Tag Archives: Gratitude

If you are happy and you know it raise your hand…


I am definitely one happy woman and here is why:

1) On the day (Wed 27th June) this blog title came to my mind, I was on the way to the hospital to get the results of the inflammation that had rocked my eye for a couple of months now. I was dressed the way you see because I was leaving home very early to catch the first bus to the other city where I had run the tests. I had been told it could be a tumour or some serious allergies. By faith I acclaimed the allergies before leaving the house, and allergies they were. I am rounding up the last treatment for that and it is only getting better;

2) I am happy because I am so in tune with my all these days, I feel my feelings and face my fears. Seriously, never have been this happy. I can unapologetically feel any emotions which come along, then deal and heal or heal and deal whichever my spirit guides me to doing; oh I even help others too as a psychotherapist and this is huge for me; I recently handled a massive breakup like the pro I am lol and the above picture was taken the very next morning post breakup;

3) I work hard, cry hard, pray hard, enjoy hard, relax hard and in short I try to be the Best version of myself. It is oh so sublime.

Those 3 reasons suffice for a brief midweek post… And yes I give myself Permission to be Happy…

And so dear gentle readers and followers, if you are happy and you know it, why not share some in the comments please?

P.S: I will happily honour Barakah’s invitation tonight with a sublime white dress – at last I got somewhere to launch the gift I got myself for completing my 70 days spiritual journey, all to the Glory of God…and before then,

in the afternoon I will be a guest on a TV and Radio show aptly titled: Matters at Stake and Therapy respectively. I will be sharing my experience on parenting and other matters at stake including mental health and how to help… now all these from within and without make and keep me happy…

Next steps: Go home after Barakah’s event; catch some sleep and leave for Yaounde early am for the leading ladies conference…how happier can I be right now? Vacation is calling my name, and you?

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Sometimes you may want to punish them and end up punishing yourself big time…


Hello world, I may be smiling in those pictures but one can one do?

So, those two guys D&G are still around because well their dad didn’t take them last friday as agreed for a month. Alain is on an internship and as is at dearest Grandma’s for the month since Sunday. You can imagine how all over the place my schedule now is. Indeed, since yesterday I have been working from home.

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Yesterday afternoon, I just had to stop at some point and take them swimming (gladly not so far from home and all free cause it’s their family business lol) so Gaby whom I had initially grounded, was about to make me lose my nerves for real with his pranks. Taking them there was to be honest therapeutic too for me and I could use that chilling and bonding time.

Today, ha David of all pulled some dishonest pranks and I decided to take him to the market with me. Oh had I forgotten his girlfriend Patience. I mean a trip that solo will last 20 mins max, ended up lasting 60 minutes. Gaby who had gone out without my permission and was specifically told not to step out, ignored the instruction and went right out to play.  Second grounding right? I found him dirty and asked him to bathe under my supervision. Well, he loves water and showed me just how much…ok relax Ayo… He wanted to go sit outside to eat and I said no, right next to me on the table while I work…what was I even thinking?

In short, he wouldn’t siest, has all sorts of stories and distracting stuffs he has to do indoors now, and I just ended after 2 full hours of sighing and near shouting to let him off…

I mean, there are days in the life of a parent especially a single parent…you just end up laughing at your own calamity…I really think I was punishing my own self lol

Hope this post makes us parents and single parents in the house laugh some…it was good release & anger management typing same off…and my mental health is vip for me…

Be inspired and motivated…one day it shall be another stage and story lol

p.s: anyways, all is well that ends well and I took myself out for dinner hurray. the last time was in December 2017 lol

Pray tell how did you learn about Patience?


 

That guy there taught me about Patience big time…I mean as if she was his girlfriend lol

Now, some are lucky to be called Patience and I should assume that virtue is inherent for them. Others learn it at different intervals of their lives, I learnt it from the months before he was conceived, spanning throughout the pregnancy, post delivery and on to present date.

There was to be a girl before David, I had a miscarriage at 5 months, and as if that wasn’t traumatic enough, I was told the gods had to be appeased or else I will not get pregnant again. I wasn’t ready to appease any god, the God I knew needed no such appeasing. I trusted Him and patiently waited on Him.

