Emotions and Categories: My series


I continue my Monday posts on emotions with this research on Emotions and Categories. l assume oh gentle readers and followers of mine, that you must have noticed a pattern of my blog by now right? Yep I am excited about my newest passionate journey and hope to weekly share something on that!

I am calling any categorization I attempt in here as my series because:

Psychologists have yet to fully tackle the question “How many emotions do we have?” Hence Categories of Emotions abound.

Just looking closely at this image, we can try to figure out how many categories of emotions there are or how many we identify with and how we manage or let them ‘manage’ us and much more:

Plutchik-wheel-of-emotions
Plutchik-wheel-of-emotions

Today, I wish to concentrate on the category I will call Great Emotions – what may otherwise be referred to as positive emotions. These are those emotions which keep us ‘happy, jovial, enthusiastic…’ and optimistic and you name it.

Here is an infographic I found on the internet from another blog:

 

Able Absolved Abundant Acceptable Accepted Accepting Accomplished Accountable Achieving Active
Adaptable Adequate Admirable Admired Adored Affluent Agreeable Alert Ambitious Amused
Appreciated Appreciative Approved Approving Assertive Assured At Ease Attached Attentive Atrractive
Authentic Awake Aware Awesome Balanced Beautiful Believing Blessed Blissful Bonded
Brave Bright Brilliant Calm Capable Captivated Cared For Carefree Careful Caring
Cautious Centered Certain Cheerful Cherished Clean Clear Collected Comfortable Comforted
Committed Compassionate Complete Composed Comprehending Confident Congruent Connected Conscious Constant
Content Cooperative Courageous Credible Daring Decisive Defended Delighted Dependable Desirable
Dignified Discerning Disciplined Distinguished Dutiful Dynamic Eager Easy Going Ecstatic Edified
Efficient Elated Elegant Elevated Emancipated Empowered Encouraged Energetic Energized Enthusiastic
Euphoric Exceptional Excited Exhilarated Experienced Expressive Exuberant Faithful Fantastic Favored
Firm Flexible Flowing Focused Forceful Forgiven Fortified Fortunate Free Friendly
Fulfilled Gentle Genuine Gifted Glowing Good Graceful Gracious Gratified Grounded
Growing Guarded Happy Harmonious Healed Helpful Heroic High Honest Honorable
Honored Hopeful Humble Humorous Important In Control Included Independent Infatuated Influential
Innocent Inspired Intelligent Interested Invigorated Invincible Invited Jovial Joyful Jubilant
Judicious Kind Learning Liberated Light Lighthearted Loose Loved Loyal Lucky
Magnetic Marvelous Masterful Mature Meek Merciful Methodical Mindful Modest Motivated
Neat Noble Observant Open Open Hearted Organized Pacified Pampered Pardoned Passionate
Patient Peaceful Perfect Persevering Pleasant Pleased Popular Positive Powerful Praised
Precious Prepared Present Productive Proficient Progressive Prosperous Protected Prudent Punctual
Purified Purposeful Qualified Quick Quiet Radiant Rational Reasonable Reassured Receptive
Recognized Redeemed Regenerated Relaxed Reliable Relieved Remembered Replenished Resolute Respected
Respectful Responsive Restored Revitalized Rewarded Rooted Satisfied Secure Selfless Self Reliant
Sensational Sensible Sensitive Serene Settled Sharing Simple Skillful Smooth Soothed
Spirited Splendid Stable Steadfast Stengthened Strong Successful Supported Sustained Tactful
Teachable Temperate Tenacious Tender Thankful Thoughtful Thrilled Tolerant Tranquil Triumphant
Trusting Understanding Understood Undisturbed Unhurried Unique United Unselfish Upheld Valiant
Valuable Valued Virile Vital Warm Wealthy Willing Wise Wonderful Worthwhile
Worthy Yielding Zealous

 

Wow, what a list? How many of these do we identify with? How of these are glad to possess, manifest, portray, look forward to having, actually realize we want to have, should have and can have? I am curious myself and am studying as I make these discoveries.

