Enjoy the Small Stuff.


quickmeups - short uplifting messages.

There’s a very popular book that was first published in 1997 called “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff… and it’s all small stuff”. While I absolutely agree, let’s not stress about the small problems and issues in life, I also think we can look at it from the other side and find the fun / beauty in the small things in our world. Enjoy the Small Stuff.

Enjoy the Small Stuff, Green Light, Small Things are to be Enjoyed. A green light is a small thing, but let’s enjoy it. Photo: Geralt

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” – Mother Teresa

Experience is subjective. To somebody that gets in their car every single day to sit in traffic on their way to work, being in a car is not a novelty, and many times not even enjoyable. To a child that’s never been inside of a car, it may be the eye-opening experience of a…

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Some things we take for granted?


Dear all, thanks to the awful internet connection in this part of the world l find myself, l haven’t blogged for maybe two weeks? Woah, somethings we take for granted?

Well, thanks to insomnia, l decided to try blogging from my phone instead of just staring at the ceiling since being finally up at 1am. Sleep has really hardly been a friend. Just when l think l am starting to ‘sleep’, the disorder sets in and the pattern is back to haphazard. Do l take it for granted sometimes?

Before l left for Belgium, l was like maybe several back home, not internet oriented. I didn’t know nor care to learn about twitter, blogging, LinkedIn and you name them. Maybe out of reflex or the several puddles l faced back then?

Now, l came and discovered social media, it also discovered me. We so loved each other and declared our love in a book. Hmm, it was so good to be true. The high speed and wonderful e-family and all? Maybe l started taking all that for granted?

l am afraid to write much more for l may mistakenly touch something and l loose all what l have written.

I just want to thank you all for l truly miss my e-family. Not being able to read your great posts, hurts. Not being able to regularly schedule posts, hurts much more.

I salute all those in this corner of the planet who brave it to feed us with content ever so faithfully. I think of Vincent Egoro and several others l just can’t name all.

Till then, thus goes life. Hmm, say what a post with no images, links and all? Somethings indeed we take for granted?

 

 

The Emotional Freedom Technique – An Improvement of Emotional Wellbeing Through Tapping


I am passionate about emotional wellbeing and really look and work towards becoming a personal and emotional wellbeing coach. I have been deep down there, rubbed my bottom thorough, and am now slowly rising and thriving. I have tried talk and writing therapy as well as exercise and they work marvels.ay we having an issue or the other, find some strength in what remains.

Alliance Counseling Center Blog

By Ilissa Ducoat, MA, CT

 

Throughout my training as a counselor and other healing-based modalities, I am continually reminded of the connection between the mind and the body and its effects on emotional wellness. How often are we in the middle of stressful times, and can name at least seven different ways our bodies are being directly effected by our stress levels? Or vice versa? Chronic pain and/or physical ailments make an impact on our emotional health as well.

 

Last year, I had the privilege of attending a workshop that focused on The Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as EFT. This technique is often explained as psychological acupressure, following the same meridians used during acupuncture, but uses the client’s fingertips as the tool that eliminates emotional blockages instead of needles. We learned and practiced this method over an intensive three-day weekend, during which the instructor said this method…

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Writing: My therapy and message!


Writing as theraphy
Writing as theraphy

Last week, my dear friend Michelle with the lovely title of writer in transit, (I also love adding that she has babbling books), and  who is an able admin over at the Insecure Writers’ Support Group, tagged me in a post on a blog hop about the writing process. This week, is not only pay back time but is above all, write on time.

My writing process or journey if l may use this word, is one where l chose to combine therapy and message. Maybe l am inventing this term but so be it – writotheraphy has been a life line of mine since childhood. When you have had the kind of difficult childhood, parenthood and mental-hood and other ‘hoods’  like l have, writing in journals, blogging and publishing a book, all help your coping mechanisms.

So here are the four questions l will attempt answers to before l pass on the ‘baton’ on this hop:

What am I working on/writing?