Exactly 5 months later, I got pregnant for David and then begun more lessons about Patience. Some days when he started kicking, he will take so much time in between or before the kicks, I will get worried. I was advised by the doctor to calm down.

Dday came and although I felt spasm by 7am, David took his time and showed up at 7pm crying his heart out. Alain got me labouring only 3hours and Gaby 1hour lol. As if that wasn’t enough, he developed a respiratory infection just 15minutes after, and had to be put in the cubicle for 10 days. In short, I was numb and well I could only call on Patience to SOS…

David took his time and still does, he was fed right up to 4 years and same with dressing up. He still takes his time today, be it while drawing or playing football lol. The fun for him still seem to be in the kicking of the ball, how cool is that?

 

 

 

Recently on June 20th when he turned 12 years old, he took his time to get his small party going and his invitees left in frustration. David didn’t mind and still put on his best for a hommies dinner.

The amount of Patience I now have today is unarguably thanks to David for a very large part. Even his speech demands your total attention to understand all he is saying. I try my best not to frustrate him by cutting him short or allowing anyone to do so.

Very little gets me on any impatient edge nowadays, and this is very VIP for my mental wellbeing. Even the popular notoriety of Black man time makes me smile and patiently wait while reading, writing etc

 

Patience they say is a virtue and that cannot be overemphasized. Patience has saved my day and life several times, and I am truly grateful for all the lessons David and siblings have taught me about darling Patience.

And now you dear gentle readers and followers, pray tell how did you learn about darling Patience?

An Area Girl in Dschang: Remember Mamiwata?


The last time I visited Dschang (not go through it), was over 2 decades ago. The post I wrote yesterday about my real relationship with MC tells more on what’s so special about that city to me.

So, I got there via night bus and spent the first day resting, doing chores at home, reconnecting and cheering dad up some. He is what we can call an IDP in his own country due to a civil and political strife going on in the English speaking regions of the country.

The next day a Saturday, was reserved for sightseeing once I was done with basic chores including cooking for dad who is on a diabetics diet.

I then visit the mamiwata falls in a nearby village, and the museum of civilization (Musee des Civilsations) and then return home tired to rest some before returning to my own city of Douala the very next day. It was a soul trip and I even got to go back with holiday makers I hadn’t really planned but loved having them anyway lol

In my next post, I will talk about the dinning table and the step mom effect. It’s all for closure o.

Our real relationship MC & I (Clarity, Grief & Closure)


This weekend (her burial was yesterday); indeed since June 9th when My MC died, I have gone through a roller coaster of sorts with different emotions, some like pain and grief, plummeting so deep and others like sadness, staying there and keeping me alert and contemplative at the whole point of living.

Some even in my close family circles can’t understand why I should feel so deep and get involved so personal. I decided to just blog about it and get this clear and closed once and for all.

My father had lost his both parents by the age of 8, with his mother dying when he the last was barely 2. By age 12, he found himself in the town of Dschang in the Western Region of Cameroon, that is a 45 or so km from our village of Fontem found geographically in the South West Region. Dschang is French speaking whereas Fontem is English speaking. That was no hindrance for this determined orphan whose family couldn’t afford the 20.000 frs (20 £) school fees required for Sasse College where he had been admitted (one out of 5 only from Fontem). He decided to migrate on his own to Dschang and do all it took to work for his upkeep, master that French language and culture in no time, and pay his fees in one of the public schools which cost 1500frs at the time.

One day as fate and faith will have it, MC’s dad who was Divisional Delegate for Education at the time, visited the school dad was, overlooked into dad’s neat book, marveled at his meticulous handwriting and admired the way his hand shot up to answer questions or ask same. He decided that day he was going to adopt dad and sent a note to dad’s family to that effect. Dad told me he didn’t even send the note, he was ready to move in with one I fondly called ‘Grand pere’ the very next day lol.

My dad clearly owes just so much to this Angel, his family and all. Dad was taken in as a first child, and the couple later on had 8 children with MC being the 7th. Although nearly 2 years older, as I said I didn’t know nor could be bothered.

