Tag Archives: Gratitude

Let’s talk about cooking and eating: My story


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In any type of Kitchen I am ok to go; that’s the joy of being an area girl

I love that picture very much because it represents so much to me. I am cooking no doubt, but I am cooking in a some what difficult condition. Yet, am doing it with love. That is the whole line of my story at least with cooking.

From my earliest recollection of cooking for my dolly, (mud puddings and iced tea with mint leaves plugged straight from the trees lol) I loved the whole process. I got lost in the art of it all and I had fun taking myself so seriously and vital – dolly was going to stay hungry unless I cooked for her. The mockery and shun offs I got from home at the time when I offered to cook for all, only motivated me to want to cook better lol.

I also knew cooking food was more nutritional than buying food because both parents told us so. Above all, my late mami mami loved cooking, and cooking so deli, I just fell in love with cooking.

I cooked for us siblings when mum left, and for near two years when living in a single bedroom with my late brother in our father’s villa, I smuggled a kerosene cooking stove, and some food every now and then, to cook for us in that room turned home for us. You can all imagine this was traumatic but I was grateful to be able to cook for my brother who was ere so fragile and could not stand not eating like I could, much to the annoyance of step mother.

When I got married, I will cook and make little salads and deserts as often as I could. I did it with love, but oh how it started piercing my soul when hubby stopped eating what I cooked for all sorts of reasons.

Today, I am in a very good place mentally and all, and I still cook with all that love. Indeed in Belgium, my little private restaurant was baptized merry tables. Ah I wish I could a restaurant out here for real as a retirement venture maybe? Hmm, I got them talents and ideas in abundance no joke..

belgium-2014
Not so skinny here though

But now, what about eating? Hmm, I was a skinny child growing up, play in lieu of food was an ideal bargain I tried all the time. But then, I used to be forced to finish my plate so I managed to share it with the table, ground my hair, dress you name it lol

When living with my brother in that our room/cell if you may, eating was not my priority. Not knowing when next provisions would come or the chance to sneak out, jump over the fence with broken bottles and go smuggle them in, meant that I had to hoard or eat carefully. You can imagine eating lost all significance to me. Maybe only later resurfaced as a coping mechanism?

Exactly, that’s what eating became to me for half of my marital life. I started eating in abundance, topping all the yummy I cooked with ice creams and other delis from the bakery etc

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Not so genuine smile and weight not appreciated one bit, but helas what can I tell you? on my way to 115

When I hit 115kgs, I knew enough was enough. Breathing indeed became a problem and I had to do something.

I got so angry with myself and the world, I stopped eating period. I hid behing dry fasting from 6-6, to reduce my eating to an apple and a gladd of hot cocoa at night. Needless to say anorexia surfaced and near thrived for 18months until mum threatened then pleaded…

Today, at 77kgs, and with the real and free and lovely me now present, I eat for nourishment and out of love too. Love for me, my body, my children, my family, my guardian angel. I also keep cooking for all with love, conscious too of the effects on my physical wellbeing especially with my RA diagnosis and sometimes very painful reality…when I can’t even lift my hand.

In conclusion, I am especially grateful for all those STILL who eat what I cook with love like my boys, and to all those who understand my pull to their kitchens or loo when I visit them hahaha. Maybe I’ll also take up professional cooking on retirement?

Dear all, while wishing you a happy weekend, may I encourage you to think about why you cook or eat…and to be grateful to be able to do either or both…

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Tough times never last but tough people do: Which do you focus on???


Hi world, another week is here and let’s hope to be tougher than whatever tough comes our way this week.

When I got back home from work last Saturday evening, not only was there no electricity, but I was told cooking gas was finished. Here, we use refill cylinders and you buy them every other month or whenever, not pay monthly bills like I noticed out there.

Grateful to neighbour for lending me her sawdust pan

And to Gaby my able assistant for a while lol

I was able to make breakfast of Dodo, eggs and pap for us all, and then moved on to cook some deli yams pepper soup with pork chops so yummy…who cares about the tough time getting to this?

And so dear all, be inspired and motivated when those tough times come in whatever shape, colour, name, face etc

We all have it in us; even if some of us need more empowering help to unearth that toughness,  maybe buried deep within by various situations, relationships …

Hurray, its time for some celebration: I got a distinction grade, and my son an international award


Loving me my book shelf

The good tidings started this week with the installation of my own special bookshelf in my bedroom. Look, no hiding I love books, read and write all the time;  and yet I of all had no bookshelf ha!!!

