Tag Archives: Emotional Well being

Let’s talk about breakups shall we???


How do I look in that picture at first glance? Anyway, that was a couple of hours to yet another heartbreaking breakup. I have had one too many in my life and to be candid, I have instigated 99.97% of them.

Why am I even writing this post and washing such linen in public? Well, because as a psychologist and CBT Therapist, I have worked with many who have been through very tough times before and after a breakup.

It is one of those taboo topics marred with the ego’s looming shame, guilt and suck for revenge. Needless saying what some have or will do to supposedly get even after a breakup.

So, how do I feel especially after once again instigating a breakup? I feel like a pity party wouldn’t even do me justice. And yet, it takes commensurate courage to instigate a breakup and do it civil like you guys were having any other conversation. This breakup ha, I prayed for the how to go about it for an entire month. I know others who will just walk away, change numbers or just spit it out and fume it all downing same with whatever can numb the hurt and feelings.

To add salt to injury, it’s not like there is any prospect or plan moving on. Nope, am letting my spirit flow even if right now I can shrink if spoken to by a man.

Let me be raw here, this is my life’s purpose. This is also a better healing mechanism for me than tears and trash. Indeed, an RA mini flare up couldn’t be avoided and I was literally carried back home and massaged.

It still hurts today and am pampering myself some. I believe in the adage ‘Therapist heal thyself’, and writing is one of those healing balms.

I once murmured to a friend that it sometimes was tough being the ‘Go to Person’, because you could as well end up not having your own ‘Go to Person’. My God and my soul are my own ‘Go tos’ and am not doubting them.

And so, to you who can identify with this post in any and either way, know you are not alone. Tough times never last but tough people do.

I hate breakups and if there was a vaccine against them or some magic pill to counter their side effects, I would have gone for those.

But helas, damage control is what I focus on, learning lessons, counting blessings, seeing prospects, not burning bridges are what I look out and forward to. My mental health being of primordial here.

I chose peace over conflict and think I have finally won over my ex husband. The same yesterday, he and I had a very peaceful and dare I say respectful discussion, and for all these milestones I am very grateful.

Any thoughts about breakups to share in the comments anyone?

Be inspired and motivated everyone …

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Free Fall…Free Rise


Freely Freely you receive Life

Live same freely; be yoked to none

Dare to Feel how Free it can Flow

If you could just aim for

Free Fall … Free Rise

    …

Why restrain my fall?

When I might miss

The treasure at the bottom?

Why contain my rise?

When I might miss

The shooting star at the top?

Nay: Am going all the way for

Free Fall…Free Rise

   …

Ignorance can lead to arrogance

You think below is all but dirt

And so you hold yourself aloof

And pretend no issues u ever get

But I don’t care: no need for flash

I’ll go all 360 for

Free Fall…Free Rise

   …

The best lesson is often

in the depth and height

Feel it all the way

whichever it may

Free Fall…Free Rise

Emotions and Intensity


Some intense emotions
Some intense emotions

In my special and passionate journey towards becoming a personal and emotional well being coach, I am equally letting myself coached.

My coach asked me a question which sparked further self evaluation.

First, let me begin by admitting that I am derailing from my initial plan of doing a post this week on the categories of emotions and al.

I however promise my dear readers, that this will come soonest. I just found his question intense – hence the title of this post:

He asked me how bad I felt about …

Oh my, so feeling bad wasn’t enough to deal with and now I had to dwell into how bad I felt and how intense was that feeling?

I got down to doing some research to help myself and of course YOU! ūüôā

in¬∑ten¬∑si¬∑ty¬†¬†(ń≠n-tńēn‚Ä≤sń≠-tńď)

n. pl. in·ten·si·ties

1. Exceptionally great concentration, power, or force.
2. Physics The amount or degree of strength of electricity, light, heat, or sound per unit area or volume.
Is it my choice how intense I want to feel about something and how I want to express that feeling?
Can l do something about that emotion which is currently manifesting itself so intensely that I even feel overpowered and sort of compelled to act in a particular way?
I looked at emotions and well being recently and was of the modest opinion that if only we could believe that it was ok for women to discuss our emotions, if only men could see that it was also ok for them to open up, then we could and should take the edge over our emotions.
I know and once learnt that emotions are here to stay and come on, could we perceive living emotionless?
Yet, we have numerous examples in life when we or people we know got carried away especially by ‘negative’ emotions, and became ‘serial’ you name them.
My book tells of my tale and I admit wholeheartedly therein that I was lured by my emotions and or inability and yes even unwillingness to discuss them even with my own self.
My emotions of sadness at the life I got myself into, the pity I felt for myself, the hatred l felt for my ‘abusive’ husband, the ‘rejection’ l felt for my family etc etc, grew from weak – mild – strong.
Intense emotions get us do things we often regret
Intense emotions get us do things we often regret
Now, without facing them when they were still just weak (on the intensity scale), not pushing on to discuss them after a first try, I became more restless and verbose and yet withdrawn all at the same time.
The emotions were gradually taking control of me and I couldn’t mage them no more.
They got so intense that I was afraid of what I could do to myself if I even thought about my life, my pain, my future. Oh, I even at some point preferred death – yes my senselessness hammered in me that I was good for nothing. Had not even started running into the arms of other men just for some consolation?
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, I hope I have by this modest post shared with you what I am learning and hope to be working on in my next career path. Do show some love, share, comment and why not stay tuned?

