I am done with all this rubbish


I am done with all this rubbish

So much rubbish to make me mad

Life seems so shallow

Screaming is all hollow

No one seems to care

Or is it we dare less?

The bills keep pilling

All keeps uphill 

More dose & overdose

They exit this rubbish life

None seems to have any time

Even a dime is hard to get

Who is to blame?

Parents name governments

Governments name establishments

Children blame parents

It’s all so fake

Smells like stale cake

The circle and circus share same house

The mouse is just as mad

Get your ass off my couch

Pull it all together man

If you need another pill

Insurance will cover the bill

Yikes and yish am really tired

What kind of world is this?

We wait for graves to know

That needless was the race

In the now we fight

Showing off our might

What has love got to do?

No cares, maybe some do

We ain’t crazy its dem

Did I show u any diagnosis?

Rubbish rubbish rubbish
P.s: Stuck in traffic, taking out my anxiety and mild frustration at the traffic and more via these lines

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When the Anxiety revisits…but now you have a plan


Hello world, funny oga anxiety is revisiting just as I finish my CBT diploma course where the last lesson was on anxiety and OCD…irony right? 

Let’s start from somewhere, why this unsolicited visit.

  1. I lost a very dear maternal cousin and near went all numb about it…that’s not usual me nor ‘conventional’ way of grieving out here…so am anxious something is wrong with me…
  2. I also lost a great uncle, my dad’s favourite uncle and the dad of two cousins I love so much…paternal side now…equally so touched, seem to reach out more here and story short…some internal and external conflict there with grieving and all…
  3. I have finished some work I wanted to before October ran out, but my work load seems to be piling and now I can’t even blog as I want or what I had anticipated… Anxiety, mild panic, stomach bubbles

My plan

  1. Am writing it all down and telling it gently off
  2. I am being authentic and vulnerable all the way and that’s ok
  3. What I have finished deserves a celebration, it was a tough 10  lesson CBT course which I covered in 3 months in addition to all other I do
  4. I will focus more on the positives and be ever grateful for all…the boys all did so well in school, I am making real and good friends, am entering a poetry competition and have put together the 10 poems required, am managingbto keep up with sports inspire of the mind tug of war… I have one of the best sisters in the whole wide world…
  5. I know many love me and look up to me, I deserve that and it is reciprocated
  6. I know the difference between who I was and who I now am…I have to consciously make the choice each day to remember, affirm and celebrate that…
  7. I will blog as I want in due time…am already doing my best and a break whether intended or not is still ok

Hence

Anxiety you can visit in my absence. If am home you can stay a while and then leave because I  don’t have patience for toxic folks and naysayers…

And you world, what’s your plan or experience with such ‘losers’ like Anxiety?

P.s: a few hours later you’re laugh at myself for almost going back home because I forgot to wear earrimgs…coming from someone who dfinitely cares more about how she feels than looks lol… That was anxiety trying to lull me back home hahaha

Journey or Ending?


The Journey

What cares you more?

The journey or the ending?

I am happy with the journey

I chose to let go

Of both the past and future

Happy is a choice

I have that power every day

To chose it over again

What will be will

Am grateful already as is

p.s: was inspired to write the above after a friend in an email exchange remarked the following ” …Everything works out well at the end. Yours too Marie will have a happy ending…”
And you gentle readers and followers, as you start this week what do you think of the question subject of this poem?

ODE TO FELICITA


three times I was down

three times you saw me up

even your own bed

you let me lie

I can’t tell

how much I learn

in all manners

in words & deeds

healing for me & mine

words fail me

2 say how grateful

and now how sorry

I feel your love for yours

and your loss for your dad

(c) Marie A. Abanga Oct 2017

p.s: For my friend Felicita in appreciation for our friendship and in empathy for her loss

Painful Past v Fearful Future


past v future

Hiya love are you coming along?

Going to watch wrestling match

The fiercest of finals it is

Super heavyweights they are

Painful past & Fearful future

I am glad this finals is here at last  

To say those 2 cause havoc so bad

Have so far trashed many out even me

Seriously, none my friend will be

I care less who destroys the other

The door to my mind their favourite abode

Is henceforth closed by my bestie NOW

It’s been a long one coming

Let them wrestle themselves away

 

p.s: Who is coming along? I’ve got some free tickets…

Another soulful review of my 4th Memoir: What is the Worst Case Scenario…


WCS by Genero
Foto courtesy of the reviewer

WHAT IS THE WORST CASE SCENARIO?

This is a fearful thought and is a question that lingers in every sub-conscious in the face of an impending uncertainty and danger.

Marie Abanga, Poet and senior Jurist, has dared to approach this question directly in her 103 paged book:

‘WHAT IS THE WORST CASE SCENARIO?’

