Tag Archives: Authenticity

How do you define yourself? Here is my how…


 

 

How do you define yourself Marie Abanga asked the journalist? and I said the following as it flowed from my heart: “I am a Person of Passions and a Tale of Talents”. What else would you want to know when someone defines themselves in such clear terms? But the look on the journalist’s face wasn’t seemingly satisfactory even if he didn’t say so. The interview was by TV 5 Africa on epilepsy and mental illness, questioning me in my capacity as the Country Director of the Gbm Foundation.

Their background check had indicated I was a lawyer, a mental health advocate, and  an author. They didn’t get the update that I was equally a CBT Therapist, a clinical psychologist, a motivational speaker and a life coach. When I introduced myself therefore at the beginning, I rolled through all the different stuffs I do and how passionate I am about each one and grateful for the different talents. As an author, I have written over 5 books and several poems, some of which I have turned into songs and look forward to going into a studio to record same. I will just stop at these few passions with their accompanying talents.

Indeed, my career path is in three dimensions although I can see them merging in one big jumble in 5 years. The lawyer will meet the Dr in Psy and the author will also join them and one new big path will emerge for me to keep following wherever they lead in all stubborn but passionate faith.

And so, I forge on with my passions, and the one which captivates and occupies me more recently is psychotherapy. I have a diploma with merits in psychology and a distinctions in CBT Therapy. I want to take an Msc in mental health psychology when schools resume and I also want to have a better understanding of addictions, substance abuse, dis-intoxication and rehabilitation.

Indeed, I was recently so honoured when two bloggers offered to write guest articles on the above. I will be putting them up on Wednesday and Friday, and intend to create a page for addiction and resources and its link to mental health.

Having found my purpose and got a very clear revelation of who I am, getting grounded in how I define myself brings me great joy and fills me with tremendous gratitude to God – my Higher Power for all the inspiration and motivation.

And you gentle readers and followers, how do you define yourself if I may ask?

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What do you want? This may sometimes proceed from what you don’t want


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It’s a sign of maturity for me to know what I want and what I don’t want

I remember when as a hyper active kid ( I guess I could very well qualify for what will be categorized and drugged today as an ADHD kid), my exasperated mother will exclaim: You this child what do you want? Several years have passed and I am 39 years today and recently got a satisfactory answer for this question.

You see, the answer didn’t just pop up like that, I was reflecting on my life and all the the things I have been doing and what I like most about the woman of faith and conviction I am becoming. I then stopped just this past March around the 26th, and I asked myself what I didn’t want to be made of it all.  The way the question popped up actually took me aback. Why should I bother what is made of my life by someone but me? But the reality is that once a public person, regardless of the category, quality or renown, your life is subject to all sorts of interpretation and conclusions.

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It may thus indeed be a very apt time to define my life specifically by what I don’t want – hence end up with what I want.

I don’t want to be accepted!!! I want to be respected!!!

There you go and that is what I got from deep within. And I turned this over, meditated and contemplated, and then came to the conclusion that was it. I didn’t write the prayer/bible verse inviting us not to conform ourselves to the standards of this world… (easy thing to do or not is not the subject of this post), but I have always love that prayer and consoled myself with that when told I was unconventional – this has come to stick as I adopted and embraced same and go by that among other tags.

And seriously, if am I not accepted or respected, I don’t care, what matters to me is self-acceptance and self-respect. It is the person’s business if they want to take me or treat/relate with me any way – all I can control is my attitude to their actions or reactions, and I have chosen to go an extra mile by stating clearly what I want/what I don’t want.

Now, is this daring? Is this dashing? Is this doable? I don’t know, I just share some of my musings to inspire and motivate, and why not to simplify myself further

 

When you give only what you want, deal with the fact that the receiver may equally do with it what they want…


Shoes I was given in Yaounde for charity because I asked for them.

Hi world,

Am writing this post on my trip back from Yaounde, although it will be published as scheduled.

Now, before I get into this post which has been on my mind a lot lately, here is some news from me.

I have been told by my inner voice:

  1. That the purification I had long been prepared for since 2008, officially starts on March 1st 2018. What all that means or involves I dont know other than that a 7 days fasting sets the pace;
  2. That I need not worry because some of the elements like that fasting, and talking less and less, I already know, while others like going vegan will eventually be ok;
  3. That I have to henceforth be more vocal and specific about my needs (not wants), and refuse to compromise for my own good.

It is thinking about needs that urged me to write this post.

