December 2012 – Going for his school’s christmas party.
Hello world, this whole week is sealed for me. It starts off with my first son’s 15th birthday and that alone is enough to make my week. Nothing is going to get me offset this week by Grace.
I am so grateful I kept my pregnancy against all odds and stigma, shame and all. No time for melancholy, only celebration. My son is a grown young man now and wow what a blessing it has been all along.
My 3 Musketeers
So here are 15 reasons why am so grateful for Alain especially on this day;
He is the epitome of my joy;
He is the evidence of God’s unconditional love and amazing Grace in my life;
He is a hardworking young man;
He is a our barber at home;
He is the Commander in Chief of our Home; while am the mum in chief;
He is named after my dad and reminds me of my dad daily;
He loves his family both nuclear and extended, and he shows it;
He is my 1st sounding board for 15 years now;
He is the best big brother his brothers could ever have;
He is a friend to many;
He is the best home teacher to Gaby lol;
He is an example to his mates;
He is on honour roll all the time;
His teachers are ever proud of him;
I count on Alain quite a lot and he hardly lets me down.
For a single mother and parent like myself, who stumbled onto motherhood 15 years ago, I am sincerely only filled with love and gratitude for all my sons, Alain topping the list of course hurray.
Dear all, join me wish hum a belated happy birthday and transitioning into…
It’s a long story but I adopted Israel last year. He is such a cute boy and so wise for his 26 years. He is so talented too and just launched with 3 friends a platform called FundandImpact. I am in awe at God’s Amazing Grace in our lives.
FundandImpact allows the world to reach out and impact one life at a time by donating to help and contribute funds for solutions to the problems faced as raised in the campaign. The notion behind the initiative is that together a bigger and better impact can be created in the life of others when we consider a problem affecting one person – as a problem affecting us all.
He calls me Mom and we love each other unconditionally. The boys love their big brother who is so happy to be part of our family. Israel has come from so far, last thursday was the first time he visited our home in Douala. He is ready to move on and said: ‘Yes Mom now you can Blog about me’.
I will write more about the other start ups he is working on eventually, and will sure be creating a campaign on FundandImpact very soon.
My Ss Hero showed up to pick me just as l had expected He had this fragile and yet empathetic stare He stood by me while my mental challenges poked from several angles He tried his best and l add took the test l however thought he was so much of the puzzle He thought l was so full of over-reactions and non-adaptability I then realized that wasn’t the fairy tale I was dreamy of I don’t know if I’ll ever be fooled to dream that dream again! In the meantime my Ss Hero didn’t throw me out He let me be while I faced more of me He supported me on while I made the decision to quit Yeah he did help me lots as I moved out I now affirm that there’re surely several left turns before the Right And yet my Ss Hero almost made me think the this turn looked Right! I guess you don’t find many of such even among the stars One of such exception to the general rule? And so my Ss Hero, for all you taught me, for all you did for me, for all you didn’t or couldn’t, the joy, pain, and all you let me do and be; and oh for our last supper: I’ll for ever be grateful My Ss Hero you’ll always be!
Wow, so am I to start crying now or rather stop? I have been wondering if this Mk as I call him, was for real. Could he be that secret angel I wrote about recently? I just stumbled on this post lyrics… and could I just sing speechless… to you both? Thank you both, soon my water will run dry because I must admit that I cry much more for joy until my headaches if you get what I mean.
Yes, I may really be going ‘shaggy’ right? Which was one is this now with both a hero and heroine in one person with such a first name? Well, just as it reads. Am fine by that and be it under the influence of mental illness, I don’t care.
I used to write regularly about my heroines before. I also wrote a few post on some of my heroes. So for me to find one person who is both to me, is an achievement.
I grew up hearing tales of John and Mary. I had always wished I would end up with a man called John. Well, that hasn’t happened yet and maybe it simply wouldn’t. I am out of that market.
Anyway, I finally met someone called John, right here on my blog. What a blahpedia my friend is? Check him out. I am so happy to have met someone who can be an unconditional friend and one I can also share with unconditionally.
It’s been a long while since I had such a friend. Friendships just like other serious relationships, grow from nurturing. Especially when they are such honest friendships, no judgments, nor envy, squabbles – in africa we say no WAHALA.
