Tag Archives: Gratitude

How I embrace alternative treatment?


Last week I was down with malaria which starting attacking my system on Monday 10th and ran up to Thursday 14th.

On Monday I tried to ignore it and worked out vigorously but that didn’t do it. I wrapped myself all up and did sleep straight that night but the next day Tuesday I felt nah you got to go see a doctor and get a prescription. You can see the pictures of the medicines prescribed above, but I knew I couldn’t rely only on those medicines.

I added some natural herbs cooked and covered myself in there so I sweat some crap out for 5-9 minutes, you can see me sweating really good after each of those wrap ups lol, and I did that for three days /twice a day. That also helped me sleep much better and I felt better too.

Eating is hard when am sick, but I knew I had to pamper myself and get some much needed nutrients from some food anyway. So I got me some river joy and cerelac (normally for kids and babies but so what), added bananas, avocado, soft bread and much much tea. I tried brief walks on Wednesday too, and had a full rest and recuperation day, even that too wasn’t easy hahaha.

On Thursday, I was strong enough to go to court and see into a client in custody, my health fully restored by Friday, I did a bail application and that was granted this Monday 17th. I am so happy I embraced alternative and holistic treatment to the best of my capacity and could get back on my feet sooner than later. Be you inspired and motivated therefore, to embrace alternative treatments in your recovery. Am not sure I would have recovered pretty well and fast had I accepted to be admitted, or just stayed in bed all the while…

Have a great weekend everyone…

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So what did the teacher say today?


Happy midweek world, while I still sort visa application stuffs ahead of the vip World’s 1st Global Ministerial Mental Health Summit due for next 8-9 in London, and for which I made a mini fundraiser right here on my blog (grateful to have already raised 120 out of 200 usd target), let me share something which made laugh real hard last Monday. Some of my greatest joy as a single parent is the us moments I have with my three sons either individually or jointly lol.

The first two aged 15 (almost lol – remember how bad we wanted to grow old at that age lo) and 12, don’t even want to be seen walking ahead/behind or worse still by me to their school. I have only my Gaby 9 and still in primary 5 to walk with you know hahaha. He sometimes even begs I do it more than the twice/weekly lol. You can imagine how excited he was to see me step out of the cab when I saw him walking back home. I was equally headed home and figured why not step down, walk some with him, and find out how the day went right? Walking to/from school with Gaby is equally revelation/bonding time and he didn’t let me down this time around. He looked really happy and I wasn’t concerned he could be feeling afraid like in my Monday post.

He actually got me laughing real hard and it was so therapeutic given my day at the office. He has this line since nursery school where all he can recall from the teacher is: ” Take your bags and go home”. Here was I thinking Grade 5 will bring a different and more concise answer to a probe about what the teacher said – but nope.

So parents, here you go if you ask them funny questions, as he later explained to me. He said he found that question so funny and for ‘small children’. He advised me to ask more precise questions about the lessons he learned and what the teacher taught the best etc

Now, you have a great midweek and see you on Friday as I get into alternative treatments using a recent experience…

Children could have so many talents… let’s nurture them


Hello world, wow another week is here and boy am I happy the three muskeets started off school great and am doing my best in this all. There is so much to be grateful for as parents me holds, but above all as it stands, I am immensely grateful to have my 14 years old son for a barber. He not only shaved me, but he did shave his brothers’ own too.

And how you may wonder did it all start? A few days ago, I noticed he spent a lot of time at the neighbour’s. He don’t usually do that and so I was curious. It was then his brothers told me he goes there to learn how to shave. And to think he had been doing like he was sneaking? Oh my boy, probably thought I was going to be ‘mad’ at him or whatever. But hey anyone here will be ‘mad’ at their boy for learning a new hustle and one which will save you all some time and money? I mean this is healthy hustle, not drugs pushing so why wouldn’t I encourage that?

And to say he is gentle and careful is an understatement. He was so grateful the neighbour trusted him with his appliance…oh my lord help me but I have to buy a complete shaving kit before the month is over lol…

And I share this to encourage us parents in here to let ‘the children tell/show us what they can do’.