She alone dares to fight the fear within by approaching this fear from different fronts

1. The fear of Staying
2. The fear of Leaving
3. The fear of Losing
4. The Fear of Failing
5. The fear of Being Loved
6. The fear of Loving
7. The fear of Stigma
8. The fear of Advocating
9. The fear of Dying

Marie is every other woman, a mother, daughter, sister, lover and friend. Her style and choice of words are unique and she uses her real life situations together with empirical evidence to attest to the fact that this fear is real. She insists on using the first person singular, I, just to let us, her readers know what one could actually mean when they say they have lived a life of constant fear.

In the same Memoir, she writes several deep letters to persons you might want to know of, talks about her adventures around the world. She propels courage to her readers by citing and bringing out the quotatioins of almost all the renowned big names you might know – John Wooden, Jack Canfield, Coco Chanel, Robert F. Kennedy, Janet Fitch and twenty five others.

Mental challenges are for real and they don’t discriminate. No one chooses such challenges and just the FEAR of being labelled or ‘discovered’ to be having them, can actually drive someone outright ‘crazy’.

The mental Health Activist, is conscious of what many others might be painfully and silently going through, and she will do all in her capacity to increase awareness about the importance of mental health, to enable the already affected find strength in whatever remains.

Ever since I got this book, my office work has been a nice ride. Nkwain John Paul Sam aka Genero, Douala Cameroon

Who has that power???


Who has that power???

To turn you into a robot

To determine how you feel

Love; fear; happy; sad

Whose responsibility is it???

How you see things

The voices you hear

The reactions to it all

The choices to make

What happens next???

When you say aha

Because you dug and found

Who has that power

Is it YOU or THEM???

p.s: Motivated and inspired by something I read from a book this morning titled: Love is letting go of fear. Made me remember the above song I loved and jumped to in the 1990s

Book Review: What Happened by HRC


Hillary-Clinton-Signs-Copies-Of-Her-New-Book-What-Happened

Get the Message: Not the Messenger: Clean the Mess!!!

I was excited to get a copy of this book because yes I am a woman, an admirer of HRC but above all a global citizen interested in political science and curious to know ‘what happens’. By virtue of my profession as a lawyer, and all other work I do for human, women and mental health rights, I will proceed to review this book which was a cathartic read to be honest. Not being an American (nor involved in any gerrymandering or etc) gives me the audacity to title my review as I do. I have therefore divided my review into three sections respectively and I will conclude with a probably more audacious stance. Spoiler: Message not in any EMAILS!!!

1) Get the Message

I would have been disappointed if the only message I got from this book was about what happened during the 2016 sagacious presidential election in the USA. I am therefore appreciative of the fact that the book is about what happened before, during and after not only the elections but also what happened and happens to HRC – and well the USA. The book is not titled say ‘what happened that I lost in 2016’ …

The message or should I say messages HRC share in her book are therefore about her, the campaign and elections saga, and the country as a whole. I keep likening what I think of the US now to a person who has fallen from such Grace to Grass. HRC in her usual candour which I have appreciated all along reading her various books, sounds the clarion call, pointing fingers to all including herself. Putin may not like her, Trump may not (obviously), ‘Little Rocket Man’ too, the Republicans without doubt, even some Democrats presumably, but the message has to be given and just like other great messengers in the world (Start maybe from Jesus, Mahatma Ghandi, MLK, Malcom X, Mandela, you name them I mean even Barack Obama), HRC ( a brave woman for a change) had no choice but to follow that inner nudge and deliver the message (s) in this book.

2) Not the Messenger

I think the world or to be more honest the US, has held HRC to an unreasonably terrifying standard while at the same time expecting her to just ‘disappear’. No doubt HRC was the candidate and should, and in my candid opinion does take a lot of responsibility, she is not the reason the country is in such chaos. She is a messenger sent bearing a torch under a scorching scrutiny, and facing immense challenges and sabotage from different angles it could only take Amazing Grace to see her through it all (had she ended up in an asylum or in Jail maybe there would have been more ‘celebration’?).

Yet truth be told, the records she has set not only as the first female presidential nominee of one of the great parties in that country, but also in her long and impact full public service to the country and the world at large, will in another country probably grant her immunity from whatever, for life, period. It is therefore shameful and dare say embarrassing that several other reviews I have read, and some media outlets take pleasure in trying further ‘character or emotional assassination’ of HRC. Hold up USA, you seem not to know the gem you have in HRC the messenger. She is just a human being for crying out loud but the choices she has made and the message she delivering in this book should not be overlooked because someone in the Oval office or somewhere doesn’t like her face, voice, shape, sight etc.