Men and Emotions


This is a very tough one I must admit right?

I mean even psychologists can only say as much, what less of me? What am I venturing into?

Well, I said as much in my first post in this series and this new passionate journey of mine and you can refresh right here:

In a previous article I did for the Divorce Magazine, I talked about the conversations my ex-husband and I never had until recently.

Why couldn’t we discuss our emotions and hence find solutions to whatever we were going through?

I have admitted not discussing even 1/5th of my emotions. Well, not that I didn’t want to but because the opportunities were almost ever never there.

Is it only tradition, religion or something else? Is it that even the men don’t want to discuss emotions at all be it theirs or yours?

I know there are some men who do and that’s good for them. I am sure these ones have seen the benefits in discussing their emotions but I know there are many more who still think it is ‘macho’ not to discuss them.

People,  admitting nor discussing our emotions can cause irreparable damages, have been there Рdone that and so at least am an example.

I came across this you tube clip on men and their emotions and share it with you while wishing you a fruitful week.

What is your take on this dear gentle readers and followers of mine?

Emotions and Well being!


Our everyday emotions
Our everyday emotions

This week, I go emotional as in seriously. This week, I introduce what will eventually become my coaching business in some years to come.

It's ok to discuss our emotions
It’s ok to discuss our emotions

Women: it is ok to discuss our emotions! This week I say Women, next week I say men, and thereafter I will speak to us all!

I suppose there is nothing wrong in dreaming, aspiring and planning. I love doing stuff in advance, sort of trying to figure out a whole project before I embark, least of which is even a mere weekend.

And so after much thought, I decided to embark on a challenging but fulfilling career as a Personal and emotional well being coach. I am still at the conception stage but I am excited about it enough to share the news with you.

It takes certifications, preparations, organization, finalization and all but yes – I am ready to embark on all that. I am currently being coached by Jeffrey l. Moore and that is frankly speaking one of the best self investments I ever made.

Now, back to my post for today! I have noticed and personally didn’t do it too, that we women and well especially in my continent Africa or even country Cameroon where I know quiet some women, we don’t think it is ok to discuss our emotions.

Maybe just like ‘men’ (well I don’t mean all either) had long thought and maybe still do think that it’s not ok for them to cry, women thought it ain’t ok to discuss their emotions.

What are emotions? I got this from Wiki:

In¬†psychology¬†and¬†philosophy,¬†emotion¬†is a¬†subjective,¬†conscious¬†experience¬†characterized primarily by¬†psychophysiological¬†expressions,¬†biological reactions, and¬†mental states. Emotion is often associated and considered¬†reciprocally influential¬†with¬†mood,¬†temperament,¬†personality,¬†disposition, and¬†motivation.[1]¬†It also is influenced byhormones¬†and¬†neurotransmitters¬†such as¬†dopamine,¬†noradrenaline,¬†serotonin,¬†oxytocin,¬†cortisol¬†and¬†GABA. Emotion is often the driving force behind¬†motivation, positive or negative.[2]¬†An alternative definition of emotion is a “positive or negative experience that is associated with a particular pattern of physiological activity.

There are several different emotions we have to deal with in every day life and this info graphics is interesting;

 

So what do I think and make of all this? Personally, I didn’t discuss even just 1/3 of these. I didn’t discuss neither with my own self, with my partner or family nor with my ‘girl friend’ and here I put quotes because we would sure like to discuss with that ‘girlfriend’ (or boyfriend as the case maybe) we can trust not to make matters worst for us.

In a subsequent¬†post on this journey, I will categorize some of these emotions and also look at their inextricable link to our personal cum emotional well being, hence to our ‘productivity’.

But, before then, next week, I will speak to our ‘men’. And, for men who care about their women, they have to understand their emotions or encourage them to talk with them and of course vice versa.

Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, this is my new found passion and ambition and I know many will wish me well. Maybe some will become my clients someday. The journey is just starting. I went through so much in life and my book tells most of it. I think it is noble now for me to help others too albeit professionally.

The journey is just starting!