Child Sexual Abuse: Today Georgi, who next???


Sexual abuse of our children and young girls in Cameroon is becoming a call for concern.

It was barely a month ago that we learned of the case of 10 years old Marie Fortune who had been viciously and consistently raped by her aunt’s husband, leading to her death barely 10 days after being admitted in the hospital.

Child abuse so glaring to a faultLast Friday 15th, we saw a picture on Facebook of a heavily pregnant 11 years old, and before we could reach out to the source to investigate and do some further advocacy, we received the following distress whatsapp chat from another victim [15/03, 12:25] Georgi: Bonjour Madame

[15/03, 12:26] Georgi: J’aimerais que vous prenez le temps de lire ce document

[15/03, 12:26] Georgi: J’ai besoin d’aide et je pense que vous pouvez m’aider à avancer dans ma vie

[15/03, 12:27] Georgi: Mais je vous supplie de le lire jusqu’à la fin

[15/03, 12:27] Georgi: C’est long je sais. Mais j’ai essayer d’être brève du mieux que je pouvais

[15/03, 12:28] Georgi: J’ai eu votre contact via un site internet après une longue recherche sur le net

[15/03, 12:28] Georgi: SVP ne me rejeter pas

[15/03, 12:54] .Marie A. Abanga: Salut Georgina, je vais la lire et revenir vers vous ok? Non je ne vous rejete pas.

She reached out in French and anyone who doesn’t understand French can kindly google translate same. She was pleading with me to read the 4 page story she sent me, and not to reject her. She concluded by saying she desperately needed all the help she could get because she wasn’t working/earning any income. I actually received her at my home(which serves as the temporal offices and center of the association Hope for the Abused and the Battered) that same evening at 5 pm, and we had a soulful hour and a half together.

We need to help Georgi find safer accommodation because where she moved to is still just as taxing although no more sexual abuse. The stigma, insults and control is taking a toll on the now 23 years old Goergi.

We also wish to help her to do a thorough medical check up because she still has pelvic pains and can’t afford to go to the hospital. Our Founder (that is myself – a certified CBT Therapist and Psychologist), is offering free psycho-therapeutic sessions to Georgi for as long as she needs these.

No donation is insignificant.  By Grace, the H4AB mental health care support center and safe halfway haven for victims like Georgi will be opened. Visit our website to know more about us, and to contact us directly to join or support our work. God bless us all. Thank you in advance as you donate and or share our campaign Georgi’s story in full and in French: could be read on our facebook page right here.

Follow this link to donate please: https://www.gofundme.com/MarieAH4AB

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Commemorating not just a day, but an entire week in honour of my womanhood


I chose the word commemorate instead of celebrate for different reasons.

I want to talk about how I made the International Women’s day 2019 memorable for myself and others. To begin with, the theme for this year was significant from two perspectives. #BalanceforBetter makes me think of two types of balances. The balance we women have or should strive to have with ourselves and with other sisters, and the balance of between the genders. All these balance for me are for the better.

I started going on air as early as the 4th of March as a guest on the Catholic radio and TV broadcasting media house called Veritas – the truth will set you free. You see, I am already a household name in my country especially in my community – and I am often invited to talk about pertinent societal issues like abuse and  of all forms, mostly drawing from my personal experiences. The candour with which I share make them invite me 3 times a year at least. I love going there too. I commemoration of my womanhood and my journey so far, I had a very authentic and even vulnerable 1 hour with the host.

The next day 5th of March I was on another platform called LTM TV where I was talking specifically about the sexual abuse of girls and women – the focus was on the vicious and consistent rape of 10 years old Fortune who had died on the 25th of February from complications. My advocacy was that if we didn’t put an end to such sexual abuse especially of young girl and babies even, where was society going to have the kind of women it needed? I mean strong, resilient, hardworking and even God fearing women.

The very next day at 10 am I accompanied my mum and a panel of ladies to a daily show called in the House. The topic was the Challenges of female entrepreneurship and leadership. That too was so beautiful. The advocacy here was that we women had to stand up and push on. We had to keep hustling for our own financial independence, while asking assertively for a seat on the table – or better still draw up our own table like Meghan Markel Duchess of Sussex once advocated in a speech at the UN Women.