When I was growing up, I remember keeping to myself and my friends all over anywhere but far from home. When I heard the sound of my dad’s ride or my mum’s voice, I shouted ‘order’ and that was the code word for everyone at home to adjust themselves and even get ‘lost’. Remember that tagline ‘Children should only be seen and not heard’?…well in my home it sometimes felt like even to be ‘seen’ was calling for ‘trouble’ hahaha

So, starting a new week us all, may we parents/guardians/aunties/uncles and all in between, encourage and nurture our children/wards to be the best they can be at pretty much any thing they are good at especially if it wouldn’t land them in trouble with their soul or the law hahaha

My self care journey: My Super Support System


Hello world, this is the mega wrap up of my self care journey I have been sharing with us all for the past two Fridays, and I couldn’t do any conclusion without letting you in on my Super Support System. Now, I have a whole support system and not just a support network of individuals, because some key actors in my super support system are not individuals, nor even tangible objects. I mean you can think of a forest, a beach, a river, waves, music, feelings invoked by meditation…

1)The People

My family+friends and oh my 3 musketeers. Some of my few but special friends have been featured here and are both offline and online. From Judi Joli to Beautiful Bea to Darling Donna and my own Lady D Harwood not forgetting my precious Phoebe and more; hmm I am special and blessed. My mum is equally an indispensable person in my support system even if our relationship has been through its own share of shaky hahahaha. My sibling too know what to do or not to do to show some support too. The musketeers know so much about me and what I even sometimes need without my screaming so much lol. They are one of my natural antidepressants and am ever grateful.

2) The Places

There are places I just need to go to and I feel supported. First on this list is the Loo my love. Sitting in the loo especially my own loo lol, is like …words fail me to describe the experience. My room, the woods, the beach, you know those places which just help you calm down and relax. I have hardly felt any “fire on the mountain or had 1000 miles per micro second thoughts” in these places.

3) The Activities

When am down and I fight to even get up and dress up for a work out, the chances are if I do leave that bed, I’ll walk. Walking even if painfully and no matter how many steps I take nor what I do thereafter, is a big support. I feel much better when I try to work out especially when I don’t feel so good. Another activity is meditation, or praying, listening to calm music, a recording of the waves…so much soothing support

4) The reading and writing

I know they could go under activities but they just deserve to stand alone. I know realize the extent to which reading has been a vital coping mechanism and now a very special component of my support system. Now, writing is but the natural effect of all that reading right? I once wrote a book in 30 days at the height of my grief following my brother’s death. Insomnia near sent me to a psych ward but it seems the writing kept me grounded – dunno if this makes sense lol. I just don’t know how to spend a day without reading or writing and I have been known to calm down and glee when I see a book (especially one of mine) when am not doing too good.

5) The Advocacy for myself and others like myself

I have come to realize that advocating for myself and others like myself, is very important to my self support. I add this to my support system because I know that the more I advocate for myself and others going through similar or more difficult times, the chances are I feel better and more people relate to me out of empathy than sympathy. This is why I write about the good, the bad and the ugly of my thrilling life hahaha

Be inspired and motivated…a big big THANK YOU to all who are part of my support system, the activities and all – Girl you are definitely trying your best lol

Have a great weekend us all

 

1st Globuntu Online Summit: I’ll be telling my story from breakdown 2 breakthrough


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looking at all 10 storytellers, do I look like the typical  ‘Angry black woman’? hahaha

Hello world,

Another is week is here and we are starting a new month for real. Wow, the 9th month in this 2018 which just started like yesterday? And yet, I have so much to tell about this year, one which my spirit revealed to me was my year of Grace. Ah, it’s been Amazing Grace how sweet the sound…all along. Thank God really that I blog so much and have all my records as I progress – cause sometimes it could feel surreal what has happened or is planned by faith you know…

One of these plans, is to join a panel of 10 amazing storytellers to share my story of what I did when “Shit happened”, and I was near checking out altogether from this life.

Storyteller Marie Abanga

You could watch the Ted X by the amazing founder and host Ms Beatrice Achaleke – my boss lol, where she talked about what she did when “shit happened” in her own life. Needless to say Beatrice is my heroine, have worked with her from my most tender age and we are related by much more than blood. Here is the introductory post I did of her several years ago hahaha.

 

Now therefore, anyone who believes like Iyanla Vanzart once asserted that:

“When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else.”

Will rush to book one of the few remaining early bird tickets before they are all picked up…click right here and sign-up cause am so excited to get to tell my story on this beautiful platform offered by the Globuntu Academy for Happy Minds. I will forever be grateful to and for Beatrice.

