Tag Archives: Healing

Healing is not an illusion but a possibility: My brother lives in me


 

Four years on, day for day since I got the call which shook me like no news had shaken me before.

My brother…whose brother? like I would say before starting a fight in your defense whether you were wrong or right.

I am so grateful for where I am in my healing journey and I know you are smiling at your ‘mama Ayo’ from deep within the clouds of our lives.

I can never say thank you enough Lord for letting me have my brother for 33 years, to love and learn from, and to share with in all ways I could. He is forever in my spirit anyway, so the death of the flesh could only hurt me this much now I conclude.

Healing is not an illusion dear all, it is a possibility if you get to looking beyond what you see; if you get to feeling beyond what you touch; if you get to listening beyond what you hear.

p.s: I will forever miss you Gaby, but I will forever feel you as you live on in my spirit – and in our hearts

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Be inspired and motivated dear gentle readers and followers

 

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Play therapy with Mati my mini me and Heroine


Hello world, another Sunday (scheduled for Sunday lol but guess I got it wrong along the line) is here and I have a soulful yummy post to share. It’s all about playing with my mini me and heroine Mati.

Mati is 7 and we met when I went to work with another client. It was love at first sight and indeed she had to be called away so we could work this client and I. Before I met the client I came for, Mati had hugged me, asked after the things I had on my ears, and kinds of questions you can imagine of my mini me. She then realized she hadn’t introduced herself and so talked about herself, her school and sure her hobbies.

It’s been two months now and though original client is no longer on, Mati who had pressed for a game has stayed on. We meet twice a week for max 1hr lol, and we play whichever game she wants and she directs the conversation.

I remember being as alive as Mati at 7. I could talk and ask questions oh boy. I loved playing too and warmed up easily to most people unless something about you smelled not so good. I hear Mati is rather selective with people but hurray, the stars were with me lol

Mati is a last child and almost alone in her generation in her home. She sadly lost her mom couple years back. She is however a cherry chap and introduced me to her puppy Ange last Thursday. Now, Ange is my middle name, how glee should I be?

Seriously, my sessions with Mati could as well be for myself. She has taught me so much and reminds me of so much. They are the highlight of my day and I look so forward to our next sessions. It’s like healing and nurturing my inner child plus Mati all in one. It is of course undivided attention to us for the entire session and even the phones and all are kept far away in the bag and on vibration/silent if possible. Any mountain on fire at that time could perharps just burn down?

The game pictured above, which seems to be her favourite, is called Personages. The other party describes their personage and you give the right name. You can guess who loses big time. Mati even gave me a consolation point last game lol. She also beats me hands down at connect which is a game to line up 4 of your seeds in a same direction in some cage.

She is the teacher and I can only learn. I am just so happy for the honour to play with my mini me and heroine Mati. She wanted our next session to be this Saturday, but I was at friend’s brother burial. We thus have a rendezvous for Tuesday, and only the way Mati says rendezvous will melt you heart.

Indeed, being as little children is one surest way to inner peace and bliss: and for reminding me this; Mati will always be my heroine!!!

Have you ever slept with your childhood photo under your pillow? My experience…


MM the Jittery pupil.jpg

Happy Saturday world,

Am emotional week wrap up right? So, a hopefully brief post to inspire and motivate us to go for it, whatever it takes to heal and nurture our inner child.

Soul Signature

During my 70 days spiritual journey, one of the books I studied (you don’t read such books I swear) was by Panache Desai called 33 days of Discovering Your Soul Signature. On one of those days, you have morning and evening study guides now; he encouraged/challenged the ‘student’ to take down their childhood picture from where it is tucked, look that picture square in the face and seek bonding and healing. That picture of mine I have labelled MM the Jittery pupil and one indeed I was at that age.
I thought some about bringing it down from just above my bed, thinking what the heck I can just stand up chat with you and sleep. But no, spirit nagged and I brought MM jittery pupil down and said ok it’s my bed time so let’s just sleep – under the pillow I tucked her.

