Posted in Advocacy, Marie's Garden, Parenting, Uncategorized

Advocating for my son and students all the way …

My special friend and deputy CEO of In Our Home Inc

Hello World, that is my first son Alain (for those just hopping on my blog). He turned 14 years last october 8th and we went to a Chinese Buffet for a first time – they  (all 3 boys I have) had a great time.

Now, Alain is in form 3, I guess middle high in the US or so. Recently, when writing about experiences I had in his brother’s school with two teachers, I also mentionned some I had in his own school over some grade scores he had been removed for some reason I couldn’t understand. He is a very hardworking student, has always been on honour’s roll since primary school and takes a lot of pride in his performance – of course I do too although I try to make him not put so much pressure on himself. One of his teachers gave him a 2/8 in a question because he forgot an element, and yet his friend who gave same illustration forgetting same element got a 6/8. When he went up to ask the teacher showing his friend’s paper, his two marks were substracted and added to this friend’s.

Of course I marched to that school the next day and spoke with the proprietor and dean of studies. I was assured the grades will be reviewed. Ha same afternoon, he comes back home with another paper taught by the same teacher where he gets 3 answers marked wrong which I know are correct. I am getting itchy and go back to the school the next day. The teacher whom I don’t see, had told the dean the previous day Alain was rude in his approach to asking about his paper, and he left out some words (critical to a complete answer it sems) and actually …… I left the new paper and requested for a meeting with this teacher and the dean.

The meeting was arranged for last friday at 7.30 am and I was there of course 15 minutes ahead. I explained the situation again, said my concern was in teacher/student relationship which appeared to still be one of ‘teacher knows it all’ (Alain told me he was adviced by the dean to stop ‘challenging’ his teachers). I said at home I didn’t know it all and we ran the home as a team and I told them I was sorry when at fault. The teacher gave his own explanations; and well all is well that ends well.

Some relationship dynamics have changed over the past century and one of these is students/lectuers or teacher etc. Back home, it may still be a big challenge finding a balance and even letting parents in (in his school PTA’s are once a year only – imagine that) and hmm some parents simply don’t even want to know or be involved anyway.

I therefore advocate that students/pupils be let to express themselves and taught from a young age how to do so politely  (I however doubt Alain was rude – teacher may just have been embarassed he even came up to him in class and brought along a friend’s paper and well in our schools you may not see a teacher after class hours because they teach and go unless they have another class after a while and you are also out of class you know). Students also get a bost by their parents’ involvment and their teachers taking them as human beings and not just people to be taught sort of.

Finally, Alain got his marks reinstated and got good grades overall for this first sequence (he feels slighted he was second in class -but that’s ok by me).

Sharing to inspire parents and advocates, it ain’t easy but often it is worth it.

Have a nice week us all




Marie Angele Abanga (simplified to Marie Abanga) aka MAG likes to describe herself as a “Jacqueline of several trades”. She is an everyday woman and mother with a zigzag profile. Let’s give it a try! She is an Activist, an Author, a Coach, a Consultant, a Feminist, a Lawyer, a Lecturer, a Prince 2 Project Manager, a Psychotherapist, a Philanthropist, a minister of the Word of God and...! She just loves to sum it up by saying she is a person of passions and a tale of talents. Her life’s journey has filled over 6 books already and her three musketeers keep her busy at home. MAG is also the founder and CEO of the association Hope for the Abused and Battered, and the Country Director of the Gabriel Bebonbechem Foundation for Epilepsy & Mental wellbeing. The plethora of life's experiences and shenanigans she has lived through and learned from in near 4 decades of existence, have equipped her with such an arsenal to coach, train and motivate just any and everyone. She is so charismatic, dynamic and full of life, going by her designed mantra of 3Ds: Determination; Discipline and Dedication. These sum her+her quest to be the best version of herself and impact others perfectly. She attributes all her wealth of knowledge to her conscientious attendance of both informal and formal school.

6 thoughts on “Advocating for my son and students all the way …

  1. Good job Mama !!!
    I wonder if some teachers receive training on class management t bc a child/student is also in the process of learning manners, so that if Alain did not ask with the right tone (teacher’s subjective view), teacher should educate how they think or want students to ask* questions. I bet every teacher would be different. It was this same reason that I unconsciously stopped participating in class bc teachers thought I was challenging them. SMDH. Preserve your child’s confidence/esteem…You MUST.

    Thanks for sharing cousin.

    1. Thanks for your comment darling. I know right? I was called ‘forward Peter’ in primary school, star in secondary and radical in high school. Trust me to do just that. And he thanked me for it and I could feel how much it meant for him. Today I was at the very school again for David. Some bullying incident and nope I can’t let that go and I don’t tollerate anyone making my son feel less than because he is emotional. I came back for them and I am being present for them all the way

  2. This is really an important lesson. The child that is taught to passively accept adult inaccuracy is being taught a harmful lesson. Adults deserve RESPECT, but they are human and make mistakes like everyone else. A child that points this out (respectfully) should be acknowledged and rewarded with an appropriate response (in this case, an elevated grade.) An insecure teacher would feel threatened by challenges and respond defensively creating a poor outcome for the child. Having the title, “adult” or “teacher” does not give license to be unreasonable and unfair.

    1. Right on doc. This morning I was back there because my docile David was bullied significantly and he cried so much . this is the 3rd episode and he is in his first year of secondary school. I have taught him to stand up for himself but I had to tell the teacher reports like that should be solved and not brushed aside as kids stuffs

  3. Wow, Marie, I cannot imagine my mother or father standing up for me as you have for your boys! That is wonderful ! This is a lesson that so many should learn. That teacher is not all powerful or almighty either! If only someone had taught me that the teacher could be told she was WRONG once in a while especially when she *was* wrong…Wow, what a lesson I might have learned…earlier than I have at any rate.

    Sorry I have been so absent for so long…I am beset by multiple stresses in my life but at least I now am alerted to your blog posts in my email so when I can I can take a look!

    love to you,

    1. Thanks for your comment Pammy dear. I am honestly also doing all I do for my inner child. I know some of your stress and I am glad you have been trusting me enough to let me walk the lane with you as best as I can. Always in my thoughts and heart with love and more!

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