Category Archives: Poetry

Spying On each other like hawks


We spy on each other like hawks

Preying and praying to make the first catch

We circle around each other’s psychic

We seem to know each other intimate

I need her up with me he goes

I need him down with me I go

From 11:11 last night to 1:48 tonight

The involuntary vigil start hours have improved

From a mere 2 hours of sleep last night

To a big 4 hours of sleep this night

That’s some progress worth logging

Hope the mono-vigil don’t last so long

Got to wake at 4 for meditation

Not that am asleep as I write

For he nags me to write for some respite

Don’t want to be friends with him for real

Even if the dang AC is on for a change

I don’t do well with that either

May as well go fix me some hot cocoa

I’ll be back to keep watch

We’ll spy on each other like hawks 

Any time anywhere

This too are born of some

Not funny dynamics & gymnastics

Preying and praying to make the first catch

P.s: from a very terrified me last night to a serene me this night. I watch this seemingly natural occurrence, where in the midst of change of routine, grief and some more, sleep is affected and it’s ok to watch the process. Maybe taming it with some hot cocoa and writing can help for real.

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Dynamics & Gymnastics


To be forewarned is to be forearmed!!!

Dear old or new friend

I need to let you in

To the dynamics & gymnastics

That troll your friend

And can make/mar her life

To be forewarned is to be forearmed!!!

Dear old or new friend

The dynamics & gymnastics

Are from external & internal

Forces I can & can’t control

Maybe you heard about dem words

Used in physics or logic

Schools or sports

Think of a body & mind 

In their place

Then imagine how they go

Dynamics & gymnastics

This way & that way

Peace & please

Act up or shut up

To be forewarned is to be forearmed


P.s: poem written at 1.20 am – been thrashing aroumd simce 11:11 pm. Ome of those nights where dynamics & gymnastics are in place. Trolling me around. But am braving this because I have braved some before. I can at least identify some issues and will see my therapist during the day before I go to mum’s ahead of granny’s fumeral.

Scheduling this poem just because the respite I think is in the writing it and not the clicking publish

Wishing us all the best 

Please let me be (Ushering in the New Year with a call for inclusion and empathy )


Please let me be

for the world

Please let me be queer

let me be queer it’s my life

be all the regular I don’t care

Please let me be a misfit

I am done trying to fit

You can do all the fit in I don’t care

I come from a broken home

I now lead a broken home

keep your fixed home

He cries mama

she teased my papa is gay

And so what I ask?

gay means happy

why be any judge?

and then go to church?

sing unconditional love

and love so conditionally?

They call me a rascal because I love pascal

he is such a friend

we trust each other so

sinners you say?

who did HE come for?

Winners they who followed HIM

Shabby may be the dress code

merry the constant mode

you can care for your body

I’ll care for my mind

I envy you not

spare your nod

Please let me be

(c) 2017 Marie Abanga

My Guardian Angel


My Guardian Angel is the best of all Angels

She guarded me even when I wildered

She guarded me when I returned home to nest

She embalms me in that feeling

One you feel when in tune with you

My Grardian Angel listens to my all

She validates and teaches with gentleness

Takes me as I am 

With my all and all and all

Leads me and lets me

Do and bring out my best

In the company of my Guardian Angel

I will fear no evil

For she is with me

To light and guide

With unconditional love and care

I do believe in Miracles

Ask and it shall be given to you

Seek and you will find

Knock and the door will be opened

And now I make my vow

Whatever happens

My Guardian Angel she’ll always be

P.s: In immense gratitude to the universe for the best gift of the season and much more

Inextinguishable Candle


Inextinguishable candle
Image Source

It was two decades ago

I had never cried that much

A passing on far away from home

Yet felt to my marrow

~~~

I rushed home to watch

The requiem with the soulful song

Candle in the wind he sang

Then all said Goodbye

~~~

And yours had before that

Marched behind your casket

That single word pierced our hearts

I wondered if that was it

~~~

They had seemingly raced you out

But no you are inextinguishable

Even the fiercest wind

Can’t blow you out

~~~

Look at you now

None can deny

Your everlasting presence

In both their engagements

~~~

The first’s wife has your ring

Their daughter your name

The second’s would have been

Your partner in all things

She even is same age

Is that Coincidence?

~~~

That same media

Race to unearth her race

All things dysfunctional

About her family and herself

Like he doesn’t know

~~~

His choice has been made

Your diamonds are also on her finger

Let them gossip and dig all they May

It has been settled for May

~~~

It could never be more natural

for fragile one you arranged

Right from College his match

For beloved redhead – one as free spirited

Just when it was time

~~~

For me it is not even goodbye

A Rose may wither – its fragrance lingers on forever

You merely passed the batton

Color and age matter for nought

~~~

Yes, You’ve shown me and hopefully us all

That True Love conquers all

Death need not be feared

Nor viewed as the end

~~~

Inextinguishable candle

You need no title nor tiara

Thank you Lady for your legacy

The peoples’ princess forever

~~~

(C) Marie Abanga Dec 2017

p.s: what a sweet inspiration I had this tuesday to write this to my ultimate inspiration and heroine. I still recall how I cried for someone I never knew personally, I don’t think I’ve ever cried even any close,  for anyone I don’t know personally.