First things first, I have received so much in life, and I of course give out in equal measure. Now, sharing my cheerfulness or moodyness, and all things internal, hasn’t brought me nor caused me as much head and heartache,like sharing material possessions which I consider external stuffs.

Since almost all material stuffs I have ever had, I received from others (no lie here I have received way too much), when I give those away those who gave me start to complain and even hold a grudge against me a while.

The easiest of these stuffs to I give away are all those clothes, shoes, bags and etc, because well soon am not seen with them and maybe someone else is seen with them.

Am tired of this situation and I did a lot of meditation on this because it has been a pattern from Chidhood. I got the following answers inside me:

  1. Many many people don’t give me what I need (which is definitely not all those material stuffs), but what they want;
  2. The things which I have ever specifically asked for and received, I treasured a longer while even if I ended up more giving them up too than cluttering my poor house or wardrobe (I have a specific number of each piece of clothes I can tolerate, and I can visualize some leaving tomorrow);
  3. I see and meet a lot of people who need those things like the prisoners, some less fortunate friends and relations…so why can I not freely give them? Some even outright ask me for something and the detached me is always so willing and grateful to give.

My conclusion therefore is two fold:

  1. I am no longer accepting any material possessions unless I expressly asked for, or was asked if I needed same;
  2. I will tell anybody giving me something that it may eventually be passed on, that they better consider it as having been given it say to church where you don’t manage what they do with what you give them;
  3. That my late grandma was right in saying that anyone who gave her anything and ever checked or monitored how she chose to use or share them, should stop giving her anything.

This life is already pretty complicated as is, I want to be free to do with mine and all the vanity stuffs I have or receive, the way I want. This of course includes surprises and anything received for the boys until they reach majority and are free to do with those as they want …

Learning to give David some time to cool down too…


 

That is David doing his things. He loves more of solitary play and drawing, than getting mixed up in brawls due to games with others, or mix ups at home. But precisely, the later can’t be avoided, na not among boys right?

So, yesterday morning there was an issue over chocolate paste and how Gaby took too much. David brought that to my attention while Gaby had stepped out do something. Now, Gaby overheard David tell and quickly told him to mind his own business. His words in french were: ‘Jaloux’ (jealous). Of course David wasn’t pleased and before I realized it they were manning up to each other and flinging more words around.

Gaby knows David’s soft spots and plays with those, going as far as calling him ‘bébé au lait’ (literally meaning milk baby – like weakling or so). I had to step in their middle to avert a fight.

I managed to get David to sit down and take off his school bag, then I rubbed him on his back several times. His heart was beating real fast. After a few minutes, I tried to get him to talk but he wouldn’t. We were all running late and so I desperately asked him if he needed more time to process his emotions. He said yes. He at least identified the emotion of Anger from the chart of emotions we have on the wall, and he told me he felt like punching Gaby even if he loved him very much.

I had to let him be because I realized he wasn’t ready to say any more. He was neither ready to talk with Gaby, not to mention make the customary peace of hugging each other while saying it’s going to be ok, and I still love you. Did I mention the last incident between those two which however gladly ended in a tripartite peace making was on Sunday?

Anyway, I learnt from the incident that, just like I sometimes want time off to process my emotions before moving on, so too do kids. I could in a position of authority threaten him into talking or force the peace making, but was that going to be real? Given that I don’t like fake relationships and actions or reactions, I will not expect that of any other including – even especially my children. I hope by the time he comes back from school he has forgotten about the whole incident. I asked Alain who is in the same secondary school with him, to check on him at break time out of sibling love.

My own sibling story is even tougher mindless the sex and age hahaha

Dear gentle readers, in life in whichever relationship, we have to respect the other and not seek to force them to keep to our pace, relate only in a certain way, or be the one we think is best for them. I share this events in my life, to inspire and motivate with my own reality. It all about seeking a holistic wellbeing and giving your children a balanced and good foundation

p.s: 8 pm 20.02.18 I get back home and the two fight out of the door to be the first to greet me are… yes you guess right: David et Gaby (I actually often confuse their names or pronounce in such a one the one comes when I meant the other). David tells me the anger was gone by short break and he felt fine. He choose peace over conflict and forgave Gaby

Have a great midweek all

Smiling vs Wearing a Smile


 

These pictures are taken on the same day, indeed minutes from each other, but in the one I am smiling and in the other I am wearing a smile. Can anyone tell which is which?

Sometimes in life, we may be conscious we are merely wearing smiles. We so wear them until they become our signature smiles. That smile which gives nothing away, and which is always there 365 days a year.

