Hello world, I am sharing the above for inspiration and motivation. I became a mother over 13 years ago, but can only candidly say I have a home since February 2016. I mean a home with my boys. When I was still married, I never sincerely thought of home like I do now, and didn’t involve my boys in the running/management or concertation of home matters. On the 6th of March 2017, I got the above inspiration and shared same with them. We all agreed those were good affirmations and rules to help our team get by. I am so grateful for all the transformation in my life and the boys I am raising one day and Grace at a time – Amen
Here is to hoping some parents especially single mothers out there are inspired and motivated by my journey alongside my team.
David is my Shepard; David is my King; David is my gentleman. David opens the door for me, David likes insisting on the dinning table: ‘after you mama’ and when I ask why he’ll say because it is ‘ladies before gentlemen’. I don’t want to bother his young and fresh mind on what sometimes goes on in the ‘bigger world’. David is my second son aged 10, and he didn’t have an Easter Break per-se because they in final year of primary school had preparatory classes in school daily from 8-12 pm.
And so hmm, that is how David and I came to have a whole week to ourselves at home. I had left his 2 brothers in Buea when I went there to savour Dyane’s epic memoir. Ok, my plan had been to send the three of them to Buea for the Easter break before I knew David wasn’t going to have a break. Now, during the first week of that break, Alain had opthalmologist appointments and now wears glasses, and Gaby the star had a tummy rumble and a wound under his foot which he picked up from one of his many adventures in the neighborhood barefeet of course – oh poor me.
With David, you talk less, do more, and appreciate silence and art more than all. He loves , cooking, drawing or watching one comic or the other. He also has a like minded friend in the neighborhood who goes to his school too. They often hole up in our home after school and draw all those characters they see.
I made it a point to have dinner with David everyday and to help him with any assignments. I thought of what else to do with David, and realized I could start by walking with him to his school. The last time I had walked with them (Gaby is in that school too), was at least 2 months ago and that was a quick dash.
Last Thursday therefore, althought having a hectic day ahead, I decided to walk with David to school. We walked mostly silently, enjoying the breeze and birds chirping , with me making not so successful attempts at conversation. Yet, David was smiling all the way and I later realized he was just happy to have me all to himself and walking with him to his school. When we got there, he asked me to buy him something to eat (we hadn’t had breakfast before leaving, happens sometimes). I also decided to have whatever he opted for so as to taste for myself what they eat in school.
David was so happy he became talkative, introduced near his entire class to me and then em – wished me to enjoy my meal. He wanted to go on with his friends now. My entire day was set to be yummy, nothing could wipe the sweet memory of our walk to school and his joy at introducing his mates to me.
A walk and a sandwich was all it took this day. When I asked David on the eve of his brothers’ return while we had our last quiet dinner together, what he liked most about our ‘home alone’ days, he said the best thing was my walking with him to his school that day, and my not being so stressed out the entire week.
Oh these kids, not only do they notice but they also have their own peculiar benchmarks. Alain the first will shrink if I offer to walk with him to his school for example, and Gaby the last will not be bothered. No I think he will find my presence by his side restraining since he plays as he walks and stones play with him too.
David and buddy Ella notwithstanding her pose lol
David doing his own kind of things – that should be a bow and arrow lol
All in all, although I had hoped to have this Easter break to myself, I have a book I started writing in January and am not finding time to write, I am grateful for what I got – a whole week to bond with David.
If life doesn’t always turn out the way you want, turn yourself out to make the most of it.
