Posted in Book Reviews

I am always honoured and humbled by such, and just can’t stop writing and advocating


BTS_Cover

What a review, so honest and yet warming:

By Valerie Caraotta TOP 1000 REVIEWER on August 12, 2015 
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This memoir by Marie Abanga depicts her life mixed with tragedies and successes with the ultimate resolution that a bitter past did not have to define who she is today. As Marie shares her rocky past with a narcissistic father it would play a role in her decision-making and eventual fate of her brother.

Divorce of her parents, while living with her mother, she would coax a man into marrying her to escape home life. “I was sick and tired of living the way I was and thought that marriage could be my refuge. ” while she flew into the arms of the first man who caught her attention in 2004 the repercussions were immense. Physical abuse and his emotional neglect to teach her a lesson in submissiveness would spiral her into extra marital affairs. A pervading question would engulf her: “How could I coax a man into marrying me and not be able to get him to come along emotionally? ”

She would exit the marriage and leave her kids with her mother. Her hopes of a dream job in Dubai would not come to fruition. Marie Abanga would get a life coach, study International Law at Kent university in Brussels and moved in to a man’s apartment she met from and online dating site.

Today things look different in her outlook but not before she suffered major depression, suicide tendencies and the death of her brother to mental illness. This is one of three books to her credit with each memoir shedding pieces of her life. Her coach and friends have helped along the way. A graduate degree in addition to her being a lawyer, she serves as a consultant today in Belgium.

If you enjoy reading memoirs and stories of trials and obstacles overcome then this book I would recommend.

Posted in Book Reviews, Marie's Garden, Mental Health Advocacy

Book Review: Black Pain – It just Looks like We’re Not Hurting, by Terrie M. Williams


Real Talk For When There's Nowhere to go but Up
Real Talk For When There’s Nowhere to go but Up

This is not the book I had hoped to review while I travel to the US for the first time. I mean I should be writing exciting stuffs right? But, there is so much pain in me as I travel there. My Brother’s birthday is tomorrow June 6th. He would have been turning 34. Yet, as the sub theme of this Terrie’s bestseller puts it; It Just Looks Like We’re not Hurting.

Black Pain

Terrie Williams
Terrie Williams

I have been through much more than I would have loved to go through in the 36 years of my existence. Yet, it sure did look for long like I was not hurting. It sure still looks that way to many, and yes even to some close family members. Notwithstanding my thrilling memoirs, the pain can’t still be seen. It is Black!!!

In my last memoir, I shared in the acknowledgments that 4 main authors were my inspiration in this other healing journey via my keyboard. This is what I said of Terrie’s book Black Pain:

” Really, I first thought the Black referred to Black as in skin colour. I now think it fits the Blackness of Melancholia which could so engross you and really make you pick up a knife like I once did”.

Does it have to get to such a desperate point before help is sought and given? So many questions abound. Here is what Terrie says:

Black Pain identifies emotional pain – She knows because she’s one of them.

Terrie had made it: she had launched her own public relations company with such clients as Eddie Murphy and Johnnie Cochran. Yet she was in constant pain, waking up in terror, overeating in search of relief. For thirty years she kept on her game face of success, exhausting herself daily to satisfy her clients’ needs while neglecting her own.

Terrie finally collapsed, staying in bed for days. She had no clue what was wrong or if there was a way out. She had hit rock bottom and she needed and got help.

She learned her problem had a name — depression — and that many suffered from it, limping through their days, hiding their hurt. As she healed, her mission became clear: break the silence of this crippling taboo and help those who suffer.

Some personal takeaways from reading this soulful book

I came across this book on New Year’s Eve in Vienna, and I knew I was going to find myself in several instances in there. I read it like a text book, making notes and preparing myself for when I’ll have to take my Mental Health Advocacy to the next level. I share some below:

