Posted in Marie's Garden, My Heroines

Two more portraits from my darling Phoebe…am spoiled

I am still so emotional and fighting back tears. In total, I have got three precious portraits from Phoebe (formerly Pamela Spiro-Wagner)

I am not sure I need/want to write about who Phoebe is to me and how much she means to me. These posts, like here, here and here for any wanting to read some of my previous blogs on my darling… Ah how I wish I could just get on a plain and go wrap up in VT now under one of those her comfy comfy handmade blankets.

Phoebe is so gifted and talented, has been through so so so much, and yet has such a heart of gold. She is Graceful even when she is having a tough time, so generous and makes me so grateful to know her and call her darling.

I appreciate you and treasure you darling Phoebe, yes all the way to the grave and even beyond Amen

Thank you so so so much

Posted in Marie's Garden, Parenting

Thank you aunty Pammy, with love David


Hello world, thanks to David I have a blog post for today. Let’s just say my life is meh right now and am looking for a “day where I do nothing” (I hope this year doesn’t run out without me finding that day)- am hanging in here though and I know this too shall  come to pass. At least I still have some tiny reading/writing groove. So shall I type out David’s letter/note to Aunty Pammy and share with us all, with his permission:

Saturday, December 16 th 2017

Dear Aunty Pammy,

Yesterday we begged mom to open our Christmas kado (gift in french)  from you because we could not wait for Christmas day. We know it is from you and not Santa even if mom is saying she will only open her own on the 25th.

My brothers and I were so happy with all the books, and me especially for all the colours and pencil and big sharpener even. I have drawn myself and some comic characters for you.

I love the water colours because I can now paint my drawings. You are so kind and even if we have never met you, you are a part of our family. I think even Ella our cat will love you so much.

Thank you again so much Aunty and may God Bless you

Sign: David

p.s: I wish he hadn’t dictated this to me yesterday and had written a note I could just scan. But hmm that’s a lousy compalin now, am glad he loves the drawing materials and is already using them to optimum. Sure I have to follow him up now to eat and sleep and even play outdoors lol. More on David’s love for drawing in this post.

It is very important that they learn to be very grateful even for the food they eat, the air they breathe, the life they have and all it brings their way.

Pammy, I can never forget you – Thank you for taking all the trouble to get these gifts and mail them to someone coming to Cameroon. The 3 or more months were worth the the wait in gold. On days like these, such make my day over and again

Posted in Marie's Garden, My Heroines

Am speechless … received this a few minutes ago from my soul sister

I wish I could write much more. Let me just share this portrait with you just sent me by my Dearest Donna. Am visiting her shortly in Limbe for a day of bliss with nature oh my…oh my am letting the tears flow am so touched and grateful…Donna lost her dad in June and I haven’t even been able to go see her…


The above picture is an apt summary of my day with my soul sister Dearest Donna… We keep discovering ourselves and each other and so much synchronicity ha could we have been twins born of different mothers? You can guess the artist amongst us, the very calm voice and all. I love Donna loads…

Posted in Book Reviews, Marie's Garden

Book Review: Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant


Hello world, My Biological clock is ticking (turn 38 next week by Grace); and peace is my number one top priority at all times now. I admit to having several broken pieces in my life – heck still do so much and they sometimes just poke up and make me bawl my eyes out all over again. I was thus very excited to pick up this other soulful memoir by Iyanla Vanzant one of my all time favorite – No nonsense authors. I mean, I cried again when I read one of her other power books titled Yesterday I Cried – Here, you can find my review of that one. I have had it for almost two years now but I guess it wasn’t time for a review. I even mentioned the book in my own personal journey to uncovering the source of my peace.

When I look at my notes from the book, I can share some of the most poignant I made:

  1. …I didn’t know anything about rebound relationships. I didn’t know that it takes a respectable amount of time for one person to get over another person and come to a place of completion… (Neither did I and it’s barely 3 months I finally knew and got there);
  2. …One powerful lesson I learned from him was that just because a man is a good man, it does not mean that he knows how to be a good partner ( my comment on that note says it all: woah, similar to what l wrote about mine);
  3. When two broken people bring their broken pieces together, chances are they will never become a whole anything. (very high chances I think too);
  4. Unworthiness always puts you in debt to anyone and everyone who shows you the slightest degree of attention or love or energy. Eventually, in this form of bankrupt relationship, your benefactors will demand or expect more than you are able or willing to give. This is the precise moment they will choose to call in the loan; (I can relate 99.99%);
  5. When you do not believe that who you are and what you do is good enough, that message will contaminate everything you do. When doubt is present in your consciousness it indicates a much more profound problem. It is a story that we tell ourselves about who we are and what we do and do not deserve in life. Your personal lie is a function of all of the broken pieces of your puzzle—all of the elements of your history, all of your experiences, all that you have been taught about yourself merging with all that you have made up about yourself. 

