1) On the day (Wed 27th June) this blog title came to my mind, I was on the way to the hospital to get the results of the inflammation that had rocked my eye for a couple of months now. I was dressed the way you see because I was leaving home very early to catch the first bus to the other city where I had run the tests. I had been told it could be a tumour or some serious allergies. By faith I acclaimed the allergies before leaving the house, and allergies they were. I am rounding up the last treatment for that and it is only getting better;
2) I am happy because I am so in tune with my all these days, I feel my feelings and face my fears. Seriously, never have been this happy. I can unapologetically feel any emotions which come along, then deal and heal or heal and deal whichever my spirit guides me to doing; oh I even help others too as a psychotherapist and this is huge for me; I recently handled a massive breakup like the pro I am lol and the above picture was taken the very next morning post breakup;
3) I work hard, cry hard, pray hard, enjoy hard, relax hard and in short I try to be the Best version of myself. It is oh so sublime.
And so dear gentle readers and followers, if you are happy and you know it, why not share some in the comments please?
P.S: I will happily honour Barakah’s invitation tonight with a sublime white dress – at last I got somewhere to launch the gift I got myself for completing my 70 days spiritual journey, all to the Glory of God…and before then,
in the afternoon I will be a guest on a TV and Radio show aptly titled: Matters at Stake and Therapy respectively. I will be sharing my experience on parenting and other matters at stake including mental health and how to help… now all these from within and without make and keep me happy…
Next steps: Go home after Barakah’s event; catch some sleep and leave for Yaounde early am for the leading ladies conference…how happier can I be right now? Vacation is calling my name, and you?
Hello world, I may be smiling in those pictures but one can one do?
So, those two guys D&G are still around because well their dad didn’t take them last friday as agreed for a month. Alain is on an internship and as is at dearest Grandma’s for the month since Sunday. You can imagine how all over the place my schedule now is. Indeed, since yesterday I have been working from home.
Yesterday afternoon, I just had to stop at some point and take them swimming (gladly not so far from home and all free cause it’s their family business lol) so Gaby whom I had initially grounded, was about to make me lose my nerves for real with his pranks. Taking them there was to be honest therapeutic too for me and I could use that chilling and bonding time.
Today, ha David of all pulled some dishonest pranks and I decided to take him to the market with me. Oh had I forgotten his girlfriend Patience. I mean a trip that solo will last 20 mins max, ended up lasting 60 minutes. Gaby who had gone out without my permission and was specifically told not to step out, ignored the instruction and went right out to play. Second grounding right? I found him dirty and asked him to bathe under my supervision. Well, he loves water and showed me just how much…ok relax Ayo… He wanted to go sit outside to eat and I said no, right next to me on the table while I work…what was I even thinking?
In short, he wouldn’t siest, has all sorts of stories and distracting stuffs he has to do indoors now, and I just ended after 2 full hours of sighing and near shouting to let him off…
I mean, there are days in the life of a parent especially a single parent…you just end up laughing at your own calamity…I really think I was punishing my own self lol
Hope this post makes us parents and single parents in the house laugh some…it was good release & anger management typing same off…and my mental health is vip for me…
Be inspired and motivated…one day it shall be another stage and story lol
Live and let life live lol
Self Care is the best Care
p.s: anyways, all is well that ends well and I took myself out for dinner hurray. the last time was in December 2017 lol
Moments before I leave go hustle, he is they say my mini me, cum designer and all lol
Well, it ended up fun because I let go
That guy there taught me about Patience big time…I mean as if she was his girlfriend lol
Now, some are lucky to be called Patience and I should assume that virtue is inherent for them. Others learn it at different intervals of their lives, I learnt it from the months before he was conceived, spanning throughout the pregnancy, post delivery and on to present date.
There was to be a girl before David, I had a miscarriage at 5 months, and as if that wasn’t traumatic enough, I was told the gods had to be appeased or else I will not get pregnant again. I wasn’t ready to appease any god, the God I knew needed no such appeasing. I trusted Him and patiently waited on Him.
Exactly 5 months later, I got pregnant for David and then begun more lessons about Patience. Some days when he started kicking, he will take so much time in between or before the kicks, I will get worried. I was advised by the doctor to calm down.