I have two blogs: This one and it’s brother over at Blogger.

They are both 7 and 3 months old respectively. The toddler which l created last March for the noble April A to Z challenge, I called it My everydaypersonal blog. l am however sorry for that blog given that l really shouldn’t have christened it so. l now find it a little  misleading. The last time I dropped a post there was maybe …?

I am more faithful to this blog which bears my name and where l write on my thrilling life, emotions and journey with a yet to be diagnosed mental illness and all.

I published the first of my memoirs last March and countdown deals are scheduled for soon. It is an unconventional book, not for the faint of heart, l must confess. I am also a devoted contributor of the Divorce Magazine, where my stories of a Twin Divorce and much more, only leave me all the more on ‘display’.

How does my work/writing differ from others in its genre?

Hmm, good question. My answer is simple. It may not be so different, but it is my story or rather stories? No ‘conventions’ being followed, no reservations made and no line drawn between my ‘personal’ (whatever it really means l really don’t know anymore) and ‘public’ life.

I am happy to be writing from my heart and talking about my challenges this freely especially my challenges with ‘mental illness’ and my search for a diagnosis. I recently wrote a post on being convinced something was wrong with me and l cant wait to finally see a psychiatrist.

Why do I write what I do?

Write life therapy
Write life therapy

Therapy and Message as titled. Simply put,  l want people to know how different perception can be from reality. l want to join the few bold ones in stigmatizing the stigma of ‘mental illness’ and to maybe even start wondering if they too did not have ‘a problem’. l am working on becoming a regular contributor on mental health talk.

Gosh, if l never wrote about all what l have so far been writing, most people who think the know me, wouldn’t believe if someone else told them. Many lives could be saved from suicide if only we cared a little bit more, tolerated a little bit more, understood a little bit more and sure, loved a little bit more.

I leave you to ponder more with these two quotes:

“Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self” – Cyril Connolly

“You don’t write because you want to say something; you write because you’ve got something to say” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

How does my writing process work?

Since l write about me most of the time, the memories or current events inspire my work. I also write about my heroines and heros and l have sort of a mental list especially of my everyday heroines and heros who range from my kind and gentle hairdresser from Senegal, to my dearest June from Jamaica, of course starting with my first and best – my mother.

So, now to passing the ‘baton’; I have just two friends who agreed to join my wagon. One is none other than my all year summer friend. June my Jamaican friend and heroine:

June for profileJune Whittle is a freelance copywriter and blogger. She has two personal blogs and a website that she manages and writes for. She also enjoys writing poems and short stories. She is working on her first fiction novel and eBook. She’s passionate about sharing knowledge, helping businesses grow and using her blogging skills to assist bloggers in educating their audiences.  She uses her blogs as a platform to inspire others.

June can be reached via the contact pages at Divine Copywriter and Miraculous Ladies.

The second is a cool guy who had the gentleness to nominate me for the very inspiring blogger award.

My dearest friend Dr H&J
My dearest friend Dr H&J

H&J is a twenty seven year old man from Yorkshire in the U.K who left his job and life in early 2013 in search of something better.  What he found, among new friends in Australia that December, was a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and finally his unusual life started to make sense.  Initially resistant to his diagnosis, then to treatment, H&J is now medicated and re-learning how to think and live with his illness.  He is the author of The Bipolar Bum (www.thebipolarbum.com) a blog about living and travelling with Bipolar Disorder and the founder of the Skype Support Initiative (http://skypesupportinitiative.wordpress.com/), a peer to peer support network.  He is currently in Tropical Far North Queensland, Australia.

They will post on the 24/25 and will in usual style, share summer roses and more, while answering those four questions l just did above.

Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, what says thou? Your every click counts!

Wow: I am going to my see my Boys!


August 2012, the young men with their commander.
August 2012, the young men with their commander.

