40 specials I am grateful for as I turn 40 hurray


40 Things I am grateful for each year of my life

  1. Grateful to be born the bouncy baby I see in pictures;

  2. Grateful I can still remember the day my brother (RIP) was born – as well as my innocent prophecy which came to pass;

  3. Grateful to start primary school directly and be spared a dreaded nursery school (I started class one in September 1981 at 3 years 9 months – my elder sister had had such a bad experience with the nursery school teacher my dad had said no more nursery school for any of his children Amen);

  4. Grateful for all the fun and friends I have in my Deido neighbourhood;

  5. Grateful I am a force to reckon with in primary school, and my brother’s fierce defender whether he was at fault or not (I once fought with 5 girls from class 5 because they threatened my brother whose poop they had been punished to clean up);

  6. Grateful to have a best friend and be allowed by dad to go spend weekends with her family – this kept opening me up to a different life than the one I lived at home;

  7. Grateful to get along well in school without sitting still in class lol (was actually either 1st or 2nd and alternated with that best friend of mine LNM);

  8. Grateful to survive the big move to another city although that had such a price (my resilient spirit was being developed progressively);

  9. Grateful to belong to a group of 4 girls who took themselves seriously lol (this was the beginning of magnectic for real because I wasn’t looking out for friends in that new school but I seemed to attract many and could chose my friends);

  10. Grateful to be voted assistant senior prefect in class 7 (although I had gone there out of punishment by mum for my scatterbrain, that was the beginning of leadership and responsibility);

  11. Grateful to go to boarding school (I loved it so much, took me away from a cold war at home and already tired of all the falling out with mum and co – they eventually split a year later);

  12. Grateful to help my siblings and myself take it all in and adapt to our new lives at dad’s without mum;

  13. Grateful to be sent abroad for a 1 month excursion (visiting France and going on a mini cruise to England was simply wow – I kissed my first guy and he was from Rouen. Come to think I will date a man from Rouen for two great years several years later);

  14. Grateful to be crafty and cunning, and have the survival skills I have which save my brother and I from hunger and abuse countless time (you can tell things had changed drastically, a step mum was now in the picture and two of my siblings had managed to save themselves somehow – my brother and I lived through it all for 2 years);

  15. Grateful to start getting it what loving a boy could really be all about – this came with so much self consciousness and awareness as well as appreciation for life and God;

  16. Grateful to pass Maths O Levels because I had been threatened a repeat of the entire form 5 if I failed just that one subject (needless to say the rebellious arts student in me had given up maths 2 or so years earlier);

  17. Grateful to be that jolly and audacious in high school (just didn’t appreciate the fact it was an all girls’ school especially coming from a mixed school);

  18. Grateful to be more conscious of my studies even though it was still hard for me to sit at it for long lol (I did pass the GCE A’ Levels in the 3 papers I wrote with Bs etc, so fine right?);

  19. Grateful to try it out on my own in the university (finally in a university called UB the place to B, into the world of boyfriends and discoveries);

  20. Grateful I survived that abortion (I was scared to death but even more scared of what mum will do to me if she found out I was pregnant. I knew some had died in the process or risked never getting pregnant and so it was all so traumatizing);

  21. Grateful to graduate from the university with a good GPA and well lots of experiences from informal school lol;

  22. Grateful to start hustling why waiting for what next – the experience in the off license mum opened which I practically stocked, and sold in, and did the inventory of etc. etc. really taught me a lot;

  23. Grateful to settle down in another city with a semblance of a stable life as an intern at a law firm, and sort of responsible for myself;

  24. Grateful to be a mother oh my; circumstances aside, nothing beats this for me;

  25. Grateful to get into network marketing and all I keep learning;

  26. Grateful to get married and learn all the bitter-sweet-bitter lessons I learned from rushing like that into such a very serious thing in life;

  27. Grateful for my job with MTN which takes me round the country and gives me the opportunity to do a lot including buy my own first car, meet many people, and sleep in all sorts of places;