So what do I hope to do with my research on Emotions and Categories?

Once I get established, my aim will be to help my clients amongst others, to manage their emotions. It is imperative to do so for this greatly impacts our well being. I will work with them to realize that it is ok and normal to discuss their emotions, both men and women alike and sure even children and that we have watch out the extent to which we allow the intensity of our emotions to affect us and our relationships (and I mean both Great and Not so Great emotions – positive and negative).

I truly wish to be able to accomplish this passionate mission of mine and to help more than I could otherwise have done.

Please, feel free as usual to leave your generous comments on emotions and categories as you see it. Don’t forget to also share this post so that many more are touched 🙂

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Learning to Cook


Going from the title of my post I think we may be wondering if any African Woman should even write such right?

Learning to Cook
Learning to Cook

I mean, we take it for granted that we are supposed to know how to cook and clean especially if we ‘rightly’ grew up by our mama’s side right?

When I was growing up, it was all but very normal that girls stay in the kitchen with mama and the boys go round with papa. Yes, the kitchen was ‘out of bounds’ for boys and men.

Well, I wasn’t a ‘normal’ girl then and my book or even my tale tells it all. I spent more time around my papa or out in the ‘wild’ than anywhere near mama’s kitchen.

But today, my post is not only about learning the simple technique of cooking a plain meal, no it is much more.

Given that I spent the barest minimum time around my mama’s kitchen, she and all all but ‘wrote me off’ as even an amateur cook. I remember promising myself one day I was going to surprise them. In the mean time, I consoled myself cooking kids ‘sand meals’ for my dolls.

Cooking for my dolls
Cooking for my dolls

What they didn’t know was that in all those homes I visited, I stayed with the girls and their mummies in their kitchens every now and then and learnt a thing or two. Yes at home I was never trusted to even fry an egg and my mama will say I could only cook for the ‘dog’ and she didn’t have food for me to ruin for him.

When I got married, my Mother in law took it up too as if she knew what I had grown up to/with. She hammered and haunted me how I had to first live with her for some time to learn how to ‘cook what she knows her son loves to eat’. She made it a habit to show up (starting right the day after we got married) often and of course unannounced with some dish or the other for her son. This was the last straw.

I started learning however l could and read all l could and practiced all l could until l became the amateur cook l am today. Wow, my darling darling says l cook so well and have a 2/3 star – coming from a French Man – means a lot.

With cook books and all
With cook books and all

I so much loved to cook and cook that I can’t blame only child bearing or stress for the hefty 115kgs I once weighed.

That’s not all however, because there is a sad note to my learning experience. The more I did my best and cooked even three course meals hoping my husband will even be Gentleman enough to come back home early, eat my food and leave even a slim compliment, the more he ignored me.

Well, I continued learning and nurturing my passion, I even encouraged my sister in law who wasn’t making any headway in school, to go into one of those ‘cooking schools’.

I cooked for my kids and ‘friends’ and all.

Cooking with Love
Cooking with Love

Today, I cook for my darling darling and he loves it so much that he has opened a ‘private restaurant’ for me.

French Cuisine includes dressing a table
French Cuisine includes dressing a table

Haha, I am even learning French cuisine pretty fast can even bake so well me who never baked or watch my sister bake (she loved and knew so well to bake and still does) until coming over.

Learning French Cuisine
Learning French Cuisine

So dear readers and followers, I don’t know if this is my experience alone but what I have learnt from this is that we can thrive in anything we truly set out to do.

I would be glad to read and respond to your comments and sure if you share then it means much more!

Meeting June my Jamaican Heroine: series 1


June my summer and heroine
June my summer and heroine

I am so excited because by the time this post goes life, I should have met my dear friend June.