I am so full of joy, I am still learning how to deal with my great emotions. Woah, after a year and a half, I am going to see my Boys.

I don’t have much to say because many would never understand how a mother in her right senses can leave her children behind in the same ‘shit’ she was running away from. Suffice it to say l wasn’t in my ‘right senses’ then.

My Boys and l  have all been through so much.The poor internet connections, high phone costs and much more, got us to often get in touch only once a week or less. Talk of motherhood across the ocean?

That aside, here is a video l did for a presentation in my school on global cultures. Have fun and know that for the next three weeks, I will crisscross as much of my beautiful motherland as possible. Of course, there is no doubt that my “3 mousquetaires” will be with me all through my stay home.

Hmm, l am taking them to at least one of the radio shows l am invited to, and maybe one of my TV Interviews too. The line up is pretty exciting for actually only two weeks with them, giving that 5 good days will be … at some summit in Kigali.

So, those weeks are all I have for now. However, someday, it shall surely be different. Anyway, as it currently stands, I am going HOME to see my BOYS and l even have some blogging awards to show them too!

Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, thank you in advance for the safe journey wishes and all. My Boys and I will sure do a post from home just for you!

My father doesn’t know me it seems!


This week is a mix of highs and lows. Anyway, I am happy because tomorrow… lets wait to see what happens right?

Today I write about my father. I have hardly mentioned him in my posts maybe other than that he tried in his own way to be my father?

It however seems he doesn’t know me

I don't know if he ever tried anyway
I don’t know if he ever tried anyway

l saw this caption somewhere and it made me think of my father. Our relationship is summarized in one of the first chapters of my book. Maybe rather one of my stations of my cross as l called the chapters?

I just keep thinking what would have happened if he knew not only me but any of his children? Maybe he didn’t even know his own self and still doesn’t?

When I told him just yesterday that I had almost committed suicide, he was simply put embarrassed. He has always avoided any thing related to ‘shame’, and cared so much about ‘success’, ‘status’ and bla.

father-daughter-dispute-conflict-25981515Parental Alienation

Maybe because my father never knew me or any of my siblings, he did not care about how his efforts to alienate us from our mum, was ruining us and our relationship with him.

I was maybe 12/13 when my parents divorced but I had seen it coming despite their efforts in trying to hide their sustained disaccord.

When it happened, although I had heard of stories where mostly the Fathers alienated the Kids from their mothers, I did not expect my own father (who to me was a ‘refined’ man), to try keeping us away from our mum. It was simply terrible.

The more he made negative comments, corroborated by his ‘friends and family’, the more we longed for our mum. I knew what he was trying to do and he did not care to see what it was actually doing to us.

Parental Alienation to me at the time simply meant daddy did not want us to see our mother.

I was so hurt and I could understand why at some point my mother stopped trying to come by our house. It was so sad to see her insulted as she stood for hours in front of the gate while we were locked up in our rooms. She wasn’t any danger to us, and I told my siblings we could not hate our mother no matter how our father tried.

Yes, he got custody in court thanks to his money and power back at the time, and refused to respect the limited visitation rights accorded her.

Through sheer determination and continued demands from my siblings and I,  we eventually went to live with our mother again.  It was easier for my two sisters because the first was an adult and she just upped and left one day.  My kid sister was “saved” by ill health.   She was so unwell that the doctors advised she live with our mother. It is probably the trauma of that in between period and much more that followed that affects my brother and I so much that we each suffer from some form of ‘mental illness’ or the other.

The entire article l wrote on this is up over at the Divorce Magazine where l am a regular contributor. You could read it all by simply clicking here.

In conclusion

I have nothing really to add other than that my father really doesn’t seem to know or care – maybe he does?

Yesterday once more, I called him to plead with him to call my brother who is actually having a ‘minor’ crisis. l hear it is not ‘manic’ so l use the term ‘minor’ maybe out of consolation? So l talk to or with him and as usual, l have to approach it in a no nonsense tone because my father can silence you with a mere cough or stare. Even over the phone you can feel it.

