Tag Archives: Happiness

Great experiences this past week with Insomnia, loss of speech and co


The trip to the village reading me some to cheer my journey

A) I lost my grandma and her burial was this weekend in fontem- Anglophone Cameroon hence no network while I was there. I lost my voice somehow and here are 4 inspiring takeaways from that:

1) Always be grateful for the miracle of life, of sight, of speech, of hearing, of walking etc. When you lose any, you can then know what those in similar situations are going thru

2) Appreciate the virtue that is silence. Silence whether intentional or unintentional, if appreciated opens you up to good meditation, observation and enhances your listening skills. When silent, you learn just so much.

3) In everything give thanks and keep a cheerful attitude. I learnt small to make gestures and write some more, I got some more loving from my family especially mum who bought me a bucket of ginger, garlic and lemon lol to be mixing daily until the voice returned. I ate just one small ginger last night and the voice is returning…

4) No condition is permanent here below…we are all on a journey. Even the blind man gets better once he by feeling accepts and adapts to his condition knowing even that is not permanent. When we die, all those disabilities and etc die too. And this is why, I have embraced my hearing deficiency with Grace.

B) And yes, before that, I blogged here near daily of my struggle with insomnia. Indeed, a friend had to stake his money on me to let me know he had confidence I was up to the challenge. Ha, so this is how that ended: After Granny was burried, I told her now in meditation that I had not been able to sleep right for the past days but that I really needed to sleep starting from that day which was a Saturday. And guess what: I went to bed at 8.30 pm and woke up at my normal 4 am. I decided to monitor my sleep again last night, this time we were back to Douala at my mum’s.

I went into Granny’s room and lit a candle and I told her I wished to sleep in her bed. I put on the nightie she had on the day she died ( uh huh daring right?), and I told Insomnia aloud, dare show up – you know I don’t fear sleeping in Granny’s bed wearing her nightie. Oh boy did I sleep so sound. From 9 pm to 4 am as routine. 

And that’s it, I beat insomnia without drinking Camomile after all. I was a worried when I first lost sleep last Tuesday , and some advised I go see a doctor. I followed my intuition which urged me to wait it out a week first. I put all my faith in that, and saw a therapist for psychological help with that wait. It was worth its wait in Gold.

The lesson I get here is that sometimes patience is so vital, identifying the source and not just treating the symptom is also vital. Finally, having a positive and grateful attitude and sourcing alternatives and not just looking for a magic pill is also worth it.

After the burial I took a motor bike to go down to dad’s which is like 30/45 mins away

C) Does the above picture say it all or what?  Dad has been telling her friends stuffs and three of them thanked me for taking care of their friend lol. I am just showing him ( the only dad I have anyway) some love while he is still around.  Wouldn’t want to write my feelings in a mass and tribute booklet if I couldn’t show them to him while he lived.

With the above, I wish us all be inspired and motivated to have a great day and week.

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BBC Two Interview: Proud to be a Single Woman – Miraculous Ladies 


http://miraculousladies.com/bbc-two-interview-proud-to-be-a-single-woman/

Aw e-world am back to internet zone. I just had to share this post of my dear friend June. 

For us single ladies and single mums, Valentine’s day could be hard if you are still ‘desperately’ searching for ‘love’…

So, kindly share your reactions to her post on her blog. Thank You

Book Presentation : The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz, Janet Mills


the-four-agreements

This book I read has been seven years on the new york times bestseller list! Having read a lot of books and their ratings for the ‘American’ literatture world, being on the new york times bestseller list is the ultimate deal. In the four agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. The book is described as one based on ancient Toltec wisdom, and offers a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love. This book did just that for me when I read it and re-read it. I am not worthy to review such a life transforming book – really that’s why I call this post a book presentation. I was introduced to this book by my dearest friend Pamela Wagner (and for those who think people living with a mental illness don’t know nothing, you are the loser)… I will just share the resume of the book and few of my highlights while reading this revolutionary book.

1) BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2) DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3) DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4) ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well-rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Some of my higlights (cause I did like 160 – just to say I almost highlighted the whole book):

Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 15
We keep searching and searching, when everything is already within us.
the truth (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 17
Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans.
vip (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 17
We especially try to please the ones who love us, like Mom and Dad, big brothers and sisters, the priests and the teacher. Trying to be good enough for them, we create an image of perfection, but we don’t fit this image. We create this image, but this image is not real. We are never going to be perfect from this point of view. Never! Not being perfect, we reject ourselves. And the level of self-rejection depends upon how effective the adults were in breaking our integrity.
VIP VIP (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 18
We dishonor ourselves just to please other people. We even do harm to our physical bodies just to be accepted by others.
oh my (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 19
They wish to be a certain way, but they are not, and for this they carry shame and guilt.
hmm (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 20
In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself. And the limit of your self abuse is exactly the limit that you will tolerate from someone else. If someone abuses you a little more than you abuse yourself, you will probably walk away from that person. But if someone abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, you will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly. If you abuse yourself very badly, you can even tolerate someone who beats you up, humiliates you, and treats you like dirt. Why? Because in your belief system you say, “I deserve it. This person is doing me a favor by being with me. I’m not worthy of love and respect. I’m not good enough.”
capital (my note) This was a wow wow wow so so so true for me

In summary, this book may not be one of the conventional ones but it is definitely one of those revolutionary and True to the Core ones. Maybe you’ll want to check this out and add to your Christmas ‘to read’ list?

A MEMO I almost forgot to share…


Souvenirs like these boosts the moods tons
Souvenirs like these boosts the moods tons

Hi all, it’s Friday and I am happy for the break. I am happy I will be having my boys for the weekend, and I am happy there is nothing ‘big’ from the fever and meh I have been dealing with since last saturday. Actually, just some antibiotics prescribed although for a sad 20 good days.

Ok now to today’s post. I almost forgot to share hmm because of this fever and meh following me around for close to a week now. Almost ruined my birthday for me even.

Aha it was about this MeMo… I was actually on my way to Kribi – this sea side resort in Cameroon I told you I was planning on treating my best friend and I to for the weekend ahead of our 37th BD. It was there that it struck me the meaning I am henceforth giving to Memo. Me Moments. I’ll be writing several to myself henceforth and sticking them wherever… especially in my ‘cool’ moments or even the contemplative ones – before I can open my journal or go on my PC to blog etc

For example: Hey girl, I was just thinking if we could check out this new club you know, or look up that book, blog…

Hey girl, I have been wondering what’s on your mind recently; your mood seems to be swinging? and on an on – yes I need to put the dates always and yes I need to go get post sticks

So back to that ‘Memo’ (I called it Me Time then 🙂 you know ) which took my best friend and I to Kribi. Our stay was cut short but we did our best. The trip had initially been for a colleague’s wedding, but I changed my mind at the last minute about attending that wedding, and chose to transform it to a Memo.

I got a good deal for some sightseeing which took me to visit the pygmies by canoe (a big big first one for me, panicked until I used breathing technique and survived the one hour to and fro trip)

in the nearby tropical forest, and

spend the afternoon on some white sandy beach by a ‘cool cute’ waterfall eating roasted shrimps…

Yummy huh :)
Yummy huh 🙂

I had been wondering what to blog about today before I leave the office you know; something not dreary as such; a post which could hopefully lighten our moods and not fuel melancholy if you get my point. And so this is to wishing us all the best for the weekend… and oh I forget to add that I climbed and slept on a hammock for my first time too

enjoying me some reading in that hammock on the beach :)
enjoying me some reading in that hammock on the beach 🙂

Treats my Best Friend and I have been busy giving each other recently…


We always prepare our Lunch Box because we are on a steel budget right now :)
We always prepare our Lunch Box because we are on a steel budget right now 🙂

and in there we have stuffs we fix such as:

fixing our wraps, and juice etc
fixing our wraps, and juice etc, this one for first outing to Spa on July 14 – French National Day 🙂
For outing of Tuesday 21st - Belgian National Day :)
For outing to Liege on July 21st – Belgian National Day! Put some chips in a zip lock, did couscous for Lunch/dinner too, water and juice freshly pressed 🙂

And then it’s Ready : Go.

Dear World, my best friend and I have recently decided to do sort of a final Belgian tour. So our first trip was to Spa.