I broke the taboo


When I got there

I was scared to go near

I knew it was out of bounds

Heard it belonged to a shaggy fellow

~~~

He knew none will dare

offer to clear

all the clutter with any duster

it was an implied taboo to go any near

~~~

The reasons were never so clear

the arguements made no sense

 nor did I care for either  

was done with all the quagmires

~~~

I dared to ask and sure It was NO

I recalled Silent but Stuborn love

I dared to go there and did my best

the end result we both loved

~~~

a bond like none other had been born

Stigma can actually be from the source

It takes a lot to clear that out

But with love, it can be done

~~~

OH YES -ALLELUIA

I broke the Taboo

~~~

p.s: Believe me when I write pictures are too graphic of the before to share – needless to share the picture of the after. I am most grateful for the grace to go through and clean up the clutter with passion, love and affection. I was proud of my work and stayed in that space a while with love. The appreciation was tremendous. Sometimes breaking through deserves silent love and nothing more.

 

 

I will not choose


Let it be clear once and for all

I will not choose between you

I owe my existence to you both

~~~

I am a by product of all I learned

Directly or indirectly you both taught

Directly or indirectly I got it straight

Why now do you think I should choose?

~~~

I am sorry for your grievances

Maybe you’re not able to let go

All the scripts and expectations

I have come to shred and have none

~~~

I prescribe myself just one thing

To love each of you just as you are

To love whichever ways works per situation

I also appreciate silent love

When unspoken words and actions say and prove it all

~~~

Thank you both for loving me silently, just as I am

I have mastered the lessons, and give some to others

But now I must confess: consider it a final word

I will not choose

……….

P.s: For closure after an awesome 3 good days with my dad. Be inspired other Children of Divorce in the house. I was never implicitly asked to choose, but grew up with that feeling. So, if you must choose, as it could come to be, follow your conscience and be not swayed by emotions and hearsay. I hope my boys who had bravely not chosen even where I was so far away, will not someday have to choose between their dad and I. I do all I can to leave communication lines open while taming my ego.

Healing and Living


for my friend & I

To Heal we have to Live

To Live we have to Heal

Never heard of a dead Healing

Nor a Living not craving Healing

Healing is often letting go

Letting go of expectations

Letting go of painful emotions

Letting go of tough feelings

Letting go of unmet desires

Living is loving your life

Living is wanting to be

Living is embracing the now

Living is gratitude for the gift

Living is doing your best 

To Live therefore, we have to Heal

If we don’t Heal, we can’t be us

If we don’t Heal, we can’t embrace the now

If we don’t Heal, we can’t be grateful for the gift

If we don’t Heal, we can’t do our best

With Love and Forgiveness 

Faith and Hope

We can find inner Peace

We can Heal and Live

We can Live and Heal

***

P.S: A friend and I are going through a process, let’s call it a healing and living process. I got inspired this morning to write this down. Hope it helps someone out there

Because I am Human


Because I am human, I have feelings

Because I an human, I have thoughts

Because I am human, I seek to love

Because I am human, I seek to know

Because I am human, I want to be treated as one

Because you are human, you have feelings too

Because you are human, you have thoughts too

Because you are human, you seek to love too

Because you are human, you seek to know too

Because you are human, you want to be treated as one too

How do we humans feel?

How do we humans think?

How do we humans seek to love?

How do we humans seek to know?

How do we humans want to be treated?

I don’t know for sure about you

I only know my word and the weight I give it

I try my best not to take things personal

Steering away from assumptions

making myself clear by saying it as it is

Call that sensitive or insensitive

My attitude is all I can manage

With Inner peace as my main goal

Loving is all I seek to do

The how I learn each day

The why I sometimes don’t even know

The when is only now I have

The what is all things living

Because I am human

You Shouldn’t… if You Wouldn’t…


Dear A,

You shouldn’t be quick to speak, if you wouldn’t be smart to listen

You shouldn’t be fast to blame, if you wouldn’t be up to the game

You shouldn’t be dumb to condemn, if you wouldn’t be glad if condemned

You shouldn’t try to impress,  if you wouldn’t try when am depressed

You shouldn’t dare to preach, if you wouldn’t try to reach the real me

You shouldn’t fake you care if you wouldn’t dare an extra mile

You shouldn’t bluff you are clean, if you wouldn’t help the unclean

You shouldn’t brag about your sanity, if you wouldn’t learn about insanity

You shouldn’t boast of your country, if you wouldn’t acknowledge its history
P.s: formally putting closure on some troubling mind muggles recently