He tries to shun me off and or change the topic and l get more frustrated. Indeed l feel sorry for my mother who got married to him, coped with him for 14 years, and now has two children to worry about their mental health. I sincerely think, if only my father had tried a little bit more to me us, maybe things could have been different?

Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, what says thou?

Smile “)


Poetry like these, actually make me smile, take a break, meditate some more, smile again, then back to my life!

Silent Dugood

Upward tilt of your muscles
The giggles and chuckles
Wrapped around your face
Pleasantries that embrace
Nothing soothes ones heart
Like a jolt of electricity
A smile can spark
Grant someone the ultimate favor
Maybe the start they need to savor
Give thanks during the course of your day
Don’t forget to smile and always pray

Today’s Love Note

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Random thoughts on ‘shaggyness’


Random-Thoughts-LogoHey pals, when accepting the very inspiring blog award yesterday, l added the word Gosh to it for a particular reason. I felt the thrill of an award and the responsibility that came with it. Simply put, l have to continue inspiring and even do better right?

Now, I also introduced a new term l have coined for myself and maybe the likes of me? Back home, when you are insulted as being a ‘Sheggae’, it means your are simply put ‘nuts’. So l devised ‘Shaggy’ which means to me, nutty but coping. In other words, l am admitting to sometimes have a nutty tendency, but which l try to cope or even thrive with somewhat.

Shaggyness Indeed?

Yes, shaggyness indeed since l am yet to see a psychiatrist. I am however bent on taking an appointment today to hopefully see one in August after my vacation. Many who think they knew me, would be surprised by this. But l am doing it for me and not them. I am a proudly unconventional woman to say the least. There is a whole book on that and frankly speaking, a few living witnesses.

l sincerely think that l need to have a diagnosis for posterity’s sake. I can’t tell why it never occurred to me back then at the height of my shaggyness to see one. Yet, the likes of me, will admit that at such highs, you are simply helpless. You try to cope which ever way you can. My dear mother, may also have to be engrossed and used to my brother’s ‘mania’, that she couldn’t read the ‘writing on her daughter’s wall’. l knew of only two options then.

Fight (F1) or Flight (F2)?

My likes in here, will surely recognize this right? When you go ‘shaggy’, the gears of your Porsche switch automatically. They go either F1 or F2.

In my case, they pretty much opted F2 although a few F1 episodes were registered. I was scared of my own self and even ashamed. I also had a lot of ‘shows’ to put up and ‘normal life’ to lead. No, at some point, l opted to flee out of life by picking a knife. It didn’t work out very well, so l left home, my boys and all.

Shaggy man and us, who is really in control?

This is a pretty difficult question to answer. However, l have some ideas and suggestions maybe? Well, as in what works for me. There are times when, ‘shaggy man’ the always unwelcome guests, majestically walks in, he may even just creep in, triggered by whatever even a mere word or misplaced smile.

l think he loves and so desperately wants to be or seize control. lt is even easier to give in to him than to attempt F1 because the risk may be an outright mania or psychose. In such a case, by the time he is done with you, you are left worst off than if you opted for F2.

But l have recently discovered another way of approaching F1. 

Random thoughtsl don’t let any trigger hover a second too long with speaking to it. I don’t go shouting ‘Holy ghost fire’ or whatever, l first breathe in and try negotiating. l try to cajole but l really first let the emotion slow down. l think it is called talk therapy. l also do something like what l recently described in a post on how l manage my depressive moods.

Epilogue

It’s a long journey and a tough battle. It however is not a life sentence nor a contagious disease. Yes, we know people who lived great lives and did do great stuffs, all the while being ‘shaggy’ and all those other conditions.

Maybe for ‘hollywood stars’ it is easier because their stardom absolves ‘stigma’? I think it is also for the likes of me to gain some sort of stardom enough to stigmatize any stigma both within and without.