I hope to finally meet John some day and I hope not to be disappointed. Not bothered by looks, but by ‘mischievous feelings’. I also want to be prepared to kiss a woman or grandma were it be so revealed.
In the meantime, I asked john to be a beta reader for my brother’s book, and he agreed. Men, john surely barely sleeps. He gets all sort of information out there, and I have read and learnt so much since we met.
I admire my friend for wanting to learn and do so much about his mental health, and for sharing his journey so. Fortunately, South Africa could as well be on my way to Cameroon right? I mean, we could always find a way to do what we truly want. I just wish none of us leaves this earth without hugging each other tight.
I so wish us both well my dear john, and trust me when I say I give a damn about a person’s inclinations – just his sincerity.
Dear gentle readers and followers, wishing you all the best in your relationships too 🙂
My brother was and still is my mum’s favorite. I mean, that is her only son and our only brother. In addition to that, he was super intelligent. He could remember so many things and much more, an aunt of ours always says his brain is a computer which needs downloading. He was my best playing mate at home, I was the closest to a football mate he could find. My brother loved his mother’s skirts, and often hid behind them to avoid our dad’s ‘stare’.
Then, something went wrong
l sincerely can’t tell but l know something happened over 15 years ago. They said it was whatever then. We were in boarding school and l just recall my brother going into fits and l having to cry for help and go along as he was taken to the hospital. I would visit often and stay some with him, but l noticed my brother was changing and beginning to behave ‘queer’. For example, he would discharge himself and get lost just walking away in some direction.
It looks like a depression though no actual diagnosis to date?
Strange it may seem, I have still not heard what is wrong with my brother. l know for a fact that he suffered some nervous break down, several times, and is no more the brother l grew up with. l can’t tell what is the name of the mental illness, but l saw him suffer breakdown after the other, go from one hospital to the other, and behave in the most abnormal and violent of ways l could ever imagine.
Do l have a right to know?
For crying out loud, l am his sister, as affected by his condition as anyone who truly cares can be. l know l am not his mother and don’t want to be, but l think l have a right to know. l however know it is not witchcraft. This is a practice and belief still very much ingrained in the ‘African Mind’. l would be lying if l say it wasn’t initially considered a cause of my brother’s ailment.
Why all the Stigma?
l am beginning to find out a lot about mental illness and l am reading lots of stories and reaching out too. l now see why some people prefer not to know what is happening or better still, don’t want to identify with someone suffering a nervous breakdown. The stigma alone can make the patient and his family go real nuts.
Oh, please it will be more consoling attributing the illness to witchcraft or a ‘demonic attack’ right? l have always loved such ‘sick’ people like ‘mad men’, prostitutes, street kids, you name them. Maybe in them I see a little of myself and my brother?
I am on a mission
Whatever be the case, l am on a mission. l want to learn as much as possible about mental illness and how those ‘angel patients’ live it all. Men, l am sure l survived by a string. Now, many people are opening up and some good networks exist for patients and affected members alike. The Mental Health Talk blog by Trish, is my blog of choice for info and l am so grateful for my pal H&J of the Bipolarbum for visiting me here and following me. Thanks to him, I learnt of the Skype Peer support initiative and l signed up to be a support peer.
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, am l the only one with such a brother and tale? Sharing is caring! May whoever is going though a dilemma like mine or still affected by the loss of a loved one to mental illness or a changed life due that, find strength in knowing they are not alone. l just hope, sometime sooner than later, someone will tell me what is wrong with my brother?
I once wrote a post on four great men of mine and Jeff was one of them. Now, you may wonder why I am doing one exclusively on Jeff right? Well, as the heading goes, he is now my coach – not football coach though but hmm, life coach.
Meeting and choosing Jeff
I remember stumbling on Jeff’s website and then hopping over to his blog and this was my very first comment: “Hi Jeff, shout out from an MJC (Mary just come or a something like; ‘just landed soul on Mars’) like me”. I was so happy to have the following response from Jeff: “Hi MJC, with passion and courage, you will soon become an MKP ( Mary knows plenty)”
That sealed it for me back then. I started following Jeff and his works like a wounded lion. Then he advertised some free initial consultation and I was like oh Ayo aren’t you lucky?
