell hahaha. I guess the file got classified caused I haven’t heard from the cops again. I had no one to sign any undertaking for me but then they couldn’t keep the kids and I overnight. We dealt and healed as a family by revisiting the saga 2 days later and laying it to rest. Thanks lady for this comment, so thoughtful

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