I used to wear smiles a lot, not naturally one to smile in my teens and only wearing one when prodded. Now in my ‘old em middle age’, I have come to find myself and to love the free and love-full me, smiling is a lot easier. But for the sake of me, I can’t just fake it when not in the mood unless I see that not wearing a smile can lead to more debris than I can clean up. Am I the only who goes through such ‘cycles’?

In conclusion, in the above pictures, I am smiling in the picture on the left (to me that was the last picture I was ready to submit myself too and having decided I had had enough fun, I relaxed fully and it glowed from inside out even if the smile may not have been my broadest). In the picture on the right, taken like shortly after the other when I was cajoled to hang on for a few more pictures, I slumped and said whatever – there you go. I wore smiles thereafter for most shoots until I couldn’t stand it no more and left.

I share this post to inspire and motivate and hope it serves that purpose. Indeed, we have to dare authenticity, know our own selves and to the core; and try as much to smile instead of wearing a smile in life.

Happy midweek everyone

Even if only for Ambe, I wouldn’t stop doing all the advocacy I do


Plain Me
One of the products of the photo shoot: Remember the post behind the scenes?

Hello World,

I am still dabbling with my different grooves; but I could tell from the work out rhythm this morning, they are coming up slowly but surely.
I was therefore very delighted to read the following in my email like 2 days ago:

Dear madam,

I have read your two books, “My Brother’s Journey From Genius To Simpleton” and “My Unconventional Loves.” Equally I just visited your website a few minutes ago, and the Gabriel Bebonbechem Foundation’s website, though I’ve not read much from there yet, but will do so subsequently.

I thought of writing to you because you are indeed an inspiration. When one takes a move to “Make their mess a message” and their “Test a testimony”, it’s an eye opener for others who have faced such similar situations and have withdrawn from the society to stand tall and rather help others with their past experiences. I was moved by the sincere stories in your memoir-book, that I had to give others to read too.

Please continue writing, blogging and speaking too. I believe that just like it did for me, the book will be an inspiration for others too, and a guide book to watch the things they do in life.

And oh, Gabby’s story was so sad, pitiful and… I don’t know how to describe it. The story made me cry, most especially because of the negligence given to epileptics. It was a good initiative creating a memorial foundation to take care of epileptic and mental patients. Please permit me say as a youth, I work with a little initiative called Child Enrichment As Future Leaders with the vision of empowering children, youths and the underprivileged. In our own little way, we can always support the foundation’s efforts and partner in carrying out activities.

A little about me-My name is Che Herbert Ambesi, a Level 300 student in the University of Buea reading Accounting. I love reading inspirational books, novels, plays and Christian literature, and I write a little too. Particularly concerned about the needs of youths and the civil society, I blog about success on cheambe.wordpress.com (Ambe’s Diary), and work with Child Enrichment As Future Leaders (CEAFL), a start up which was initiated by a female friend and class mate of mine two years ago, to see how we can in our own little way contribute to the society (I currently serve as President).

Madam, you are my role model. Keep inspiring!

Happy New Year in arrears,

Ambe

 

P.s: Kindly if you can, visit his blog and show some encouragement. He has like half a dozen posts and few comments too lol. He is full of potential and at this rate he’ll sure be up to all he sets out to do. I have replied and I think he is yet to get to his emails because internet especially in that region is a luxury. Hence am all the more delighted to read his email.

Happy Tuesday everybody

No longer playing pretend


 

 

If at 3 I knew no better than play pretend

By 9 I knew fully well I played pretend

But put 3 and 9 together

At 39 I definitely can’t continue

Playing pretend like I don’t know

It’s now far past my age and circumstance

I mean if I keep playing pretend now

Can you imagine if 93 meets me here

What a rigmarole and sheer ridicule

like I learnt nothing from life all along

Nope I now know better

for my sanity and hollistic wellbeing

I need to stop any play or semblance of

Say it as it is, do it as I say, love it as it comes

learn and love and live full cycle

Playing Pretend was just a game

I can’t turn that into reality

That will mean wearing a smile and towing the line

The unconventional in me cries fowl

Hence am no longer playing pretend

Walking My Fine Thin Rope with Grace


Thin rope walker

Oh – Hail me silently

Lest your murmurs, distract from my goal

That of walking with balance

The fine thin rope of my life

I jigsaw emotionally and mentally

Before stepping on my fine thin rope

Victory is not my ambition

Loving each parent is my heart’s desire

And my siblings of course

As for my sons

I let them know with their rising suns

That my lot in life has been thick and thin

Fine, not so Fine and Finer

It takes a lot of practice and peserverance

Sizing up and sizing down

Giving and receiving 

to and from all including

From fellow fine thin rope walkers

Fortunately my boots are freely given

The Master himself ordaineth

Awareness and forgiveness and Grace

Of course some self love in abundance

And for the world out of his bountiful barn

All that helps my indefinite walk

On this fine thin rope of my life

With Gratitude and Grace

 

p.s: Concluding one of my most meh cum yum yum weeks so far lol. I have yawned this week more than in the last months of 2017 I must confess. Currently yawning even