While at it, maybe you would love to check out the Facebook event page or look out for the Globuntu Academy for Happy Minds?

Judy Joli ma miss et heroine


Hello World, happy midweek. I am writing today about one pretty little backbone of my support system, there was simply no way I could ever write about my support system without ‘Ma Miss Judy’ being among – and am planning a post on my super support system next week lol

When I moved back home from Belgium in August 2015, and decided to settle back once and for all, it was easier said than done. I hung out at mum’s for 6 months and then found a place of my own. I then knew I needed help keeping that place up and running before my head exploded. I put that into prayers and went about my business. A few days later at a shop, a friend of the sales assistant, boldly but politely told me she was looking for a job – just any job she quickly added. I called her 3 days later to offer her the house help job I was seeking to fill, and she quickly accepted the offer and told me she could start the very next day.

Judy (I quickly added Joli because she is pretty and loves to make “nyanga”), came and in no time became my first ever PA and ‘tata Judy’ to the boys. In short, I could write a pamphlet about ma miss Judy, ah God is good. Her youthful spirit and constant cheer, make her so ‘go to and wonderful’. I learned so much from her, and taught her all I could. She still calls me maman to this day lol. I was so happy our home was equally a safe haven for her and she even spent some weekends – just because. I visited her family and still do when there is an event. Her father is a carpenter and you can imagine all my wooden furniture are from him – and that is no joke…I love my bed above all lol

And so, when it was time to move on, I recommended her for her next job. Yet, we have stayed together. When my eye was going through what I call ‘it’s own hiatus’, Judy  Joli showed up sometimes like an Angel – when most needed. When am to be on the go, just an sms or phone call to Judy’s dad and ma miss is at home for back up.

She is so full of life ma miss – seriously she is one of my natural anti depressants. when I asked her to send me some of her pictures for this post, she simply dumped an album on me hahaha

For all the above, all what Judy Joli is to the boys and I, I will forever be grateful. She is my heroine, and the best aunt her ‘new comer cute’ niece could ever ask for.

Pour Judy

Quand tu va finalement lire ceci ma chère Judy Joli, sache que le monde entier sait maintenant quelle chérie tu est pour les garçons et moi. Je suis très reconnaissant, que Dieu te bénisse et protege pour toujours. Beaucoup de gros bisous, maman

Ain’t Got No Time To Hate


Dear ex, know it for good

Ain’t got no time to hate

You can blackmail forever

I wouldn’t live on forever

Ain’t wasting time to hate

The buttons you so pushed

When you carelessly rode

My lift up, down and round

Finally did the unthinkable

The lift broke down for real

And yet, life has to go on

Ain’t got no time to hate

Me got my lift rebuilt

Learned to service it good

No more careless riders allowed

Ain’t got no time to hate

You can disown dem all you want

You ain’t God and will never be

Me got so much I gotta do

For myself and a distance too

Do whate’r you wish with you

Pray and work harder is what I do

Ain’t got no time to hate

(C) 2018 Marie Abanga

p.s: Wow, and I mean wow…it’s been a long long while I wrote a poem, this should be the first I am writing for publishing in 2018. I mean I have moved from a searching soul to a serene soul and was getting ready to publish my serene soul collection by December, and although this poem is seemingly serene, the circumstances surrounding its composing were a bit disturbing. In a nut shell, x threatened by sms to disown sons because they refused to go with his ‘erratic plans’ this summer. He seems to have stood by his word and followed up saying he ain’t chipping a dime for their back to school. Well, thanks for the pain and inspiration – am not wasting any energy fighting – got my boys already with me and he ain’t God. So, to all in my shoes or anything similar, don’t give in to hate, that’ll eat you up…bring yourself to grieve and then steam it off…don’t give them the luxury of thinking they got you psychologically and emotionally again – Amen

pps: 27/08/18 Update deserved because this is a testimony that love conquers all.  The above saga played out in July and it took me 3 weeks to deal and heal and write that poem for closure. I refused to fight back in human ways, my support system was active, and I let it go. And just on this day when this scheduled poem was published, I receive what I cal a “peace truce phone call”. The balance of the kids fees and needs for the year has been paid. I looked up to the Heavens and said a silent prayer of gratitude. Ain’t got no time to hate and bear any grudges indeed. Sometimes the best fighting is done on your knees and with tears…all is well that ends well

My Self Care journey: Sharing Seven Self Care (SC) habits of mine P1


Hello world, another Friday is here and I want to continue looking at self care being the best care. Some say I am a “multiple person’ and am ok with that. I recall my 39th birthday blog where I appealed for more empathy towards people like myself who were high functioning from every indication, but who also had their struggles. I live with RA and PTSD and so self care for me is a matter of survival.