  28. Grateful for David my shepherd born with such gentleness, one he still has 12 years later Amen;

  29. Grateful I survive the loss of my daughter who died a day after she was born. It wasn’t an easy survival for the depression I plunged into led to an attempted suicide a year later;

  30. Grateful I don’t succeed to kill myself and terminate my 5 months old pregnancy in the process – Gaby that baby in the womb kicked me hard just in time. He isn’t named after my brother for nothing I now get it;

  31. Grateful for all my adulteries for they taught me what a mess I had become and the need to salvage myself;

  32. Grateful to leave that marriage one piece, the abuse got worse as time went on both ways and I just had to leave the marriage, my children and my country behind;

  33. Grateful for my time in the desert be it in the UAE, in Tanzania or in Belgium etc– I overcame and learned so much;

  34. Grateful for the new zest to make my mess my message and my tests my testimony;

  35. Grateful I publish my first memoir, the beginning of my big release and journey through forgiveness to all things lovely where I currently live;

  36. Grateful for the wonderful Super Super Hero who took me in and loved me so wonderfully for two years;

  37. Grateful I survived the death of my brother and was only completely down for a month – writing a book about his life was my life line then;

  38. Grateful I can finally finally live with all my sons in our own home – God is Good;

  39. Grateful for all I am learning and sharing and doing and the woman, mother, activist and all I am becoming; and for all the angels on my path;

  40. Grateful God is still saying something and I am listening with rapt attention now Amen.

 

Definitely a tale of from Hopeless to Hopeful; thank you for all the birthday wishes everyone.

My dream is to open a mental health care support center in my city some months from now. Kindly donate any amount you have to support me, I really appreciate. Here is the link

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Closing the third chapter of my life


How do you close a chapter of your life? Let’s muse on with Marie Abanga Global. Today is the last day of the 3rd Chapter of my life. At 00:25am 18.01.2019 I turn 40 years. This means chapter three will be closed once and for all. I have never taken the time to close a chapter of my life like am doing this one. Did I even know what that meant or why I should even bother? Now, Dtor Sea passing on at just 40 has added impetus to my determination to make it matter. I want to this as formally as possible and my spirit led me into a 7 days hibernation and on a spiritual journey so profound only the soon to be published journal will tell it all. It is very important we don’t live meaningless lives moving around out of motion and nothing more. Just doing and doing and never taking a pause to just be, blow it off, appreciate the journey so far and yes close the chapter you are leaving whichever that is. Anyways, that is how this chapter 3 of mine is going into the annals of my history. If I can borrow a line or two from the one and only Ndinga man gone ahead aka Lapiro, I will sing: “Chapter 3 Wise girl no fit dem again because she be God’s Girl”. Happy musing everyone, it was worth the hibernating and it is possible. The journal will be published on my blog and the link made available … it’s free for all although on the Amazon the least cent may be demanded by their platform
#musewithMAG
#MAGinspires
#MAGmotivates
#MAGtakesthelead
#MAGisintentional
#MAGcloseschapter3
#AttitudeofGratitude
#IamGodsGirl

Posted in Marie's Garden

Book review: My Brother’s Journey


Dear Ashley,

Thank you so much for this awesome review. When I wrote that book, it was a means of survival because I was slipping. Insomnia for one month regardless of what I did, max 3 hours or restless sleep as from 2 week after he died. I lost maybe 10 or more kgs, I was a mess and started seeing a psychiatrist and psychotherapist myself leading to my PTSD diagnosis. I didn’t know anyone especially non African could read or get anything out of the book. It was to me a way of immortalizing the brother I knew. Simpleton as I used it really meant what I googled it to be: ‘a fool’. I couldn’t say it any other way – life has dealt me so many blows I wonder which is next lol.
I therefore really appreciate your reviewing this book of all the books I wrote. Thank you from the bottom of heart.
Let’s continue with our advocacy and self care all the way

Mental Health @ Home

Book cover: My brother's journeyMy Brother’s Journey: From Genius To Simpleton by Marie Abanga is a moving tribute to her younger brother Gabriel, whose life was taken away far too soon by mental illness.  It includes not only Marie’s words, but also the words of others who knew and loved her brother.