Dday came and although I felt spasm by 7am, David took his time and showed up at 7pm crying his heart out. Alain got me labouring only 3hours and Gaby 1hour lol. As if that wasn’t enough, he developed a respiratory infection just 15minutes after, and had to be put in the cubicle for 10 days. In short, I was numb and well I could only call on Patience to SOS…
David took his time and still does, he was fed right up to 4 years and same with dressing up. He still takes his time today, be it while drawing or playing football lol. The fun for him still seem to be in the kicking of the ball, how cool is that?
My son loves to be swag lol
Having a field day on his bday
Recently on June 20th when he turned 12 years old, he took his time to get his small party going and his invitees left in frustration. David didn’t mind and still put on his best for a hommies dinner.
The amount of Patience I now have today is unarguably thanks to David for a very large part. Even his speech demands your total attention to understand all he is saying. I try my best not to frustrate him by cutting him short or allowing anyone to do so.
Very little gets me on any impatient edge nowadays, and this is very VIP for my mental wellbeing. Even the popular notoriety of Black man time makes me smile and patiently wait while reading, writing etc
My teen and his swag lol
David with his local bow and arrow: A hanger and some broom sticks
My King David initiation to football lol
He has always takien himsel do seriously
David’s letter to me in 08.201, with the Ds written his way lol
The Four of us in our boat.
Patience they say is a virtue and that cannot be overemphasized. Patience has saved my day and life several times, and I am truly grateful for all the lessons David and siblings have taught me about darling Patience.
And now you dear gentle readers and followers, pray tell how did you learn about darling Patience?
Imagine that dinning table over 25 years ago; imagine it has 9 chairs as it did and still does; imagine a teen me sitting on that exact chair with one empty chair between our new step mom and I (the chair after her was empty as you can even see now lol). At one head of the table was Grand Pere, and dad was at the head nearest the door. On the other side of the table sat Grand Mere and my two siblings with whom I was in the same secondary school.
Dad had come on the eve to collect us for summer holidays, and he had brought his new wife to ‘introduce’ her to us, or more appropriately to his family. I think we children didn’t have a choice.
Ok now, let me spare you details of his reception nor my trashing at our school because I dared collect some snacks he’d brought, nor how we holed up in the back boot of his Pajero at the time, so as to give ourselves maximum distance with ‘step mom’. I was following orders.
When we arrived Dschang from Fontem where we went to secondary school, there was a reception planned and the table had been laid out. Sweet drinks had been bought, pork chops, chicken drums oh my; I was sure excited and looking forward to enjoy myself some especially after all the tough life in boarding school.
But hmm, step mom effect activated…total silence… Dare open your mouth you this talkative Ayo… The dinning table was no longer where we all converged to communion with each other…indeed that was the end of sitting together on a dining table…
I was the only one who could seemingly sit on the same side as her. But that was as far as I could go. Eyes were on me, and peeps thrown in her direction. If she touched something, no one of us was to touch same…unspoken rule but one after all…
And dear all; that is how, what came to be my last visit at a home I had so grown to love and had so many childhood memories of, ended with near tears…
At that time, we lived in the city of Yaounde like 6 hours away by car from Dschang, and you can sureimagine how miserable that journey was. How can I forget how the chatterbox me couldn’t even breathe aloud, forget about asking to go pee? Not even one stop to buy any suya as usual. Dad gave up trying to strike any conversation and I stifled my tears.
I am no longer that scared 13 year old but a full circle 39 years. But when I entered that home and saw that dinning table, I sat down unconsciously on that same chair and all the flashbacks made me bent on writing this down to release same, deal and heal, and sharing same with us all. Life has happened to all the parties of that era, and we are each striving and thriving in their own corners…well that’s my case for sure…
Life probably throws us all sorts of tomatoes on our way, what we do with them is up to us…how we are affected and how we move on and maybe help others with our experiences dealing with both fresh and rotten tomatoes is equally left to us… When I talked about this with dad recently and he said to let go, I told him blogging about it would be the best closure… The timeline from when mum left and step mom moving in was like 6 months and I have blogged already at the massive change in our lives and feeding and all thereafter… I sometimes felt my turning teen and some were stolen from me… maybe that’s why I have no problem being a teen again?