Then I followed my Intuition and opened up
I didn’t know where I will find the money to invest from there but I knew I had to sign up at least for one of those free 30 minutes consultation. I so needed one because I was having a very tough time convincing my mother about having to publish my book. Yes that book again- that unconventional memoir.
I reached out to Jeff and let me share an excerpt of what I got, some as put in my own words to my mother:
“For me, Life is expression. We are happiest, glowing, at our best, most fulfilled when we are able to freely and openly express ourselves.
I know You my mother will always be my mother and I will always be your Ayo Even as a grown woman! In my mind, in my life – my dreams come first. But I understand that for a mother, safety and security come first and I am not taking it personal.
Yet mama, I am going public with both my successes and failures because I want to make my mess my message and my tests my testimonials. I believe that everything I have gone through can help someone else get through it better. I am by ‘shamelessly’ sharing My Story (just like Princess Diana and others shared theirs) helping people with their problems and that’s all that matters. You my mother will love me regardless this I know. You may not agree with me (as has sometimes been the sad case) , but I know you will always love me. This is very fine by me.
One of the reasons why people fail to reach their potential, or fail to see what they are capable of doing and becoming is because they are too conceded with what other people think. As you know Mama, unconditional love means that there is love even when there isn’t agreement. I Have faith in the bond I have with your MY FAMILY but I do what my heart tells me to do.
And this is My Therapy, My Peace, My Testimony!”
Jeff coached me through this and so once I started getting an income, I signed up very fast with him. I made that conscious choice to invest in myself and this has been one if not the best self-investment l have made.
Jeff, gives me and sure all his other clients, much more of what we pay for. He adds you a bonus here and there. He sends out these power newsletters and motivational stuffs, links and all. He say emails are unlimited and he replies ASAP, oh my isn’t this wonderful?
Oh, l believe there is greatness within me but l was stuck at some point and needed lot of help. I got that from all sorts of areas, people, friends and ‘not friends’ alike. Jeff I will stick too because he is my 3rd generation link to Marala Scott, Oprah Winfrey, Les Brown, Brendon Burchard just to name these few. I sincerely wish us both the best. I am still getting so much help and am on a mission to give back so much too.
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, let me encourage you to check out Jeff and others like him. In the meantime, I love the likes you hit, the comments you throw and of all, the effort you make at sharing.
Today is my birthday. As I look back at my life’s journey over the years, there have been several experiences and lessons that have altogether shaped me into the person I have become today. Nothing reflects most of my life experiences and lessons like this piece I found on the internet:
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them;
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back;
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something;
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
Why couldn’t we discuss our emotions and hence find solutions to whatever we were going through?
I have admitted not discussing even 1/5th of my emotions. Well, not that I didn’t want to but because the opportunities were almost ever never there.
Is it only tradition, religion or something else? Is it that even the men don’t want to discuss emotions at all be it theirs or yours?
I know there are some men who do and that’s good for them. I am sure these ones have seen the benefits in discussing their emotions but I know there are many more who still think it is ‘macho’ not to discuss them.
People, admitting nor discussing our emotions can cause irreparable damages, have been there – done that and so at least am an example.
I came across this you tube clip on men and their emotions and share it with you while wishing you a fruitful week.
What is your take on this dear gentle readers and followers of mine?
I definitely agree with this so much that i can’t help but reblog it. I once named Vincent amongst 4 great men of mine and he was very modest and humble in his appreciation. It is not the numbers but the quality that matters. He is yet to convince me he isn’t aiming for the moon nor that I should follow him closely. thank you Vincent – yes it all boils down to us!
In the journey towards success in life I have discovered that more often than not there are more people who will try to stop you than aid you, even from among our family and friends. And if we give in to their words and pressures, we give them the power to control our lives. So no matter what stage you are in the pursuit of your dreams, remember this; your success or failure…boils down to you, and no one else.
There are people who will discourage you if you set ambitious goals, but never you mind them because, without goals there can be no achievement. There are people who will frown upon you as you seek a better life, but keep seeking because it is essential that all of us find our true place if happiness is to be found. There are those who will laugh and ridicule you…