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For long l did the minimum because l thought that would get me appreciated and accepted and well my daily bread was taken care of. Yet l had a dream to be ME, to do much more than l was actually doing. I know l have the capacity but for long I wondered How? Now, after all the hurt chasing conventional acceptance, l have made the ultimate sacrifice. I am ready to pursu that dream to the end and it ain’t over until l win.

Thanks Jeff for sharing this.


I Survive on Drawings

 The Four of us in our boat.
The Four of us in our boat.

You may surely by now wonder if I am normal right?

Yes I am, thanks to them – you see, that is what I survive on above all, those drawings and flowers.

This is a very emotional week for me, probably compared only to the week I left my Kids.

This week is most emotional because in five days, my memoir goes LIVE! Well, the Kindle edition is already out there but the evidence remains in the paper back right?

What load will I be offloading? What weight will I be taking up? What ‘judgments’ will I be subjected to? What support will I be getting? The questions are endless.

One thing I know for sure, is that I will survive as I have so far done.

Just this saturday on the Divorce Magazine, I published a very emotional and sensational article on leaving my kids. My world could very well have stopped just then but no it did not.

My kids are I are trying as hard as it is, to cope our own way.

August 2012, the young men with their commander.
August 2012, the young men with their commander. (Gaby the third in the center is the last but not the least- the self declared Commander and Angel )

I do the calling when the lines are kind, I see them on skype when either of their ‘other mothers’ is online or takes them to a cyber shop, and I get information on them from their school or teacher.

Yes, I had tried to plan my departure with them and work out a stay in touch plan.

December 2012, our last Christmas together!
December 2012, our last Christmas together!

We have always been more of friends and even ‘cheri cocos’ than we have been ‘mother -child’.

That is why, Gaby will say ‘ton cheri coco’, David will sign  ton ami, and Alain will sign yours truly.

L 2 R, Gaby - David - Alain (The men in my life)
L 2 R, Gaby – David – Alain (The men in my life)

Together they are my three musketeers and together, we shall overcome just like the musketeers did.

We always remind each other that it is ‘Tous pour Un et Un pour Tous’ (All for One and One for All).

Yes, I Know many cannot understand and the tendency is to condemn that which we can’t!

Yes, I know some will be sorry for it is also in our human nature to be right?

Yes, I know other yet will say well serves you right after all am I not the one who ‘cooked my meals and made my bed’?

Whatever, I am sure of my drawings and flowers just like this one: and on those I survive.

And I know, just as painful as my life had been, just as traumatizing my marriage and divorce had been, just in the same way this one shall come to pass.

I know, those drawings and flowers

Gaby's Flower of 18 August 2013
Gaby’s Flower of 18 August 2013

will no longer only see me survive, but I will thrive and we all shall be happily together on that boat.

Gentle followers of mine, what says thou?

Further Revelation from my personal thriller – The Why!

Tick Tick says the clock and ready set says I.  Six days to go , 144 hours to split, 8640 seconds to muse and well the spirit of death never announces. I am thus in a race, one to publish on time, one to live ‘right’, and one to leave a legacy!Book Cover

Why I wrote this book!

Two reasons come to mind:

I first thought I would by publishing my thriller of a story, be lashing out at my family who would be hurt by my “washing such dirty linen in public”.

Well, I did not really care about my self-image any more at some point of my life. It was already so full of inner filth and outward glamour that I just felt relieve writing it all down.

Then it occurred to me I could do better with My Story. I could make My Mess My Message and I could make My Test My Testimony!

Indeed, whichever our spiritual beliefs, we are taught that the great ‘He/She’ doesn’t love or judge the way man does and that ‘They’ know it all. ‘They’ know how willing our spirits could be and yet how weak our flesh could also be.

So today, as I publish this book, it is my Therapy and my Message. I have no ill feelings against my family for to do that will be so selfish and ungrateful. What I put them through by my ‘disappearance’ especially my mother deserved their reactions and expressions however they did it.

Then, it was this same Mother of mine, who unlike the Father of the Prodigal Son, would not wait for me to come back knocking, but took all risk to come look for me in the ‘dessert’ and still stands by me today.

I started off explaining to her and getting her consent before publishing this book but as for her ‘liking’ the contents, well l don’t know and yes I think it is fine for us all!

