This thing called Guilt

Guilt when the Gravel is slammed

Guilt when the sentence is read

Guilt when the diagnosis is pronounced

Guilt even by a mere stare

What is this thing called guilt anyway?

Guilt which lets such fear grab you

Guilt which makes you hate yourself so much

Doesn’t matter if in the end who said what

Others can make you feel guilt

But guilt can come ushered by you

And the thing with such self served guilt

It grabs and mars and makes you guilty

Such guilt can last indefinite

Any smile may just be a camouflage

The thing with this thing is queer

It cankers the mind and not the body

Hence you could be locked up and feel Nada

And yet be free and feel so guilty

It now seems to me a possibility

That this thing called guilt is in the mind

Who says what, does what, thinks what, feels what…

Shouldn’t be the final thing about this thing called guilt

You should decide what you think and do or feel and say about it

Unspoken words

Those you don’t say

Those you can’t say

Those you wouldn’t say

Those you didn’t say

Those you really want to say

……………….,..

Unspoken words

Those you want me to hear

Hear straight from your heart

Hear by your stare

Hear by the feel

Feel of the hug you scared to share

…………………

Unspoken words

Sometimes the truth is in such words

The real you stuck with them

The fade you says fine

But those who have learnt

To listen from the soul

Will clearly hear words unspoken

.……………

(C) Marie Abanga 2017

P.S: written on the commute to work and dedicated to all my therapy clients

I don’t need eyes to see…

I don’t need eyes to see;

I don’t need eyes to see the pain in you!

I don’t need hands to touch;

I don’t need hands to touch the scar in you!

I don’t need ears to hear;

I don’t need ears to hear the scream you scream within!

I don’t need a mouth to taste;

I don’t need a mouth to taste all what you’ve been fed by life;

Dear … I just need you to trust;

I just need you to trust…that I feel YOU…

To trust that I don’t really need eyes to see…

(C) Marie Abanga 2017

Dedicated to the memory of Gabriel and to my 4 sons

P.S: The above poem is an apt summary of my week. Was wondering what or how to write all I have had in me/dealt with this week – another thrilling one with lots of love and lows…and the poetic inspiration came in as I walked to and fro the market. I so love it … Actually, it is a soul search and summary from me to ME, me to YOU, me to THEM, said with love, encouragement, some supplication and yes some defiance… I miss you Gaby, I didn’t know as much nor did so much back then, but I promise you I will do so much henceforth till my own time is up…

My Son’s book review of A Searching Soul by Marie Abanga (Me)

This is the first review of my poetry book which is on the amazon at the very afordable price of 0.89$ for kindle and 5 $ for paperback.

Thank you so much my e family and big shout out to all the authors in the house especially Pamela Spiro Wagner whose poetry reading I just so love, and  Dyane Leshin-Harwood whose epic memoir will be released very soon.

A Poem from my son & an amazon gift card fills me with so much Gratitude

Hope you enjoy this Amazon gift card! $100.00 Amazon.com Gift Card

Hello world, this week has been roller coaster and kind of fast. I am still tired from my previous month activities and also setting up a company, and I still got so much to do. This weekend however kicks off with so much gratitude. I received not one but two amazon gift cards yesterday and oh my one was worth 100 good dollars. How grateful can I be? I so love books it’s like I have to set aside an entire day a week now just for reading – you can guess how many books I have already bought so far…

The other thing which fills my heart with so so much gratitude is this poem below from Alain my son written on the 6th of June, one of those days – He said I could share with us all on my blog:

Tue, 6th June 2017

Human Life

As heat from the sun can be

As permanent and resistant as mosquitoes

Suffering and pain attack the poor

Poverty is as selfish as magots

Sucking a dead animal’s body

But riches do bring problems too

Riches can be swept away 

by illness and disasters

Human has a natural curse it seems

But is blessed with knowledge

Some have clean and clear minds

Others are in uncomfortable minds

In a family, love and hope is needed

to succeed most in life

(c) Alain Michel

Have a Great and Graceful Weekend Everybody

This little light of mine…

Hello world, am in a cab on my way home from a stressful but very productive and graceful day. Although currently stuck in traffic, I can appreciate the serenity and inspiration to write the following lines which could sing for the song from which the title of my poem is taken:

This little light of mine, am gonna let it shine…

This little love of mine, am gonna let it flow…

This little life of mine, am gonna live it full …

Let it shine, let it flow, live it full…

This little laugh of mine, am gonna laugh it loud…

This little smile of mine, am gonna smile it broad…

This little frown of mine, am gonna frown it all

Laugh it loud, smile it broad, frown it all…

This little dream of mine, am gonna dream it real…

This little tale of mine, am gonna tell it all…

This little cheer of mime, am gonna share it all…

Dream it real, tell it all, share it all…

And when all is said, am gonna say it still…

And when all is done, am gonna do it still…

And when all is lost. Am gonna find it still…

Say it still, do it still, find it still…

And when my light goes dim, am gonna grateful go…

And when my turn is up, am gonna graceful go…

And when my life is nought, am gonna let it go…

Let it go, let it go, let it go

P.S, still stuck in traffic. Not even midway gone but am fine reading my kindle shortly. Have a nice weekend, am off for one tomorrow too

My Gift to all: My Poetry Collection

Hello World, today is friday and I wish I were going away from the weekend. But hmm, saturday I accompany my dearest Donna at her Dad’s Memorial Service, and Sunday is my first mega event launching my company. As much as I had had three years and more to prepare this journey, write up a business plan and draw it all up in my head, stepping on that bridge now is sort of daunting though appealing at the same time; I am actually partnering to do this and well the organization and capital raising part of it and all … wow even the lawyer in me is …

You should know some stuffs about life and its people – how some of those who were so glad and full of praise when you helped them with their own business, don’t even as much as bother cheering you emotionally and actually want nothing to do with your own business … how some can actually sabotage with some sarcasm and …

Let me leave it at this, the poetry book is free for 5 days and thereafter the kindle is at 0.99 c

You know, I am not bothered by naysayers, I am grateful for life and all the opportunities to learn, grow and love…

I leave you this weekend with a few pictures which have made me chuckle, nostalgic and grateful for life … all my pictures right?