Anyways, back to the Area girl in Dschang in 2018… I have come to go there twice and the second time was to say farewell to my MC, ha another Dschang Saga…argh life
I love the very cold city of Dschang, it’s got lots of personal and historical meaning…
The last time I visited Dschang (not go through it), was over 2 decades ago. The post I wrote yesterday about my real relationship with MC tells more on what’s so special about that city to me.
So, I got there via night bus and spent the first day resting, doing chores at home, reconnecting and cheering dad up some. He is what we can call an IDP in his own country due to a civil and political strife going on in the English speaking regions of the country.
Washing dishes, one of my favs
My PA, love at first sight
Laundry is another big fav
My assistants and teachers lol
Cooking in Granny’s firewood kitchen, those were vip beds in those yesteryears lol
Enjoying me some warm tea
On my way to the village market to reconnect
The next day a Saturday, was reserved for sightseeing once I was done with basic chores including cooking for dad who is on a diabetics diet.
I then visit the mamiwata falls in a nearby village, and the museum of civilization (Musee des Civilsations) and then return home tired to rest some before returning to my own city of Douala the very next day. It was a soul trip and I even got to go back with holiday makers I hadn’t really planned but loved having them anyway lol
In my next post, I will talk about the dinning table and the step mom effect. It’s all for closure o.
This weekend (her burial was yesterday); indeed since June 9th when My MC died, I have gone through a roller coaster of sorts with different emotions, some like pain and grief, plummeting so deep and others like sadness, staying there and keeping me alert and contemplative at the whole point of living.
Some even in my close family circles can’t understand why I should feel so deep and get involved so personal. I decided to just blog about it and get this clear and closed once and for all.
My father had lost his both parents by the age of 8, with his mother dying when he the last was barely 2. By age 12, he found himself in the town of Dschang in the Western Region of Cameroon, that is a 45 or so km from our village of Fontem found geographically in the South West Region. Dschang is French speaking whereas Fontem is English speaking. That was no hindrance for this determined orphan whose family couldn’t afford the 20.000 frs (20 £) school fees required for Sasse College where he had been admitted (one out of 5 only from Fontem). He decided to migrate on his own to Dschang and do all it took to work for his upkeep, master that French language and culture in no time, and pay his fees in one of the public schools which cost 1500frs at the time.
One day as fate and faith will have it, MC’s dad who was Divisional Delegate for Education at the time, visited the school dad was, overlooked into dad’s neat book, marveled at his meticulous handwriting and admired the way his hand shot up to answer questions or ask same. He decided that day he was going to adopt dad and sent a note to dad’s family to that effect. Dad told me he didn’t even send the note, he was ready to move in with one I fondly called ‘Grand pere’ the very next day lol.
My dad clearly owes just so much to this Angel, his family and all. Dad was taken in as a first child, and the couple later on had 8 children with MC being the 7th. Although nearly 2 years older, as I said I didn’t know nor could be bothered.
MC and I did stuffs teens (mischief ones especially) do, including talking about and exploring our sexuality. If that isn’t profound what is? When her dad my ‘Grand Pere’ died in July 2009, I was so heavily pregnant with Gaby I wasn’t even allowed to go into his room at the hospital to bid him farewell. He had insisted dad come in all the way from Fontem to Douala to see him and dad had picked me up on arrival so we go see him together. Shortly after dad arrived, ‘Grand Pere’ I was told looked at dad, nodded, touched his hand and then drew his last breathe.
I didn’t attend his burial either, Gaby was just a week old. Now, before this all, the last time I had gone to Dschang was when I was around 15 years. Life’s twists and turns came and we all went to town and life continued to happen. Keeping in touch was henceforth by phone etc.
An Area Girl around
Dad and I at Grand Pere’s
Praying on Grand Pere’s tomb
3 weeks before MC died, Dad was in Dschang and I decided to go check on him. It was you can tell a soulful home coming. I still have to write about the visit. I prayed for MC on ‘Grand Pere’s’ grave but I guess the dice had been cast – she had endured too much already and couldn’t even talk… Am so glad I reached out to her that weekend with all the love I had and could show in my modest way…
The above should make it clear once and for all why I felt the grief so deep. It was like going to mourn for both ‘Grand Pere’, MC and her two other siblings gone ahead some years earlier at different intervals.