As usual, oh ye gentle followers of mine, what thinketh thou?

15 Super Simple but Highly Effective Tips to Inspire Your Inner Winner

I had been wondering where Jef had gone too, leaving me without my usual post to re-blog on monday mornings.

Now I know and see and am sure he was trying out those SSBHE tips too.

Indeed, Jeff you are helping so many be and stay inspired and motivated to motivate.

For all this and for my humble self in particular, I say thank you!

Sanchia Alasia a fearlessly Ambitious Woman of Colour!

Image        A brief visit to her website will give you this:

“Sanchia Alasia is a Labour Councillor for Alibon Ward in Barking and Dagenham and a specialist in French politics.

Sanchia has been selected as one of the six new Labour Party candidates for the European elections in 2014 in the London region.

After working with Labour Party activists to defeat the far right in Barking, Sanchia now wants to use this direct experience to help sister parties fight the far right across Europe.”

Now, here is how I got to meet this fearlessly ambitious woman of Colour, henceforth one of my many heroines.

I was working on a project and I needed some contacts given that I was a few months old to Belgium and well isn’t it most about who you know?

So, I called my boss in Vienna, the one who even came up with the community of fearlessly ambitious women, she gave me some contacts amongst whom was Sanchia.

The hunt began. I literally hacked into Sanchia’s world. Hm, at some point, maybe not because me though,  but she changed her email address. That did not stop me and I just continued writing to her and she kept politely saying she was too busy.

The project came and went but I felt I needed to meet with Sanchia before she became an MEP and I couldn’t anymore right? Hahaha.

We started to get along but each time we thought we could meet, one person’s schedule got sort of jilted and so bam no meeting.

My breakthrough just came last week or so when Sanchia told me she would be in Brussels this week.

Of course you can imagine my panic! I booked two lunch dates in case she could only be available for either of the days. I sent her reminders, shared the events on google calendar and sent hangouts, sms and what have you.

D-Day came and we met for lunch at the European Parliament itself.

The picture surely speaks for itself.

We sure look like sisters from different mothers right? Hm, I sure do want some of Sanchia’s drive oh me who is just a year old in Europe but who is looking at taking it by the horns in a very short time to come.

So, for a woman of colour, ( don’t mind her nationality on the passport because your colour makes a sometimes unpleasant difference) to be this assertful in Europe, is a sure feat not to be overlooked.

I obviously literally interviewed her and here is a sum of what she told me

I also asked her if there was anything I could do to help with her campaign as you can see from the hangout below (ignore the time for that’s how some of us work):

…Ah great I just wish I could help somehow in your campaingn 
Mon, 9:41 PM
Marie A. Abanga
Sanchia Alasia
“The moral support is great

Mon, 9:42 PM” 
If that’s all expected of me, hm she can be sure she may get an overdose.

It is therefore for the above reasons that I consider Sanchia a heroine of mine.

Gentle followers of mine, I always love to hear from you and equally see you share some love and spread the word that there is some good content in my humble and modest blog right?

Trust – Learning to give each other ‘a little space’

Trust – Learning to Give Each Other a Little Space!

by Marie Abanga

Some may wonder if a couple who say they want to become ‘one’, and want to share everything henceforth, should turn around again and give each other a little space right?

Marie Abanga

Others like myself, who got married to that kind of a man with the sort of  ‘mentality’ that his ‘wife’ is his ‘property’, know what it means to live under the terror of coming back a minute late from the ‘official’ places your were sort of ‘given permission’ to go.

My ex husband used to say and I quote: ‘tu es mon bien’ meaning I was his property. He said this jokingly in public but discussed it menacingly in the confines of the ‘bedroom’ for after all, had I not literally begged him to marry me?

I don’t remember ever using such language on him or trying to put an eye on his movements and dealings because I expected him to be deserving of my trust.

Hm, he abused that trust and stopped being communicative about his movements and dealings. I remember noticing that his cell phones were very often switched off as from 6pm until whenever he returned home and his excuse used to be that the battery had died down on him.

He however expected me to trust him or tell him all I did or wherever I went to, and for what purpose, and for how long and all.

I sometimes felt choked but I never knew hot to speak to him about it nor about any of my other issues , worries and fears.