So today, I decided to start sharing seven of my best self care habits harnessed during the years, hoping they serve some powerful communication + inspiration and motivation. It was in December 2009 that I was first told to seriously start to take care of myself. I was at an all time low and my last son was barely 5 months old. That year was a very troubled one for me, having attempted suicide some 9/10 months earlier. The good side of all that low was my readiness to try another way now… This way I came to realize involved ME taking care of ME and I mean very Good Care. This has come to justify Self Care as being the Best Care to me lol. This said, let’s see how we cover this P1:

1) Working out has resumed and has become VIP for me

I weighed 115kgs by then, had not worked out for like 15 years or more, ate like a ‘hoax’, hoping it will choke my ex husband up…do you visualize me at this point? And so on the 1st of January 2010, while the world slept after St Silvester’s shenanigans, while ex husband was yet to return from his jives, I stepped out at 3.30 am for my 1st walk. I had also decided to start a 30 days fast (had never done one before)…, and all my pain/hurt/and oh so so much, were in those first fearless steps. This the origin of my love affair with determination + discipline and determination (my 3Ds) …8 years later, swagging between 70-77kgs, I have overcome so much and can now do so much. Working out is simply non negotiable for me now… I have still been through a few days in a stretch where I can’t work out due to a health flare up (whichever it is P for physical or M for mental; doesn’t really matter to/for me), but then I always know it shall pass, I keep at the self care and I go right back to working out once the spirit is back …

2) My health + holistic wellbeing has become my priority

The same friend who encouraged me to work out, was amazed at all the medications I was on. I was taking at least 3 different meds for the RA and sleep issues+anxiety, although over all no improvement was being recorded. I look back today and think the over eating could have also been due to the side effects of those meds. Anyways, I heeded to his advice and started weaning myself off the meds with ‘vengeance’. I started searching for alternative remedies for my symptoms and after two years of meds, I was ready to try even cayenne pepper if it got to that lol. Eating healthy became an obsession. I have carried a lunch bag almost religiously since then. It was tough working on the sleep especially while still in a very toxic marriage, I just had to sleep during the day either in the office or at an aunt’s home nearby. I chose the latter often because I could then bathe thereafter and feel fresh to be more productive in the afternoon. That way, if I barely slept at night and got up at 2.30 am as was the habit then, I could go for my 3 am walk with no qualms. Running into thieves twice didn’t scare me off, that is how bent I was on taking care of myself. Eventually off all the meds, I only take any when in a crisis or when I feel one is coming… My wellbeing has become so priority, I can’t even tolerate ‘fake relationships’ from any point of view…

3) I reached out for professional help

The next and biggest self care habit I embraced was in knowing when to reach out for professional help, and then doing just that. You can only take good care of yourself so much. There comes that point when you need ‘professional help’. I had succeeded in salvaging myself from that ‘sham and shame’of a marriage, and was finally in a place where I could start a healing journey. I was meeting Angels on my path and my Gentleman encouraged me to seek ‘professional help’ for all what I told him about me. No more energy to strive on without help, I first hired a life coach. I call that the best investment I ever made for ME. My Hero Jeff Moore, oh God bless him forever, helped me so so much. Next, I booked appointments with a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. That was so much self care, self love, self acceptance and all things self… And come to think of all this Amazing work and Grace by which I have become a life coach and psychotherapist too? Come on somebody and say ‘self care is the best care’…

Let’s take a break here today, I will blog on the last 4 self care habits next Friday ( it was a bit intense recalling some stuffs in here – but no tears came and I actually felt some pride at how far I have come)

p.s as I write this post (22.08.18) I have had a mini flare up which started on Saturday. I have been all wrapped up in the office today as seen in the picture above, and it is 3 pm here now. I however feel so much better and am taking care of myself the best I can (some back to school preparation stress and anxiety too but I facing that head on by Grace)

Sometimes let them Man It Up, Fume it out before Chilling down…


It’s been a while since I shared any shenanigans from our Home Inc, and so I just felt to start this week with one. You know as a parent you have to get that discerning spirit to know how to run the affairs in the Home Industry, and how, when or why to get involved guys’ wahala. For me as a single mother, it is even a little complex because I may have to intervene the mama way, and then the papa way – or could I just let them fume it out sometimes?