When my Guardian Angel asked me what I needed for a birthday gift (needed not wanted for emphasis), of course a book shelf. It finally got ready and installed by oga carpenter last week. May it’s only here but technicians in general take their time…I mean whatever date they give you, multiply that by 3 and be patient for your own sanity…

Anyway, now to more news calling for a celebration shall we…

1) I am now a CBT Qualified Therapist from the BSY Group in the UK, prided to be UK’s number 1 complementary therapy college. It was a tough six months and I indeed was my own client in all the school assignments. You see, I helped my own self out so much that I got the first Distinction grade ever in my life and in a field I so so love.

DEAR GABRIEL (GONE TOO SOON BUT FOREVER IN MY HEART), DEAR MUM, DEAR DYANE HARWOOD: I DEDICATE THIS TO YOU…TEARS FILL ME UP…

Of course others deserve to be appreciated in this endeavour especially my boys who spent several Saturdays alone because I had to go the office to study and do assignments. And my siblings who each in their own way supported me as usual and share the good news with gusto. My guardian angel came in towards the end but gave me much needed emotional support, you all know how tempting it is to give up towards the end right? And you all my e-family and friends, ever growing, ever real…

2) Alain my son in whom I am so glad, will be receiving a bronze medal from the Duke of Edingburgh’s International Award. The 6 months program is one where interested participants commit to carrying out acts of service and exemplary leadership in their schools, communities and homes of course. This is the world’s leading youth achievement award and so I am so proud of my boy and the Grace to be his mama and groom him so.

I wish I could go dancing lol

Happy weekend us all, be inspired and motivated – it ain’t never too late to go for it

 

Even if only for Ambe, I wouldn’t stop doing all the advocacy I do


Plain Me
One of the products of the photo shoot: Remember the post behind the scenes?

Hello World,

I am still dabbling with my different grooves; but I could tell from the work out rhythm this morning, they are coming up slowly but surely.
I was therefore very delighted to read the following in my email like 2 days ago:

Dear madam,

I have read your two books, “My Brother’s Journey From Genius To Simpleton” and “My Unconventional Loves.” Equally I just visited your website a few minutes ago, and the Gabriel Bebonbechem Foundation’s website, though I’ve not read much from there yet, but will do so subsequently.

I thought of writing to you because you are indeed an inspiration. When one takes a move to “Make their mess a message” and their “Test a testimony”, it’s an eye opener for others who have faced such similar situations and have withdrawn from the society to stand tall and rather help others with their past experiences. I was moved by the sincere stories in your memoir-book, that I had to give others to read too.

Please continue writing, blogging and speaking too. I believe that just like it did for me, the book will be an inspiration for others too, and a guide book to watch the things they do in life.

And oh, Gabby’s story was so sad, pitiful and… I don’t know how to describe it. The story made me cry, most especially because of the negligence given to epileptics. It was a good initiative creating a memorial foundation to take care of epileptic and mental patients. Please permit me say as a youth, I work with a little initiative called Child Enrichment As Future Leaders with the vision of empowering children, youths and the underprivileged. In our own little way, we can always support the foundation’s efforts and partner in carrying out activities.

A little about me-My name is Che Herbert Ambesi, a Level 300 student in the University of Buea reading Accounting. I love reading inspirational books, novels, plays and Christian literature, and I write a little too. Particularly concerned about the needs of youths and the civil society, I blog about success on cheambe.wordpress.com (Ambe’s Diary), and work with Child Enrichment As Future Leaders (CEAFL), a start up which was initiated by a female friend and class mate of mine two years ago, to see how we can in our own little way contribute to the society (I currently serve as President).

Madam, you are my role model. Keep inspiring!

Happy New Year in arrears,

Ambe

 

P.s: Kindly if you can, visit his blog and show some encouragement. He has like half a dozen posts and few comments too lol. He is full of potential and at this rate he’ll sure be up to all he sets out to do. I have replied and I think he is yet to get to his emails because internet especially in that region is a luxury. Hence am all the more delighted to read his email.

