Am writing this post on my trip back from Yaounde, although it will be published as scheduled.
Now, before I get into this post which has been on my mind a lot lately, here is some news from me.
I have been told by my inner voice:
- That the purification I had long been prepared for since 2008, officially starts on March 1st 2018. What all that means or involves I dont know other than that a 7 days fasting sets the pace;
- That I need not worry because some of the elements like that fasting, and talking less and less, I already know, while others like going vegan will eventually be ok;
- That I have to henceforth be more vocal and specific about my needs (not wants), and refuse to compromise for my own good.
It is thinking about needs that urged me to write this post.
First things first, I have received so much in life, and I of course give out in equal measure. Now, sharing my cheerfulness or moodyness, and all things internal, hasn’t brought me nor caused me as much head and heartache,like sharing material possessions which I consider external stuffs.
Since almost all material stuffs I have ever had, I received from others (no lie here I have received way too much), when I give those away those who gave me start to complain and even hold a grudge against me a while.
The easiest of these stuffs to I give away are all those clothes, shoes, bags and etc, because well soon am not seen with them and maybe someone else is seen with them.
Am tired of this situation and I did a lot of meditation on this because it has been a pattern from Chidhood. I got the following answers inside me:
- Many many people don’t give me what I need (which is definitely not all those material stuffs), but what they want;
- The things which I have ever specifically asked for and received, I treasured a longer while even if I ended up more giving them up too than cluttering my poor house or wardrobe (I have a specific number of each piece of clothes I can tolerate, and I can visualize some leaving tomorrow);
- I see and meet a lot of people who need those things like the prisoners, some less fortunate friends and relations…so why can I not freely give them? Some even outright ask me for something and the detached me is always so willing and grateful to give.
My conclusion therefore is two fold:
- I am no longer accepting any material possessions unless I expressly asked for, or was asked if I needed same;
- I will tell anybody giving me something that it may eventually be passed on, that they better consider it as having been given it say to church where you don’t manage what they do with what you give them;
- That my late grandma was right in saying that anyone who gave her anything and ever checked or monitored how she chose to use or share them, should stop giving her anything.
This life is already pretty complicated as is, I want to be free to do with mine and all the vanity stuffs I have or receive, the way I want. This of course includes surprises and anything received for the boys until they reach majority and are free to do with those as they want …