Tag Archives: Dealing with Grief

Death where is your sting??? Forever in my Soul My MC…

MC Lives on

That was in Paris on none other than Valentine’s day 2014. How can I forget that day, when I had so wanted to leave my gentleman alone and instead come spend it with you and family in Paris? When I got to Belgium and settled down, of course my first out of country visit was to you. We laughed when I narrated how it was a ‘Paris a tout prix trip’ (Paris at all cost), because I was prepared to hitch hike if I din’t find a car share online very fast…

Ah My MC, we were as thick as thieves growing up. I didn’t even know you were almost 2 good years older than me.

You taught me so much especially concerning guys. Yes, no shame to say it now, you taught me how to give a wet kiss – what a practical lesson that was. Now you are gone before I did a post about you my heroine par excellence…

Aw My MC, we last spoke in April and you assured me in that same voice I have always none, that you were trying your best and that C wasn’t going to get you. I mean not after barely half a decade plus 1 in marriage right? What is my beau to do with those two toddlers now?

Oh death, oh life, oh my…

My MC forever in my soul till my own time is up … Thank you for all, I am so grateful I could show you barely 10 days ago with my token, how much I loved you

p:s I lost my… (words fail to describe my MC) this 7 am and yes am still in some sort of shock. Writing steadies some trembling, I will be ok eventually because love is eternal and I need not view death as fearful. The pain is what threatens to numb

Thank you for all sympathy and prayers for the entire family


Death visits – again: But am celebrating her life

My late aunt O Rose, myself and her grandaughter

I have such fond memories and how she always gave me something to take back with me each time I visited the village. Indeed, the bag in which she gave me foodstuffs when I visited with the kids last summer is still in my kitchen. I am so grateful for the Grace to have taken her two granddaughters with us to the village last summer. That was the first time in 5 years they were seeing each other. Indeed the last time they were there was to bury their own mother, my best best best cousin whose death I didn’t even hear off – being in one of my wildernesses. The visit to the village therefore was cathartic for all of us. This is my memory and how I chose to grieve my dear aunt to eternity.

P.s: sometimes I want to not write or talk about stuff hoping it’ll just go away. But nope if I don’t let it out it muggles my mind – and that Ivshun so much.

The Race 2 the Grave

It muses my mind

Mankind is on a race

One so fierce

The fool seems the whistleblower

No sight of the finish line I see

But then again there are seas

Which may make the track

As hard to trace

But the race picks up

Ever so fierce

Don’t ask me I beg

Am only a writer

Our leaders may know more

Wants and needs ever rising

Fears and foes ever adding

A strange race it seems

Cause near the finsh line

Some wish they hadn’t run at all

In Memoriam: Dreaded Death Dare I Muse

Dreaded death dare I muse

Why you don’t come when we wish?

Or maybe you guess right, even when we do we really mean not

He was some years back very sick

Three heart valves changed at once

We vigiled and wailed and even wished

But not you to respect any one

So now I muse 

What do you order us do

To be better prepared or armed?

Maybe we can ignore you altogether

And live and love to our best?

Say it and send it and savour now and not tomorrow

Cause if you come today, then we regret not

You really seem invincible inevitable and dare I say inviolable?

Gosh: you have stung so close again once more

His daughter & lone seed is just a year

I wouldn’t even dare call his young wife

At least we are still many around

The best to heal is all we can do it seems

Adieu Armstrong: I wish I wish I wish…

I muse no more…keep your dread I beg


P.s: lost a cousin so close we grew up same house and my boys called him uncle, cherishing care free holidays at his home…

Ulla, let me grieve you out and wish you well…

Dear Ulla,

Vanilla scented candle with a butterfly for Ulla's Vigil
Vanilla scented candle with a butterfly for Ulla’s Vigil

I hope you smile at this candle I picked for you on my way home.

You see, I went to help a friend with some decoration project for a wedding she had lined up today, and while there I kept keeping in touch with what was up on your special day over on your street. I also reblogged a few post from other tribes’ buddies which celebrated you and what you taught, thought and shared… She freaked me out at one point by saying I was ever on my phone… I sighed saying if only she knew I was there just to escape from melancholy at home where I would otherwise have been glued to my laptop reading and writing away with tear filled eyes. She overstepped her boundaries when she sent someone into my handbag without my permission. I just screamed in me f… it and left.

I stopped by the supermarket and got a vanilla scented candle for you. Hope you don’t mind the scent. I think you’ll find that butterfly inside sarcastic or what…

You said I was a good writer and could do excellent if I kept at it? Ok now, I will need to find another proof reader and ‘candid sounding board’.

Ulla, today, I can’t and wouldn’t write much. I am reading all I come across on and for you, and keeping the vigil with the tribe. I know one day it shall be over for each and everyone of us too, but for now, we are here trying to strong for each other, trying to come to terms with life and its own ‘mental illness’, trying to survive this one more other day of grieving a dear one’s passing on…

I wish you well Ulla, sincerely and candidly I do… it just hurts to think it got so bad and there was nothing I or any of us could do… I thought I had learnt so much about the ‘illness’ to help someone since I failed so woefully to help my own brother (yes I know what you kept telling me about this), but hmm … I still have so much to learn even about my own self…

I grieve out you passing on, but I retain every memory of your gentle and kind soul. I’ll treasure the few emails and chats and I’ll always wish you well…

Burn away all night for Ulla
Burn away all night for Ulla
Hence I say Adieu Ulla
Hence I say Adieu Ulla

Aww it has happened again; Grief strikes our mental health community, join us in solidarity

I love this and have always done my best to practice that.
I love this and have always done my best to practice that.
Ulla’s dog Solo – ending up Solo for real?

I called her john, I now know her name was Ulla. This makes no difference to me, my grief is once more unbearable. I could hardly sleep last night.

I had thought I was done with blogging, hung up my blogging boots: But how do I not revert to where I found so much solace two years ago when I lost my one and only brother to this same Bipolar Monster?

And guess who was there to help me so very much on with my grief and healing process? Guess who selflessly offered to review My brother’s journey which I maniacally wrote in 30 days? Oh Ulla where do I begin?

You were my hero and heroine and am humbled I wrote you a blog to let you and the world know .

Oh no, what a sad coincidence, that a vigil is planned for you on September 10th 2016, exactly 2 years when I published that post?

Ah our poor, battered, tattered and shattered mental health community… who will research and share all the information with us again?  Oh dear, you cheered us up and fought so hard… even letting us know when things were seemingly so tough your way, that you were still alive.

The grief is still so hard, kindly join us on BLAHPOLAR’S blog come September 10th, to pay her a deserving tribute:

Here are some other blog posts from her other kindred spirits, I know many more others don’t even have it in them to write …

Losing Ulla

An Invitation: JOIN ME on SEPT 10th to Honour ULLA’s Death — Our Lived Experience

Don’t what? Shut up. 



Dealing with grief

I came across this post Dealing with grief from a dear Granny’s blog. She is the author of the last memoir I just finished intitled David’s Story. Yeah well one more of those very pale tales, I hope I bring myself to do a review eventually. I admire Granny’s fortitude, I identify with PAIN. There are lots of things we all simply can’t understand and yet have to deal with. Lets read on and hopefully reflect more. I know it helps to grieve it out, supressing or medicating grief is not the best option for me.