MC and I did stuffs teens (mischief ones especially) do, including talking about and exploring our sexuality. If that isn’t profound what is? When her dad my ‘Grand Pere’ died in July 2009, I was so heavily pregnant with Gaby I wasn’t even allowed to go into his room at the hospital to bid him farewell. He had insisted dad come in all the way from Fontem to Douala to see him and dad had picked me up on arrival so we go see him together. Shortly after dad arrived, ‘Grand Pere’ I was told looked at dad, nodded, touched his hand and then drew his last breathe.

I didn’t attend his burial either, Gaby was just a week old. Now, before this all, the last time I had gone to Dschang was when I was around 15 years. Life’s twists and turns came and we all went to town and life continued to happen. Keeping in touch was henceforth by phone etc.

3 weeks before MC died, Dad was in Dschang and I decided to go check on him. It was you can tell a soulful home coming. I still have to write about the visit. I prayed for MC on ‘Grand Pere’s’ grave but I guess the dice had been cast – she had endured too much already and couldn’t even talk… Am so glad I reached out to her that weekend with all the love I had and could show in my modest way…

The above should make it clear once and for all why I felt the grief so deep. It was like going to mourn for both ‘Grand Pere’, MC and her two other siblings gone ahead some years earlier at different intervals.

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I went for a long walk while burial rites were taking place, that was therapeutic and good for my mental wellbeing

The good news is that, I found healing and closure right there at the burial – so glad I braved it to go. I did stuff I liked like washing the dishes (which is a huge thing at gatherings like this – hence really appreciated) and that was so self soothing, and then I went and spent an hour with MC where she was laid (3,45 am – 4,45 am). I prayed, meditated, read scripture passages on meditation, and listened in silence to MC remind me that life ain’t to be lived in the past participle (as she loved saying). The meditation was also on spot from James Allen: “Who can mend a broken Vase by weeping over it”?.

And so for closure, it is well with my soul. I equally traveled back home safely, and although I haven’t slept properly for 3 straight days, am grateful for the sleep in shifts in the night bus and at the wake. I will make it up gradually… The weekend before was equally partially spent at another burial, the only sibling to a dear school mate…arg life…

It is important in my modest opinion to deal and heal in every circumstance and to do it the way which works best for you. It is therapeutic to Feel your Feelings, Face your Fears and embrace the journey with fortitude and gratitude.

On this note, I cherish MC’s spirit of exuberance and love, I celebrate our memories and am filled with gratitude for knowing her thanks to the largesse of her Angel of a dad who made of my dad the man he is today… Cousin or not, whatever label it is, MC was a soul sister…

Be inspired and motivated us all, happy Sunday everyone

P.s: a brief of my timeline on return home, to inspire and motivate

6 am arrive home

7-9.30 am sleep

10.12.30 pm clean up and cook

3.30 pm – 4.15pm session with client

4.30 – 6 pm power walk for welcome home. I feel so great and know I’ll have a very good and peaceful sleep

Let me go bury My MC and then look forward to a vacation…


My MC‘s burial is this weekend, wake keep tonight and burial 30th – I am probably going to be there by the time this scheduled post goes up. It’s gonna be a brief one…

I will take a break from blogging for 2 weeks hopefully from July 9-23 , to rest and recuperate (ain’t ever easy I know) and next week is flamed up starting actually on Thursday July 5th with Barakah’s event before I move on to Yaounde for the Leading Ladies Conference.

It was barely 1 month ago that I went by night trip to MC their village to visit my dad… The real relationship being that dad an orphan had been adopted by this Angel when he was just 11/12 in a city he knew no one in and was yet to learn French. It had been 2 decades I hadn’t been there because Grand pere (MC’s dad) died in 2009 when I just had Gaby… In short, all these make for at least two more posts…

For now, see you hopefully next month for a couple of days lol

It’s been one half of a year indeed – hmm, let me just bury My MC and see how it goes with the mini break and co

Have a great weekend everyone and till then – one love – do take care of yourselves and take a break when you have to, cause life can be tough and roller coaster…

Let’s talk about breakups shall we???


How do I look in that picture at first glance? Anyway, that was a couple of hours to yet another heartbreaking breakup. I have had one too many in my life and to be candid, I have instigated 99.97% of them.

Why am I even writing this post and washing such linen in public? Well, because as a psychologist and CBT Therapist, I have worked with many who have been through very tough times before and after a breakup.

It is one of those taboo topics marred with the ego’s looming shame, guilt and suck for revenge. Needless saying what some have or will do to supposedly get even after a breakup.