Hence, once l felt good enough to go ‘viral’, whatever that means, l started off with a post on honesty. l have a name, Marie Abanga, and l am using just that and l really don’t care how many friends and family shun me because l am admitting my ‘shaggyness’ and publishing such a ‘shameless’ book. Perception indeed is very often different from reality.

Dear Mama, if only you knew

If only you knew that you had to try understanding more instead of just leaving it all up to fate, faith and family history or ‘madness in genes’?

If only you knew, that being ashamed of and mad at your own ‘helpless’ child only helped and fed the frustration, depression and suicide thoughts?

If only you knew, that your child is truly so helpless and sad for all the hurt to you and others and above all else him or herself?

If only you knew that talking therapy could be life saving?

If only you knew that your child really misses his ‘normal’ life and sometimes simply can choose either F1 or F2?

Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, l thank you for everything and sincerely wish you the best. I appreciate your likes, comments and even just clicks to share or read!

I leave you with this great quote
I leave you with this great quote

p.s l am so happy, l just got a Psychiatric appointment for August.

Gosh; Very Inspiring Blogger Award


What an award
What an award

Men, I used to hear that when good tidings come, they don’t rain but they pour. Just like with bad ones? I careless. I am simply happy that humble and modest me has once more been nominated for the prestigious Very Inspiring Blogger Award, which l accept with TEARS.

I am yet to be diagnosed, although l know l will soon have a name to call my ‘shaggyness’ ( a hopefully cozy term l am coming up with  for the likes of us whose moods and all swing at different rthyms which, maybe only us can manage?).

How inspiring was that?

lt all begins with my ‘shaggy’ friend H&J (If only it were H&M, l could be sure of several gifts of dresses, shoes and all 🙂 ). He gets nominated by not one but two pals :

KittO’Malley (http://kittomalley.com) and Breakdownchick(http://breakdownchick.wordpress.com)  and l can’t believe l am the first person he in turn nominates?.

Dear H&J, you got me real thinking so hard, searching for my dearest brother’s illness, so badly enough, that l could only but realize l too was sick. You inspire me. Well, if it is recto verso, then that’s even greater right?

He said this about my blog: 

 “I’ve only recently ‘met’ Marie but her no-nonsense and candid approach to the brain disease discourse is refreshing and leaves me hopeful for all of us.  Her compassion for others who are ill and her obvious love of her family are hugely endearing.  I love getting an African perspective, something I didn’t expect to have, and it always adds another dimension to the conversation.”

Am l that Candid and No-nonsense?

Let’s see how it goes in my acceptance speech; that is, going by the rules right?

The rules in accepting this award are:

  • Thank and link the amazing person who nominated you.
  • List the rules and display the award.
  • Share seven facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 15 other amazing blogs and comment on their posts to let them know they have been nominated.
  • Optional: Proudly display the award logo on your blog and follow the blogger who nominated you
  1. Dear Dr H&J, with all due respect to that person deep within you, who has been shaken enough by this ‘rough life’, l want to thank you so sincerely for all, least of which is this inspiring award.  Please gentle readers and followers, if only for encouragement, visit his blog and give him several likes today or ASAP. It’s not easy living with bi-polar and l can only wish he were my own ‘brother’ to say the least.
  2. Thank you
  3. Seven facts about myself? Hmm, anyway, better than having to describe myself using each letter of the alphabet right?. 
  • Marie is just every woman. Ok, seriously, she is one of those who got shaken a little bit too much for her age, society, religion, tradition and conventions;
  • Marie thus became that woman, who suffered some ‘shaggyness’ and had to flee from her own self and former life, destroying in her ‘rage’, a marriage, her kids stability, her family’s honour, her society’s norms, her religious upbringing and least of all, her tradition; 
  • Marie is that woman, who is yet to be diagnosed, but who now knows a little bit more about the ‘shaggyness’ that plagued her and got her dis-interested in practicing that same law she had so worked hard for an abandoned a promising corporate career, to pursue;
  • Marie is once again a now attractive and 75kg woman who once pulled 115kgs of fat, and suffered great abuse and complex. To crown it, she even got called a witch once she started leaving her house at 4 am for rigorous work outs;
  • Marie is surprisingly that woman who once thought life wasn’t worth it, who once picked up a knife, and only dropped same thanks to a last minute reflection on her unborn child, her other sons and her poor mother among others;
  • This woman, is that unconventional woman who would not sit still right from childhood. She is one who annoyed her parents’ enough to be misunderstood by them and earn some good lashes or ‘unhelpful treats’;
  • But above all, Marie is the owner of this blog about her thriling life, emotions and love/hate affair with ‘shaggyness’. She is the author of one of those books which takes guts to write and publish and l think that says it all about Marie Abanga.