I went for a long walk while burial rites were taking place, that was therapeutic and good for my mental wellbeing
The good news is that, I found healing and closure right there at the burial – so glad I braved it to go. I did stuff I liked like washing the dishes (which is a huge thing at gatherings like this – hence really appreciated) and that was so self soothing, and then I went and spent an hour with MC where she was laid (3,45 am – 4,45 am). I prayed, meditated, read scripture passages on meditation, and listened in silence to MC remind me that life ain’t to be lived in the past participle (as she loved saying). The meditation was also on spot from James Allen: “Who can mend a broken Vase by weeping over it”?.
And so for closure, it is well with my soul. I equally traveled back home safely, and although I haven’t slept properly for 3 straight days, am grateful for the sleep in shifts in the night bus and at the wake. I will make it up gradually… The weekend before was equally partially spent at another burial, the only sibling to a dear school mate…arg life…
It is important in my modest opinion to deal and heal in every circumstance and to do it the way which works best for you. It is therapeutic to Feel your Feelings, Face your Fears and embrace the journey with fortitude and gratitude.
On this note, I cherish MC’s spirit of exuberance and love, I celebrate our memories and am filled with gratitude for knowing her thanks to the largesse of her Angel of a dad who made of my dad the man he is today… Cousin or not, whatever label it is, MC was a soul sister…
Be inspired and motivated us all, happy Sunday everyone
P.s: a brief of my timeline on return home, to inspire and motivate
6 am arrive home
7-9.30 am sleep
10.12.30 pm clean up and cook
3.30 pm – 4.15pm session with client
4.30 – 6 pm power walk for welcome home. I feel so great and know I’ll have a very good and peaceful sleep
My MC‘s burial is this weekend, wake keep tonight and burial 30th – I am probably going to be there by the time this scheduled post goes up. It’s gonna be a brief one…
I will take a break from blogging for 2 weeks hopefully from July 9-23 , to rest and recuperate (ain’t ever easy I know) and next week is flamed up starting actually on Thursday July 5th with Barakah’s event before I move on to Yaounde for the Leading Ladies Conference.
It was barely 1 month ago that I went by night trip to MC their village to visit my dad… The real relationship being that dad an orphan had been adopted by this Angel when he was just 11/12 in a city he knew no one in and was yet to learn French. It had been 2 decades I hadn’t been there because Grand pere (MC’s dad) died in 2009 when I just had Gaby… In short, all these make for at least two more posts…
For now, see you hopefully next month for a couple of days lol
It’s been one half of a year indeed – hmm, let me just bury My MC and see how it goes with the mini break and co
Have a great weekend everyone and till then – one love – do take care of yourselves and take a break when you have to, cause life can be tough and roller coaster…
How do I look in that picture at first glance? Anyway, that was a couple of hours to yet another heartbreaking breakup. I have had one too many in my life and to be candid, I have instigated 99.97% of them.
Why am I even writing this post and washing such linen in public? Well, because as a psychologist and CBT Therapist, I have worked with many who have been through very tough times before and after a breakup.
It is one of those taboo topics marred with the ego’s looming shame, guilt and suck for revenge. Needless saying what some have or will do to supposedly get even after a breakup.
So, how do I feel especially after once again instigating a breakup? I feel like a pity party wouldn’t even do me justice. And yet, it takes commensurate courage to instigate a breakup and do it civil like you guys were having any other conversation. This breakup ha, I prayed for the how to go about it for an entire month. I know others who will just walk away, change numbers or just spit it out and fume it all downing same with whatever can numb the hurt and feelings.
To add salt to injury, it’s not like there is any prospect or plan moving on. Nope, am letting my spirit flow even if right now I can shrink if spoken to by a man.
Let me be raw here, this is my life’s purpose. This is also a better healing mechanism for me than tears and trash. Indeed, an RA mini flare up couldn’t be avoided and I was literally carried back home and massaged.
It still hurts today and am pampering myself some. I believe in the adage ‘Therapist heal thyself’, and writing is one of those healing balms.
I once murmured to a friend that it sometimes was tough being the ‘Go to Person’, because you could as well end up not having your own ‘Go to Person’. My God and my soul are my own ‘Go tos’ and am not doubting them.
And so, to you who can identify with this post in any and either way, know you are not alone. Tough times never last but tough people do.
I hate breakups and if there was a vaccine against them or some magic pill to counter their side effects, I would have gone for those.