I mean who wouldn’t fall in love with someone with such a name? You can guess right that with her it is summer all year round huh?

And then, you can add much more when you read her motto:

 ‘Winners don’t quit and quitters don’t win.’

I fell in love with Jamaica as a kid when listening to the great Bob’s music and watching how some people still swore by him, wore his memorabilia and talked Babylon all day long.

Bob lives on
Bob lives on

When I got to Belgium last year, Usain Bolt was already making headlines and at least making Jamaica proud so much that when I met the Prime Minister Portia Simpson Miller at a conference she told me she was honoured to be PM of his country.

By then, I had discovered the blogging world out of curiosity and because a friend of mine told me I wrote well and should give it a try.

The very next day I put my blog up, I went to visit another blog and fell on June’s comment. I followed the link she provided and got to her blog and there I read this great post on “AM I A BLOGGER OR WHAT”?

I contacted her and she quickly responded giving me such advice that prevented me from drowning in the word press and blogger ocean.

It’s been so much love at first sight huh?

When I visited London in March, I couldn’t get to see June because our schedules where hectic. I wasn’t discouraged for I decided to go back again if only to finally get to meet JUNE!

She wrote the post on a powerful and strong woman which I sort of re-blogged last week, she talks with me every now and then and yes I am blessed to call June my friend, an inspiration and motivation.

I am hoping to try some real Jamaican cuisine at her place because I must admit that I was dubbed at a festival l attended here in Brussels by some hawkers claiming they served Jamaican cuisine. They had some real succulent banners but when we ordered, we got served a pale rice and beans.

Authentic Jamaican Cuisine it says
Authentic Jamaican Cuisine it says

I am also enamored with Jamaican stories and my best Jamaican author so far is J.L. Campbell whose hit Distraction I am currently mirroring myself in and have also shelved Don’t Get Mad Get Even 1+2 as next!

Hmm, let me hold my breathe and we’ll see in my series two how our meeting went – trust I will sleep over at her place after having come this far right?

Dear gentle  readers and followers of mine, you tell me how much closer to Jamaica could look forward to again?

Emotions and Intensity


Some intense emotions
Some intense emotions

In my special and passionate journey towards becoming a personal and emotional well being coach, I am equally letting myself coached.

My coach asked me a question which sparked further self evaluation.

First, let me begin by admitting that I am derailing from my initial plan of doing a post this week on the categories of emotions and al.

I however promise my dear readers, that this will come soonest. I just found his question intense – hence the title of this post:

He asked me how bad I felt about …

Oh my, so feeling bad wasn’t enough to deal with and now I had to dwell into how bad I felt and how intense was that feeling?

I got down to doing some research to help myself and of course YOU! 🙂

in·ten·si·ty  (ĭn-tĕn′sĭ-tē)

n. pl. in·ten·si·ties

1. Exceptionally great concentration, power, or force.
2. Physics The amount or degree of strength of electricity, light, heat, or sound per unit area or volume.
Is it my choice how intense I want to feel about something and how I want to express that feeling?
Can l do something about that emotion which is currently manifesting itself so intensely that I even feel overpowered and sort of compelled to act in a particular way?
I looked at emotions and well being recently and was of the modest opinion that if only we could believe that it was ok for women to discuss our emotions, if only men could see that it was also ok for them to open up, then we could and should take the edge over our emotions.
I know and once learnt that emotions are here to stay and come on, could we perceive living emotionless?
Yet, we have numerous examples in life when we or people we know got carried away especially by ‘negative’ emotions, and became ‘serial’ you name them.
My book tells of my tale and I admit wholeheartedly therein that I was lured by my emotions and or inability and yes even unwillingness to discuss them even with my own self.
My emotions of sadness at the life I got myself into, the pity I felt for myself, the hatred l felt for my ‘abusive’ husband, the ‘rejection’ l felt for my family etc etc, grew from weak – mild – strong.
Intense emotions get us do things we often regret
Intense emotions get us do things we often regret
Now, without facing them when they were still just weak (on the intensity scale), not pushing on to discuss them after a first try, I became more restless and verbose and yet withdrawn all at the same time.
The emotions were gradually taking control of me and I couldn’t mage them no more.
They got so intense that I was afraid of what I could do to myself if I even thought about my life, my pain, my future. Oh, I even at some point preferred death – yes my senselessness hammered in me that I was good for nothing. Had not even started running into the arms of other men just for some consolation?
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, I hope I have by this modest post shared with you what I am learning and hope to be working on in my next career path. Do show some love, share, comment and why not stay tuned?