  • Page 2:  “People Should Understand that depression is not an attitude problem. It’s not a character weakness, it’s not a spiritual weakness. It may reflect in those things, but depression is related to changes in the brain, and what people should know is that you just can’t snap out if”. David Satcher, MD, PHD, Former Surgeon General and Director…
  • Page 31/32: “I’m not your Superwoman – Overworked, Undervalued, and Under Pressure. I was known for holding it together for everyone. Always worried about whether other people were over their limit, stressed or overburdened. But when it came to myself I had no mercy”.
  • Page 38: Your silence won’t protect you. Trauma doesn’t go away just because you push it to the back of your mind. Not acknowledging trauma is one of the most common causes of depression. The truth is, we’re not to blame, shame won’t help us, and we’re not all powerful.
  • Page 109: We were conditioned from very early on to divorce ourselves from our feelings. You had to deal silently with the stress that was a constant part of growing up. No one ever talked about the pain, the Trauma…
  • Page 127: If we want to deal effectively with depression, we have to go right to where it starts: we have to go right to childhood. Unless we take children more seriously as fully human beings, (that means having them at the table with us!) – and take the issues that trouble them just as seriously – we are dooming them to repeat the worst pains of our own lives.
  • Page 295: We heal by Sharing our stories, our struggles, our victories

It is only then that we can conclude that we’re having Real Talk – The type you have when there’s nowhere to go but up.

As a conclusion

I am most obliged to Terrie for puttling it all in that book. She shares her innermost struggles, and she says even her own family never knew about them until she published an article. Would they have believed her before she crashed? How can I give this book any less than a 5? Such inspire me to the core, such motivate me without measure. I am grateful for my healing journey and the opportunity to help several others too.

Do yourself a favour and check this book out especially if you or some one dear to you is hurting.

More on Terrie Williams

Terrie’s community outreach and mental health advocacy work began with her book, Stay Strong: Simple Life Lessons for Teens. Her latest book, Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting, recounts her personal struggles with depression and the impact the stigma of mental illnesses has, particularly on the African-American community.

Who says you can’t talk about it and still thrive on?

Posted in Marie's Garden, Mental Health Advocacy, My Memoirs

F3 to my Memoir: P2 Narcissistic Abuse of Children by Parents and the family traumatic experience


  • BTS_Cover
    I promissed to share the second part of my F3 with you, and it is in all account one of the most sensitive topics of my memoir and even entire life. Indeed, even F2 was difficult to face.

    ” Narcissistic abuse can take many different forms, but the basics of narcissistic abuse is always the same. It would appear that all the narcissists discuss their ‘cruel tactics‘ at their ‘voodoo yearly Narcissistic convention’ (to put it this lightly). In my case I married a woman who turned out to be narcissist. However, before I understood what was going on, there were already two innocent children involved, and we were supposed to be a family.

    When the children were young, they were not a big threat to their Mom, and to her Narcissistic image. Although it was not clear in the beginning, afterwards it became clear that the narcissistic mother also was practising the ‘Munchen by Proxy syndrome on the children. This was one form of child abuse, and besides the making up of all kind of medical problems for both of the children, and convincing doctors to prescribe all kind of medicines, this woman bought all kind of medicines without a prescription, to give to the children.

    When it came to eating and feeding the children, the younger child (her golden child), was allowed to eat everything he wanted, while the girl, (her scapegoat) was not allowed to eat anything at all, because she was supposedly allergic to all kinds of different products. Although she claimed that both of the children had the same allergies, she allowed the boy to eat anything he liked, up to several hamburgers a week, until he became so fat that he was bullied at school by other children. The daughter was made so scared about eating, because everything could cause an allergic reaction. She finally ended up in the hospital where she needed enteral tube feeding, because the eating trauma pushed the child to stop eating at the age of just six. She stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks, but the enteral tube feeding had to continue for 6 month, and the treatment for PTSD syndrome took another year.

    After a court order forced my wife, and the mother of my children to leave the house, the children needed to learn how a normal meal looked like. After barely three months, my daughter has eaten over 50 new different food items, all of which she was supposedly allergic to according to her mother.

    Although the boy was never tested for allergies, the boy was suffering from the same allergies as his sister, according to their mother, and yet was allowed to eat anything he liked. At 11 years of age the boy turned into an obese teenager, who was too fat to even do any sports. It takes great effort to get him moving and to even start eating healthy things. He probably also suffers from some yet to be diagnosed behavioural and mental condition.

    Although now the abuse by their mum has largely stopped, it is going to take a long time before these teenagers are going to understand what they can eat and what is healthy for them to eat and what quantities are good for them.

    A new life for the entire family is starting once more. Without the narcissist around, everybody is starting to realise that they have been abused, and that they have experienced all kind of traumatic incidents, for years in a row, every day.