Guess how many times I got up sweating that night? 3 good times. And how long I slept? 5 hours instead of usual 7. What was up? Jittery had much jittering to do and directly from beneath the pillow into my brain poor (or rather lucky now) me.

Long story short since I promised a brief post, we reviewed so much from that era in different stages of sleep and bonding, and guess what happened in the am? The photo I had been trying to no avail to rip open (the plastification I had had done, was now ruining it and I wanted to take that out); just opened up some and it can now be salvaged. See below

And so world, go ahead and sleep with your childhood photo under your pillows and let’s see how it goes – for me it was simply put THERAPEUTIC

Enjoy your Saturday everyone, I have one jittery week ahead lol

p.s: I just look up the word jittery and it is: “Nervous, unable to relax” Gosh where did I take that to label my picture? No doubt that night was jittery – really the thoughts we think, words we speak or use, hmm they do come around oh

I know I can’t heal the world nor take on any system…I can however make a difference


heal the world

If I can credit my 3 years’ experience of working in, and falling in love in the prison, the most vip will be that I learnt how far I could strive and I got on the lane of “Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change; courage to change the things I can; wisdom to know the difference” (in other personal words, to find the balance between wanting to heal the world and staying detached enough to do just the job).

And so today when I find myself at the psychiatric ward of the main public hospital in my city, and I see the needs of the people and the distress, I don’t go get burnt out trying to heal the world nor take on the system – my own mental health could take a big hit. I can’t even get personal enough to be burnt again because men that really hurt back in 2016.

I am however not shying away and not even trying you know. I can’t heal the world, but I sure can help some who lives in the world to heal. Imagine the ripple effect. I can’t take on any system starting from the family, but I could inspire by trying my best and reaching out and gently coaching through whichever system I come across, even if therapy is visibly tough with no pills to prescribe.

Knowing the above and radically accepting such, has enabled me to enjoy the bliss in all my days at the psychiatric ward. I am known there in french as: “Doc tojour souriante” (always smiling doc lol). I start off in the am with my cheer, and leave in the late pm with same cheer. I know how to get close but not so close, I know how to inspire, coach and motivate with expectations – as in my life or world depended on the outcome. And because I know all this, I equally know how to tune off and enjoy my me moments like I recently did while spending half a day at the magical “chutes de Mami Wata” in the city of Dschang, western region of my country Cameroon.

 

Hope your week is coming up cool, happy midweek…

Sometimes It’ll get worse before it gets better


 

 

It was precisely on the 4th of April that I hosted an incredible young lady called Yensi Helen, the founder of the Hope Centre. I will write a post about her and the amazing work she is doing subsequently. That day was also the appex of my healing eye near going shut.

I had a few days earlier seen a vision of 5 white rays coming to that eye as I slept, and when I got alert and waited for the 6th ray, ha nada. But I had gotten the message. It could be worse, but it will get better. Indeed, a few days later, it got worse as you can see.

The eye swelling started out as a joke sometime around February 26th. I mean it could be hardly noticed in the pictures below taken around then right?

 

I took it mildly in the beginning, trying out home remedies before starting what I now call a medical tour of duty. I mean I saw 4 different opthamologist, a neurologist and a cardiologist lol.

 

But, through it all, I kept my cheer.

My initial predicament was how to start my internship at the psychiatric ward as a clinical psychotherapist with that eye. Hurray, nobody cared about my sun shades which ended up becoming my trade mark.

 

Fast forward to 3 months later, it is getting better and better and am so happy of course.

 

And so dear all, in life, as it happens, convince yourself it could get worse and it’ll sure get better. Move on trying your best not to throw or be invited to any pity party, revel even in being called a one eye wonder woman (the most befitting nickname I have ever received by the way lol), and why not even think about the worst case scenario? ( I had already looked at some real sexy eye patches just in case you know).

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18.05.18 Last day of official spiritual journey – Thanksgiving workout, eye completely healed Amen

I can’t tell you how much my spiritual journey has purified me and fortified me and made just love life 120% over. I share to inspire and motivate, be well everyone

Watch me celebrate in 18 seconds lol

There is a more effective alternative to skinning a child alive & other musings


 

This is Miguel, the son of Aime mon amour, the one she used to skin alive until even I who doesn’t hear well will hear and cry some. She has given me permission to share her story if only someone could be inspired and motivated.

