My spiritual journey reached its climax in stage three. Stage four may seem the longest to fast from food in a stretch ie 28 days, but I am very good to go. I have done two 30 days stretches before and am already familiar with that arm of fasting. Actually through out this journey started March 1st, of all things am fasting from, food is the last on my mind. I am proud of how fasting from all the other 6 vip things has been going.
Some small tips:
In court with another dynamic colleague and her son
Child care options include bringing him along and leaving him in some angelic company while we work
Keep busy, live your life, and keep a cheerful/real demeanour even with a swollen healing eye – so grateful it ain’t a swollen spirit or soul lol;
Nursing healing eye with ice, then professionally adviced warm compresses better
nursing healing eye with soothing aloe vera steeped cotton pads, then cucumbers etc (30.03.18)
If you know your why, and then the how plus when, why bother answering the what? You can save that energy cause your resilience will speak for itself lol
When you break your fast from food each evening, hydrate yourself as much as possible and eat the most balanced next to natural food you can (this has proved a little more challenging for me in this stage though, my belly seems to have shrunk and the appetite taken a hit – but am hanging in and doing my best) ; and while at vip self-care, brush your teeth often and use mouth wash + of course shower a time or two more each day – it all feels so refreshing…
Day 1 internship psychiatric unit
Consultation room flooded by heavy rain
Studying for a Masters in Psychology at home
I am busy with my internship as a therapist and my studies in psychology (just finished an online diploma course), add this up with single motherhood, my writings plus all the reading and other professional occupations, and you can tell I sometimes struggle to keep track of time lol…indeed am so grateful to the universe… I had the most thrilling first day at the psychiatry unit, starting off by doing something I just so love – cleaning so we could settle down quick and start receiving patients lol
Off they went initially for 5 days and lasted 9 days
So I could ride Alain’s bicycle as much as I wanted, and for free lol
I had nine good days home alone this Easter – how grateful could I be?
One other big big bonus from my spiritual journey so far, is that I have a much clearer and concise picture of my 3 but interconnected career paths…
Thank you all who have been wishing me well all along, by grace in 28 days, and these will fly by pretty soon…
Photo taken on day 35, full workout to celebrate 50% mark which happened to be day 14 of stage three – nicknamed our Valentine’s Day (my God & I)
This is Miguel, the son of Aime mon amour, the one she used to skin alive until even I who doesn’t hear well will hear and cry some. She has given me permission to share her story if only someone could be inspired and motivated.
Don’t ask me what Miguel used to do to warrant those skinnings. One day she honestly admitted to me it was his dad she was lashing out at, through the poor child’s skin?
Anyway, I started working with Aime, helping her heal. I also took Miguel under my wings, and nurtured him to stop being so scared of his mother and stop behaving as difficult as she would often complain he did.
On the 28th of March recently, she came once again as agreed, to tell me “that your son again doesn’t want to go to school”! I was working from home gladly, and told her to send him to me once he woke up finally. The first time she woke him up, he had made such a tantrum and his dad who was still home had ordered her to leave him alone. Easter break was just around the corner and he is in nursery two for crying out loud.
She did as I asked, and when he came, I decided to first of do any activity with him before talking with him. From my suggestions, he chose writing and drawing. You can see for yourself how well he writes and draws.
Then we sat down to have a chat. I have walked him to school before and had actually noticed a reticence to go into school although he was happy I walked him there on one of those days you know.
It was then he opened up and told me why he didn’t want to go. His teacher beat him, because he wrote for others, who will beat him if he didn’t. Imagine what this small child is dealing with and all along we didn’t know and he was getting skinned sometimes before he even went to the school where he was sure of getting some more. He had just figured out it was better to get only one skinning and not two or three.
Aime was so relieved when I spoke with her, and she promised to find time and go see his teacher. No more energy to waste, no more traumatizing a child further and etc.
This doesn’t mean each tantrum will have a happy ending, but there are many alternatives to skinny I tell you.
And so last March 23rd when David who sometimes still has a tantrum or the other ( he inherited his dad’s anger and used to throw himself as a child only I could help him out – once at my dad’s he had an episode my dad had to stand behind me lol), came to my room with a litany of issues and a very red face.