Now, l plead my case, l don’t know 15 bloggers to nominate. Not so much because l really don’t know bloggers, but because l don’t know bloggers who will accept this award and play by the rules. I will nominate five and if that disqualifies me from the award, then that’s fine by me all the same.

1) Vidiya the Smile Collector at http://vidyasury.com/

2) Lidiya the Success and happiness Cheerleader at http://letsreachsuccess.com/

3) Michelle and her babbling books at http://www.writer-in-transit.co.za/

4) June my Jamaican heroine at http://www.miraculousladies.com/

5) last but not the list is Timi my sister from another mother at http://livelytwist.wordpress.com/

I hope they accept the award and are glad to pass on the ‘baton’. They all write great stuff although none of them are in my ‘shaggy’ club. I have been very inspired by their blogs, especially those of June, Vidiya, Lidiya and Timi. My dearest Michelle, cheers the insecured writer in me on and she does an excellent job at the Insecured Writers’ Support group too.

Hopefully, my next book wouldn’t be such a fiasco? hahahahahaha, over to you gentle readers and followers. What says though? Are you happy for me or simply sorry at my bluntness?

Excited to announce countdown deals for my book!


From my heart, through my pen, to these pages
From my heart, through my pen, to these pages

Dear all, by Friday, you will know why l am excited not only to announce countdown deals for my book, but what lies planned for my vacation.

The deals are first of all two fold and each will run for a week. They are only for the kindle version although in due time, l will do another giveaway on goodreads for the paperback.

The first is on Amazon.com and it will run from June 25th to July 1st. The price will start of at 1.99$ for 48 hours, then it will rise to 2.99$ for the next 48 hours before running at 3.99$ until the deal ends.

On Amazon.co.uk, the countdown deal starts on June 27th to end on July 3rd. The race cheers up at 0.99£, then speeds up after 48 hours to 1.99£ for 2 more days, and then cools down back to 3.57£.

What truly is in that book?

You will be excited to find out!
You will be excited to find out!

The reviews say a lot although due to the nature of my story and my ‘genes’ maybe, several people who have read it are ‘scared’ of leaving a review on the amazon. l got two other reviews on goodreads but a few said some ‘nasty’ like l still have to ‘surrender to my saviour and it must be sort of generational curse blaabla’.

Well, that’s life and l know l was ‘shameless’ in writing all that thrilling stuff without being scared of “what people would say”? Does it really matter anyway? Who really cares? How do l know? So life goes on!

In the mean time, lets see how it goes, this week may hopefully be my last week of faithful blogging up till August – stay tuned to find out why come Friday. Happy reading!

It is gratitude in another form, go get inspired and motivated, cause l don’t think l can ever say thank you enough.

Thank you very much
Thank you very much

Hurry then dear gentle readers and followers of mine and visit those online stores on the dates mentioned above. If you will rather have a signed and mailed paperback, l have henceforth added a contact page in my categories, leave a note and we will proceed from there.

mum, author, mental health advocate, therapist, inspires & motivates with personal experiences

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