In the book she shares what a kind person he was with great personal and academic promise until illness entered his life and irreversibly changed him.  The “simpleton” reference in the title reflects the challenges he had with performing basic tasks towards the end of his life.  The book includes letters he had written, which showed a clear decline given that he had previously done very well in school.

He was diagnosed with epilepsy while he was still in school, and had multiple hospitalizations.  He was later diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.  He moved to Germany to further his studies, but ended up being…

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A World free of Violence is possible: Let’s commit to giving this a chance


 

I used to wonder as a child, why one parent beat me up so often and even ‘mercilessly’, while the other had discussions with me especially when I did something they or everyone was not so proud of. The only time this other parent gave me a total of 8 lashes, was when I broke the TV set (unintentionally of course – but then again…) back in 1985 when TVs especially in my country cameroon in West Africa, were still a big thing. Back then, TVs slept in your parents’ room or were locked up in an iron cage in the living room for fear of robbers. I used to wonder if this other parent who would use phrases such as ‘I will skin you alive’, thought of the adverse childhood experiences that trauma could and indeed has come to have in my life today. My relationship with this parent is still strained today although we are on terms with that past (I have long made my peace with all of that); that with the other parent has survived and it is still on discussions’ level especially when there is any issue at stake.

With the above example from my own life, I want to look at the possibility of a violence free world if we become aware of what we get when we are violent in anyway. Was it worth it all those violent outbursts of anger and relay of frustrations on the kid I was and was just trying to be? What was achieved if anything at all? What is the consequences today, not only on our relationship but on the other ones we have with others?

I will again be candid here, intending to spark serious reflections into the imperative need to commit to a world free of violence starting right there in our home and not on the streets or in conferences.

The first answer to my own rhetoric question is no; no it was worth the ‘skinning me alive’ – all that made me more rebellious and ‘difficult’ to handle. I recall today I would just dissociate at some point and one day ended up collapsing and only found myself in bed all embalmed. I wish I could say that was the last time I was violated and abused as a child. What could be achieved after such violence? Hate, loathing, spite, urge for revenge whichever way possible, more rebellion and the list goes on. But, we have I must admit, a two side coined consequence. I emphasize on this ‘two side’ because it could have been a single consequence: ‘More violence’ even if only subtle say non communications or outbursts of rage and tantrums into adulthood and ruined relationships. But, in my case, I am happy to say while the relationship with parent took big hits and is still on its way to recoveryville, I decided long ago I wasn’t going to ever ‘skin any child alive’. Indeed, my 4 sons know I don’t do beatings, I hold discussions or find alternative ways of dealing with what issue comes up.

I couldn’t some how for the sanity of me ever understand why one parents had to ‘hate’ me so to find violence the only or best way possible to call me to order, which one I still don’t know since it would appear even up till date they still think I am ‘a lost case’ needing some further call to order.

Violence does not necessarily result only in violence; indeed it leads very often to worst case scenarios. Lives may be lost completely, or to a mental health disorder, relationships may be forever ruined, the children may grow up so volatile they become easy preys for gangs, armed rebellion, drugs and debauchery, in short any and all things contrary to what must have ever been foreseen in the beginning. Girls may grow up so insecure and fall prey to abusive relationships, unwanted pregnancies or further gender based violence. What kind of mothers and parents/partners can they be expected to become or replicate?