Thursday the 7th of March I went on air twice. At midday I did a Facebook live video to celebrate a very enterprising World Pulse sister here by name Agnes Kuoh. She has a foundation called Agui Foundation which trains women to be self reliant by doing a lot of stuffs they needed at home, and why could also be sold to gain some financial independence. She and I have met and bonded and I really appreciate her. I had already been on TV the prior week talking once more about female entrepreneurship using her example. AT 6 pm the evening, mum and I along with 3 other dynamic young ladies once more made up a panel to discuss a re-strategy of the IWD concept especially in our country which had infamously become renowned for excesses in drinking and debauchery of some women on the 8th of March. My mum seized the opportunity to announce the launch of her coaching and mentoring program.

Thursday 8th of March D Day proper, over 15 ladies were convened at my mum’s Diversity Management and Consulting Ltd firm for the launch of the ” Coach a girl to thrive program’. We had over an hour of training from her and fruitful discussions by all present. We ended the day with a little office cocktail, while I sat down soon thereafter to do a live video calling on women celebrate themselves and one another not only on that day but always. We women had to learn to be a sister’s sister and be there for one another like Michelle Obama famously encouraged.

Celebration is not the appropriate word for me when we think of what is going on in my country in the two English speaking regions of my country. A civil unrest poorly managed has left hundreds dead, some hundreds exiled, and many more hundreds internally displaced. To commemorate is defined as to serve as a memorial or reminder of; to honor the memory of by some observance of a day set aside by the international community for women to do the most they can to say “Look at us, we deserve to be noticed too, and we are here to stay, stop abusing us and relegating us to the back seat”.

The other days of that symbolic week were spent doing live videos on other aspects of our womanhood in my capacity as a survivor of Domestic Abuse, as founder of the association Hope for the Abused and Battered, as a psychotherapist and above all as a Christian. I equally participated to the best I could to activities organized by my church for the women – these took place on Saturday and Sunday 9th and 10th March. I can only be honest to say I have never commemorated any IWD as passionately, purposefully and holistically as I did this one. I am most grateful to the universe for the energy and opportunities.

How do you live your life?


Muse with MAG: How do you live your life?


When I had settled down into my own home with my boys, and gone for that turning point and amazing 3 days spiritual retreat, I went on my knees and said my personal prayer over and over again. I begged the Lord to give me a sentence on how to live my life henceforth – one I will be centered by and will not consciously depart from. You know, serenity and discernment were already my watchwords, my mantra in doing all things was already embodied in my 3Ds of Determination, Discipline and Dedication to which I later added the 3Ps of Passion, Purpose and Productivity in 2017, but I needed a sentence which could as well reflect how I was already living, but which could remind me that was how I should continue. And I stumbled upon it in a book. Oh how I love reading. I saw the 4Ls in a book 3 years after I started praying for that sentence, the year in which I turned 40 ie 2019. How symbolic right? Here we go: I live, I learn, I laugh, I love…repeat….And it works…in every situation I am faced with, I gradually repeat this sentence to myself, looking for ways to live through it learning, laughing and loving. I mean, how else would I want to live my life? I don’t know about you, but seek and you shall find. It could take such patience and of course continuous living in the meantime lol…like God wants to watch how you are already doing it, and then He will direct you to where you’ll find that it is you seek. Remember He gave us a free will, I want to think that’s why He just doesn’t impose it on us? Anyways, to each their musings

#musewithMAG
#MAGinspires
#MAGmotivates
#MAGtakesthelead
#MAGisintentional
#howdoyoulive
#AttitudeofGratitude

 

I asked for more from life; I got a new relationship some days later wow


img_20190121_054949917244058.jpg

How funkier can it get world? 4 days ago I said I was looking for more and yesterday 27.01.19, I put my hand on the plough to commit and transform a 10 year old acquaintance/friendship into a full relationship. Ha this life for real. I mean I had been looking out everywhere except in front of me hahaha.

Bottom line I also get is that; what you release into the universe comes back to you for real. I was also keeping a long checklist for this partner which I updated twice even, and this fellow ticks off 99.99% hahaha

Finally, I am in such a great place now, it is on my terms with the barest compromise necessary but I am good to go Amen

You’ve got to be intentional about what you want/need/deserve in life, and interview potential partners why not. He is the second I thoroughly drilled on our first date (yesterday) not wanting to be progressing not knowing as much as I’ll love to lol

Be inspired and motivated everyone

Feeling Funky at 40, looking for more…


I turned 40 on the 18th of January 2019 and it’s like I turned 20 in spirit.

Maybe the word funky is more sleazy than say fulfilled? But that’s how I feel right now. I am a feelings person, looks come 3rd or 10th place have never made that a priority.