20150714_120043This is emm a great place in this country, it has the best Formula 1 track in the World. To its record also, we have this Thermes de Spa (which our steel budget prevented us from visiting anyway). But we could pay a euro to go into the museum and see for ourselves the bathtub in which the Tsar Peter from Russia is alleged to have spent 6 months in 1900 to be healed from some ailement. He was purged only with the water both through his mouth and his behind 🙂 We however tried drinking so much of the free spring water called Spa too, but we only ended up with a rumbling tumbling tummy 🙂

20150714_121549
The Tsar’s Bathtub
Come one come all and drink to your...
Come one come all and drink to your…

Next day, we headed to a locality – Beersel, very close to Brussels to visit this Mid-Age Castle: I mean, it was wow wow wow walking in there, and entrance fee was 3 euros:

20150715_150035

Third day, Dinant here we come. Hmm please google this city out I bet you!

20150717_111625 and sure, we went up to that citadel and on a brief cruise

20150717_115321.

She took me these:

20150717_115245 20150717_141049 and yes my T-Shirt reads J’aime La Vie. I have come a Looooooong way and I’m Happy 🙂

Then day 4 was to visit Leuven where the phenomenal Catholic University is found with all those breath taking buildings. I mean sometimes the view is so fascinating you don’t have steady hands to take picture:

20150716_110903 the evening of this particular day, saw us go check downtown Brussels with another great friend. I proudly rocked my T-Shirt sent by Julie from the US

It reads INCLUSION
It reads INCLUSION

Day 5 Belgian National Day 21st July – Liege and Brussels for Fireworks

I only now see why I missed going on this trip yesterday. A cousin called me last minute to say he was coming in from Paris at 3 pm, and I cancelled my trip to pick him up and host him a few hours. He was one of my Men of the US Adventures. And here is why today’s outing to Liege was special:

Dear gentle readers and followers, sure I am, and now my best friend and I, are wanderers and somehow we meet kind people in our lives all the time. My Ss Hero gave me some train tickets, and I have monthly Bus and Subway subscriptions I am itching to maximize. Now the other deal is, I have come to realize that money is not everything and love, joy, passion, happiness…, have no price tag. Above all, it just dawned on me to stop wasting my time looking for a best friend out there when one had always been there inside me, neglected for so long 🙂 We have one or two more places to visit, and yes a trip to Germany this very day at 10 am. And you, any treats to share? Who’s is your Best Friend?

Hoping our treat is with such :)
Hoping our next treat is with such 🙂

You Deserve it…


image

I am going to share something very touching I have experienced when the above phrase was used in my regards… Especially in the positve sense 🙂

Honestly, I have been told that I deserve a lot of crap that has happened in my life. And I admit that I have deserved lots of them too because of some of the choices I made, mentally challenged or not…

The difference lies in what the phrase has meant and done to me in the positive context in which it has been used recently…

When used with the negative intonation, I hardly see what positive result it can create. It is more accusatory and even damnatory than ever right? If that be my fate, who cares? So why don’t I just stay and even revel in my crap huh?

But, at the age of 34, in Belgium of all, which is oceans away from my home country, someone first told me I Deserve to be Happy. What? He said I Deserve to express my Emotions? What? He said I Deserved to have feelings, not be ashamed of them, and process them as best as I could. My, he said I Deserved to be proud of trying to live the best life I could, and to stop the self loathing and guilt of Deserving the crap in my life. What mattered he convinced, was not deserving the crap, but making the most of the lessons learnt there from!!!

Seriously, that started a revolution in me, and got me to brand myself merrymarie. And he my Ss Hero, isn’t the only one who has used this cameloen phrase on me. They are in total 4 magic guys, guys I think were very sincere in saying so. Three of them know my bumpy ride through life so far, they know my vulnerability and challenges (mental or otherwise), and yet they still encourage me on.

The fourth angel is almost a ‘stranger’ in my personal shop. Yet he told me I deserved the trip to the US and should make the most of it.

For them, and of course for me and mine, Yes I affirm that I Deserve another better and brighter go at life. I tell everyone who cares to listen, that I am living bonus years and I know what I mean by that. I add that I know it’s just a one way ticket I have on this bumpy ride. Yet I am bent on making the most out of it.

To you all who may stray here, and of course to you my gentle readers and followers, let me brave it too to say You Deserve it… You deserve to be happy notwithstanding any current challenges. There is a silver cloud no matter how dark the horizon.

image

Although I look and feel gloomy as I fly to the US today, I’ll try my best to make it a memorable trip – maybe it’s even a once in a lifetime opportunity…

P.S: Hmm that flight did something to me, will share a review of a movie I watched, and well I also managed to change in the plane and arrived Dulles looking like…

Check who just landed?
Check who just landed?