Happy Tuesday everybody

The awesome birthday gift my body gave to me…ever so grateful


Yesterday was my birthday and I have had a worrisome RA flare since tuesday which left me bed grounded. I negotiated with my body that we even up and around a bit on my birthday. I managed to do a 15 mins mild workout to thank the universe for my mind and body, and then made breakfast and lunch before going into town for some groceries. After school, the boys and I went to the Fun Centre as had been planned since sept 2017, so they could play bowling and other games. We shared a large Pizza and some water for the ocassion, and we all returned home happy and grateful. Am still in bed today, though I was once more able to make breakfast and a quick rice lunch for them. I am so so grateful to my body for this invaluable gift, and for all the goodwill messages. One of the meditation books I use talked of being grateful for our bodies. I always have been sinve my awakening in 2010. Take care of your bodies dear all, have a soul relationship with them, that way you can listen and talk to each other with love. Any pain at that time is a lesson to be treasured. Happy weekend all, just wanted to share this before having a nap. Looking forward to more restored health

The last time I had an RA crisis this tough was in Belgium: Grateful mindful of the pain


Dear all, am in bed and dreading movement other than the barest minimum. Will be taking an anti-inflammatory to supplement the natural therapy am on (been taking ginger, garlic, turmeric, lemon and honey in warm water). Also have a cold and maybe all that mix and stress of last few weeks just made my articulations cry fowl – I think Calcium supplements will help especially with the all the acidity am getting from the lemon and ginger.

The last time any crisis this tough or even tougher, was in Belgium 2014. I even had to go for physiotherapy.

Yesterday I did go to work but by 4pm started feeling like I was in a real ‘shith…’. I called my Guardian Angel to the rescue because I couldn’t even walk, see well, even speech which was returning good started to dwindle again, with clogged nostrils poor me.

Am grateful for my boys. David the second came and picked up from the road and helped me limp home (a painful distance of say 10 mins from the main road, down hill – so we braved this in 20 mins with 3 breaks for air). Alain the first massaged my knee caps and legs, Gaby the last slept with me to be the Arch Angel he is.

So here we go again, on the eve of my birthday, Rheumatoid Arthritis sends a present. I wouldn’t reject, I will embrace the day home and note lessons from the pain. My mind also needs the rest definitely.

Thank you all – still grateful I can type

An Awesome Blogger Award for an Awesome week


How Awesome is this to kick off my Birthday week?

The Awesome Blogger Award:

“This is an award for the absolutely wonderful writers all across the blogging world. They have beautiful blogs, are kind and lovely, and always find a way to add happiness and laughter to the lives of their readers. That is what truly defines an awesome blogger.”

Created by Miss Maggie @ Dreaming of Guatemala

The rules are:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you
  2. Tag it under #awesomebloggeraward in the Reader
  3. Answer the questions your nominator gave you
  4. Nominate at least 5 awesome bloggers
  5. Give your nominees 10 new questions to answer
  6. Let your nominees know that they’ve been nominated.

Hmm, the 1-3 above I can ‘obey’, but the 4-6 nope not at this age and reality.

Nevertheless, I was awesomely thrilled to read Heidi’s post and get to this:

The Blogs and awesome Bloggers I am nominating for the Awesome Blogger Award are:

  1. www.marieabanga.wordpress.com

I don’t know if anyone else gets the thrill, but she not only nominated me for an award, I was the first on her list. Come on, with all the thousands blogs around and the hundreds of miles seperating us physically, and then she still chose me first, be it flattery – Idk, am so happy. Thank you very much dearest Heidi Sullivan-Inyama of Braving Mental Illness

I love awards because they motivate big time. The make you blush and you know you are really appreciated. This is why I also try to accept each nomination with a blog post. I used to be a newbee blogger and was super excited to get an award and pass it on. I wouldn’t want to spoil that excitement for another newbee. Secundo, this week is my birthday week. Precisely on the 18th of January I turn 39. Oh how awesome! 8 bonus years and so much more since that fateful day in 2009. Enough of that melancho-nostalga f I could use such an expression. Straight to the rules of the award now shall we? So here is what Heidi adds after the nominaton:

These blogs are genuine, educational, witty, and creative.  Their stories are inspirational and provide an exponential amount of hope and courage for those dealing with challenges.  Sometimes challenges appear to be insurmountable, but with the right support and encouragement, you can overcome them.  These blogs provide that sense of faith.

My questions for the nominees are:

  1. What is your favorite flavour of ice cream? Ans: Chocolate or Vanila depending on my mood. I actually had some shortly after answering your questions lol.
  2. How has your blogging changed your life? Ans: I now have that which I call my invaluable e-family. In a post of mine, I said they were the awesome family I chose for myself. It has been worth every dust of Gold.
  3. In a few words, what would you say to come who is struggling with thoughts of suicide? Ans: Watch the thoughts sleazy through and know you musn’t act on them because you deserve your full shot at life. There is help available and you are worthy irrespective of now…
  4. Has it been difficult for you to share your story or challenges to the world? Ans: Yes it has been difficult but once I opened Pandora’s box in 2012 and started writting my first memoir, the saying “Hell knows no furry like a woman scorned “paled in comparison
  5. Do you have any regrets? Ans: Lesson learnt maybe, I should have started blogging earlier…
  6. What is your favorite song and why? Ans: Life, Oh Life, by Des’ Ree – because I sometimes can be consoled only by those lines…
  7. If you could vacation anywhere, where would you go? Ans: Hawaii
  8. What is your favorite color? Ans: Got two can’t chose one; Lemon Green and Purple
  9. What is your definition of beauty? To be candid, the Me I have become is my definition of beauty…so let’s say the real, pure, authentic something is beauty to me
  10. What is the happiest moment in your life you can remember? Ans: When I dropped the knife because I felt in me I was going to survive and thrive from then on – I didn’t know how yet nor when, but I felt that inner peace and happiness in the same environment I had felt damned just a while before.