I did my best, calmed him down and later asked him if drawing could help both of us further. He accepted and there in less than 15 mins drew that image which was on my PJ. I was so proud of him, he was much calmer, and made it to school on time. No negative energy dispensed, sadly unlike another neighbour this time a man, who skins his 5 year old son until I had to go knock at his gate on that same March 28th.
I hear this man skins that boy until telling him he’ll kill him. Oh my goodness. That little boy committed the crime of going out that day and coming into my own home. I was sitting outside studying and playing with all my many little angel friends, and sadly for him his dad showed up just then. His dad is the one with the motor bike parked in my own home given he has no yard so to speak. We barely greet each other, and I remember his wife coming to ask me when they just moved in to tell Gaby to stop going there to play and scatter stuffs. I saw a frightened woman (I was once one so I can tell), but I couldn’t ask – better mind my business right? Anyway, I told this dad I was going to have to call the police on him if he beat his son again like that – and although he ordered me out and banged his gate, he stopped the skinning at least for that day.
How I wish this rubbish of skinning children alive could stop, as we parents explore more and more alternatives to understanding them kids, relating with them, and getting them understand us too…why have them children only to skin them alive?
It’s a sign of maturity for me to know what I want and what I don’t want
I remember when as a hyper active kid ( I guess I could very well qualify for what will be categorized and drugged today as an ADHD kid), my exasperated mother will exclaim: You this child what do you want? Several years have passed and I am 39 years today and recently got a satisfactory answer for this question.
You see, the answer didn’t just pop up like that, I was reflecting on my life and all the the things I have been doing and what I like most about the woman of faith and conviction I am becoming. I then stopped just this past March around the 26th, and I asked myself what I didn’t want to be made of it all. The way the question popped up actually took me aback. Why should I bother what is made of my life by someone but me? But the reality is that once a public person, regardless of the category, quality or renown, your life is subject to all sorts of interpretation and conclusions.
It may thus indeed be a very apt time to define my life specifically by what I don’t want – hence end up with what I want.
I don’t want to be accepted!!! I want to be respected!!!
There you go and that is what I got from deep within. And I turned this over, meditated and contemplated, and then came to the conclusion that was it. I didn’t write the prayer/bible verse inviting us not to conform ourselves to the standards of this world… (easy thing to do or not is not the subject of this post), but I have always love that prayer and consoled myself with that when told I was unconventional – this has come to stick as I adopted and embraced same and go by that among other tags.
And seriously, if am I not accepted or respected, I don’t care, what matters to me is self-acceptance and self-respect. It is the person’s business if they want to take me or treat/relate with me any way – all I can control is my attitude to their actions or reactions, and I have chosen to go an extra mile by stating clearly what I want/what I don’t want.
Now, is this daring? Is this dashing? Is this doable? I don’t know, I just share some of my musings to inspire and motivate, and why not to simplify myself further
PRE-SCRIPT:Scheduling this post for 6.05 pm once I break my fast, contrary to midnight as in the first two stages, is a testament to how much I missed blogging
It is not like I expected it to be all rosy this spiritual journey; no I didn’t expect any palms on my my path to say it plain. After all and above all, I am doing this all alone, under no direction, supervision or approval – seeking or waiting for no validation, counting not even on my own small allowance but on the Lord’s Grace and Strength. I mean, it will take some real heart to hear someone talk all this and not feel, think or even outright say they are ‘foolish’! – Just listen to, watch or outright ask Jim Carrey
Am I ‘foolish’ then? Do I feel ‘foolish’? Am I lonely?
I have been told I am ‘foolish’. ‘foolish’ to put so much on hold, have nothing saved up for real, and then ‘claim to be embarking’ on such a weird and seemingly ‘self-absorbed’ journey – call it spiritual or purification – it makes no logical or coherent sense especially with a swollen eye seemingly tagging you along as you journey on! Truth be told; it indeed makes no sense even to me – and yes to some extent I may be ‘foolish’.
As for lonely – oh big time. I don’t mind it but it still sucks some. Then lonely without trollers is much better than my current type of lonely. Let me stop at this. But am ok with being lonely, I own and appreciate and embrace it and choose that over being accepted and found ‘conventional’.