    Both of the children refuse to have any contact with their mother.  Since the court ruled that there should be a 6 hours visit every two Sundays in a month, between the children and their mother, the children have become even more determined to go no contact with her once the divorce procedure is over. Unfortunately the system is not prepared enough to understand that there are situations where no contact is the best option in a given scenario.

    The mother has had the opportunity for over 14 and 11 years to show her children what she can do for them, and yet all what the children have come out with is so much loathing of her person and sometimes each other.

    If you ever meet anybody in your life that tells you that they never want to talk to their mother or father, don’t tell them that it is their parent and they should love their parent. This causes only more traumatic experiences for children. Please show some empathy towards these people, that is the best you can give to people who suffer from traumatic experiences caused by a Narcissistic parent. I can therefore understand and empathise with Marie’s narration of her childhood. She was rightly her father’s golden child, and she has suffered so much as a consequence, enough to decide to go no contact with him”.

Healing is possible but it’s a journey which may take a whole life time if we are not lucky. As I shared last week about my healing journey from domestic abuse, this only started when I decided to go against convention and call it as such. This is therefore what I am doing with my entire healing journey from a very traumatic childhood, one which largely contributed to my brother’s mental demise and death.

I wish you all the best of your healing journeys…

Posted in Marie's Garden, My Memoirs

F3 to my Memoir: Narcissistic Abuse of Children by Parents and the family traumatic experience, By CB Belgium


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It wasn’t until very recently, that I put my hand sort of on what had been going on in my family of birth. I think I could somehow scientifically figure out what was wrong with dad.  I was also dare I say lucky to have met someone who had lived a similar traumatic experience from a spouse! I was very honoured that he agreed to write a 3rd foreword to my memoir. It is a true life story, and I’ll share his foreword in two parts. Do come back then for F3 (b) in two days.

I agreed with apprehension and yet deep relief when Marie asked me to write a foreword for her memoir on the subject of narcissism. Given that I am still fighting hard to get my life and those of my two kids on track after such a very traumatic experience with a spouse I have come to realise was and is a narcissist, you would understand my mixed feelings.

Most people who haven’t been used as a narcissistic supply, and have never been involved with Narcissism, are not aware of the impact that Narcissistic people can have on their families, children, spouse or even themselves.

Although in an abusive and very challenging marriage, I had never heard about Narcissism until I was in my forties and my wife started to accuse me of being a Narcissist.  Since I was not aware of what she was accusing me about, I needed to understand what or who a Narcissist is. So I went on the Internet and started searching.

After reading a first article about Narcissism I did not recognised my own behaviour, I was only reading things that I had seen, recognised, tried to discuss, tried to change, in the behaviour of my wife. I then had a moment of revelation. I was not the mentally ill person in the family, but I started to realise that my wife was the one having a mental illness. At that moment I could not read much more, it just was to confronting to me.

During the summer period of 2014, after 14 years of marriage, the violent behaviour of my wife became worse each day, at that moment it was not clear what was going on. One day my wife took an axe and smashed the front and tail lights of my car, while the children were around and watching the whole episode. Both of the children started to talk about the incident at school with some teachers, and after several days I was invited by the directors of both their schools, to have a talk about the behaviour of my wife. At one of the schools I was told that my wife was having a mental problem, and that the school had already organised a safe place for both of my children. They told me to take immediately action, otherwise they would!

During the coming days, I contacted a lawyer and asked him to use all legal instruments to get a divorce from my wife. After I made this decision I started to realise that I was actually in an abusive marriage which had already endured for over 14 good years. It was then that I returned with rage to read all I could about Narcissism. Finally I was reading for over 5 hours a day about this mental illness.

This mental illness of my wife almost killed me, but I was not ready to die yet, I had to take my responsibility to teach my children about a life without abuse. I have to finish the project that is called raising children, with an end date of August 2021 when they would have all turned 18. Like in any project you have to constantly update a risk log and initiate actions to minimise the risk. In this case the risk is all kinds of Narcissistic abuse, one of the best counter measures is go no contact with my ex-wife, although it is almost impossible to go no contact when you have children together, at least the contact should be minimised. To be continued…

Posted in Journey to Coaching, Marie's Garden, My Memoirs

When one door closes…


Door closing

When I chose the theme of this blog, I didn’t imagine that the thrilling life I was referring to, was on going.