Don’t ask me what Miguel used to do to warrant those skinnings. One day she honestly admitted to me it was his dad she was lashing out at, through the poor child’s skin?

Anyway, I started working with Aime, helping her heal. I also took Miguel under my wings, and nurtured him to stop being so scared of his mother and stop behaving as difficult as she would often complain he did.

On the 28th of March recently, she came once again as agreed, to tell me “that your son again doesn’t want to go to school”! I was working from home gladly, and told her to send him to me once he woke up finally. The first time she woke him up, he had made such a tantrum and his dad who was still home had ordered her to leave him alone. Easter break was just around the corner and he is in nursery two for crying out loud.

She did as I asked, and when he came, I decided to first of do any activity with him before talking with him. From my suggestions, he chose writing and drawing. You can see for yourself how well he writes and draws.

Then we sat down to have a chat. I have walked him to school before and had actually noticed a reticence to go into school although he was happy I walked him there on one of those days you know.

It was then he opened up and told me why he didn’t want to go. His teacher beat him, because he wrote for others, who will beat him if he didn’t. Imagine what this small child is dealing with and all along we didn’t know and he was getting skinned sometimes before he even went to the school where he was sure of getting some more. He had just figured out it was better to get only one skinning and not two or three.

Aime was so relieved when I spoke with her, and she promised to find time and go see his teacher. No more energy to waste, no more traumatizing a child further and etc.

This doesn’t mean each tantrum will have a happy ending, but there are many alternatives to skinny I tell you.

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And so last March 23rd when David who sometimes still has a tantrum or the other ( he inherited his dad’s anger and used to throw himself as a child only I could help him out – once at my dad’s he had an episode my dad had to stand behind me lol), came to my room with a litany of issues and a very red face.

I did my best, calmed him down and later asked him if drawing could help both of us further. He accepted and there in less than 15 mins drew that image which was on my PJ.David's inspiration I was so proud of him, he was much calmer, and made it to school on time. No negative energy dispensed, sadly unlike another neighbour this time a man, who skins his 5 year old son until I had to go knock at his gate on that same March 28th.

I hear this man skins that boy until telling him he’ll kill him. Oh my goodness. That little boy committed the crime of going out that day and coming into my own home. I was sitting outside studying and playing with all my many little angel friends, and sadly for him his dad showed up just then. His dad is the one with the motor bike parked in my own home given he has no yard so to speak. We barely greet each other, and I remember his wife coming to ask me when they just moved in to tell Gaby to stop going there to play and scatter stuffs. I saw a frightened woman (I was once one so I can tell), but I couldn’t ask – better mind my business right? Anyway, I told this dad I was going to have to call the police on him if he beat his son again like that – and although he ordered me out and banged his gate, he stopped the skinning at least for that day.

How I wish this rubbish of skinning children alive could stop, as we parents explore more and more alternatives to understanding them kids, relating with them, and getting them understand us too…why have them children only to skin them alive?

Be inspired and motivated someone

Inextinguishable Candle


Inextinguishable candle
Image Source

It was two decades ago

I had never cried that much

A passing on far away from home

Yet felt to my marrow

~~~

I rushed home to watch

The requiem with the soulful song

Candle in the wind he sang

Then all said Goodbye

~~~

And yours had before that

Marched behind your casket

That single word pierced our hearts

I wondered if that was it

~~~

They had seemingly raced you out

But no you are inextinguishable

Even the fiercest wind

Can’t blow you out

~~~

Look at you now

None can deny

Your everlasting presence

In both their engagements

~~~

The first’s wife has your ring

Their daughter your name

The second’s would have been

Your partner in all things

She even is same age

Is that Coincidence?