Have an awesome weekend everyone, looking forward to spending saturday with my first grandson (can you believe that) 

 and then some awesome awards are on the way – all so awesome yeah!!!

We all have our Insecurities: We all have our limitations


Hello World, It may be way too soon for me to say here comes another of those weeks, I think it is still some residual burnout jumbled up with some mood cycles spiked a few weekes ago by a higher than usual hyped calendar.

Let’s start with Insecurities

Well, something this weekend, and I mean as trival as asking for a selfie, made me face the reality that I like many others had insecurities and limitations. I have never doubted this, although I didn’t call them out as such before not ‘smile’ at anyone who ‘dared’ tell me so – if you get the gist.

So, during an event, I met someone I have admired on facebook for a while, we are a decade or so apart in age with she being a junior, but share some similarities like being staunch advocates of whatever our causes are. We also say it as it is and try to live our best. We acknowledged each other that day, appreciated our outfits, neeedless to say we were maybe the only two dressed in African prints (in a culture where fashion and trendy means competing with Beyonce hmm), but I didn’t ask for a selfie, or that we get someone to take us a picture. True each time we met and exchanged a word, there was buzzing around, but then I could still try right? Ok, at the gala my battery died down before I met her again, but maybe if I asked, her phone could have done just good right? And to think the very next day I was out there on facebook bluffing about our outfits and had no picture to show? Had only mine like I was the only chick à l’africaine you know. Insecurity period!

So, if on the same day and event I can have different encounters and behaviours, then I should either be perfectly human or not lol. Seriously, the above got me thinking. I mean I don’t fear striking conversations, why fear ask for ‘mere’ snapshots? There are other times I have asked for snapshots, so it’s not like ‘jamais fait – or never before done’. Actually, that same morning before I ran into her, I was just from making a new contact, a lady who sat a row ahead and I could feel she is on her phone ‘social networking’ just because… so I introduced myself to her and got to meet a dynamic lady who has a restaurant in my own neigbhourhood called ‘Fresh Cravings’ – guess who plans to take her guys there this weekend? So when Saraphine asked that we do a selfie, sure I smiled some mindful of the chilly room.

Saraphine Yondo
Saraphine Yondoh of Fresh Cravings and I

The simple conclusion is that I have my own insecurities, and they fluctuate based on circumstances.

And Limitations

Limitations I want to look at from the point of a limiting circumstance or occurence or event etc. We probably have them everywhere, right close to us, in our homes, interractions and all. I bring it up to say those limitations do not and should not make us any less human I think or grateful our lives. A small and very current example is that, since I got to the office this morning, I am struggling to find my groove to work as planned, the internet connection is frustrating and this also limits any progress (tbt there is also much I could do without the internet connection) I should have made right? But the laptop itself has been rebooted already twice too. I can choose to give up this day as is, focus on preparing my notes for lectures tonight, (like double checking them since I prepared them long ago lol) and go bitch about the day althrough the night. Will that make me feel any better and less ‘guilty’ at having wasted half the day already not really doing much? I thus fell back on writing, and this post is here.

Whenever it goes up, I will know I haven’t done what I planned this morning but I didn’t let the morning’s limitation keep me down. I also think others will be inspired and motivated by this post. I will even conclude by throwing out a question: Has anyone any insecurities and limitations they may want to share/or better still the tips on dealing with this?

Thanks for reading and have a great week everyone

Twinkes not Wrinkles 


Twinkles not wrinkles

Those I want for the season

The reason but no treason

~~~
Twinkles not wrinkles

They come naturally

Please let them be

~~~
Twinkles not wrinkles

In my eyes not on my brow

That’s all by Grace

~~~
Twinkles not wrinkles

You want those too?

If yes, you welcome

If no, I know you nought.

Up and about this Saturday for some respite

P.s: Wishing us all the best for the season, new year ahead and life in general