And so dear gentle readers, here I am at another thrilling juncture of my life. Wow, barely a month after I took a big leap of faith and found a box to call home, fate is now stepping in to test my faith yet again. Make of it what you want, but the deal is, one door just closed in on me…

That door was my main source of income for the moment. But here is the gist is: though I feel some apprehension for the future, I feely relieved – so relieved that I slept from 9 pm to 7.45 am. Now, given my tumultuous  relationship with sleep, that is a good damn record. I woke up and walked in the woods, I felt it wasn’t over with Brussels yet…

20150313_113315 20150313_113703

There is this religious saying that when God doesn’t want you anymore at a job, he gives you a sack letter. I think it means that he gets your boss to fire you or terminate your assignment as in my case…

It wasn’t like I didn’t forsee that, I just thought it was gonna be later.

So now, am I gonna cry over spilled milk? Am I gonna keep staring at the closed door so badly that I miss all the several others already opening up? Ha, am my mother’s daughter or what? Am I my granny’s baby or what? Am I my beloved departed brother’s sister or not?

Am not the first in that sacking school you know. Come on people, life goes on. I have so much to be grateful for. I have so much to look forward to. I have so many to count on for just all type of support. Mum dearest told me I had her back, her shoulder and her knee. My sisters are cheering me all the way, and numerous others too. Even if some were to ‘rejoice’ over this mishap, they won’t dare to my face!!! As if I cared anyway!!!

Several Doors of Opportunity
Several Doors of Opportunity

As Les Brown says, you gotta be hungry! I am not only hungry for new opportunities, I am equally fully prepared!

Already submitted, two weeks ahead of dateline
Already submitted, two weeks ahead of dateline

Gosh, I just finished my LL.M. degree and other achievements. For an immigrant and an MJC ( Mary Just Come ), at barely 2 yrs in this different world…

I just finished the first draft of my third memoir, I have been through thick and thin in this life, I am trying my best at transcontinental motherhood, yes I have come a long way and am not gonna crying over spilled milk. I anticipated the worst case scenario as I responded to my boss’s summons; and now that it has happened, I have more material for my current and next memoir.

Dear gentle readers and followers, I admit it ain’t easy. I know some will say but ah, she knows what she’s counting on. Indeed I know. I know the shoulders on which I stand. You don’t get to shake hands with Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, read her memoir, and stay the same. And so, when one door closes, oh my, am just gonna be very vigilant, and ready for the several others opening up…

Posted in About, Marie's Garden

Hurray It’s my Birthday: 36 course in 36 years


MM full of anticipation
MM full of anticipation

I am glad to have made it to 36! At some point in my teenage, l kept feeling l’ll leave this world at 33! Not that l didn’t like life, but l felt it didn’t like me and l was doing so much to get it to accommodate me! Well, I didn’t but my Gaby did, while I had tried to let myself out at age 30! Anyway, you readers can thus understand why my 35th Anniversary message here was this emotional.

And so on this day when l celebrate my 3rd bonus year (from 33 you know) or my 6th (from the suicide attempt), permit me to share with you blogging pals the main courses l have taken so far, the lessons learnt and those I still ponder about:
The jittery Pupil
The jittery Pupil
  1. It isn’t the absence of fights that mean there’s peace;
  2. Being a dad on the parlour sofa does not make you one for your kids;
  3. Pushing trauma to the back of your mind doesn’t mean it’ll go away or even stay just there;
  4. Your crowd largely reflects you or some big part of: I have met and liked the good, the bad and the ugly;
  5. A smile can mean you are appreciated, envied or simply wished vanished;

    A pupil on a permanent internship in the school of life (hope the cute boil on my nose produces a wink)
    A pupil on a permanent internship in the school of life (hope the cute boil on my nose produces a wink)
  6. You have a right to choose your friends;
  7. Mental illness is for real and it can take all shapes and forms, and even visits celebrity & royalty;
  8. Love truly lies in the hands of the beholder;
  9. You either stand your ground or get trampled upon;
  10. Regardless of the above, humility is one great virtue;
  11. Sometimes it’s so hard to pick up a mirror cause the reflection could as well be too bright enough to blind you;
  12. It’s not how fast you skip through formal education, it is how far your survive in the informal school;
  13. Illusions are mostly what make the world go round;
  14. The more unconventional it is, the more appealing it could sometime be;
  15. We are ere past the inquisition – I put Faith, Hope and Charity on the same lane; I refuse to align behind any Religion;
  16. knowing how to spell a word today doesn’t mean you’ll always know how to spell the same word;
  17. Nothing permanently binds a pauper to that pauperhood;
  18. Nothing permanently guarantees a millionaire his millions;
  19. Insurance is simply business built on fear, but a good one nonetheless;
  20. Some keep their troubles to themselves while others just can’t keep their troubles to themselves: that’s equally democracy;
  21. There indeed can be miracles when you believe – yet it is and should rightly be a choice;
  22. If you truly can’t adapt, stop trying and move on – one day your visit here below will be unilaterally terminated, for you would have outlived any purpose;