What else if not stubborn and hopelessly blind faith can get me ready, steady and set for a journey I know not the destination nor have a concrete nor convincing plan? I mean, when I was asked what was the plan, and I didn’t even have anything to babel with and still don’t – ah poor me right? I really had and still have none to provide or illustrate period! How ‘foolish’of you was the chorus. If I were to keep track of the number of times I have heard the word ‘foolish’ since I started (even just a day or so ago), ha I should be long way gone by now !
Is this a pattern for those who decide to set themselves aside like Peace Pilgrim; and ‘Trust’ their Higher Power, Inner Voice, God, or Who/Whatever you call Him/Her/Them? Again, Just listen to, watch or outright ask Jim Carrey (more current than Peace Pilgrim)
This apparent ‘foolishness ‘even makes it and me seem and look awkward and ridiculously hopeless. I have been brought down my knees not because I was hungry, but because I didn’t quiet know where the next meal will come from to feed my sons- take this literally…
I have read and now affirm, that when You say Yes Lord I am Ready, be prepared to Watch it all near go away until you become a near veteran beggar and Trust on Him and Him only. If you are into business, it starts to trickle out moment by slow moment. If into working with clients and co, the appointments, numbers and all may take a big toll downwards…
A lot seems to not go right (in this illusive world), and it could seem all is linked to your ‘irrational and illogical’ choice to embark on the journey you have embarked on.
When I once read that God loves our undivided attention, I though that was just a reality for nuns, monks and other religious – not for an ordinary woman like myself. I would be lying to say I haven’t been conflicted some throughout this journey whose third stage just ended. Will share more about these in due time.
I have felt foolish as a result, foolish of my persistence and perseverance with a passion I discovered. The determination, discipline and dedication I am putting in, can make even a 3 year old wonder if the prize will be a Gold Trophy. Who knows for real, I am prepared to keep being and feeling foolish if that is the price to pay for such faith, no matter how ‘foolish’ it may all seem and sound.
That faith which is so beautifully described in the Bible as among others: ‘evidence in things not seen … in things hoped for…’ And I don’t need my eyes to see what I will get if I persevere to the end – nope, sorry, yes I may be foolish if I can’t list them and point them all out to you, that my faith thing once more… That hope fuels me on!
It was a very peaceful 21 days of spiritual journey and fasting from all the stuffs am fasting from, and to cape it, while starting and staying on a very fulfilling once in a life time internship at the lone psychiatric unit of our main public hospital here in Douala.
Food being one of the stuffs am fasting from, is the least of my preoccupation. I dealt with food issues midway into stage two. Arriving at a point where I don’t react to smells nor get upset if others are eating or cooking some nice or foul smelling stuff by me. I can cook all day and be indifferent to food even after the hour to stop fasting has long past. This to me is self discipline and mastery. When I break my fast, I nourish my body just as well – I have even battled with me to eat during this stage argh.
Even just a year ago, I wouldn’t have believed I could have such faith to embark on such a journey, and stand it all so strong.
I AM TRULY GRATEFUL FOR THE AMAZING GRACE, AND FOR ALL THE ANGELS ON MY PATH.
Dear gentle readers and followers, be oh so positively inspired and motivated to strive on in faith in whichever area of your life you may need to work on. Be mindful of your universe as much as possible, be open to the possibility of several angels on your own path too, you may need to be more prudent than myself, that way you are not – or do not feel outright ‘foolish’.
Grateful for a 3 days break to share some with you all before my fourth and final stage…
Picture taken eve of stage one when swollen eye just started
ACIM (A Course in Miracles) Notes 06-02-18
Revelations are intensely personal and cannot be meaningfully translated. Any attempt to describe it in words is impossible. Revelation induces only experience. Miracles are more useful now because of their interpersonal nature. In this phase of learning working miracles is important because freedom from fear cannot be thrust upon you. Revelation is literally unspeakable because it is an experience of unspeakable love.
Oga J (my nickname for James Allen) Feb 23-18
He who does not desert his principles when threatened with the loss of every early thing, even to the loss of reputation and life, is the man of power, is the man whose every word endures, is the man of power, is the man whose every word endures, is the man whom the after-world honours, revers and worships.