Life Lessons


While wishing my Friend Vincent a happy birthday, it is in all appreciation for his generosity that I re-blog this post of his. Do we identify with some of his life’s lessons?

Vincent Egoro

Photo Credit: fin6.com/ Photo Credit: fin6.com/

Today is my birthday. As I look back at my life’s journey over the years, there have been several experiences and lessons that have altogether shaped me into the person I have become today. Nothing reflects most of my life experiences and lessons like this piece I found on the internet:

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them;

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back;

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something;

I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned that no matter how hot and…

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Fati my Senegalese hairdresser and heroine


I truly love writing about my heroines right?

I found an Unconditional Friend in Fati
I found an Unconditional Friend in Fati

Many of them are in my little world and some are out there known by many. Well, that’s life and I am a woman who has never stopped counting her blessings.

So here we go for today.

I have always loved to have a particular ‘service provider’, be it my tailor, hairdresser and all. The best reason is that I hope to have someone I could bond with in that regard and not just see as a ‘trader’. Even in the markets back home, I had my special ‘mamis’ from whom I bought this or that foodstuff etc.

When I came to Brussels, I started looking for a hairdresser. Men, I even shaved my hair at some point so that I could have more time to decide on what next to do about braiding giving the cost, and trouble finding ‘a  hairdresser’.

I asked some Africans I met in the streets, bus anywhere and most sent me to ‘Matonge’ (an area like one of those open markets we have back home). My guts however did not want to go there.

And then someday last August, I was referred to Fati and since then, she has become my ‘sister’ from Senegal.

Last monday, I went to do my hair as usual and Fati gave me an appointment to meet up somewhere. She was a bit late and I was getting nervous. A friend I spoke to adviced that I go to ‘Matonge’ but I decided to wait for Fati.

As if the delay wasn’t enough, when she came she insisted we go to her new ‘cot’ which was like 45 more minutes away. Well, I went along after all, we were already together.

Fati loves chatting and she let me in on so many things in her life and family and all and I was just glad to listen and note how glad she was to have a listening ear.

When Fati started braiding my hair ‘at last’, we were soon interrupted by her Uncle with whom she lived that it was lunch/dinner (5pm or so) time and he wouldn’t take any excuse.

So you can see for yourself how it went the Senegalese way : I was glad to drink two cups of their lovely chai though 🙂

Sharing a meal the Senegalese way
Sharing a meal the Senegalese way

Fortunately, Fati does the braiding pretty quick too and so in like an hour later, we were done:

I looked like a barbie doll huh!
I looked like a barbie doll huh!

Sometimes, I have an idea of what I want but Fati often tell me what she thinks will be best for me giving the weave I bring and all.

What matters in the end is the love I find in Fati.

She is a Muslim and that’s not our concern.

She is however a strong woman who has equally been through so much and is out here on her own with her 3 kids back in Senegal with her mother. (Maybe you can talk of birds of the same feather?)

The best part is, Fati thinks she should pay for my transport fare and always insist on returning 5 euros whenever I pay her which already is a very modest amount.

Someday, I may have to offend her and not take the money or what do you think gentle readers and followers of mine?

A Strong Woman by June Whittle


I am very excited because in one week’s time, all going well, I will visit my dear friend June in London.

