Category Archives: Coaching and Therapy

Hopeless…Hopeful


 

She crawled under her bed

It made no more sense

Such sham & shame

The Weight

Mind & Mass

Needless living on

Who cares what goes on

Sensless, pointless, needless

It is truly

HOPELESS

……….

she publishes a 4th memoir

Kinda movie

The 360°

Transformations

Hardwork

Tough Choices & Sacrifices

Faith, Hope, Love

It is truly

HOPEFUL

……….
(C) 2017 Marie Abanga

The end

Hopeful and Hopeless directions.  Opposite traffic sign.

P.s: Officially and in my inspired way, fully embracing my story and engraving it in my heart and on all walls of my home. I actually did crawl and stay for a while under my hospital bed the morning my daughter died, I prayed the ground open up for me. I spiralled for 6 months and survived another 6. Then although pregnant once again, it felt not worth living. I picked up a knife and then I got a kick from within and I dropped it hot. The transformation started dripping in from that moment… Be inspired…

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Please could you just…


Please could you just listen

Listen to my tale

Tale so fade

Could very well be stale

Nothing you can do

But still

Please just listen

……….

Please could you just read

Read what I write

Written with rollers

Rolling every other direction

Some could be rash

Trash or bash

Nothing you may do

But still

Please just read

……….

Please could you just say something

Anything but silence

Silence drives me crazy

Crazier than I might already seem

Never mind the impact now

Just tell me how u feel

How it is, how it was

Nothing it may create

But still

Please just speak

……….

(C) 2017 Marie Abanga

P.s: How many times have we overlooked such basic and life saving ways of helping someone even ourselves?

My personal essay of mental health at the workplace


This year, World Mental Health Day was celebrated on tuesday October 10th under the theme Mental Health at the Workplace.

Over at the Gbm Foundation for Epilepsy and Mental Wellbeing, we raised awareness both online and through traditional media. In my capacity as Country Director, I shared my personal essay of mental health as related to me then while I was working in a multinational telecommunications company. You can read that post right here.

WMHD FOR ME 2017

If I were to answer the above question today, I’ll say for me such a workplace is one where everybody feels safe addressing their mental health challenges. And you gentle readers and followers, what would be a mentally healthy workplace for you?

Sometimes in the mist of it…


Sometimes in the mist of it

A soul may be searching

But not know how to seek

Sometimes in the mist of it

A heart may be hurting

But not know how to heal

Sometimes in the mist of it

A hug may be needed

But none knows how to ask/give

Sometimes in the mist of it

Empathy may be needed

Even if not fully appreciated

Sometimes in the mist of it

We want out of that mist

We need help

We want to scream

But the voice is stuck

The stare and tears

The silence and ramblings

The actions and reactions

Oh sometimes in the mist of it

Lots of patience, love and empathy

Can actually clear the mist

(c) Marie Abanga

WMHD_bannerP.S: Ahead of World Mental Health Day Tomorrow under the theme: Mental Health at the workplace.

Near 9 years later, I finally get the honour and grand style opportunity to show my supervisor at that time how much I appreciate her empathy when I lost my daughter the day after she was born. She was the only person I can remember from my office who called, visited and followed up how best she could in the aftermath. (2 others came along with her on that visit but that was that – I don’t hold it against anybody anyway) She understood when I’ll call the office so in tears not able to come to work. She once chastised me when I visited her and looked like whatever, to go upstairs and sleep (I must have slept 5 hours that day at her home). I can never forget. So if you ever read this, know that the whole world now knows how much I appreciate.

Free Fall…Free Rise


Freely Freely you receive Life

Live same freely; be yoked to none

Dare to Feel how Free it can Flow

If you could just aim for

Free Fall … Free Rise

    …

Why restrain my fall?

When I might miss

The treasure at the bottom?

Why contain my rise?

When I might miss

The shooting star at the top?

Nay: Am going all the way for

Free Fall…Free Rise

   …

Ignorance can lead to arrogance

You think below is all but dirt

And so you hold yourself aloof

And pretend no issues u ever get

But I don’t care: no need for flash

I’ll go all 360 for

Free Fall…Free Rise

   …

The best lesson is often

in the depth and height

Feel it all the way

whichever it may

Free Fall…Free Rise

Experiences with two different teachers at my son’s school & related musings


Hello world, I want to share these experiences I had with two different teachers at my son’s school just this week. I share them to express myself, but also because who knows who has had any similar experiences or could be inspired and motivated etc?

My son took a story book to school and some drawings and none came back. I needed some answers more than he was giving so I went to his school last week. He was in a class which had recently been divided into two and he moved again, this means he had started making friends who stayed in let’s say the A and now he was starting all over in the B. Now, this makes two teachers involved and kids in the two classes too. Indeed the story book happened to be with a pupil in the A class who had left it back home, and the drawings were with different pupils in the B class. I was told by both teachers the stuffs will be collected the following day and returned to my son and he’ll bring them home before the weekend.

This week came and nothing was returned home, so I went to the school today because well I don’t know and need to know what’s the real situation. This is where the experiences come up:

  1. Teacher A gets frustrated I come often (this is the 3rd time am going there and well it seems too much), he tells me am overeacting over nothing and he doesn’t know what my son tells me back home and he thinks my son is a ‘brat’ and he’s glad my son is no longer in his class;
  2. Teacher B is empathetic and even glad I come to follow up such issues even if they may seem trivial. Few parents he says care to stop by at all even when PTA meetings are called up (this I know – they are called once a school and last time only 3 parents showed up in one’s class meeting for the one hour I was there). He actually tells me he thinks my son who transitioned sections (bilingual to pure anglo saxon), is coping just fine and he thinks it is also because I help him at home both formally and informally (very correct). Teacher B concludes that when a parent comes to school it boosts both the pupil and teacher’s morale for obvious reasons.