And now three lessons she shared which helped her find peace amidst all those broken pieces

  1. Until and unless you know that you are enough just the way you are, you will always be driven to look for more. Knowing that you are enough is a function of consciousness. Your enough-ness develops in direct proportion to the relationship you have with your true identity. Until you wholeheartedly believe in your own worth, in spite your of accomplishments and possessions, there will be a void in your Spirit. I had more than a void. (here is my comment: this is what l wanted);
  2. When you are starting your life over, with a new sense of self, who you once were is going to challenge you. Who you once were is going to dangle old carrots, old wounds and issues, in front of your face. When that happens, you will be tempted to revert to old feelings, old patterns of thought, and old patterns of behavior. When, however, you have made up your mind that the old you is dead and buried, when you have embraced a certain level of clarity about who you are and are not, as well as who you are choosing to be, you have a different response;
  3. “When you can tell the story and it doesn’t bring up any pain, you know it is healed.” (I got there Amen)

This really is the best way I can review this book – I broke down again so sourly two days ago, and bawled myself to instant sleep just where I was – I got up and with so much unconditional love and support – I decided to stick by the new response to ME and my Life. A big gratitude among others to Iyanla Vanzant and memoirs of hers like this one. I can’t rate this book any less than a 5/5: written in such down to earth english – so personal – so fine to read without a break.

About the Author


There isn’t anything I can say about Iyanla which isn’t everywhere and I mean including on O. here is a snipet from her website:

“What I have learned from all of the difficulties in my own life is that human beings have very thick skin. I call that skin, spirit, our Highest Most Powerful self. Spirit is the key to everything we desire. It is our weather-proofing, our Teflon, our line of credit that assures if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day; there will be a miraculous payoff.”

Visit her website and there you’ll find all the links you need to that great woman described as: ” one who embodies a no-nonsense approach in her message and teaching style. Outspoken, fiery, transparent, truthful, and sage-like”.

Posted in Uncategorized

Kindle Bonanza: Free Triple downloads from me to us all

Dear World with less than 30 hours left in this Kingdom of Belgium, I thought about what I could offer us all to express my profound appreciation for all the direct and indirect help I have had in becoming the woman I now am.

I am therefore offering us all free kindle downloads of all the three memoirs I have written and published since coming here. The bonanza runs from tomorrow the 30th up to Sunday the 2nd of August on the amazon. Just type out the titles on Kindle Amazon, and I hope the following links help too. Share this with your friends and family, the reading apps are equally free to download for those without Kindles you know 🙂 Battered, Tattered, but not Shattered: Finding the Strength in What Remains eBook: Marie Abanga: Kindle Store My Brother’s Journey from Genius to Simpleton: Battling with his mental illness and coping with his loss eBook: MARIE A. ABANGA: Kindle Store My Unconventional Loves: My Hurts, My Adulteries, My Redemption eBook: Marie A. Abanga: Kindle Store

And oh my, that already forecasted Black 2nd of August, when my dear Gaby left this world. I am glad I was able to write a memoir on his journey beause he like all the other “simpletons” we know, didn’t start out that way, nor must they necessarily end up that way. That’s why I really hope that book of all, is read by many many many in due time 🙂

Does she say this because she already has the money anyway? I don't think so
Does she say this because she already has the money anyway? I don’t think so

I love the above quote by Michelle O very much and I henceforth consider and declare myself a successful woman. I do so not because of the figures in my bank account, but because of the quality and quantity of people I have been graced to meet, know and impact in my existence. They all have also taught me a lesson in addition, subtraction or something else.