I copy paste a large excerpt of what I consider her best post since discovering her blog (there isn’t a reblog option on her posts but I know she wouldn’t frown on my sharing it this way 🙂 )

A Strong Woman Is a Powerful Woman

Posted by June Whittle in Inspiration 

A strong woman is a powerful woman
A strong woman is a powerful woman

A strong woman is a powerful woman. Why? First of all let’s look at the definition of ‘strong’ to find out. The first thing that may come to your mind is ‘Physically powerful.’ However, there’s another definition in the dictionary which is, ‘Having or showing ability or achievement in a specified field‘. That’s what I am going to focus on.

I class myself as a strong woman. That’s because I have had to deal with some major challenges in my life. Instead of those experiences breaking me, they made me strong. I was determined to fight my way through because of my girls. Not only did I develop unusual emotional strength, I also learned how to fight negative thoughts that wanted to drag me down.

Some of those negative thoughts were:

  • I can’t go on.
  • I can’t deal with this.
  • I wish I was dead.
  • Life is too hard.
  • I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
  • I don’t want to talk to anyone.
  • I want to be left alone.

And the list went on… But guess what? I knew that I couldn’t give up because my daughters depended on me. Their love helped make me a strong woman. Plus I am a fighter.

The reason for this post is to encourage you. I want to tell you that you too are a strong woman. I’ve got some quotes to share with you to motivate you.

  • A strong woman

Pain is something that can cut deep into your soul. I know! I’ve been there. In 2000 I had to deal with the deaths of three people I loved. They died within the space of nine months. The pain was extremely bad because those deaths were untimely. But through that pain, I became a strong woman.

  • A real woman

If you’ve been knocked by love and heartaches and bounced back, you’re a real woman! You know how to dust yourself off and start all over again. It’s great when you’re able to get back on track. Especially when you learn from whatever it was that knocked you down.

  • A prayerful woman

Praying has been my lifeline. It’s good to be able to pour out your troubles and forget them. Praying isn’t just about getting down on your knees with your hands clasped. I pray by simply talking to God. I always get a sense of peace afterwards. And He does answer prayers.

  • A successful woman

A successful woman will use her problems as stepping-stones to get to where she wants to go. She doesn’t see them as setbacks but as opportunities for growth. Have you had people laugh at you and tell you that your idea is stupid? Or that you will never make it? Or why do you want to give up your job to pursue a silly dream?

Negative remarks will make a strong woman determined to become a successful woman. My favourite quote is, “Winners don’t quit and quitters don’t win.”

Kindly read on the interesting rest at June’s fabulous blog (more images and quotes there too), while I repeat her closing remarks:

  • Have you experienced the harsh realities of life? What made you the strong woman you are today? Please share your story in the comment box below. If you liked this post, share it with your friends …

 

 

 

Men and Emotions


This is a very tough one I must admit right?

I mean even psychologists can only say as much, what less of me? What am I venturing into?

Well, I said as much in my first post in this series and this new passionate journey of mine and you can refresh right here:

In a previous article I did for the Divorce Magazine, I talked about the conversations my ex-husband and I never had until recently.

Why couldn’t we discuss our emotions and hence find solutions to whatever we were going through?

I have admitted not discussing even 1/5th of my emotions. Well, not that I didn’t want to but because the opportunities were almost ever never there.

Is it only tradition, religion or something else? Is it that even the men don’t want to discuss emotions at all be it theirs or yours?

I know there are some men who do and that’s good for them. I am sure these ones have seen the benefits in discussing their emotions but I know there are many more who still think it is ‘macho’ not to discuss them.

People,  admitting nor discussing our emotions can cause irreparable damages, have been there – done that and so at least am an example.

I came across this you tube clip on men and their emotions and share it with you while wishing you a fruitful week.

What is your take on this dear gentle readers and followers of mine?