Non violence is possible. I enrolled in an online course on non-violent communication last year and it was such a turning point. When one of my sons was ‘mercilessly’ spanked by a teacher in school because as a 9 year active child he wasn’t expected to be talking in class when bored, I opted for non-violent but firm communication until the issue was resolved to my satisfaction. The teacher met with the dean of studies and myself, we reviewed what happened and why, we looked at alternative ways all that could have been handled, we appreciated the issue currently at stake and the consequences if I pressed charges both with the school administration and the national delegation of education, and he made all amends as tabled including apologizing to my son and his classmates. I organized a talk and he shared our experience in a light manner, encouraging his colleagues not to resort to violence in school again.

That is the commitment I am talking about. It is possible, we have to give it a chance; It however has to start from the ‘grass roots’ that is from our own homes. In my neighbourhood, I am known as the ‘lawyer of children’. When I moved in here in 2016, one particular neighbour made me have violent flashbacks because they were always on their 4 year old ‘skinning the poor child alive’. One day, I refused to ‘mind my business’, and stormed to their gate hitting same with so much anger in me. When they finally opened up, I told them I was calling the commissioner of police for our area because they had no right to beat up a child like that (it mattered not if it were their child as they initially insisted). Their spouse probably tired by then to make any attempt at getting the beating to stop, just watched as our ‘drama unfolded’. Anyway, my involvement put an end to those beatings and the news spread in the neighbourhood like a wild fire – even spouses ever on each other’s neck started reviewing all that thereafter.

I don’t beat and all the other kids especially the young girls who are still sadly over laden with the chores more than the boys, love playing in my compound or just being around me, especially those termed ‘difficult’. I hold neighbourhood gatherings as part of activities of my association Hope for the Abused and the Battered, as well the other one I am involved in as Secretary General called Ripples of love – a name I am proud to say I chose.

Love is all we need; love is what we get when we sow love and not violence; a violence free world is possible let’s all commit to giving it a chance and be the hope for the world we want. Let’s have discussions on the table and not use our hands, whips or guns.

I am doing a fundraising campaign to open a mental health care support center for my association Hope for the Abused and Battered. If you can donate or share the campaign, please do. Attached is the budget in PDF, who knows where a funder or partner can be found?

budget mhbudget mhcsc and shelter 05.01.19 p1 budget mhcsc and shelter 05.01.19 p2csc and shelter 05.01.19 p2

A mental health care support center is my dream birthday gift – donate and make it happen


Hello World,

By Grace I have come up with a budget for my organization, as well as clear tasks. It is getting clearer and clearer. I am merely an instrument and I know my God is able. No knowledge gotten is ever wasted. Thank you papa for all the ways you took to teach me all I know today. I am forever grateful to all my past employers who pushed me to learn and gave me feedback I could constructively rely on to improve my performance today. Nothing is ever easy, sacrificing a saturday morning because you have to do it and no one else, is worth the cheer. Thank you to all Angels on my path, those who believe in this project enough and donate, those who will through their cynicism teach me more prudence, those who will through their prayer make it more spiritually grounded and ordained.
#Nothingistoohardtolearn
#attitudeofgratitude
#Hopefortheabusedandbattered
#thereishope
#bethehope

Visit my campaign and donate, thank you very much

Please Donate for my association Hope 4 the Abused $ Battered


 

 

Hello World, I turn 40 years in 16 days (18. 01. 79) and my wish is to open a mental health care support center and shelter for victims and survivors of Domestic Violence and Gender based violence in my city.

Please, just click here and donate whatever you have. Donate to/for me while I am still alive. My association Hope for the Abused and Battered is a precious baby who was born pursuant to a 39 year tough pregnancy with various traumatic twists and turn leaving me with different physical and mental health challenges. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in 2008 and PTSD in 2014. In 2013 I was almost all deaf and had to start wearing hearing aids immediately. In the midst of it all, Hope kept me going.

Thank you very much for your generous donations

Make it Matter


Hello world and happy new year.

I got inspired to do a Facebook live video this morning and hope you can watch it.

I also hope it is spires and motivates someone.

Have a great start to your greatest year yet.