Dear World, on this last day of April and a Sunday befitting for sharing a prayer, I share the prayer I was inspired to write for my sons and put up on my ‘War Room’. Whoever has watched the movie War Room will understand what I am talking about. I think you can find it on youtube – here is a link. The fun is, I already had what I call a prayer wall before recently watching that movie, it was actually referred to me when my cousin saw my prayer wall in my room. It is on that wall that I have my personal prayer, our affirmation and rules and etc. I share all this to inspire and motivate. Living is tough, Dying is tough, we need special Grace to cope with both. I am so grateful for the special and Amazing Grace I keep having from my Almighty Father and the support be it directly or indirectly of all those He puts on my path. Sometimes, even a toxic relationship teaches you and helps you so much.
Hello world, I am sharing the above for inspiration and motivation. I became a mother over 13 years ago, but can only candidly say I have a home since February 2016. I mean a home with my boys. When I was still married, I never sincerely thought of home like I do now, and didn’t involve my boys in the running/management or concertation of home matters. On the 6th of March 2017, I got the above inspiration and shared same with them. We all agreed those were good affirmations and rules to help our team get by. I am so grateful for all the transformation in my life and the boys I am raising one day and Grace at a time – Amen
Here is to hoping some parents especially single mothers out there are inspired and motivated by my journey alongside my team.
On a very personal note, I am so grateful I found that enormous strength to not involve my children in my ‘fights’ with their dad. I had a small choice when fleeing in 2011 to remove them and ‘hide’ them or give them away – but I decided to sacrifice my ego for their ‘right to their other parent’. Gladly today, there are no more fights and I am even open to co-parenting although that is a dream considering what I know and what the current status quo is.
Back to these fights between parents and the children brought in, it is sad what I have witnessed in life and what follows those children into adulthood.
I watch this movie starring Diana Ross “Double Platinum”, the child was estranged from her mother allegedly ‘for her own good’. The mother’s crime had been that she had uped and fled to pursue her career since her husband was having nothing of it. Now, that dad was hurt the daughter was even considering moving to New York with her mum who had ‘abandonned’ her all these years… Is it the man she left or her daughter? Even if it was her daughter what prevents reconciliation?
On a most personal note once more and as written in my memoirs, I stopped trying to understand what happened with my parents (or between them), and I started trying to have the best relationship I could with each of them in their own measure. I am not chosing one over the other, they are the only mother and father I have. I mean, the approaches to our relationships are different and sometimes go through their own shenanigans and all, but I want to have a relationship with both of them without feeling guilty of letting the one down. When we were kids, I feel we were brought into their fights especially by my father who had the upper hand financially and economically. I think he has learnt his lessons and at 72 he ain’t getting any younger.
I miss my brother
Mum whom I love so much; mindful of all she’s been through with and for me and more
If a child decides to go ‘No contact’ with a parent for their own reasons, that is one thing … but the feel ‘pressured’ to ‘staw away’ physically, emotionally or even spiritually from one parent is outright wrong.
I thank God for the Grace to not make my boys feel or go through that. My house is open both to their dad(s) and the in laws. We are on good terms and they do stop by to see the boys – or call them on phone.
If it is the parent who decides to stay away, not call or not want them to come over … it their loss (not on my conscience). Taking care on your mental wellbeing and helping your child do same is very important in my modest opinion. Don’t make it harder for them please…
Starting with if you’ll call this good news: the internet connection cut 3 months ago has been restored. Am therefore writing this post as a tribute to that restoration;
Second emotional news: I saw my dad and although I didn’t get a hug, I got so much more. I put my hand on his shoulder and he put one of his behind me too. Some may see this as a no event but to me this is such a big deal… See our smiles…gratitude for the peace… Also reconnected with my big step sister today am thankful and I spoke to the daughter of a late cousin I was so fond of. Indeed we had same surnames and age oh we were pals…
Third and toughest emotional news, I finally did go and see where my brother Gabriel was buried. When he died in the US and his corps was brought home, I flew in from Belgium but refused going to see where he’ll be buried. He is buried behind my dad’s compound, and although I have been here some months ago, I didn’t feel ready going there. Could my going there today mean I was ready for some sort of closure about his death ahead of the medical mission starting tomorrow?
Sometimes in life, some grief shake us up and we near lose our bearings. We have different ways and timelines of dealing with grief, but I wish we all give it a try and not let fear ruin it for us. Even grief at a relationship we so looked up to or one causing us so much pain, we need to find the strength to deal and heal for our mental wellbeing.
Wishing us all a happy weekend…
I started the day with tears but am much better now… Sharing this to let someone somewhere going through similar stuff know they ain’t alone
I lost my skipping rope four months ago and with that my skipping groove. Trying to start all over…ain’t ever easy but am not discouraged. I used to skip 500 at a go, today I could only do 200 average at a go. That’s still a big motivation even if I still feel less flexible than before. Yes you can, don’t give up…
Grief strikes: It is hard not to feel
My darling Donna lost her beloved father yesterday and I feel so sad I can’t be with her in this challenging moment of need
Secondly, a few hours ago I saw a young man on the streets whom I recognized as one of the altar boys at my wedding in 2006. He was so friendly and I met him a few times again thereafter in church and about. Today, he had a bag full of junk and was talking to himself – what could I do?