So, how do I feel especially after once again instigating a breakup? I feel like a pity party wouldn’t even do me justice. And yet, it takes commensurate courage to instigate a breakup and do it civil like you guys were having any other conversation. This breakup ha, I prayed for the how to go about it for an entire month. I know others who will just walk away, change numbers or just spit it out and fume it all downing same with whatever can numb the hurt and feelings.

To add salt to injury, it’s not like there is any prospect or plan moving on. Nope, am letting my spirit flow even if right now I can shrink if spoken to by a man.

Let me be raw here, this is my life’s purpose. This is also a better healing mechanism for me than tears and trash. Indeed, an RA mini flare up couldn’t be avoided and I was literally carried back home and massaged.

It still hurts today and am pampering myself some. I believe in the adage ‘Therapist heal thyself’, and writing is one of those healing balms.

I once murmured to a friend that it sometimes was tough being the ‘Go to Person’, because you could as well end up not having your own ‘Go to Person’. My God and my soul are my own ‘Go tos’ and am not doubting them.

And so, to you who can identify with this post in any and either way, know you are not alone. Tough times never last but tough people do.

I hate breakups and if there was a vaccine against them or some magic pill to counter their side effects, I would have gone for those.

But helas, damage control is what I focus on, learning lessons, counting blessings, seeing prospects, not burning bridges are what I look out and forward to. My mental health being of primordial here.

I chose peace over conflict and think I have finally won over my ex husband. The same yesterday, he and I had a very peaceful and dare I say respectful discussion, and for all these milestones I am very grateful.

Any thoughts about breakups to share in the comments anyone?

Be inspired and motivated everyone …

Leading Ladies like myself will be attending this groundbreaking conference…


 

Since I returned to my country in August 2015, I haven’t attended any conferences. Workshops or small gatherings yes, I even tried organizing some under the platform I launched called Inspiring Positive Actions Now, but it didn’t quiet take off. My dream on my return was to actually organize a mega conference for women dubbed “Women walking with stubborn but passionate faith”, I had started putting together a team and then all sorts of challenges came in and I prayed and let it go.

It can then be easily understood why I am so excited to attend this conference which I aptly qualify as ground breaking in this country especially in such difficult times we as individuals and the entire nation are facing. I think ladies above all will have to step in the gap to lead themselves and the country as a whole, through all the unrest we are going through, be it spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, socio-cultural… you name them…

I mean, just read their vision:

The vision of this conference is to bring together 500+ women leaders and those involved in leadership in order to encourage, nurture and strengthen leadership abilities by engaging them through capacity building workshops, teaching, motivation and panel discussions on issues that affect women and their leadership in the society. The ultimate goal is to see these conference attendees empowered to carry out their God-given assignments in the home, workplace and world.

And yes, I went to school with some of the ladies profiled as authors, speakers or organizers, so it’ll be so much touching soul base for me. The Lord is really good all the time. If I cannot accomplish something and a sister or brother can, trust me I’ll join them and cheer them on and make some real noise and impact. I wish I could bring someone else, but you know in matters of the soul, your soul must be stirred from within and nothing else. All else will be glam which will backfire in the long run big time.

The conference is put together by an organization called Lead Mission International and their programme shows they’ll be organizing similar stuffs in Burundi too. Isn’t this simply awesome? This is the first of such conferences they’ll be organizing in Cameroon, and although I have a feeling nothing will be easy for the organizers especially with meeting set targets, I hope they brave through it all, counting on no other Grace but the most Amazing one provided by the almighty God and Father Himself. I can’t wait to meet the organizers in person and see what lies ahead in terms of collaboration, learning, sharing and more.

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I plan to get a copy of the book because I can see my story in there though not included lol. I will be meeting the editor myself and as an author, I am super excited. Who knows if he’ll take on my next publication? That project from every indication has a course I don’t master because each time I try telling my spirit I want to let it out now, am reminded patience is a virtue.