A Glimpse into my cycling moods…


Finding that strength isn't ever easy to say the least...
Finding that strength isn’t ever easy to say the least…

Hello world, my week is not starting off as planned, and sometimes I think of my life as a shop. I once sold in a shop my mum owned at some point, and I remember opening the shop each morning not knowing which type of customers I was going to have to deal with that day. There are different types of customers as you all know, and customer relations is a feat of its own.

My Personal Shop this weekend

It was a weekend with lots of travelling and interludes. I was in Spain since Wednesday for a workshop, and yes I registered a big appointment from an initial disappointment. On Saturday morning, we left the village of Onati for an hour and plus bus ride to the city of Bilbao, ahead of our flights back. The morning was already taking off on a deep low, because my first son was graduating from primary (elementary) school, and my current status as a Transcontinetal Mother hit me hard. I am glad my dearest mum attended his ceremony and kept me up to date on whatsapp. I’ll never be grateful enough to my best heroine and Prodigal Mother. I cried some, but they were more for joy – em mixed to be honest. Luckily I had some friends to be chatting with along the line and I must thank especially June my Jamaican Heroine for being available on whatsapp that whole morning.

The trip back to Brussels took at least 8 good hours because take off for Madrid was at noon, stop over 1 hour, then late departure, then arrival in Brussels at 6 pm. My dear Ss Hero was at the airport to pick me up. Simply touching! I was doing much better by then, better enough to accept an invitation to finally go and check out Brussels By Night!!!

Crying as hard as I Danced

After two hours of serious dancing, I knew my body and feet had kept enough score. I had to leave. Although impulse and compulsion are still ‘gears in my ‘life’s car’, ‘invisible tags on my personal shop window’, I am learning to read the ‘writings on the wall’. However, back home, payback started early. My feet were sort of swollen and a foot bath was imperative.

Feet Bath; Pay back time
Feet Bath; Pay back time

Sunday saw me groggy and I fought myself out of bed and limped around doing what had to be done, including packing and laundry. The weather didn’t help, it rained cats and whoever… I couldn’t even go to my friend’s. There was at least very good news too, my friend Pammy who had lost her voice over two months ago, started talking again and I heard her on phone. Then I got a call from someone I was expecting something from. I was told it wasn’t going to be. I first tried not to cry. Talked with another friend who just happened to call me shortly thereafter. He cheered me on. But his cheer just swelled my pain. The tears started pouring like the rain outside. I wish I could do a head bath this time around!!! When my friend asked why I was crying so hard, hell I didn’t know!!!

Coping

This is how my moods can cycle in one single day. At least I have come to inevitably realize the power of self motivation and the value of true friends. I started trying to motivate myself, considering myself one of the clients I could be coaching. I also reached out that late to my Ss Hero, and fortunately he wasn’t mad at me for skyping that late. We spoke for a good 45 minutes and I felt much better. The headaches didn’t go, but I knew with some sleep no matter how minimal, they would. I have tried tranquillizers and anti-depressants and Heaven and mum know how terrible I look and feel after taking them pills. I am so grateful I am not at that level anymore and hope not to get there.

And so to you my friends with such cycles

I know my cycles may be nothing to write about in the eyes of some of my other ‘shaggy’ friends. I know for some of them, it’s plain  “rapid and uncontrolled full swing”. At least I can truly empathize. Please, try to work out a rescue plan and coping strategy before the “electrical haywire”. Remember the few friends you may have be it on or offline. Reach out for help. There is no shame in needing help. Cry, write, sing, pray, read, paint, even dance if you can. Just try something while counting your breathing to at least 100… I am doing just that and I write as it flows with no mask on…, TAKING IT ONE MOMENT AT A TIME BECAUSE AT LEAST AM ALIVE…

What were my alternatives?


Hi everybody, I want to start of the week by sharing some reflections  and choices made over the weekend in response to the above question!

What spurred the questioning?

Scenario 1

I was invited to spend the weekend with a friend and his family in the Belgian Countryside. I am so grateful for those invitations because they take me away from Brussels and the loneliness I could otherwise feel if I spent those weekends alone. Morever, I get to discover another way of life, and share with others too.