Huh, I was a bit perplexed and you know A class is one row of stairs above B class. So I had gotten the showdown in A up and was brooding as I went down the stairs to meet teacher B who turned out cool.

Well I was back there again the following day because my boy had come back home the previous day without 6 good exercise books. I needed to know if he actually forgot them in his desk or etc. Luckily by the time I got there he had already found them and I didn’t need to see any of the teachers.

What you make of these experiences people?

More Musings

Talking about experiences in their school, one came home in near tears because he had worked so hard but got a very discouraging note. I saw the script, looked at his school lessons and the text book and nothing made sense. Now he showed me a classmate’s script and same answer but 4 notes more. When he had even dared complain to the teacher, he had been removed the mere 2 he had and the other student got added 2. What? How could I let this go? I went there and saw the proprietor himself and explained the situation, he called the head teacher and they said to not worry all was going to be sorted out. They better do because am not one to give in or up any easy.

I mean that same teacher marked two answers wrong again in another subject and I know the answers myself – what the boy wrote. Eg HIV: Boy writes Human Immune Virus and teacher marks wrong saying it means Human Immuno Deficiency Virus (wtf). I don’t even know if to take this other paper back to the school…

Parenting ain’t easy, not to mention single motherhood. But I try my best each day and don’t want my boys traumatised or stiffled because some teacher thinks they are too upfront. I also go these schools so the teachers can tell me directly if there is any concern like I equally learnt about one of them playing wild and taking stuffs not his.

To all parents, single mothers and even teachers in the house, more grease to our elbows.

Happy weekend all

P.s: you remember a poem I once wrote about: “when no one wanted her”. Yes one who had literary dropped out of school is graduating today with a diploma in transport and logistics. How proud should I be of my contributions to the amazing young woman and wife she is now?

With Sincere Gratitude to my Eternal Friend: I Give Myself permission…


I Give Myself Permission

permission slip

Ain’t waiting no more for no one

Life is short & sweet & sour

How would I even know if I don’t live

the now is here and no point worrying

the future is a streak and yet mayn’t be

Hence I give myself permission…

to be me

Wouldn’t wait to know it all

Even science can’t keep it up

We all are an individual value

Should I let any one make & keep me sour

Joy & happiness is just a short distance

no chaos & creeks should blur my vision

Hence I give myself permission…

I give myself permission

All I got are my voice & word

Not taking it personal means to keep it out

All mental space I have is taken

With thoughts of a rosy here & now

I wouldn’t assume: I’ll just do my best

still it’s okay every now & then to falter

Hence I give myself permission…

Give yourself permission

P.S: I am eternally grateful for serenity and I see that in all the poems I write these days regardless of the circumstances. This poem oh my is in one of those my special categories, indeed YOU ARE BEST WHEN YOU ARE: YOU

Denial


Can’t be for Me

Shouldn’t be for Me

Couldn’t be for Me

Wasn’t I said for Me

   …..

Hush I deny

Hush I reject

Hush they lie

Hush it’s hushed

   …..

Such a name?

No can’t be mine

How do I face that?

What do I do now?

Who do I do look to?

   …..

Like it helps

And all the hurt?

And all the pills?

And all the shame?

And all the stigma?

   …..

No am sorry

I can’t face that

I can’t take that

I can’t do that

I wouldn’t do that

   …..

P.s: Bear with me tribe, am going through a mild emotional/mental challenge. I was hoping to post something else I was proud of sharing, but I first have to get these ’emotions’ off my chest: glad they come off in through this poem.

I do feel ok now and will be sharing that link tomorrow as is…

To all who can relate, we are together

My 4S Weapons


Do you have a Secret & Sacred weapon?

I mean one so swift & sublime?

Those all make for S & S right? 

I have two 4S weapons

Let me let you in

It’s a long time ago

I knew I could cry & curse

I could write away like fury

But I didn’t know any better

What better could I do?

With such a shaky voice?

And an unsteady pen?

Both battered and tattered?

To near beyond recognition?

I was so ashamed

To open my mouth or put to print

I couldn’t even use my limbs

Rhumatroid arthritis dealing blows

All was so lost or so it seemed

The pain pushed me inward

I decided to scream it all out

I picked up a keyboard

I could type that wasn’t lost

It dawned on me I could use those

I learnt and still learn

My 4S weapons came to be

I scribble and sing

I shake and shield 

I find and share

Say it as it is

All I can and want

Some solace for me & U

Could you be inspired then my fellow pilgrim?

To look deep within to find yours?

Mustn’t be one to wear you out

Physical fights I can’t do

Mental fights are murky

Emotional fights I’ve had enough

But with my voice and word

Impeccable is the use I give them

Ain’t that Secret & Sacred?

Swift & Sublime?

Good luck with you fellow pilgrim

I Sing it’s Okay for your listening and why not dancing please…


My dearest Dyane encourage me with her suggestion when I shared the poem, and I got inspired sooner than later. My 3 muskets were my excited audience. Ella had gone out. The Microphone was a ruined shower head lol.

Here is the Youtube clip for the office mode activated playback:

Happy weekend all, I go to spend a few hours by the sea in Limbe to renergize me some yuppie.