Dear all, with the above 2 notes, I introduce the 3rd stage of my spiritual and purification journey. I am all set and good to go for 21 days. I know on whose strength and love I count. My God is my salvation, the source of all the Amazing Grace in my life. He couldn’t choose me if He didn’t know me and find me able especially now, not before or after.
Spiritual Journey don’t mean I don’t step out some – honouring a dinner invitation
I have already gained so much, and even lost some 3.5 kgs wow… the books I have read, movies I have watched, the transformation I already notice in and around me…wow wow wow
And I share another two salient points from The Way
Priceless is how best I can describe this book
, precisely point 19 and 20:
19. “Will Power. A very important quality. Don’t despise little things, for by the continual practice of denying yourself again and again in such things – which are never futile or trival – with God’s Grace you will add strength and resilience to your will. In that way you will first become master of yourself, and then a guide, a chief, a leader: to compel and to urge and to inspire others, with your word, with your example, with your knowledge and with your authority”; and
20. “It is inevitable that you should feel the rub of other people’s character against your own. After all, you are not a gold coin that everyone likes. Besides, without that friction produced by contact with others, how would you ever lose those corners, those edges and projections – the imperfections and defects – of your character, and acquire the smooth and regular finish, the gentle firmness of charity, of perfection? If your character and the characters of those who live with you were soft and sweet like sponge-cake you would never become a saint”.
Ha, not that am aiming for sainthood oh
So, as I march on, thank you all who have supported and encouraged me – even those who mocked or laughed added to my inspiration and motivation. Seek Him and you’ll find Him if you truly want to. Inner Peace and all His Amazing Grace and Gifts are there in abundance for the asking and contemplating. No formal religion or declaration or word from anyone is required nor talk of mandatory. Indeed, nothing to do with all these irrelevant divisions of the world, sex, race, age, creed, status, and etc etc etc, like we wouldn’t all end up either 6*6 feet below, cremated or any of those?
Hmm, let me hush for now…
by Grace you’ll read from me after 21 days
In truth, freedom and love always,
Peaceful, serene and excited to move on to the next stage
My healing eye is getting better and better with each smile lol
Emm, that’s not quiet in the loo hahaha. Will be difficult for anyone to snap me there lol
Hello all,
One great thing about fasting, spiritual journey, meditation and perpetual contemplation is that you get so much spiritual insights, inspiration and motivation.
One of such insights and inspiration, uh huh still while sitting in the loo my love doing my business, was the realization that I could add 3 Ps to my 3Ds of Dermination, Discipline and Dedication. These Ps stand for Passion, Persistence and Perseverance. Don’t they just make sense? I so love them. I am gradually entering that stage of life where doing what you are passionate about is more fulfilling that doing something just for the money and all such stuffs.
When you find a passion, you got to persist in nurturing that passion and overcoming all sabotaging energy both from within and without. This will also ask a lot of perseverance cause no no it’s not an easy road ever.
And so gentle readers and followers, be positively inspired and motivated to keep at your passion and purpose, using, mixing or taking from my 3Ds/3Ps in any order and quantity hahaha
The year was 1999, precisely in July. I was at another crossroad in my thrilling life. I was already in the university and could thus fearlessly tell mum what I wanted. I was ‘fed’ up staying with her (oh this once troubled soul), and I asked to go live with my dad (I hadn’t seen him in 5/6 years). When she asked me what I needed to take along, I challenged her to get me 3 books. I didn’t know she’ll do just that.
She got me three once in a life time books:
The Purpose Driven life by Rick Warren;
The Way by Jose Maria Escriva,;and
Growing in Christ (not by J. Packer but by a Nigerian Author whose name I can’t seem to remember).
I still have The Way
The original in spanish
Mine the translated version published in Nigeria
My note back in 1999
with me, but sadly the other two got burnt alongside my other stuffs by my ex… another blog for this lol, back to finding my purpose…
That book (the purpose driven life especially) sparked a tsunamis in me…but it took me 19 years of dabbling to finding my purpose…I call this period now the gestation period.
Now no joking, but I got that purpose delivered to me in words of Gold while I sat in the loo my love, doing my business on the 7th day of stage 1 of this purification journey.