Such attitudes are damaging right? Moreover, we would probably all agree that no matter what the bible or which ever dogma says, the basic concepts of any relationship, most probably should include Trust (Faith), Hope and Love.

That was how I gradually started telling lies to claim a little space to myself.

I  remember lying that I am going to a ‘Church’ retreat or that my  case (for I am a lawyer )  is taking long to be tried  or that I was going to visit a client in prison or where ever.

TrustAll the above just hastened the collapse of our marriage and well, had there been some trust, Faith and  hope, I am very sure we could have talked things out !

Then came the tsunamis and unfortunately or whatever, I had to leave the country altogether and sure, I couldn’t take my 3 boys with me!

Now, I fast forward to my current relationship:

Of all days but the 14th of February, My boyfriend trustfully allows me to go spend the weekend with family in Paris. Oh , how I appreciated that he didn’t want a minute by minute account of my doings and goings unless I offered to tell him, and which I lovingly did in our twice daily phone conversations.

By the time I had been gone for just a day, he had missed me so much that he, the rather reserved person, told me in a mail that : ” Have a great evening, my little Valentine.”

This isn’t the first time he is letting me go places on my own for a few days or do anything I want to do and he trusts me to do so for the benefit of us and our relationship.

There was also a period last summer where I had to trustfully let him go on vacation to Greece for  three good weeks. It was a tough and trying period for both of us and for our relationship but I bet that period did us both so much good and we couldn’t wait to be together again.

What I am therefore daring to suggest is that, sometimes, we have to trust the other enough to let them have a little space. The dividends are often real big for the relationship and the love and friendship more often than not renewed.

Moreover, I think we are spared unnecessary stress and heart aches, although I am equally conscious of cases including mine where the trust the other put in the other partner was grossly abused.

Yet, it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. Oh, it is better to have trusted and failed than not to have trusted at all. Better still, it is better to have tried and dared than not to have tried and failed!

Do you think trust and giving the other a little space every now and then isn’t worth it anymore?

As published on the Divorce Magazine by Marie Abanga | February 18, 2014 at 2:10 pm .

Paris or paris? Random thoughts of mine


Infront of the Marche au Pousse

With these two pictures, I begin my narrative and analysis. Well, just my random thoughts using some personal experiences. Still doesn’t make sense right? Ok now back to the words or rather question.

Paris or paris? What’s the difference? Ah just the capital letter right?

That’s precisely the differentiation I want to make. You see, I was in Paris during the summer and the first picture was taken in the beautiful scenery of the Montmartre, one of those touristic attractions you sure want to visit.

During that same trip, I visited the Eiffel Tower again, eye-shopped the Champs Elysées (for that’s all I can do except for buying a hot dog maybe) and had dinner in some chic apartment  in the 16th district and spent the night there too.

Wow, there, I got to taste Foie Gras, Choucroute, fromages, various wines and histories and eat with maybe 9 different cutlery and drank from 3 or so glasses. There was one for champagne, the other for wine (sometimes two if you will be having both red and white  at some interval as the meal is served) and of course one for water.

The different courses of such meals need some real courses in the university for their grasp.

Yes, to me that was Paris. The city of love, the city of bling, the city of fashion.

It reminds me of how from the same letter P, you can have Presidents or prisoners.

Now, this weekend, I went to paris as you can see in the second picture. That is the notorious Marché-aux-puces, the kind like we have back home (really reminded me of one called Nkoulouloun), where stuffs are pushed around and displayed on the ground, where you can bargain all you want and buy a few items too at real give away prices.

Yet in that market like in all paris, you are conscious of your bag, holding it tight as I held mine, you take a picture far away and zoom it later because it you dare in the market itself, be thankful to still keep the camera thereafter.

In paris, I visited this time around with a cousin who lives in the ‘banlieue’. She is called Marie (just like me huh).

Marie and I

We grew up together and really get along so well.

We spent the afternoon and evening cooking because on the next day she had one of those ‘njangis’, (a sort of meeting where money is saved by the members and lots of food ate) which Africans and Cameroonians in particular know how to carter for.

We cooked Cooking all night for a meetingand cooked and ate and drank and cooked again.  I wondered if even the concept of ‘should in case’ (where you anticipate uninvited guests or that people will bring plastic bags for take aways), is known and entertained out here.