Oh my, dear Inyama over at https://bravingmentalillness.com, with just a soulful tagline:

Inspiring Hope, Courage, & Strength One Life at a Time

You may not know because well this may just be one too many awards am getting, but this is the most soulful and am so so grateful for this. I wish I could pass it on but my generation of bloggers are mainly awards free peeps. Your questions seemingly innocent got me soul searching all over again. Hope you are cool with my answers.

Wishing us all an awesome week

 

Insomnia I’ll wait you out


I am so happy to receive this today of all days

Dear Insomnia

You may seem to record a small victory today

Am up since 10:53 having slept dutifuly by 9.15 pm

I don’t know for how long we’ll stay awake today

Yesterday we admired each other for 3 hours 

Then I got a 5th hour of sleep

I near blew my trumpet then

Not knowing you were taking note

Changing strategy and re-strategizing

Increasing the AC temp until I can’t

I have to decamp to a lonely corner

Nah you wouldn’t let me be

Repeat of August 2014

When my darling Gaby went on

This time I know better

I wouldn’t only spy on you like a hawk

I will wait you out with camomile

First thing tomorrow morning 

I get myself that and more

You aint having any final word

See what I got from Diane in the picture?

But ugly and mean you

With nothing to offer but mind muggles

Plus body bashing head, eyes, back

I give you three more days

To try your best and leave

Because dear Insomnia

I am ready to wait you out

Pray: How did you kick off this year?


I remember a similar post I wrote last year on the 1st of January. I was bent on that day to kick off the year with sports, especially given all the lousy reasons I came up with in the wee hours of the day not to do same. For me, it boils down to a good start because even if (and yes even when) I lose some momentum during the journey, I can always motivate myself with the memories of a good start – and obviously very good goals lol.

This year is a very special one for me because I was inspired to declare it My Year of Grace. I mean given the success of last year which I had declared My Year of Gratitude and got so much to be grateful for including a Guardian Angel when I had thought I was too old for one, I decided to believe in the power of my own inspirations. No need to go see any tarot readers, soothsayers, Men/Women of God … You name them. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for January 01, 2019 right?

Next special event this year, I formally began meditation and I mean serious ones with knees folded inside. So far I have been able to keep still and fold the knees in place for 10 minutes – don’t laugh give it a try and maybe clap for me lol. But hold up that’s not the goal of meditation oh, the sitting position and brain bushing around; it is the meditation proper, the passage you read and what you retain out of that and how that helps you through out the day.

Now, I needed to be alone in my home on January 1st this year because I needed no distraction whatsoever. I literally locked Ella out of the Gate and locked myself in my room. I had not one but three books I was starting with:

  1. A book of Meditations by the one and only James Allen

  2. Attitudes of Gratitude …by MJ. Ryan

  3. A Mini Course for Life by Jerry Jampolsky and wife Diane, of Attitudinal Healing International

Those three books and the whole meditation concept were offered me so generously by my Guardian Angel. Am I spoiled lucky or what?

After an hour or so meditating and listening to flute music, I went for a long walk and then visited different neighbours on my return. One of them even offered me a chicken drumstick to appease my saliva glands (some spicy odour in the different homes visited were already leaving my glands in a rage).

And so dear gentle readers and followers, I couldn’t think of a more serene way to kick off this 2018 with Grace. Gratitude goes on of course, it brings me so much joy I can’t leave that alone (I love saying all the thank you I can, sending the notes and sms and calls to near irritating hahaha). I hope the steam mustered on Monday 01.01.18 sees me through out the year. I merely turning 39 in 2 weeks time so I should still be good to go right?

Well, enough of me: please Pray gentle reader and follower, how did you kick off this year?

p.s: Will be away for a week or more as we lay my grandma to rest this weekend and retreat as a family for a few days. My two siblings are coming in and am excited to have the bonding time even if under such morose circumstances.