I know I look what funky or fine girlish lol, but that’s not the first thing I wish people see or remark about me (can’t close their eyes though but maybe writing this can sort of close their mouths hahaha).

Anyways, the current feeling coupled with all I have been through and learned in life, leave me looking or better still craving for more…

More of funky, more of life, more of love, more of you Lord my source.

I have gotten there at final and firm last, where the within is so VIP, anything without can only matter if it threatens my within. And there tbt, I have the power to choose if I am giving that occurrence or someone the permission to get to my within, and for how long under what conditions…

Life couldn’t be more lovely for me…I mean I feel so funky.

Here is to Inspiration and Motivation everyone, you don’t need to get to 40 to feel this funky yeah…

I choose freedom and love, no to stress as much as possible
I’ve got the power oh ho ho ho ho ho ho….
With my mummy, 2 days after I turned 40 lol

40 specials I am grateful for as I turn 40 hurray


40 Things I am grateful for each year of my life

  1. Grateful to be born the bouncy baby I see in pictures;

  2. Grateful I can still remember the day my brother (RIP) was born – as well as my innocent prophecy which came to pass;

  3. Grateful to start primary school directly and be spared a dreaded nursery school (I started class one in September 1981 at 3 years 9 months – my elder sister had had such a bad experience with the nursery school teacher my dad had said no more nursery school for any of his children Amen);

  4. Grateful for all the fun and friends I have in my Deido neighbourhood;

  5. Grateful I am a force to reckon with in primary school, and my brother’s fierce defender whether he was at fault or not (I once fought with 5 girls from class 5 because they threatened my brother whose poop they had been punished to clean up);

  6. Grateful to have a best friend and be allowed by dad to go spend weekends with her family – this kept opening me up to a different life than the one I lived at home;

  7. Grateful to get along well in school without sitting still in class lol (was actually either 1st or 2nd and alternated with that best friend of mine LNM);

  8. Grateful to survive the big move to another city although that had such a price (my resilient spirit was being developed progressively);

  9. Grateful to belong to a group of 4 girls who took themselves seriously lol (this was the beginning of magnectic for real because I wasn’t looking out for friends in that new school but I seemed to attract many and could chose my friends);

  10. Grateful to be voted assistant senior prefect in class 7 (although I had gone there out of punishment by mum for my scatterbrain, that was the beginning of leadership and responsibility);

  11. Grateful to go to boarding school (I loved it so much, took me away from a cold war at home and already tired of all the falling out with mum and co – they eventually split a year later);

  12. Grateful to help my siblings and myself take it all in and adapt to our new lives at dad’s without mum;

  13. Grateful to be sent abroad for a 1 month excursion (visiting France and going on a mini cruise to England was simply wow – I kissed my first guy and he was from Rouen. Come to think I will date a man from Rouen for two great years several years later);

  14. Grateful to be crafty and cunning, and have the survival skills I have which save my brother and I from hunger and abuse countless time (you can tell things had changed drastically, a step mum was now in the picture and two of my siblings had managed to save themselves somehow – my brother and I lived through it all for 2 years);

  15. Grateful to start getting it what loving a boy could really be all about – this came with so much self consciousness and awareness as well as appreciation for life and God;

  16. Grateful to pass Maths O Levels because I had been threatened a repeat of the entire form 5 if I failed just that one subject (needless to say the rebellious arts student in me had given up maths 2 or so years earlier);

  17. Grateful to be that jolly and audacious in high school (just didn’t appreciate the fact it was an all girls’ school especially coming from a mixed school);

  18. Grateful to be more conscious of my studies even though it was still hard for me to sit at it for long lol (I did pass the GCE A’ Levels in the 3 papers I wrote with Bs etc, so fine right?);

  19. Grateful to try it out on my own in the university (finally in a university called UB the place to B, into the world of boyfriends and discoveries);

  20. Grateful I survived that abortion (I was scared to death but even more scared of what mum will do to me if she found out I was pregnant. I knew some had died in the process or risked never getting pregnant and so it was all so traumatizing);

  21. Grateful to graduate from the university with a good GPA and well lots of experiences from informal school lol;

  22. Grateful to start hustling why waiting for what next – the experience in the off license mum opened which I practically stocked, and sold in, and did the inventory of etc. etc. really taught me a lot;

  23. Grateful to settle down in another city with a semblance of a stable life as an intern at a law firm, and sort of responsible for myself;