However, I also looked forward to being shown around, and to spending some quiet time with my friend. This has however proven to be difficult because of his numerous responsibilities.

Now, was I to spend a warm saturday afternoon whinning and fuming about that? Were there any alternatives? Could I show myself around and even get some fun in getting lost? Could I dare go on the mini highway with the bike I had at my disposal?

Scenario 2

I had planned to return to Brussels after dinner on Sunday! But the way I already felt by Saturday afternoon, almost got me to decide to maybe return in the afternoon instead.

Was I to go back by bus to Brussels so I could wind atleast 3 hours on the road before I faced my lonely abode? Or could I still stay until after dinner anyway, while doing something else with and for myself like developing some projects for the future?

The choices and their outcome

1)  Saturday Afternoon

I decided to go biking and why not show myself around the village! I started off on the track I knew, then I took one I didn’t know. I ended up doing a 5.5 km in a 35 wooping minutes. I can say I had fun. I had fun in feeling vulnerable against the wind on the bike. I had fun in being able to laugh till it hurt. I had fun in discovering paths and places. Above all, I was proud at my improved biking skills and record. Oh my, I don’t want to imagine the miserable afternoon I would otherwise have had if I stayed home whinning!

1b) After dinner on that same Saturday, I took another brief biking tour in another direction and enjoyed 20 minutes of calm evening breeze against the sunset!

2)  Sunday afternoon

I chose to stay in the village until after dinner anyway. I started off the day by doing the same 5.5 km biking tour. I didn’t break my record, but I improved on my biking. I started creating a blog for my brother’s Foundation in the afternoon, and I was just about going for another biking tour when a family visit to a big park was decided. Oh my, this was becoming exciting. Not only had I never been to that park, but we crossed the canal on a ferry to get there. Another first timer out here and definitely much better than the one I had once crossed back home.

2b) I can’t write enough how I enjoyed the walk in that  park. It was so large, with different sections and various soft and wild life. I saw different animals like roosters, sheep, goats and much more, which I really had not seen since coming to Belgium 2 years ago.  It was such a peaceful walk above all.

I am glad I chose those alternatives!

And you gentle readers and followers, when stuck in life, do you think about the alternatives you may have? Do you end up happy about the alternatives you chose? If not, maybe some more reflections before further actions will be more productive right?

I wish us all a productive week in whatever we are doing. Remember there are often always alternatives and the choice is most often ours to make…

Me Treats in full Bloom …


Somebody seems to be enjoying her own company now.

To watch the movie or take in the architecture?
To watch the movie or take in the architecture?
Even just being in there is worth the 10 euros per movie
Even just being in there is worth the 10 euros per movie

So, there is this beautiful movie hall I once was taken to to watch none other then 12 years a … (fill in the blanks). I have since wanted to return there. But oops, if you have been following some of my thrilling personal sagas on this blog, you should know how whoopingly single I found myself for Christmas and thereafter.

Nevertheless, I am doing much much better and started some chemical experiments to appease my brainology. That is how last weekend I found my way to Brugge, and the next day to Antwerp. I must admit R&R (rest and recuperation for expats – am none though), consumed pretty much of the Monday which followed. Glad to be able to work from home.

Now, although I don’t need reasons for Me Treats, it’s just coincided that there are always some. For last weekend, the trips were partly motivated by some wonderful birthday gift from the Belgian Government in the form of 1st class train tickets: No joke, here is evidence:

What a birthday gift indeed
What a birthday gift indeed

Today, I just finished editing my 90 page (21.000k) thesis and I was like, are you gonna go to bed now or keep toying with You tube? Hell no sweet, I cuddled myself – on my marks – I get ready – and I go. The movie I have selected is an ironical one. A couple divorcing with each trying all he/she can to avoid custody of the kids. Hmm

In the meantime, dear gentle readers and followers, I am gone. As long as this groove last, I’ll Me Treat well and proper; and YOU?

Happy People


This is why I really try to stay Merry Marie
This is why I really try to stay MerryMarie

Who are happy people?

 the ones who sing praises?

or those found dancing?

what you say is happy?

maybe just your notion?

or some society portion?

Wow pal, I sure got a lotion

that could be good for happy people

You first need to be honest

That you care not for its fowl stench

Only then would you know

That to join the happy people

You may oft need to break some dem damn dos&don’ts!