Posted in Coaching and Therapy, Marie's Garden, Mental Health Advocacy

Let’s talk about breakups shall we???


How do I look in that picture at first glance? Anyway, that was a couple of hours to yet another heartbreaking breakup. I have had one too many in my life and to be candid, I have instigated 99.97% of them.

Why am I even writing this post and washing such linen in public? Well, because as a psychologist and CBT Therapist, I have worked with many who have been through very tough times before and after a breakup.

It is one of those taboo topics marred with the ego’s looming shame, guilt and suck for revenge. Needless saying what some have or will do to supposedly get even after a breakup.

So, how do I feel especially after once again instigating a breakup? I feel like a pity party wouldn’t even do me justice. And yet, it takes commensurate courage to instigate a breakup and do it civil like you guys were having any other conversation. This breakup ha, I prayed for the how to go about it for an entire month. I know others who will just walk away, change numbers or just spit it out and fume it all downing same with whatever can numb the hurt and feelings.

To add salt to injury, it’s not like there is any prospect or plan moving on. Nope, am letting my spirit flow even if right now I can shrink if spoken to by a man.

Let me be raw here, this is my life’s purpose. This is also a better healing mechanism for me than tears and trash. Indeed, an RA mini flare up couldn’t be avoided and I was literally carried back home and massaged.

It still hurts today and am pampering myself some. I believe in the adage ‘Therapist heal thyself’, and writing is one of those healing balms.

I once murmured to a friend that it sometimes was tough being the ‘Go to Person’, because you could as well end up not having your own ‘Go to Person’. My God and my soul are my own ‘Go tos’ and am not doubting them.

And so, to you who can identify with this post in any and either way, know you are not alone. Tough times never last but tough people do.

I hate breakups and if there was a vaccine against them or some magic pill to counter their side effects, I would have gone for those.

But helas, damage control is what I focus on, learning lessons, counting blessings, seeing prospects, not burning bridges are what I look out and forward to. My mental health being of primordial here.

I chose peace over conflict and think I have finally won over my ex husband. The same yesterday, he and I had a very peaceful and dare I say respectful discussion, and for all these milestones I am very grateful.

Any thoughts about breakups to share in the comments anyone?

Be inspired and motivated everyone …

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Author:

Marie Angele Abanga (simplified to Marie Abanga) aka MAG likes to describe herself as a “Jacqueline of several trades”. She is an everyday woman and mother with a zigzag profile. Let’s give it a try! She is an Activist, an Author, a Coach, a Consultant, a Feminist, a Lawyer, a Lecturer, a Prince 2 Project Manager, a Psychotherapist, a Philanthropist, a minister of the Word of God and...! She just loves to sum it up by saying she is a person of passions and a tale of talents. Her life’s journey has filled over 6 books already and her three musketeers keep her busy at home. MAG is also the founder and CEO of the association Hope for the Abused and Battered, and the Country Director of the Gabriel Bebonbechem Foundation for Epilepsy & Mental wellbeing. The plethora of life's experiences and shenanigans she has lived through and learned from in near 4 decades of existence, have equipped her with such an arsenal to coach, train and motivate just any and everyone. She is so charismatic, dynamic and full of life, going by her designed mantra of 3Ds: Determination; Discipline and Dedication. These sum her+her quest to be the best version of herself and impact others perfectly. She attributes all her wealth of knowledge to her conscientious attendance of both informal and formal school.

13 thoughts on “Let’s talk about breakups shall we???

  1. I’m hoping to never go through a breakup again, which as it looks like, it seems like it won’t happen 🙂
    But I had them before. Nothing mayor. No kids, money or house involved. That would make things very complicated!
    I’d eat a bunch of chocolate, swear at him, lay down in bed and cry and then decide “to show him what’s he is missing out on”.
    I’d perform better at work, live healthier and therefore look better, travel, socialize.

    For some that might be difficult, but I “move on” easily.

  2. I once heard to ‘Never say never’ but girl ain’t sure wishing you any again o lol.
    I think you move on easily because you do deal and heal from the emotions like I do too. Indeed, my cap is 3days and at barely a day am proud of myself already.
    I just don’t like to think I got or want to show any ex anything, but I sure want to continue, pick up, accelerate etc my living and loving life. Thanks for your comment

    1. G, I have honestly been good at it for the most part lol. I tune it on and then deal and heal. But men they hurt either way. Writing this post was big therapeutic for me and the stats show many views lol

    2. And yes while we are it, dear Lord please may it never happen again. Guess am too old for this anymore. Am actually contemplating an emotional gap year and will check my lists and stick to the prayer I wrote last year which coincidentally is hanging just above my bed hahaha

  3. Apologies to be late here, beautiful Marie – I’m so sorry about the breakup!!!!! But I am proud of you for instigating it because it’s terrible to be in the wrong relationship as you know. And you are beautiful and magnificent and deserve the best!!!! Much love, Lady Dy

    1. Ah lady love no need to be sorry, spoiler but you already knew about this before I blogged lol. I am long healed and happy to be moving on…more lessons in my life’s luggage and trying to make every moment count o… thanks for your comments lady they really mean a lot

  4. I admire the graceful way you did it. If it cannot work no use forcing it. Life would only be a waste in a forced relationship; and life is to be enjoyed not wasted. But I also think we have to be sure we cannot bridge our gap before we call it quits. No relationship is a bed of roses and we should pray for the grace to manage and overcome the low moments. Yes, when it happens, life must continue. God often closes one door to direct us to a better one waiting for us. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post Marie. May the light of the sun continue to light up your way.

    1. Wow thank you so much for your comment dear SIWO. I did take a lot into consideration before the break up and I took quiet some time in putting that to prayer too. In the end, although I initiated the breakup, it was something we had sort of forseen due to some tough to reconcile different views and prospects way forward. In hindsight today, I will agree with you all the way, that sometimes, indeed for me all the times; God has closed daunting doors in my life, giving me ample grieving and focusing tome, and then directed me to floodgates. I am a testimony and I give Him all the Glory. Be blessed always too

      1. Thanks, Marie. You response to my comment is very enriching. Life is meant to be enjoyed and we must do the best we can to get the best out of it. If we are sure a relationship cannot work wisdom calls that we put it aside while we go for what we think will work.

  5. Thank you for your reply to my comment too. Sometimes the comments are even richer than the post itself and I see that on SIWO. I will add to your reply if you permit by saying that, we may sometimes have to break up without any idea of what next we are going for as you put it. For me in particular, that was my case, letting go and letting the Lord lead me on further…that is the kind of stubborn faith I have…I need not see what is next, the interlude itself may be as vital before moving into ‘what will work’…what do you think? Am so grateful for your comment and the exchanges we are having on such a pertinent subject

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