  24. Grateful to be a mother oh my; circumstances aside, nothing beats this for me;

  25. Grateful to get into network marketing and all I keep learning;

  26. Grateful to get married and learn all the bitter-sweet-bitter lessons I learned from rushing like that into such a very serious thing in life;

  27. Grateful for my job with MTN which takes me round the country and gives me the opportunity to do a lot including buy my own first car, meet many people, and sleep in all sorts of places;

  28. Grateful for David my shepherd born with such gentleness, one he still has 12 years later Amen;

  29. Grateful I survive the loss of my daughter who died a day after she was born. It wasn’t an easy survival for the depression I plunged into led to an attempted suicide a year later;

  30. Grateful I don’t succeed to kill myself and terminate my 5 months old pregnancy in the process – Gaby that baby in the womb kicked me hard just in time. He isn’t named after my brother for nothing I now get it;

  31. Grateful for all my adulteries for they taught me what a mess I had become and the need to salvage myself;

  32. Grateful to leave that marriage one piece, the abuse got worse as time went on both ways and I just had to leave the marriage, my children and my country behind;

  33. Grateful for my time in the desert be it in the UAE, in Tanzania or in Belgium etc– I overcame and learned so much;

  34. Grateful for the new zest to make my mess my message and my tests my testimony;

  35. Grateful I publish my first memoir, the beginning of my big release and journey through forgiveness to all things lovely where I currently live;

  36. Grateful for the wonderful Super Super Hero who took me in and loved me so wonderfully for two years;

  37. Grateful I survived the death of my brother and was only completely down for a month – writing a book about his life was my life line then;

  38. Grateful I can finally finally live with all my sons in our own home – God is Good;

  39. Grateful for all I am learning and sharing and doing and the woman, mother, activist and all I am becoming; and for all the angels on my path;

  40. Grateful God is still saying something and I am listening with rapt attention now Amen.

 

Definitely a tale of from Hopeless to Hopeful; thank you for all the birthday wishes everyone.

My dream is to open a mental health care support center in my city some months from now. Kindly donate any amount you have to support me, I really appreciate. Here is the link

Closing the third chapter of my life


How do you close a chapter of your life? Let’s muse on with Marie Abanga Global. Today is the last day of the 3rd Chapter of my life. At 00:25am 18.01.2019 I turn 40 years. This means chapter three will be closed once and for all. I have never taken the time to close a chapter of my life like am doing this one. Did I even know what that meant or why I should even bother? Now, Dtor Sea passing on at just 40 has added impetus to my determination to make it matter. I want to this as formally as possible and my spirit led me into a 7 days hibernation and on a spiritual journey so profound only the soon to be published journal will tell it all. It is very important we don’t live meaningless lives moving around out of motion and nothing more. Just doing and doing and never taking a pause to just be, blow it off, appreciate the journey so far and yes close the chapter you are leaving whichever that is. Anyways, that is how this chapter 3 of mine is going into the annals of my history. If I can borrow a line or two from the one and only Ndinga man gone ahead aka Lapiro, I will sing: “Chapter 3 Wise girl no fit dem again because she be God’s Girl”. Happy musing everyone, it was worth the hibernating and it is possible. The journal will be published on my blog and the link made available … it’s free for all although on the Amazon the least cent may be demanded by their platform
#musewithMAG
#MAGinspires
#MAGmotivates
#MAGtakesthelead
#MAGisintentional
#MAGcloseschapter3
#AttitudeofGratitude
#IamGodsGirl

A World free of Violence is possible: Let’s commit to giving this a chance


 

I used to wonder as a child, why one parent beat me up so often and even ‘mercilessly’, while the other had discussions with me especially when I did something they or everyone was not so proud of. The only time this other parent gave me a total of 8 lashes, was when I broke the TV set (unintentionally of course – but then again…) back in 1985 when TVs especially in my country cameroon in West Africa, were still a big thing. Back then, TVs slept in your parents’ room or were locked up in an iron cage in the living room for fear of robbers. I used to wonder if this other parent who would use phrases such as ‘I will skin you alive’, thought of the adverse childhood experiences that trauma could and indeed has come to have in my life today. My relationship with this parent is still strained today although we are on terms with that past (I have long made my peace with all of that); that with the other parent has survived and it is still on discussions’ level especially when there is any issue at stake.

With the above example from my own life, I want to look at the possibility of a violence free world if we become aware of what we get when we are violent in anyway. Was it worth it all those violent outbursts of anger and relay of frustrations on the kid I was and was just trying to be? What was achieved if anything at all? What is the consequences today, not only on our relationship but on the other ones we have with others?