Infront of Church on Easter Sunday, making mimicks

Roll call for bedtime lol

Mini swimming pool

Self made swimming googles

Happy weekend and take care of your mental health dear gentle readers and followers, Thank you

A Searching Soul: Free for Five Days

 

 

 

Hello world, today I want to inform you of my poetry book available in paperback and kindle on the amazon. I wanted to put it for free on kindle but they said the least price the’d accept was 0.99$. I proceeded to do a free book promotion for the kindle to run from the 26th to the 30th of May (five days is the top for free promotion allowed). Get the paperback for souvenir if you want (5$ once more minimum was 4.98$ strange) and I could send an e-autograph you know – So, here below is a foreword from my Dearest Donna:

Sometimes to express inner stirrings, hearts upheavals and clarify experience, words pour themselves through poets. This may sound mystical and magical to anyone who is not an artist. For me, it’s a simple description of what I experience to birth a poem. In the parcel of words that is a Searching Soul, Marie expresses her inner stirrings and heart’s experiences. She may also have experienced words pouring through her. Her lines carry the signature of her mostly contemplative and even sad moods… I asked Marie and hope she also does a collection of poems that shows off the lighter and joyous moments. Life gives us precious gifts through all experiences be they light or heavy. Some of A Searching Soul resonate with me, perhaps because some parts of Marie’s journey reflects mine. Like Marie I have loved, lost and recorded some of my inner and outer journeys… Marie tells me that she finds some poets’ poems soothing and hopes her own can bring solace to other. They would. To wrap up this parcel of words, I happily include lines that jumped out on the first reading of a Searching Soul.

Hearts longings, be fulfilled

Lofty winged wishes be granted

Body hungers be quenched

Those who serve, lead

Those who truly give receive

The mightily scarred transform to gifted healers

With a flutter of heavenly breeze

Are we not all parts of Marie?

Marie is you, is me – an invitation to dive deep, to seek …

A searching soul, you may find

The object of your longing, the door to your dreaming

Dona Forbin,

Poetess & Storyteller

Author

And here is what I wrote the collection is all about:

A searching soul is basically a collection of my poetry which share my soul’s search for enlightenment. Peace I seek, peace I find, Peace I give through my poems; be it in moments of sadness, depression, and anticipation, I have come to realize the inspiration flowing in me to put together these poems ever so often ends on a positive note no matter how faint. I have come across some soul mates in my soul search, and they have generously shared a poem or two of theirs. I write of my Rosy Garden with its thorns, of the Bad Boys in my Life, of my Super Super Hoero and of so much more… I sincerely think I Know where you come from even though Sometimes I just don’t wanna care… Such are contemplations… Such are some of the poems contained in this poetry collection…

 

Mother…

No one can take your place oh  mother

If you be mad the child still hopes

Yet you may not be conscious about that and it hurts

Nevertheless we all think of you our mothers

Most of us mothers know what is unconditional love

We felt it right from within the womb

Hence we may find it hard to think the baby ain’t ours forever

The seasons change, the years go by

That baby could become a mother too

If you mother never let her be, never taught her to love yet let go, ain’t that an unhealthy mental cycle in place?

Oh mother, you who so give your all

To love them all or almost

Relationships sometimes so complex

Challenging and yet nurturing

Dread and dare and darling all dished out

Is that how it works for all? Could that be nature’s doing?

I wish there were a mother’s manual but I think flowing from the heart is best… No matter how mixed the signals, mother is all we have, motherhood ain’t never an easy hood

 

Love your mothers nothing withstanding, it ain’t easy for neither them nor us – above all take care of your mental health – I attend the IMA Gold gathering with my first son and I am super excited he’ll be seeing me on stage for the first time

How do you care?

How do you care for yourself?

Do you care to spend some time with you?

Do you care to find out what’s up with you?

Do you care to try to care more for you?

—

And you, how do you care for me?

Do you care to listen to me?

Do you care to talk with me?

Do you care to show some empathy?

Do you care even for a little sympathy?

—

And you, yes you, how do you care?

About that child so sick in his mind

Their actions all flag read

They try to reach out to cry out

Even adults are not spared

Cause we all aren’t the same, some minds are healthier than other

—

So how would you care?

When a patient walks into your door?

When an e-mail comes into your inbox?

When you phone rings at odd hours?

When maybe the brave track you down the street?

Would you call the cops?

Or maybe the ambulance?

Prescribe more pills and send them off?

—

It’s good to know how you’d care

It makes all the difference how you care

The care you show the care you get elsewhere

I have tried and it works

—

And let’s be real: it could be anyone

Feeling the knack anyday

And so please all: think about how you care

How you care about you and others