I travel to my village tomorrow – off network for four days
The medical mission our foundation is organizing kicks off on Friday. Our team leaves the city for the village 8 hours away on not so cool roads tomorrow morning. There is no network there and I will be hyper busy and yet super anxious about stuffs etc – I have tried since monday to prepare myself emotionally and mentally and I just keep my fingers crossed.
I will be taking my skipping rope with me and will try find time to go hike in the woods
Thank you for reading ( more of my short sport clips on my modest youtube chanel) e.g: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEJUclj_ZNM
I want to without much ado, give you at least 7 reasons why you should pre order or look out for the release of Darling Dyane’s epic memoir. That is, other than the fact that it made me have a wonderful day out, eat some ice cream with the boys at our dear icecream grandma’s, and laugh oh so much:
Dyane Harwood’s memoir Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder with a foreword by Dr. Carol Henshaw (co-author of The Modern Management of Perinatal Psychiatry) will be published by Post Hill Press on October 10th.
If you want to know how to act well enough to be selected for a role as kid: get the memoir;
If you want to know how many times you should enter for a contest to win a sports car before giving up: get the memoir;
If you never knew a dog could get a c-section and suffer a stroke and still be a ring bearer at a wedding: get the memoir;
If you want to know how to avoid your broken heart from being quickly mended: get the memoir;
If you want to know how to import a boyfriend and soon regret it enough to cameloen the colours of envy for months: get the memoir;
If you want to know the best way to bribe a potential landlord (not with sex I emphasize); get the memoir;
If you want to know how to prepare for and pass your massage therapist exams (not what you are thinking): get the memoir
And the biggest bonus
If you want to know how you can ‘flimpsily’ say ‘it’s not my type” and to have to treasure that for life : get the memoir
and oh another medium bonus: I used to call my vip buddies my ‘PP’ meaning ‘Personal Person’ – but if you want to know what it truly stands for: get the memoir
I hope I haven’t given any spoilers away – men I laughed more than I should have when reading that memoir. Dyane was generous in making a large chunk of it about life and all before getting serious about the not funny subject matter of Postpartum Bipolar Disorder…
About Dyane Leshin-Harwood
Dyane Harwood is the author of the memoir “Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder” (Post Hill Press, October 10, 2017) with a foreword by Dr. Carol Henshaw. She holds a B.A. in English and American Literature from the University of California at Santa Cruz. A freelance writer for over two decades, she has interviewed bestselling authors including Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, Anthony Bourdain, and SARK.
Dyane lives in Ben Lomond, California with her husband Craig, their daughters Avonlea and Marilla and their collie Lucy who serves as a writing muse and sits on Dyane foot when she writes.
David is my Shepard; David is my King; David is my gentleman. David opens the door for me, David likes insisting on the dinning table: ‘after you mama’ and when I ask why he’ll say because it is ‘ladies before gentlemen’. I don’t want to bother his young and fresh mind on what sometimes goes on in the ‘bigger world’. David is my second son aged 10, and he didn’t have an Easter Break per-se because they in final year of primary school had preparatory classes in school daily from 8-12 pm.
And so hmm, that is how David and I came to have a whole week to ourselves at home. I had left his 2 brothers in Buea when I went there to savour Dyane’s epic memoir. Ok, my plan had been to send the three of them to Buea for the Easter break before I knew David wasn’t going to have a break. Now, during the first week of that break, Alain had opthalmologist appointments and now wears glasses, and Gaby the star had a tummy rumble and a wound under his foot which he picked up from one of his many adventures in the neighborhood barefeet of course – oh poor me.
With David, you talk less, do more, and appreciate silence and art more than all. He loves , cooking, drawing or watching one comic or the other. He also has a like minded friend in the neighborhood who goes to his school too. They often hole up in our home after school and draw all those characters they see.
I made it a point to have dinner with David everyday and to help him with any assignments. I thought of what else to do with David, and realized I could start by walking with him to his school. The last time I had walked with them (Gaby is in that school too), was at least 2 months ago and that was a quick dash.
Last Thursday therefore, althought having a hectic day ahead, I decided to walk with David to school. We walked mostly silently, enjoying the breeze and birds chirping , with me making not so successful attempts at conversation. Yet, David was smiling all the way and I later realized he was just happy to have me all to himself and walking with him to his school. When we got there, he asked me to buy him something to eat (we hadn’t had breakfast before leaving, happens sometimes). I also decided to have whatever he opted for so as to taste for myself what they eat in school.
David was so happy he became talkative, introduced near his entire class to me and then em – wished me to enjoy my meal. He wanted to go on with his friends now. My entire day was set to be yummy, nothing could wipe the sweet memory of our walk to school and his joy at introducing his mates to me.
A walk and a sandwich was all it took this day. When I asked David on the eve of his brothers’ return while we had our last quiet dinner together, what he liked most about our ‘home alone’ days, he said the best thing was my walking with him to his school that day, and my not being so stressed out the entire week.
Oh these kids, not only do they notice but they also have their own peculiar benchmarks. Alain the first will shrink if I offer to walk with him to his school for example, and Gaby the last will not be bothered. No I think he will find my presence by his side restraining since he plays as he walks and stones play with him too.
David and buddy Ella notwithstanding her pose lol
David doing his own kind of things – that should be a bow and arrow lol
All in all, although I had hoped to have this Easter break to myself, I have a book I started writing in January and am not finding time to write, I am grateful for what I got – a whole week to bond with David.
If life doesn’t always turn out the way you want, turn yourself out to make the most of it.