I will again be candid here, intending to spark serious reflections into the imperative need to commit to a world free of violence starting right there in our home and not on the streets or in conferences.

The first answer to my own rhetoric question is no; no it was worth the ‘skinning me alive’ – all that made me more rebellious and ‘difficult’ to handle. I recall today I would just dissociate at some point and one day ended up collapsing and only found myself in bed all embalmed. I wish I could say that was the last time I was violated and abused as a child. What could be achieved after such violence? Hate, loathing, spite, urge for revenge whichever way possible, more rebellion and the list goes on. But, we have I must admit, a two side coined consequence. I emphasize on this ‘two side’ because it could have been a single consequence: ‘More violence’ even if only subtle say non communications or outbursts of rage and tantrums into adulthood and ruined relationships. But, in my case, I am happy to say while the relationship with parent took big hits and is still on its way to recoveryville, I decided long ago I wasn’t going to ever ‘skin any child alive’. Indeed, my 4 sons know I don’t do beatings, I hold discussions or find alternative ways of dealing with what issue comes up.

I couldn’t some how for the sanity of me ever understand why one parents had to ‘hate’ me so to find violence the only or best way possible to call me to order, which one I still don’t know since it would appear even up till date they still think I am ‘a lost case’ needing some further call to order.

Violence does not necessarily result only in violence; indeed it leads very often to worst case scenarios. Lives may be lost completely, or to a mental health disorder, relationships may be forever ruined, the children may grow up so volatile they become easy preys for gangs, armed rebellion, drugs and debauchery, in short any and all things contrary to what must have ever been foreseen in the beginning. Girls may grow up so insecure and fall prey to abusive relationships, unwanted pregnancies or further gender based violence. What kind of mothers and parents/partners can they be expected to become or replicate?

Non violence is possible. I enrolled in an online course on non-violent communication last year and it was such a turning point. When one of my sons was ‘mercilessly’ spanked by a teacher in school because as a 9 year active child he wasn’t expected to be talking in class when bored, I opted for non-violent but firm communication until the issue was resolved to my satisfaction. The teacher met with the dean of studies and myself, we reviewed what happened and why, we looked at alternative ways all that could have been handled, we appreciated the issue currently at stake and the consequences if I pressed charges both with the school administration and the national delegation of education, and he made all amends as tabled including apologizing to my son and his classmates. I organized a talk and he shared our experience in a light manner, encouraging his colleagues not to resort to violence in school again.

That is the commitment I am talking about. It is possible, we have to give it a chance; It however has to start from the ‘grass roots’ that is from our own homes. In my neighbourhood, I am known as the ‘lawyer of children’. When I moved in here in 2016, one particular neighbour made me have violent flashbacks because they were always on their 4 year old ‘skinning the poor child alive’. One day, I refused to ‘mind my business’, and stormed to their gate hitting same with so much anger in me. When they finally opened up, I told them I was calling the commissioner of police for our area because they had no right to beat up a child like that (it mattered not if it were their child as they initially insisted). Their spouse probably tired by then to make any attempt at getting the beating to stop, just watched as our ‘drama unfolded’. Anyway, my involvement put an end to those beatings and the news spread in the neighbourhood like a wild fire – even spouses ever on each other’s neck started reviewing all that thereafter.

I don’t beat and all the other kids especially the young girls who are still sadly over laden with the chores more than the boys, love playing in my compound or just being around me, especially those termed ‘difficult’. I hold neighbourhood gatherings as part of activities of my association Hope for the Abused and the Battered, as well the other one I am involved in as Secretary General called Ripples of love – a name I am proud to say I chose.

Love is all we need; love is what we get when we sow love and not violence; a violence free world is possible let’s all commit to giving it a chance and be the hope for the world we want. Let’s have discussions on the table and not use our hands, whips or guns.

I am doing a fundraising campaign to open a mental health care support center for my association Hope for the Abused and Battered. If you can donate or share the campaign, please do. Attached is the budget in PDF, who knows where a funder or partner can be found?

budget mhbudget mhcsc and shelter 05.01.19 p1 budget mhcsc and shelter 05.01.19 p2csc and shelter 05.01.19 p2

Make it Matter


Hello world and happy new year.

I got inspired to do a Facebook live video this morning and hope you can watch it.

I also hope it is spires and motivates someone.

Have a great start to your greatest year yet.