    Plain Me
    Plain Me
  23. It’s a 6/6 hole for all so I am made to believe;
  24.  Were really all men born of a woman? I still ponder!;
  25. Are boys better than girls or does it really matter?;
  26. What the heck did pigmentation think when it was leaving some bodies devoid of protection?;
  27. Must medication have side effects?;
  28. I once thought a second was the smallest unit of time, how limited was my imagination?;
  29. Either grow up, think global and act local or remain in your mother’s eggs;
  30. An ocean of knowledge is how l now see it, and the journey across takes a lifetime;
  31. Who do you wanna be? The option is to face that now or latter when it may as well be too late!;
  32. How would you know how you are remembered? That could give me more incentive;
  33. I had thought by now l should be immune to pain;
  34. My future is indeed behind me, it is those 3 boys who call me mama;
    The gentlemen in my life
    The gentlemen in my life
    For them I thrive amidst my challenges
    For them I thrive amidst my challenges

    it is all the school girls l campaign for; it is all the boys l advocate to treat their sisters in all equity and equality;

  35. There are just two words that change it all to unlucky, unhappy, unimportant…;

    My memoir
    My memoir
  36. Baring myself in my memoir was the most dreadful thing l did to my family, the most therapeutic thing l did for myself, and an amazing thing l did for the community.
× The bonus is – l found love, at last deep within me! It’s ok not to have a man or any one validate you, it’s ok to have ‘me’ time, it’s ok to follow your inner GPS, and sure while we’re still at it, it’s ok to have some fun!!!
And you gentle readers and followers, do you mind sharing any of your lessons or leaving a comment on one of mine? Come on now, that’s the only birthday present I humbly ask of you 🙂
Posted in Journey to Coaching, Marie's Garden, Mental Health Advocacy

Taking my mask off


A white mask on a black face is probably closest description of what I had
A white mask on a black face is probably closest description of what I had

I wore a mask for a pretty large chunk of my life and then one day I couldn’t keep it on. I just had to take it off, peel it or drag it out along with some of my skin, whatever it took I did, and still do. I was suffocating beneath that mask. Dear gentle readers and followers, this post was inspired by a great blog I came across recently and now follow with my entire 3 D’s (Determination, Discipline, Dedication)!

Defined and Classified

I think I had been defined and classified from childhood. I was defined as an outgoing person, an extrovert and a brave cum courageous and all girl. I was proud to be all that and happier to belong to the Class of those ‘marked out to make it in society’.  ‘My world’ knew I had all I needed to make it in life and I mean, external life surely right?  My dad had a ‘good job’, and we went to ‘good schools’. I was ‘smart’, ‘beautiful’ (this guarantees a good marriage for most I suppose), generous and even pious when need be. Hmm, how much I fitted into Conventional Society?

I grew up really feeling I belonged and dared not disappoint any one but myself. You know, you live with yourself all your life and you have to face yourself some day some how. But In the Meantime, I soared. I was bound to. What was the alternative? I had to fight for my brother, first physically and now emotionally. There were yet, some instances where I ‘derailed’ (my mask loosened its grip sort of), but em that was ok by ‘society’ – it can happen.

Crowning my ‘success’

Yes, to crown my success as was expected of a ‘normal and lucky girl like me’, I went through different schools and universities. I got some job or the other, and then got called to the prestigious Cameroon Bar Association. Before that, I got married to a ‘good man’. I even had kids, 3 boys for that much – any African knows the importance of having at least one son right? What a success? I ‘loved’ that mask. Indeed, it hadn’t failed me so far, I couldn’t afford to let it down. I could deal with any ‘hurts I had wearing it on each day’, I could deal with the ‘voices in my head’, simply put, I knew how to live parallel lives.