~~~

That same media

Race to unearth her race

All things dysfunctional

About her family and herself

Like he doesn’t know

~~~

His choice has been made

Your diamonds are also on her finger

Let them gossip and dig all they May

It has been settled for May

~~~

It could never be more natural

for fragile one you arranged

Right from College his match

For beloved redhead – one as free spirited

Just when it was time

~~~

For me it is not even goodbye

A Rose may wither – its fragrance lingers on forever

You merely passed the batton

Color and age matter for nought

~~~

Yes, You’ve shown me and hopefully us all

That True Love conquers all

Death need not be feared

Nor viewed as the end

~~~

Inextinguishable candle

You need no title nor tiara

Thank you Lady for your legacy

The peoples’ princess forever

~~~

(C) Marie Abanga Dec 2017

p.s: what a sweet inspiration I had this tuesday to write this to my ultimate inspiration and heroine. I still recall how I cried for someone I never knew personally, I don’t think I’ve ever cried even any close,  for anyone I don’t know personally.

I will not choose


Let it be clear once and for all

I will not choose between you

I owe my existence to you both

~~~

I am a by product of all I learned

Directly or indirectly you both taught

Directly or indirectly I got it straight

Why now do you think I should choose?

~~~

I am sorry for your grievances

Maybe you’re not able to let go

All the scripts and expectations

I have come to shred and have none

~~~

I prescribe myself just one thing

To love each of you just as you are

To love whichever ways works per situation

I also appreciate silent love

When unspoken words and actions say and prove it all

~~~

Thank you both for loving me silently, just as I am

I have mastered the lessons, and give some to others

But now I must confess: consider it a final word

I will not choose

……….

P.s: For closure after an awesome 3 good days with my dad. Be inspired other Children of Divorce in the house. I was never implicitly asked to choose, but grew up with that feeling. So, if you must choose, as it could come to be, follow your conscience and be not swayed by emotions and hearsay. I hope my boys who had bravely not chosen even where I was so far away, will not someday have to choose between their dad and I. I do all I can to leave communication lines open while taming my ego.

Am most grateful for a renewed relationship with my Dad


Pic with dad
Chirstmas day as a family

Hello world, happy Thanksgiving. The above picture was taken on one of the last Christmases we shared as a ‘happy family’. I am next to my dad and I without doubt do not look ‘happy’. Indeed I wasn’t happy with my dad even though to all I was his ‘golden child’. I wanted him to be there for us all and not just provide food and stuffs or organize big parties and make shows like send me off to France for summer and brag about it on my return ignoring me even in the whole process.

wp-15111206417671129070471.jpegI went through a lot in my adolescence and blamed dad for pretty much. I even thought I now knew what was wrong with Dad can you believe how good I had become in finding fault with others? I finally decided the whole blame game wasn’t helping me and I better forgive him and move on. Yes, I was hopping for a hug from him and not some handshake I found ‘cold’; but could it actually be my attitude wasn’t also helping me in the whole process?

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And then I found love deep within me; and made my peace with everything and everyone including Dad of course. I begged parents to spare their children  from their fights, and then took my boys who had never visited their grandpa, to visit him and spend three great weeks with him.

I am so grateful for the healing and I finally got my Huge Hug from my daddy. Next week I go for my aunt’s burial but will spend 4 good days in my dad’s company, can you think of anything to beat that?

Wishing us all the best

Healing and Living


for my friend & I

To Heal we have to Live

To Live we have to Heal

Never heard of a dead Healing

Nor a Living not craving Healing

Healing is often letting go

Letting go of expectations

Letting go of painful emotions

Letting go of tough feelings

Letting go of unmet desires

Living is loving your life

Living is wanting to be

Living is embracing the now

Living is gratitude for the gift

Living is doing your best 

To Live therefore, we have to Heal

If we don’t Heal, we can’t be us

If we don’t Heal, we can’t embrace the now

If we don’t Heal, we can’t be grateful for the gift

If we don’t Heal, we can’t do our best

With Love and Forgiveness 

Faith and Hope

We can find inner Peace

We can Heal and Live

We can Live and Heal

***

P.S: A friend and I are going through a process, let’s call it a healing and living process. I got inspired this morning to write this down. Hope it helps someone out there