I preferred the third option one Saturday morning a few months ago when I was still on my long spiritual journey. One of the things I was fasting from was from anger, and so I couldn’t allow myself the luxury of asking them – the bickering boys – to shut up. I can’t for the life of me remember what was the issue, but I know tempers were up that morning, Gaby spoke so menacingly and David was fast approaching him. I decided there and then to just go close to without saying a word. I actually needed for them to spit out all the energy and fume it out before chilling some. When they chill, I can then rationalize the whole saga, we make peace and then draw conclusions, but otherwise no way. I also like leaving them sometimes to ‘man it up’ and ‘fume it all out all’ that way all the challenging emotions they feel at the time, get felt and faced. Cutting someone short when they are fuming may not be the best and as a psychotherapist I know and uphold same.

After they had therefore ‘manned it up’ and ‘fumed it out’, I gave each of them a glass of water and put two chairs behind them. We had a discussion and then made peace. I could still feel so dense energy in the air and so gave each person some chore to distract and help them chill more. Bottom line, they actually helped get the breakfast ready and we all sat down to a lovely breakfast with gusto.

And that is how sometimes the right technique can save the day in our industry and we continue to live, love and laugh ever after lol. It is vip for parents to not sweat the small stuff, or resort very easily to making the energy around more dense using whips, slaps etc, even though such methods may seem tempting and ‘provide faster solutions’. My sanity being at stake more often than I’ll appreciate in the Home Industry, being creative is imperative for me.

Be inspired all you parents and single mothers in the Bsphere

What, and why, is self care the best care?


Hello World, both on a personal scale and as a psychotherapist, self care is a very important precept to me. I therefore decided to wrap up this week with a post on self care, which I tell my clients is the best care. Many times they ask me in return, what really is self care and why is it the best care? We all know how taking care even of our basic necessities when we are mentally challenged can be difficult right? But here is the great thing, self care is not only about doing it alone, but also about knowing when to ask for help because right then that is the best way you can show yourself you care for you!!!

So, while on the web searching, I came across some sites having an article or the other on self care. The LawofAttraction.com defined self-care as copied below and indented, and I find that definition apt. I wouldn’t be adding to it and bore you out, thus here we go:

Self-care is a broad term that encompasses just about anything you to do be good to yourself. In a nutshell, it’s about being as kind to yourself as you would be to others. It’s partly about knowing when your resources are running low, and stepping back to replenish them rather than letting them all drain away.

Meanwhile, it also involves integrating self-compassion into your life in a way that helps to prevent even the possibility of a burnout.

However, it’s important to note that not everything that feels good is self-care. We can all be tempted to use unhealthy coping mechanisms like drugs, alcohol, over-eating, and risk-taking. These self-destructive activities help us to regulate challenging emotions, but the relief is temporary. The difference between unhealthy coping mechanisms and self-care activities is that the latter is uncontroversially good for you. When practiced correctly, self-care has long-term benefit for the mind, the body, or both.

That addressed, why do I uphold self care to be the best care?

No one knows you better than you. No one can take care of you better than you. No one can make you valued, happy, sad, and all other feeling and emotions in between better than you. This is so so true for me, I mean I know myself inside out and I am true to myself.

I am therefore in charge of my own care – and so should/can you!!!

I have gradually developed several self care habits which truly make me happy and serene. When I am overwhelmed or need help, I keep my therapist hat aside, and reach out to my support circle. It is very important to have one, and to nurture your circle with your own presence, that way, when you reach out you will be helped and not shunned. We each have something magical to share, that smile or email or drawing, or a few poetic lines which makes someone’s day.

When we are in charge of our own self care, we can tell what works and what doesn’t, we can let go and laugh or cry without tearing ourselves down, we remain alive to ourselves and not zombie out under the influence of drugs – be they prescribed or illicit. The deal for me is identifying earlier than later what works for you, who can help you best when you are not so in tune with your self care plan ( yup good to have a self care plan), and what is the worst case scenario…

More to follow in a part two hahaha

Have a great weekend us all