Hello world, this is an impromtu post brought about by a recent incident in my house. This is not the first time such have happened but this time it hit me like bam, you’ve got to talk about it, teach them about it and why not throw it out on your blog for more reflections you know. And, unfortunately, if left to go on from young, it could develop into a habbit we are unfortunately even witnessing a whole President doing (let me withold his name before I am tracked down zut)
When I got back home from work this afternoon, as often my boys were having one of their times. Oh boys – those who sure have some free spirited teen boys will heave with me – yes some girls are number too (I am told none of my boys measures up to me – ha). Ok but then boys can even go physical with each other and then go play ball altogether once the winner makes it – girls am not sure we’ll ever talk to each other again if we get there…
Oh so I was saying I got home and they were all over the place… truce… you go study… you go play cause he had no homework and I don’t have no TV … so a 7 year old wouldn’t sit still and to spare distracting his brothers I have to send him for 45 mins. As soon as am into my room, he comes distracting his brothers from the window. The eldest sends him off and 20 minutes later he comes crying. He has fallen down and bruised himself, and well since he don’t like wearing a top nor even flip flops, both his chest and feet took their own marks. He screams like that’s his first or worst fall, and starts blaming his brother.
That is when it bams to me I have got to teach him and all of them something about life. He very often always names and blames either of his brothers for something and I have never really thought to teach them the lesson that you can’t live on in life naming and blaming others all the time. I mean you have to look at your own self in the mirror and assume your responsibility. In all my ‘unconventional memoirs’ and in my life, I try very hard to look at myself and face my big share of mess, blame and all…
And to think of it, if our young ones grow up thinking it’s ok to name and blame, imagine what they’ll do as adults? Even if they get into positions of leadership and responsibility – well they’ll just keep naming and blaming. I have personally recently been so alarmed by some ‘childish’ behaviour I am witnessing from a whole President of a renowned nation. Had there been none before him or were still in his thirties, well maybe that would have been understandable or overlooked. I think the blame is on the media right now and the who and who and what and …
So, does this post make sense? Any input or reflections to share?
Sometimes and yes there are such times, we get to a crossroad in life where we have to imperatively make a critical decision. In such times, one or more of those dreaded emotions overtake us, and we feel so frustrated because we just want to be Ok. We just want whatever situation it is to be over, and not being sure of how to proceed nor the outcome, fear creeps in. In such moments, I think if we decide led by that fear, we may make a painful or even bad decision.
Now my story… I have made a decision to use my story as often as I can to illustrate my write ups.
Yesterday was a day like most, I sent my boys off to school. My last son however, has since returning from the Christmas vacation developed the aching habit of leaving school once they close, and going to his dad’s until evening. This will leave me worried and I’ll be making calls sometimes ignored. Yesterday and even on Wednesday my birthday, he did same. I have been praying over this situation and yesterday it came to my heart to let him go live with his dad if that will make him wander less, make me worry less and keep him safe and stable. We talked and he told me that’s all he wanted.
I talked with a few others especially my mother, and I called his dad. We prayed with his brothers and I took him there. It’s a 15/20 mins walk from my home and he’ll stay in the same school as his brother.
Ah, although none of us shed tears, I wept within. That was another of those emotions, that negative voice trying to convince me am a failure at motherhood. The same kids I fought for and came back home for, can’t stand me blablabla. But this I know deep within, I let him go for him and not for me. My ego can hurt all it wants. My boy is entitled to his own experience. He’ll be Ok by faith.
Hmm another Monday, hope not so grumpy for most of us. When I worked corporate, Mondays were definitely my worst. Fortunately, I wasn’t alone to hate it, and so we voted for our department meetings to start from 9 – 11 which we somehow often saw drag to noon and hurray that was half the day gone… Well the work load piled up anyway… But one thing I learnt from those years, was to love what I was doing or better still make the best of my loss 🙂
Yesterday, as I watched my boys play football, I concluded my middle son David 10 years (the special meek and docile one who grew up fearing those team games where he could be hurt), had found a way to mingle and play with joy. Oh my, you needed to see him get ready to kick the ball. The sound he’ll make like a goal was a second near… And he’ll literary clap for himself if he kicked right, goal scored or not…
It dawned on me there was another big life lesson again. What was I after? Winning at all cost, being declared a ‘success story’, or just living to my best…?
My joy today is definitely in living my best, being grateful for the least obvious instead of grumbling for not having the most glaring…
And you gentle readers and followers, what makes you laugh out? Keep going for it, and have a great week 🙂
My thrilling life as an author, coach, consultant & mental health advocate…