Yee Mu my Myanmar Heroine in Dubai


I don’t know what has kept me from writing this post ever since? It has ever since I started a page for my heroines, been on my mind!

Yes, I do have them lots of heroines and writing these posts, is my own way of celebrating them and all those who impact others’ lives.

A girl from Myanmar
A girl from Myanmar

My heroine could very well look like this but helas I don’t have any real picture with or of hers.

That period was a very difficult one for me and to tell you the extent I almost derailed out there, I even stole from a shop a few times. What did I steal, food.

I had no money and no job. I had cut off communication with my mother and whole family because the thought I was possessed and well I left in the first place right? and did all those nasty things I narrate in my book right?

So when I got to Dubai, I lived with my boyfriend of then in an a flat alongside at least 6 other people.  It was a three bedroom flat and more rooms had been created in the sitting room using plywood.

The rents were to be compared with those in London, Paris or New York and so the savings I brought paid that up.

Then this flat mate of mine, oh she who was just  a cleaner with emirates airlines but who cleaned the planes on transit and all, took pity on me.

I did not know about Myanmar before and she barely spoke English. I think her supervisor at work was from Myanmar too and so she got her hired and well in such jobs language ain’t real necessary I think.

She lived with her husband and they both worked at the Emirates airlines cleaning planes. This picture I found online reminds me very much of them: both were petite too just like these!

Traditional Myanmar couple
Traditional Myanmar couple

She started bringing left overs and giving me (us) and this helped a lot. I fasted all day not only because I did not have any thing to eat, but also because I wanted to discipline myself so and keep my faith believing that those trying moments were going to pass.

And today, those moments are long gone. My heroine by the time I left Dubai, was 7 months pregnant and they were making arrangements to return to Myanmar, have the baby, leave him there before returning to toil for their daily bread.

People like her are my angels, my inspirations and motivations. I definitely wish her blessings and all the best wherever she is.

Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, it is with this post that I conclude my week. Next week, I resume on Tuesday with Emotions and Well Being – reach out to men ( hopefully someday it will come to be too).

Happy Easter to all the Christians in the house!

I thrive


I thrive
I thrive

and this means: to prosper in any business; to have increase or success. Living a meaningful life is my business which I am running on my terms.

I feel good, thralalalala – what’s wrong in being happy, proud and contented in life? What stops us from talking and even being proud about our successes, joys and high hopes?

Some people think it is a lack of humility. But tell me, is it ok to always complain, be full of self pity, demand empathy and hide our emotions away lest people say or whisper here and there?

On monday, I wrote about our emotions and our well being and my plans in that direction. Yes it is a great journey I am embarking on and I don’t mind who comes along initially, no I just want to go on that criuse.

On Monday, I equally wrote an article on the Divorce Magazine about my thriving and not just surviving post divorce.

I shared my steps in getting to my present glow!

One: I left my Country. I needed to do this. It was too much to bear.

Two: I met my Darling DarlingYes, life goes on after a divorce.

Three: I wrote my book:  I wrote and self published my book yes I did!

It wasn’t easy and it still isn’t; oh no but let me tell you what is the ultimate:

I discovered coaching and blogging although in the reversed order. I re-discovered my ‘fierceness’, yes I went really unconventional by publishing my book.

I labelled it accordingly and re-worked its trailer to my satisfaction.

Now, I am slowly but surely thriving and I know it is up to us to do same or to watch other do same while reading their stories!

I am HAPPY, very happy. I have high HOPES and tiny fears, I know it wouldn’t be easy after all nobody ever said it was going to be.  I also  know with faith, Determination – Discipline and Dedication I will thrive for a long time to come!

Dear gentle readers and followers, are you thriving or just surviving? 

Do you care for a journey to more emotional well being? 

If Yes, then you can start on your own by re-eveluating yourself and if it be so hard a solo journey, reach out!

 

mum, author, mental health advocate, therapist, inspires & motivates with personal experiences

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