The papa up there (as I sometimes refer to God), was gradually ushering me there. My way was a really up/down bumpy one, but I now see it was all part of getting there – to finding and loving my purpose oh so much.
Below is what I wrote down there and then, and when I shared same with a mentor, we can read his feedback after my purpose in bold too:
To Inspire and Motivate people from different walks of life with my personal experiences
I truly like it. It’s personal and REAL. People will likely relate very easily and appreciate your honesty and sincerity.
It’s a wonderful feeling discovering one’s PURPOSE. It improves clarity and focus. It lightens one’s negative emotions while adding fuel to one’s passionate ones. It helps create greater MEANING in this thing we call LIFE!
Hmm, now that I have so spelt out, I am using this time in my spiritual and purification journey to take it all in and embrace it all dimensions. No doubt I have this mountain high of personal experiences. My papa up there/in here, is simply wonderful.
There really can be miracles when we believe. We have to search and keep doing, patiently, persistently, with all the perseverance we have. My 3 Ds can help too, we are determined, we work on being disciplined always and we stay dedicated. It takes time, yes it does. It is tough, yes it is, but it is fulfilling – none can compare to my joy right now…
And so dear gentle readers and followers, may I formally let you in on my purpose, inspiring and motivating you with my own personal examples of all things cool and shaggy, to find yours or keep at it for those like myself who have already found theirs.
A souvenir of the desert era precisely Dubai-2011; after my first 30 days fast lol
The Stubborn but Passionate one I answered…
No no, like in which church do you go to they insisted?
Is faith now relegated to a church you attend, I fired back?
Ah Marie ok, which religion do you practice?
Papa please faith and religion are not the same to me oh
And the conversation stopped there and I got the look…one I seem to get a little more these days which may be intended to make me look weird, or queer or self absorbed or any of those names which have been thrown at me recently hahaha
When I blogged that I was starting a 70 day spiritual retreat cum fasting, hell let loose. I didn’t really get comments here, but since the post was shared on facebook, twitter and sure the fastest means of communication ever; “hear-say, I got them solicited and unsolicited feedback in abundance.
a) so you mean you now have faith more than all of us?
b) so you mean you now hear voices?
c) so you mean you can do the impossible?
d) so you mean you don’t need anybody’s advice even the doctor’s or a priest? …
Ok, with the type of faith I have, could it now be clear why I am who I am? I have long had such faith, but I compromised myself way too much. Wanting to be accepted and to belong – conform, to be believed in lol
I am difficult to persuade or dissuade…try it. I listen to all schools of thought, do my research, pray over it and then take my decision. Let me get burnt and learn my lesson, I love such lessons and already have over double dozen catalogs (like in the days when it was chic to order via a catalog hahaha)
Let me borrow this from the awesome book The Way which am reading all over again. He wrote it in 1954 and it was simply put revolutionary – no spoilers but hmm, one of those books which reads you too. And so he says in point 14: “Don’t waste your time and your energy – which belong to God – throwing stones at the dogs that bark at you on your way. Ignore them”.
And so dear all, 14 days ago I wrote that I was steady for stage 2, I made it by Grace… slightly tougher than stage one, give myself a 75% ( this was really a getting steady stage, got upset a few more times – may be also side effects of some Primalan or etc I was prescribed ha)but that’s still a bravo for me. I am so thrilled to be back and passionate about the possibility of sharing 6/7 more posts with all my gentle readers and followers before setting out on stage three.