All in all dear all, I already feel it in me it wouldn’t be an idle weekend. I have a very soulful event on the eve of the conference in Douala and I blog on that in two days, then I leave the very next morning for Yaounde where the conference takes place, and will return to Douala on Sunday by God’s Grace. I am bundling all of this into a Me Moment because on my return, I may be alone at home (guys should hopefully be gone on vacation), but I have to resume psychology studies and writing my draft for next year. Any leading lady in Cameroon wants to attend, please call any of the numbers on the flyer and pay a sum you wouldn’t regret spending on your personal growth because YES – YOU DESERVE IT

Have a great week everyone

Play therapy with Mati my mini me and Heroine


Hello world, another Sunday (scheduled for Sunday lol but guess I got it wrong along the line) is here and I have a soulful yummy post to share. It’s all about playing with my mini me and heroine Mati.

Mati is 7 and we met when I went to work with another client. It was love at first sight and indeed she had to be called away so we could work this client and I. Before I met the client I came for, Mati had hugged me, asked after the things I had on my ears, and kinds of questions you can imagine of my mini me. She then realized she hadn’t introduced herself and so talked about herself, her school and sure her hobbies.

It’s been two months now and though original client is no longer on, Mati who had pressed for a game has stayed on. We meet twice a week for max 1hr lol, and we play whichever game she wants and she directs the conversation.

I remember being as alive as Mati at 7. I could talk and ask questions oh boy. I loved playing too and warmed up easily to most people unless something about you smelled not so good. I hear Mati is rather selective with people but hurray, the stars were with me lol

Mati is a last child and almost alone in her generation in her home. She sadly lost her mom couple years back. She is however a cherry chap and introduced me to her puppy Ange last Thursday. Now, Ange is my middle name, how glee should I be?

Seriously, my sessions with Mati could as well be for myself. She has taught me so much and reminds me of so much. They are the highlight of my day and I look so forward to our next sessions. It’s like healing and nurturing my inner child plus Mati all in one. It is of course undivided attention to us for the entire session and even the phones and all are kept far away in the bag and on vibration/silent if possible. Any mountain on fire at that time could perharps just burn down?

The game pictured above, which seems to be her favourite, is called Personages. The other party describes their personage and you give the right name. You can guess who loses big time. Mati even gave me a consolation point last game lol. She also beats me hands down at connect which is a game to line up 4 of your seeds in a same direction in some cage.

She is the teacher and I can only learn. I am just so happy for the honour to play with my mini me and heroine Mati. She wanted our next session to be this Saturday, but I was at friend’s brother burial. We thus have a rendezvous for Tuesday, and only the way Mati says rendezvous will melt you heart.

Indeed, being as little children is one surest way to inner peace and bliss: and for reminding me this; Mati will always be my heroine!!!

Grateful for the Gift of Listening through Fire


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Am so grateful for just so so much

Fire polishes gold, and that is how fire warmed my ears up and kept them tuned for 40 good minutes. I then knew I had received the entirety of the gift of listening that day.

It was on the eve of stage one of my spiritual journey and I already had near everything covered. I was already in the no anger and all serene strive mode so help me God.

I received a phone call from someone who had an issue with my apparent waywardness and non clarity plus ‘so called spiritual journey to start’. And they spoke, and spoke, and spoke… initially I was getting angry and my ego was cheering me on to fire back; and then I thought to myself nah don’t give them that pleasure. You need all your energy for the journey you are about to embark. Secondly, girl don’t you know listening is a virtue? How are you going to be a great coach and therapist if you can’t listen all through?

And thus I listened, and listened, and yawned, then listened some more. I was asked if I was still there, and I said yes I was listening. I knew the time because I had just come in from the market and taken my phone out of my purse when the phone came in. After 40 mins, I needed to change ear sides and looked at the phone while switching sides. I took note of the time and praised my lord for seeing me through. The tone was now no longer monologue but dialogue. I didn’t have much to say but sincerely appreciated aloud the opportunity to obtain that precious gift in its entirety when least expected.

My Son who passed by every now and then, congratulated me at the end. I shared with him the lesson and that all glory was to God.

And so dear and gentle readers and followers, sometimes in life, the best gifts come in trying circumstances and we could miss them if we restrained ourselves not. Many clients today tell me I listen to them so much they wonder if they were really making that much sense to captivate me. I smile, don’t bother them with my story, but tell them I wish to listen to them to the end before we start talking or working.

Do you have any experience of receiving a precious gift in the heat of life? Be inspired and motivated

Happy midweek everyone