3) Clean the Mess

In this book, I gather and undeniably think that the country is in a mess. I mean blame it on HRC and the Clintons if you want, blame on Barrack and the Obamas, on the democrats maybe, blame it on Russia if you are bold enough to follow through with your investigations – that is if it is already obvious blaming the Republicans too right?, I can even blame my US Buddy who keeps putting up those blogs posts with such alien like updates! The bottom line is: The great Super Duper US of A is currently in a mess and I recently said they had become a global embarrassment and case study”. Seriously some real cleaning has to be done because it ain’t wrong to fall, but it’s appalling to stay down when you know how to get up!!!

In conclusion

Read this book and think about the solutions HRC proposes, take it or leave she has painfully and graciously delivered the message. Take it or leave she deserves a medal (the highest honour that exists in your country). Take it or leave HRC is your modern day Eleanor Rooselvelt (No doubt she finds such inspiration from this exceptional icon). I am glad that HRC did not choose to FOLD IT ALL AND RUN but to FACE IT ALL AND RISE after she lost the presidential elections (that may have deprived Charlotte and Aidan of their awesome grandma just too soon), and that she has pulled herself back together and is continuing to do all the good she can as seen in the creation of ‘Onward Together’.

Hillary 2016

Thank you so much HRC you have inspired so many young girls and women the world over you can’t imagine. I was hoping you’ll be the Ellen Sirleaf of the US but I think the country wasn’t ready for you. You were not angry enough, resentful enough, nasty enough, persistent enough, bashful enough, elite enough, middle class enough, poor enough; you were over educated, over composed, dreamt too much, nodded too much, spoke too much, spoke too little, smiled too much, wore blank suits all the time, had friends from Kindergarten and couldn’t even fire a single campaign manager… I can go on and on and on…

In the meantime, I cling on to the T-Shirt of Madame President which I bought and had dhl-ed to me. One day hopefully before my time here below is up, I’ll clap when that utmost glass ceiling is shattered once and for all. HRC didn’t let me down, she showed me the way and she keeps striving with humility, persistence, modesty and love. Americans do yourself some service and read this book – I give it a 5 star without reservation!!!

A light one from my world: Our new neighbour has a daughter and that’s a boom


kids courting
Ok keep that image in mind as you read lol

Hello world, sunny sunday is here and although I had planned a different post I just thought I’ll blog sort of light today… (Life light if that can be served hahaha) – am tired of morose news…

So breaking news in our apartment building: The new neighbour has a daughter!!!  (And this could maybe catch some president’s eye?)

Now, ours is a three flats building right; and the previous neighbour had 4 boys (the one we met when we moved in), and the one above had no kids. The first two neighbours moved out and two new ones moved in and almost same pattern but: The one above us who replaced the mama of 4 boys, has one pretty daughter!!!

Now, I have 3 boys, and well the 11 and 8 year old are still begining to find girls pretty or attractive? Alain is a big guy and at 14 has his life and stuffs with his age group and fortunately I know pretty much all his friends (both sexes and have always been informed since kindergarden) so he definitely doesn’t care about the neighbour’s girl!!!

She is 8 years and so that should be Gaby right? But, I overheard David and Gaby debate if her age mattered (what?) – like for David maybe?!!!

I have watched Gaby in particular fret around her and gladly zoom in and out on errands for her mom (normal out here in some close knit neighbourhoods where kids are kind of sent by whoever to the store etc). He has already told me he has a crush on her and I was just waiting for an opportunity to meet her and feel for myself you know.

Sunday 15th Ocotber we come in from church and there she is coming downstairs with a big trash bag asking for the direction to the refuse bin (ok you foreign folks, out here we have refuse grounds at the end of the street or somewhere and bins could overflow and the garbage overflows and covers the bin from view altogether lol). Both boys quickly offer to go show her but Gaby the smarter one takes the bag from her hahaha.

Well, I guess they have a good start on their way to and fro so on their return and soon we are done with lunch, he takes permission to go up and play with her. Wow he even gets me to call her mum to ask if he could come up and play with her. I mean with the previous neighbours there wasn’t all this fretting. They clicked the same day and played football right thereafter and still chat via phone now. We moms even got to get along because the boys raced up, down, in and out together alot.

Funny how some of these things play out right? Anyone had any such fun experience?

Have a great weekend everyone

The Race 2 the Grave


It muses my mind

Mankind is on a race

One so fierce

The fool seems the whistleblower

No sight of the finish line I see

But then again there are seas

Which may make the track

As hard to trace

But the race picks up

Ever so fierce

Don’t ask me I beg

Am only a writer

Our leaders may know more

Wants and needs ever rising

Fears and foes ever adding

A strange race it seems

Cause near the finsh line

Some wish they hadn’t run at all