The not so good news is that I have a swollen eye which has been around for close to 20 days now and I was taking my part in its healing slow. I went to to the ophthalmologist finally last Wednesday (near regretted I did spend my money for a nonchalant 10 mins consultation and prescriptions for all including tests and lenses and no diagnosis even ha). So, I gave those products up to today to make any impact (ignored the tests nor lenses prescription -not wearing both hearing aids and lenses period) and all I was getting was blurred vision+drowsiness+sour and dry mouth… I recalled not having read the side effects of those products, having even pressured to be told what they were specifically for. When I FINALLY (better late than never but best to always read once product is bought) read the side effects of the three products he prescribed this afternoon, I identified with some of those effects, and thus decided to go full scale natural remedy during this 3 days break. I got me some Aloe Vera and Cucumber, I also have turmeric and honey , some this and that. I googled how to use them for a sore eye, and am fixing them up to use them religiously for the next three days. We’ll see how that goes lol, but I have already used some semi-frozen Aloe Vera Gel on the eyes, drank a glass of the gel too (yummy negative), put a slice of cucumber dipped in real cold water on each, dropped in turmeric mixed with mild warm water, eaten 3 spoons of garlic+turmeric +chopped onions+moringa leaves +ginger+honey ha – full healing in 3 days by the force of my faith, and put some ice cube on the hurting one – I swear I already feel better and the boys notice a difference…I never heard of overdose with natural remedy nor side effects so am all enrolled…my inner compass is guiding me once more… I drank an xl cup of warm milk and honey too, didn’t feel it right to drop that in the eyes hahaha
Enjoying workouts though reduced intensity
Fresh Aloe Vera
Fixing all my natural products
I can still read and write and see me some yuppie
Thanks to all well wishers, and I wish us all be faithful to our faith in who or whatever we put or see same…inner peace is my compass, which indicates the right direction in matters of my faith.
Happy Sunday (happy Palm Sunday to all who celebrate this day) …this post seems so befitting of a Sunday right? Hope it was a good and soulful read…
How much more serene, peaceful and happy will the next 14 days be? See you on the 15th day and thanks for all the wishes. I have faith in the fast, I treasure my treasure so much, and love the path I see in the horizon carefully charted just for me. The entire path may be daunting, the journey initially lonely, the steps shaky – but in God I Trust and believe in Angels…
My sons, my GA and some of you have been so supportive! I am so grateful and carry everyone in my thoughts…
I have given up a lot including my choice to be angry like when someone stepped on my toes at the market, I can’t even raise my voice again anyhow hahaha
I have lost some relationships already, some are now simply put most shallow. That’s the price you pay when you don’t know how to belong or care about what others say, think or do in reaction to your actions be they for personal growth…which they sadly see as selfish, weird or self-absorbed…hush lady enough now, there we go… What did you learn from the movie The Shift by Dr Dyer?
Oh hello world, I didn’t plan this post but so much bliss today, I just had to share. Glad am still on the 2nd day of my 3 days break from stage one of my purification journey.
I had planned to work from home today and go on a long walk in the morning because I have a slight discomfort with my right ankle, but I had not planned to spend the day babysitting. But hmm, I love babysitting and got so much bliss doing that today.
My little angel neighbours
Archange my lover in red
Samira and I having breakfast with love
As soon as I came back from the long walk which took me through the back of a secondary school where I helped separate a bloody fight between boys of Alain’s age, helped a man who had just had an epileptic seizure and also a girl carry her gallons of water, I received 4 of my small angels in the neighbourhood. They often come around when they hear my voice or Alain’s, because they love being around us. Aimé also brought Samira for some hours while she went to the market and ran other errands. I ate with her and put some bugs bunny on the other laptop so we could each keep busy.
It’s an honour to wash a baby the first time you see them
And then, when a daughter of yours brings her baby girl to you for the day and night, you are simply honoured. I spent the afternoon in further bliss, cradled and fed my granddaughter, and gave her a warm bath at night before she slept. There was no melancholy at all thinking of my girl Ange Claire, and I knew it is well.
Sometimes, we find so much bliss and serenity and inner peace where least expected. Sometimes, when our plans and programs change, let’s keep open minds and hands to receive what else comes – we just may be as pleasantly surprised and merry as I was today. Did I even ever mention having a nursery school was one of my top retirement plans? Lord help me – I am just full of gratitude for all the talents/gifts and passions I have been bestowed!!!
Be inspired and motivated everyone
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mum, author, mental health advocate, therapist, inspires & motivates with personal experiences
Nursing healing eye with ice, then professionally adviced warm compresses better
nursing healing eye with soothing aloe vera steeped cotton pads, then cucumbers etc (30.03.18)
I was so proud of him, he was much calmer, and made it to school on time. No negative energy dispensed, sadly unlike another neighbour this time a man, who skins his 5 year old son until I had to go knock at his gate on that same March 28th.