Did I really get it?

This is a good question I suppose. I think I did for a while and I had plans on sorting myself out in hiding you know! In one of our Advocates In Training  workshops, I chose to present on ‘The Private Life of a Lawyer’. Premonition or what? Who was I making fun of? I knew all what I was doing in ‘private’ then but that was covered behind my mask right? And so, I think I got it then when I lectured to some applause how a ‘good lawyer’ had to carry on privately making sure his deeds never tainted his ‘public life’. The profession is a noble one and I even hear they bury their departed member face down (em, whatever that means – I may even opt to be cremated for all I care).

How parallel is this?
How parallel is this?

I couldn’t keep that mask on anymore

I had to pull that mask off
I had to pull that mask off

I just had to take it off. It was getting so unreal for me, I was hurting, aching, burning, hoping and wishing each day was going to be my last. One day, I picked up a knife, this was the ultimate. I am sure I scared even my unborn son. My Mask was so white and yet I was so black. I decided to sort it out my way because by then, I was already so depressed and mentally challenged enough to trust ‘those who had helped me put on that mask in the first place’. I thus relied on my own troubled guts and my ‘non-classified friends’ (actually classified as dangerous). The street kids, the rascals, the adulterers, the prostitutes.

I am happy I did, it has since then been all about honesty. I braved it, I dared it, I tamed it, and I stood up to it. I still do face several challenges both within and otherwise. I am just happy I no longer have a mask on. I decided not to blog with an acronym or other name than mine. It is no more about ‘crowning success’ and ‘living up to expectations’. It is no more about ‘making my parents family and society proud’. It is now about doing myself right, feeling right and advocating for right my way.

Dear gentle readers and followers, I have lost all what ‘crowned my success’ back then and even one of my dearest love. I may be disbarred from that noble and legal profession for this this much with my hitherto ‘private life’. I am now fully divorced, I left those same kids behind and get to visit them maybe once a year, I am starting all over so to say. At least, I don’t have a mask on, and wouldn’t dare help consciously put another one on someone’s face. And you?

Posted in Journey to Coaching, Marie's Garden

Three TV Shows and Three Radio Shows in Two weeks


interview-with-vovI was recently visiting Cameroon my Motherland and was so touched by the reception my book and l got there. Being invited to Three TV Shows and Three Radio Shows in barely two weeks, indicated to me that my message was one several longed to hear, it was one most could identify with somehow and it was one many were willing and ready to discuss. For these, I am most grateful and humbled.

The journey to publishing that book wasn’t an easy one. Think about easy in all aspects of human pathology and you can understand the battles I fought to get that done. I did a post on that journey and you could refresh right here. Iy still ain’t over and yet another book is in the pipeline.

Yes, I was lauded for having done this ‘huge’ contribution to breaking ‘Taboo’ and as one of my fans put it: “U have broken societal and cultural norms that even some of the brave have dared not to touch. I’m am definitely ur number 1 fan!!!!” and another wrote: “U ve conquered ur fears and broken societal barriers to discover who u are, love you have a place and a voice that which the girl child has been denied.”

Yes, I haven’t done the most unimaginable thing but oh yes, I the woman and daughter many thought to ‘know’ and maybe even ‘master, has dared to go ‘there’. And yes, I go there because I think it is high time someone went there. Obviously and perhaps not for my sake anymore, but for surely countless other African girls and women and of course all woman folk the world over.

Some men have reached out to me to, if I was keeping track, I bet the men have been more than the women. Indeed, my first TV appearance was in the presence of three able gentlemen,

With the News room crew
With the News room crew

who spared not an inch in their questions, thoughts and even looks, as if to say; ‘yes lady – we salute your audacity and wish to baptize you with this fire before unleashing you to the public’. 

Discussing albeit delicate and maybe even ‘frightful’ topics, like Child and spouse abuse, adultery, mental health and much more, meant I was ‘looking for more trouble on my already frail heart’.

But dear gentle readers and followers, the truth is that, that is all part of my therapy and message. I will never say that enough. It helps me as much as it does you, to write and read all what I write. It even gets me to go into deeper ‘soul searches’ in my ‘healing journey’. I have come a long way and the road ahead still seems ever menacing. Yet, I am ready and hope for good and better holistic health to carry on.