Later by 2 am, her husband said he was taking me out to the famous 18th district to show me some hot spots. I did not come anticipating such an outing but Marie quickly lent me some clothes and here is the end product:

My brother inlaw wanted to show me Paris by nightIn three hours or so, we visited such spots and I danced myself out. I really did some sports huh!

The Périphérie du Nord is a famous Cameroonian ‘cabaret’ where music from the 60s’ and home food and drink flow in abundance… well as far as you can afford.

The Byblos night club in the ‘Cargo’ (for there is like a huge container full of people and there are four different dance halls and all) is also another attraction of paris.

By the time I got home, all I could do was pass out and this is how I saw it the next morning Hyper tiredas in a few hours later since we actually got back at 6 am or slightly thereafter.

Now, you have the narrative and even graphics, over to the analysis.

I earlier talked about Presidents or prisoners right?

I have had the pleasant opportunity  in life to meet both categories of people.

I have met Ellen Johnson, Dlamini Zuma or even Portia Simpson Miller just to name those few. Yet, I strongly think the chances of my meeting them are better if I am in Paris than if I find myself in paris.

Back home, I worked in the prison and on the streets and made some real friends. I went there like I would go home and I even dated a ‘street kid’ known as ‘Nanga Mboko’ in our parlance.  An extreme, right?

My random thoughts here is that, in life, we could be on either side of the same city. We could find ourselves on the left side of the road today and tomorrow we are on the right one.

I sincerely think that, if we work on flexibility and adaptability, our chances of making it in this life are greater.

I love both worlds. I have very fond memories of both Paris and paris and treasure my encounters with the Presidents as much as with the prisoners. It’s all a matter of choice and living up to those choices.

So, gentle followers of mine, what do you make of these random thoughts of mine?

The Contents: The 14 stations of my Cross …

Coming to Kindle stores March 1st
Coming to Kindle stores March 1st

Surely this ain’t a Bible just MyStory!

Since everyone can literally own or carry a ‘cross’, I decided to refer to each chapter of my book as a station  of my own ‘cross’.

Most if not all  of those stations taught me lessons in and for life and I am who I am today thanks to them.

Find bellow therefore, the list and stay tuned to read more in the book itself:


Chapter I: That Day in 1991

Chapter II: My Parents and I

Chapter III: My First “Boyfriends”

Chapter IV: My University Loves

Chapter V: The ‘Loves’ go Out of Bounds

Chapter VI: Alain My Son

Chapter VII: Marriage My Refuge (A post on this was featured two days ago on the Divorce Magazine and on so check them out)

Chapter VIII: David My Shepherd

Chapter IX: My Adulteries

Chapter X: Gabriel My Angel

Chapter XI: Alain My “Treasure”

Chapter XII: The Cost

Chapter XIII: The Course

Chapter XIV: My Redemption


Of course I retain the suspense by refraining to add anything else. You can refresh on the preface here, and look forward to the next insight come Saturday …

Oh Ye gentle followers of mine, what is your take?

My Darling Darling…


There is love in the air especially on this day right? And there should be love in the air too for the likes of ‘us’ I assert!

So I seize the opportunity to blog (and why not brag) about my Darling Darling…

You may wonder if I am not repeating a word here, but yes I am and on purpose. You see, when we met, I told him I will call him my Darling Darling and my Super Super Hero because I had hitherto called so many darling that he deserved the twinning.

I had earlier done a post on A Gentleman and of course I was talking about my DD (as I abbreviate it).

You see, I have come to learn that just because life has all those twists and turns and that we go through so much and even become ‘whore like’, does not mean we would never find a ‘Valentine’.

So, I am grateful for my DD and all the love and support he’s given me. Yes he even bought me my first ever smart phone for Christmas and a kindle for my birthday . He handles all the tech related issues of my various occupations  like the book you’ll soon be reading (but he doesn’t for my social media beehive for he’s not into all those -stopping just at Linux and Ubuntu’s door).

Lets celebrate ours if we’ve got them, and lets keep walking and hoping and dreaming if we’ve not found them yet.

My DD and I, are  still a long way from the above quote but we ‘are sure getting there and to me, anticipation, forecasting, dreaming, planning and all are part of the ride.

Do share some love and leave lovely comments all you gentle followers of mine.

mum, author, mental health advocate, therapist, inspires & motivates with personal experiences


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