Gratitude all the way
Gratitude all the way

From the bottom of my heart therefore, I say THANK YOU. I hope I am still able to blog once Home, but I sure hope to. I will read your posts for sure and try to let you know I did 🙂

All the best to us all, let me leave you with hopefully some funny pictures of me recently:

Posted in From Around!, Marie's Garden

Germany: Flowing where it Blows


Hello world, my friend blapolar diaries called me Global Woman yesterday and this got me thinking. Am getting there, especially as I strive to flow as my spirit blows 🙂

Remember this Christian song “Spirit of God in the clear running water, blowing to greatness the trees on the hills…” and its refrain ” blow blow blow till I be…” That’s what my best friend and I are loving and living presently 🙂

When I received an invitation to attend a convention of my village’s diaspora in Europe 3 weeks ago, and when further asked bu the CEO to do a presentation, I meditated over it and discussed with my no 1 team mate (mum of course) 🙂

That’s how I found myself in Germany for 5 days, which will see me experiencing car share rides for a first time. It was fun, and I also enjoyed the very long bus rides which stopped in several cities like Koln, Moshlen etc, thus giving me a very affordable sightseeing option 🙂

I went in through Dusseldorf, a city Gaby had been fond off. I also wanted to go via there to Kassel to visit family. Although going to Kassel through Frankfurt would have been a cheaper option, feeling the Dusseldorf soil was of primo consideration 🙂

Wow, Kassel was a sight and I just couldn’t have enough. I tried though, moderated by my steel budget 🙂


After no more than a day and a night, I was on another car share to Stuttgart for the convention. It was wonderful to say the least. My presentation was so applauded, that I blushed all the way through.

And then, I met 3 of Gaby’s former classmates from the Secondary School we both attended, and they took turns treating me like some ‘princess’ 🙂

With my brother's classmates, making me smile all the way :)
With my brother’s classmates, making me smile all the way 🙂

Very early on Sunday, I had to catch a Meinfernbus at 7.30 am. One of those Knights took me from the gala hall, to the station at 6 am, and thus started a 14 hour bus trip via Dusselforf once more. I slept in shifts, but was glad to have some great views too. And then I found a cozy restaurant in Dusseldorf to eat and rest while waiting for the 6.30 pm departure for Brussels. Yes I was so tired by then even my eyes couldn’t stay open for a picture. Did I forget to mention that I met a man from Afghanistan for my first time? A handsome guy he was, the waiter upstairs in this restaurant. Sure we chatted a while, I was also the first Cameroonian he was meeting in his life time:)

There was also this Turkish guy I met at a metro stop in Kassel, who said I was cute and deserved a box of chocolates which I yummily accepted:

I have ere forgotten his name, but not the taste of those chocolates, nor the pleasant conversation we had :)
I have ere forgotten his name, but not the taste of those chocolates, nor the pleasant conversation we had 🙂

And the warm reception at this ‘Pension'(what a cozy name for an inn) I checked into at Stuttgart, where I was given a bottle of sparkling water, and one of orange juice – saying it was included in the price? Wow, not to forget the wonderful contacts I made for some projects back home especially for my brother’s Foundation which I’ll be directing with all Passionate Faith.

never expected to get these as included in the price of that modest but cozy Pension :)
never expected to get these as included in the price of that modest but cozy Pension 🙂

Dear Gentle Readers and Followers, it is now D Day – 2 and am all set. Even stopped by the airport yesterday ( gladly just 15 mins from home),  to see if I could pre-check in and to confirm extra luggage fee :). In the meantime, my best friend and I are slowly but surely climbing our own chinese wall to Life 🙂 We are actually going to visit the Belgian City of Namur today 🙂

Wishing us all the best, get your kindles ready for a free triple download very soon……..

Posted in About, Marie's Garden

A Mother’s Love

Birthday gifts in abundance

I recently turned 35 and I received all sorts of gifts which moved me to tears. They varied from flowers, pullovers, beautiful messages and songs and yes a kindle which I had longed to have for so long.

I even got to be treated to a Japanese cuisine, of course the first in my entire life – oh what a show it was with this super concentrated chef who played with utensils and produced delicious dishes right in front of me.


But there was one gift which touched me most and of course that was from my MOTHER!

I know the message comes from her heart and I reproduce it here for you all:

“On Thursday 18th January 1979, at Clinique de Berceau, after TD Fiscalite in IAE Douala  (where she was attending school at the time) I was blessed with the gift of a baby girl. We named her Marie Angele after an Italian member of the Focolare Movement, a renowned midwife who delivered her. She has brought a lot of joy into my life and even some tears. She is our l’homme de situations difficiles and a sure support in the most difficult and challenging of situations. She bears the names of her paternal grandmother and the courage and generosity of my mother. Ayo, you are every blessing that I could ever have prayed for. May God continue to bless you and bless others through you.”

Mother’s love they say is supreme and yes although I am sure to bring her more tears, I am surer of her unconditional love for me.