Tag Archives: coping

Painful flashbacks and handling the trauma/anxiety from a missing school bag

What can a missing school bag do to a 39 years old mother? Well, read on!

33 years ago, I received one of the beatings of my life, the type known as ‘I’ll skin you alive’. My crime and sin and all put together: I had misplaced my school bag (probably again if I can recall well)

33 years later, my son Gaby came back home last Wednesday without his school bag.

Once I was told, I gave myself timeout very fast because my head started to spin. I was so angry and frustrated at Gaby and my first impulse was to ‘skim him alive’. I was also angry at myself for thinking that, and for not being able to not pass on that ‘negligent and zam zam’ gene to Gaby.

I recalled the beating which drew blood and blisters and left me sore. My friends in the neighbourhood didn’t see me for some days, and I must have skipped school the next day not only because dad had to buy a new bag and books, but because I was bed ridden. I despised life and wished I could run away or disappear.

Those memories actually helped me decide not to ‘skin Gaby alive’, actually I didn’t even beat him. They know I hate beating them because it hurts and pains me double to beat them or anyone. I just think I had taken all the beatings for us all there ever could be.

And so, after my time out, I had a discussion with Gaby who has had some attention and other pranky attitudes this week. I just needed to know if the school bag could be found, as in any idea where he may have left it. (Two days prior, he had gotten home 2 good hours late because he stopped by a field to play football with friends on his way back, and lost all notion of time).

It turned out he forgot the bag at his aunty’s place which is midway between his school and home. I went there myself yesterday for the tripple reassurance that he had collected same that mornimg on his way to school. Some books are once again missing but that’s not as alarming as losing an entire school bag.

Ha, I also recall having to buy all his school needs on the eve of back to school because it was dropped on me just that eve, that was my p.o.s henceforth.

All is well that ends well, I beat no one and was able to stay calm and temper my upset. Am so grateful for my GA who helped me, for the other boys who stayed calm while David even went out that afternoon to go try to find it.



I am a Transcontinental Mother…


I am a Transcontinental Mother
What do you think this is?
Who dares brand herself one?
Tell me how you go about this?
Can you suckle a baby as such?
Can you soothe some tears?
Tell me how you can clean a bruise?
Nor attend any events?
For goodness sake, what kind of specie is this?
I will dare console, mothering is one big feat
A feat with such guilt
Guilt at not being a mother
Guilt at becoming a mother
Guilt at not being a good mother
And yet, I have come to realize mothering with love, even from across the ocean, is possible
I admit I had to flee for a while to realize that
But in the meantime, I am giving transcontinental mothering my best shot
and oh how glad I am, that soon and very soon a transcontinental mother I’ll be no more!!!
P.S This poem is my heartfelt way of rounding up what I consider mother’s month. Mother’s day is celebrated on different dates accross the globe, and in my country Cameroon it’s on the last sunday of May. One of the chapters of my recently published memoirs, is on Finding Strength as a Transcontinental Mother. Happy Mother’s Day to all once more!!! I hope my three musketeers here below, come to one day truly empathize with their mummy! My first son graduated from Primary School yesterday and all I could do was cry tears of joy and sadness!!!
For them I thrive amidst my challenges
For them I thrive amidst my challenges
My own boy!
My own boy!

I am an Area Girl: post dedicated to my dear Lady Dyane

Who is a proud Area Girl?
Who is a proud Area Girl?

There are two main reasons why I dedicate this post to my dear Lady Dy over at Birth of a New Brain. First of all, she calls me a global traveler (l don’t travel that much to be honest, but am happy to be called one because l sometimes travel that far in my head). Secondly, I hope the post inspires her ahead of her support group meeting this afternoon. So my lady, if you face this meeting like an Area Girl, you’re sure to survive and why not thrive.

And so my story goes, I so was sent on a mission to Abyssinia (I learnt there that it was the Amharic name for Ethiopia). This Country is so unique in several ways. Ok, for a start their calendar is 5 or so years behind “ours “. Their time is 6 hours behind “most of ours “, and their language and writing are another discovery channel of their own.

I knew that to get along/around without being “duped ” nor feeling scared and insecure, I had to wear on what l christened “My Area Girl Aura “. I didn’t want to be treated as a “Mary just come expat ” or whatever close to that you know. I didn’t confine myself to the comfy/safety of hotel/chauffeured cab etc, to and fro meetings. Ah no! I made a few local friends following my instinct.

One of such was Helena who worked at the hotel as a ‘Support Staff’  in the wellness center. I had gone there to check out the famous ‘Moroccan Bath‘. She took me around and we had the famous Ethiopian Coffee right inside one of those sharks. She also took me to her home, and there l met her husband and ate their traditional meal.

My rafiki showing me around the real areas!
My rafiki showing me around the real areas!
I was even showed how to prepare and pour the coffee
I was even showed how to prepare and pour the coffee
Savouring the coffee myself
Savouring the coffee myself
Time for the real Item Eleven. To welcome a loved one, you feed them their first mouthful
Time for the real Item Eleven. To welcome a loved one, you feed them their first mouthful

That is how much of an Area girl I can be. And so my dear lady Dy, you already are an Area Lady as far as creating/organizing such support groups is concerned. You even have some Helenas out there to assist you, and sure there is Lucy. They have stood by you for long you say, and one will be the time keeper right?

Lady Dy and Lucy
Lady Dy and Lucy

So know this, what you are about to do is awesome. Just because the other times you tried and got stuck, doesn’t mean this other group is already doomed. I promised to be your fairy godmother, and you said you start at 2pm pacific standard time. I’ll light a candle then (it’ll be 11 pm here in Brussels and just timely for a vigil and fairy takeoff); and then I’ll wear that aura which reminds me that I’ll and we’ll survive and why not thrive…

Choice and emotion: a short essay with some musing

Choice and emotion: a short essay with some musing.

With the above post from one of my favorite blogs beyondmeds, I re-launch my presence into the blogosphere.

Yes, I took a shortmedium break. I had and still have some issues both ‘upstairs’ and ‘outstairs’ to resolve.  I am ready!!!

I am glad to have so many to learn from and to share with. I am glad that I can live with my emotions however they come without resorting to meds to help me. I wish several other could or are actually doing so. Its a wonderful experience to get past the melancholia in real and then to look back. It’s like giving birth without an inducement or better still undergoing an operation without anesthesia? Hmm this last one is almost impossible right?

And so dear gentle readers and followers, lets look forward to what I have scheduled for this week. Yeah I made the choice – to keep up just being me.

Managing my depressive moods

I normally schedule 3 posts a week (mon-wed-fri) , but if l do blog in between then it is something VIP to me. Today, it is about how l manage my depressive moods.

It is going to be a short post and one written on the spur so no crafting post and all.

Well, I think publishing the kind of book l did tells some about the ‘undiagnosed mental illness’ l have right?

So, before abandoning all and coming out here to try starting over, when l got real ‘low’, spending money both for myself and others especially my ‘street’ friends, helped me stay ‘cool’.

Now, when l get ‘low’ as l just did this morning, l write a blog post, read some more and above all, do some house hold chore or kind of basic work like washing the cups in the office etc. l cool down slowly but surely.

Tomorrow, you will read about one vital thing l do also thrice a week that make me very happy.

I sincerely think we all have depressive episodes or moods and we could try managing them, seeking for help if we can and reaching out to learn more about ‘such stuffs’.

l am learning so much online and maybe if l had known lots of these things back then, my life would have been different? Any way, l am more determined than ever to become a coach to help others too so that together we could really be merry all the way.

Dear gentle readers and followers, thank you for reading and maybe commenting? Even a like or share is a good enough signal.