But helas, damage control is what I focus on, learning lessons, counting blessings, seeing prospects, not burning bridges are what I look out and forward to. My mental health being of primordial here.
I chose peace over conflict and think I have finally won over my ex husband. The same yesterday, he and I had a very peaceful and dare I say respectful discussion, and for all these milestones I am very grateful.
Any thoughts about breakups to share in the comments anyone?
Hello world, another Sunday (scheduled for Sunday lol but guess I got it wrong along the line) is here and I have a soulful yummy post to share. It’s all about playing with my mini me and heroine Mati.
Mati is 7 and we met when I went to work with another client. It was love at first sight and indeed she had to be called away so we could work this client and I. Before I met the client I came for, Mati had hugged me, asked after the things I had on my ears, and kinds of questions you can imagine of my mini me. She then realized she hadn’t introduced herself and so talked about herself, her school and sure her hobbies.
It’s been two months now and though original client is no longer on, Mati who had pressed for a game has stayed on. We meet twice a week for max 1hr lol, and we play whichever game she wants and she directs the conversation.
I remember being as alive as Mati at 7. I could talk and ask questions oh boy. I loved playing too and warmed up easily to most people unless something about you smelled not so good. I hear Mati is rather selective with people but hurray, the stars were with me lol
Mati is a last child and almost alone in her generation in her home. She sadly lost her mom couple years back. She is however a cherry chap and introduced me to her puppy Ange last Thursday. Now, Ange is my middle name, how glee should I be?
Mati and Ange
Courting me Ange some lol
Seriously, my sessions with Mati could as well be for myself. She has taught me so much and reminds me of so much. They are the highlight of my day and I look so forward to our next sessions. It’s like healing and nurturing my inner child plus Mati all in one. It is of course undivided attention to us for the entire session and even the phones and all are kept far away in the bag and on vibration/silent if possible. Any mountain on fire at that time could perharps just burn down?
The game pictured above, which seems to be her favourite, is called Personages. The other party describes their personage and you give the right name. You can guess who loses big time. Mati even gave me a consolation point last game lol. She also beats me hands down at connect which is a game to line up 4 of your seeds in a same direction in some cage.
She is the teacher and I can only learn. I am just so happy for the honour to play with my mini me and heroine Mati. She wanted our next session to be this Saturday, but I was at friend’s brother burial. We thus have a rendezvous for Tuesday, and only the way Mati says rendezvous will melt you heart.
Indeed, being as little children is one surest way to inner peace and bliss: and for reminding me this; Mati will always be my heroine!!!
Am emotional week wrap up right? So, a hopefully brief post to inspire and motivate us to go for it, whatever it takes to heal and nurture our inner child.
During my 70 days spiritual journey, one of the books I studied (you don’t read such books I swear) was by Panache Desai called 33 days of Discovering Your Soul Signature. On one of those days, you have morning and evening study guides now; he encouraged/challenged the ‘student’ to take down their childhood picture from where it is tucked, look that picture square in the face and seek bonding and healing. That picture of mine I have labelled MM the Jittery pupil and one indeed I was at that age.
I thought some about bringing it down from just above my bed, thinking what the heck I can just stand up chat with you and sleep. But no, spirit nagged and I brought MM jittery pupil down and said ok it’s my bed time so let’s just sleep – under the pillow I tucked her.
Guess how many times I got up sweating that night? 3 good times. And how long I slept? 5 hours instead of usual 7. What was up? Jittery had much jittering to do and directly from beneath the pillow into my brain poor (or rather lucky now) me.
Long story short since I promised a brief post, we reviewed so much from that era in different stages of sleep and bonding, and guess what happened in the am? The photo I had been trying to no avail to rip open (the plastification I had had done, was now ruining it and I wanted to take that out); just opened up some and it can now be salvaged. See below
And so world, go ahead and sleep with your childhood photo under your pillows and let’s see how it goes – for me it was simply put THERAPEUTIC
Enjoy your Saturday everyone, I have one jittery week ahead lol
p.s: I just look up the word jittery and it is: “Nervous, unable to relax” Gosh where did I take that to label my picture? No doubt that night was jittery – really the thoughts we think, words we speak or use, hmm they do come around oh
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mum, author, mental health advocate, therapist, inspires & motivates with personal experiences