A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song. Maya Angelou

And so, for all these, I am not relenting my efforts to bring such discussions to the table.  Indeed, the very thin line between my ‘private and public’ life, may as well be wiped out by such ‘adventures’ but that will only serve my ‘soul songs’ better. What could be your view on this?

Posted in From Around!, Marie's Garden

Musings from My Trips: Cameroon


Musings and all
Musings and all

I want to do a series this week on musings from my trips to Africa. I know Africa isn’t a country but a continent, yet since l visited three countries in all, l summarize the trip as being to Africa.  Yes, I visited two countries as planned, and got to a third by circumstance. However, it was most welcomed because l got to address one of my soul’s ‘issues’ l had long hoped to address.  So, series one is obviously on my Trip to Cameroon my Beloved Mother Land.

And l saw my Boys

A few hours after landing, still jet lagged
A few hours after landing, still jet lagged

At least, their Dad did well to send them over to my mum the eve of my arrival. They were thus at the airport to pick me up and we spent two good weeks together. Although when l returned from Kigali and l wanted to go visit the other two to bid them farewell, their dad had switched gears again and nastily denied, l was grateful for the time l got with them. l didn’t get to see that dad of theirs and l couldn’t be bothered. l had thought he was getting civil but no, his own demons surely aren’t done with him yet. He sure is still basking in ‘pity pride’, l was the adulterous wife – but hey, l got my divorce finalized and his name is off mine.

My magic Trio
My magic Trio

My boys and l did a lot of talking and we sure went places together. We talked about topics as varied as death, love, faith and all. Sure some will not understand such discussions with ‘kids’ that young.  l however, know my boys and feel it deep in me that those conversations flow and are rooted. We’ve done such from even when they were in the womb and even though apart, we still do converse by phone, emails and all.

Sure, l got depressed some time and cried my eyes out in the Loo. I have always loved the loo as a refuge and sometimes l can even fall asleep in there. l find some peace there especially knowing l wouldn’t be disturbed that easily. Yes, that is life and there is strength in what remains. My first son was the most hit as usual because he is all by himself at my mum’s, given his father is ‘out of the question’. Hmm, almost ‘taboo’ you would say. But one day, l know it’ll be over and am doing my best for him to have a relationship with that ‘father’ of his mindful of all. He is an innocent lad, he shouldn’t be made guilty of ‘our folly’.

Interviews and Shows on TV and radio

My, l could never for once think they would be that many. Sure l have a friend who knows some people and took it upon himself to be my PR, but even two he didn’t contact, contacted me directly. I had to choose due to my short stay and l ended up doing two TV shows and three radio shows. Considering they lasted a good hour on the average, you will agree l tried my best. The shows were not only about my book – yes that book. l equally seized whatever opportunity l got, to relate to my mental health advocacy and my other job for Women In Parliament whose summit l was preparing and got to attend in Kigali Rwanda.

TV Shows in Pictures  

With the News room crew
With the News room crew of Canal 2
Interview with Voice of the Voiceless
Interview with Voice of the Voiceless – hosted by Amy Banda of Spectrum TV
After the good morning Cameroon Show of STV
After the good morning Cameroon Show of STV

Radio Interviews

Oh no, l just realize l never did pictures with my radio hosts, what a f–k. Well, l have the recordings and will be uploading them on you tube in due time. The shows were on my book mainly and one of them dwelt on the ‘delicate subject’ of Adultery. The show was Frank Talk, and trust me to be FRANK and nothing else. The other one was called Options, and yes l admitted to the ‘poor options’ l chose in life which contributed to amplifying my mess of an hitherto past.

Epilogue of Trip 1

l am hoping to be back next year. l met quite a number of ‘friends’ and talked to several others on phone. Sure, many of those ‘friends’ are now relegated to ‘acquaintances’ and some don’t have any  more ‘qualification’ in my heart. Am sure l had long been displaced on their list too. Several others l didn’t think of as ‘friends’, surprised me by reaching out to me, to buy my book, read, and feed back me in all honesty. Even some of my ‘ex boyfriends’, contacted me and we ‘laughed and talked’. Indeed, l needed this trip!

Dear gentle followers and readers, l missed updating you from there thanks to some things l took for granted. l was however pleased to be welcomed by a blog award and l really cried over that. That was simply put; LOVELY! Wishing you all a happy Summer while hoping you stay tuned for my other musings and a little more! I always appreciate your comments, likes and sure sharing which is caring.