Hello my e-family, in my last post on our source of Peace, I promised to share my personal prayer with you all. It is simply personal because I crafted it, but oh it’s a prayer out of inspiration which any of us can use just like we use David’s or Solomon’s. if even just one person is inspired or motivated by my journey and prayer, then sharing it all and undertaking the journey with such stubborn and passionate faith is worth it.
I’ll share my leagcy eventually lest we not start thinking that Marie is looking forward to leave this world just yet 🙂
Here we go:
Jesuit Spiritual Retreat Center Douala
Friday 28th October 2016
Dear Lord, today and always, please grant me the serenity and discernment to choose what better leads to your deepening your life within me. May I hold myself in balance at all times, ever aware and fully conscious of your marvelous masterpiece of creation in me.
You search me and you know me, you love me and you forgive me, you need me and you lead; all I ask is for the Grace to always seek to know and do your will in every circumstance with total gratitude.
May I be able to always put on your armor, to generously be an inspiration and motivation to those you put on my path, with my experiences in your everlasting and merciful way.
Counting on Mary’s intercession, to thee I lift up my prayers in Jesus’ name Amen.
I went to a US Post Office recently to mail some parcels to friends.
The lady at the counter in all nervousness at my difficulty to hear/understand her well, nor ‘properly express myself’, yelled for a 3rd time: “Which service would it be mam”??? I had equally already in all nervousness ruined an envelope by writing the addresses on the wrong spaces.
And so I thought and said, regular please! She said, so you want 1st class? And I said no I don’t, I just want regular!!!
I think she then understood somehow that I was an MJC (Mary Just Come), and started putting stamps on them before using a red stamp which read: FIRST CLASS!!!
I exclaimed that I didn’t want 1st class, and I wasn’t going to pay for any 1st class service!!!
It was then that she realised I needed the lesson. She told me the services offered started from 1st class, to express, to priority or something like that!!!
Where I come from, I lashed back at her, FIRST CLASS means just that. There is no other class above it!!!
And so gentle readers and followers, this is another humbling lesson I learnt out here. What we may otherwise consider 1st class like in my country Cameroon, may very well be nothing but regular service out here!!!
As I leave the “Great” Uncle Sam’s Vineyard this afternoon, I sum my experience in the following phrases:
“Do not assume you know or have it all!!! Until you live it, you can’t really feel or tell it” What constitues happiness to one, may just be the source of damnation to another!!! Crazy has several meanings!!!
My sincere gratitude to all those I met and talked to/talked with out here. It was a privilege for me to hear Ms Tranquility’s ‘sweet 16’ like voice, and my fair Lady Dy’s (sad that Lucy didn’t bark in the background), and Barb Parker who honoured my memoir with an awesome forword of Faith. I wish us all the best!!!
Any one who has read my memoir or even most of my blog posts, will agree that I have crossed both deserts and climbed mountains in my life. Simply put, I have in these journeys of mine met many secret angels whom I call heros or heroines depending on my … mood :)?
When I landed in the Arabian desert (Dubai), I and em we (because I had a ‘treasure’ there) were literally stranded. I have earlier done a post on my heroine in that desert whom I named Yee Mu, because I couldn’t remember her real name.
And it was a few months later, that I climbed the Kilimanjaro Mountain (well a farce right, I lived in the mountain region), landing in Arusha – Tanzania for one whole year. It was here that I met a special maasai princess. Florah my faithful Flower for all weather.
My mum had attended a conference in Abuja Lagos with Florah’s mum ( a Tanzanian), and now gave me her contact information. It so happened that when I settled down in Arusha and called Mama Maria as she fondly became to me, she told me they lived in the Kilimanjaro region a mere 30 minutes from Arusha.
That family adopted me and made my stay in that Limbo very bearable. Actually, I still whassap often with both mama and my darling Florah.
Florah took me under her wings and taught me Kiswahili. She took me to the market, their family functions, concerts and all. Florah surprised me one day in my studio, with a basket of provisions and much love.
When you leave your country, home, former life and three sons behind, it is difficult to find anything ‘funny’ in this world again. Florah made sure I found fun even in the ‘mundane’. She told me all sorts of tales ranging from historical to geographical accounts of the famous maasai people. That was their tribe. Florah talked to me about her ‘stuffs’, boyfriends and girlfriends – simply put, I could as well attend Florah’s college.
When Florah read my memoir which I mailed her, she was touched and yet glad to have known me. She as many others have done, told me I was not tied nor defined by my past. Whenever I think of Zanzibar, Dar es Salam or Dodoma, I think of Florah. When I look at this my picture again, I see Florah.
I sure can’t wait to go back to Tanzania and finally find time to visit all those wild parks I never got to visit. I know Florah and co. would be thrilled to receive my co. and I. Florah’s family own a wonder Farm (called a Chamba) , and it was there I learnt to milk a cow and drink fresh milk. I helped there in whatever way, and enjoyed our rides in the back of the pick up truck. Life out there was next to ‘eden’.
Dear Gentle readers and followers, when you are as lucky as I have been, to meet the “highs and lows” of society, to be counted among the “highs and the lows”, you can only be so grateful. I blog about my heroines and heros in total appreciation and gratitude and I keep blogging and doing all what I do, hoping I be someone’s secret angel too.
With exactly a month to go before I release this work of mine to the world, I can only but start this final lap with these cover reveals. Almost all is set, I have gotten some very positive editorial feedback as well as blurbs for that daunting but noble task. I undertook the painful journey down memory lane, as a seemingly coping mechanism and therapy for my grief and lack of Undersatanding of what this life is all about. I have written poems on pain, told pale tales and yes grieved some more.
I wish I could have my father’s back on this journey, but no and sadly once more, he doesn’t wanna be associated to simpletons whether dead or alive. Well, I have my mum’s and I know she loves me unconditionally. She is treasured, for all I saw her go through and fight for my brother. She is honoured, for finding the strength through all this to come to our aid ( her 3 girls), whenever we faltered and almost withered. Men, she came to the desert to look for me. Mama, I wrote this memoir, also that you may have a tangible legacy of my love for both of you. In all humility, honesty and modesty, I thank you.
Dear gentle readers and followers, join me on his facebook page:My Brother’s Journey from Genius to Simpleton for a book launch come October 29 from 9-11 pm Belgian time. There will be some kindle copies to be won on the spot. There is surely another big surprise with regards to this publication, put I reserve that for another post. Thank you
I had once done a post on the difficulties I had managing my great emotions – the least I do when touched by someone’s largess, is hide and cry some more.
Wow, I was nominated for this award two days after I was stunk by death. What a consolation? Thank you so much dear Kyrosmagica for this award.
And what is special about this award is the fact that there are no questions to ask or answers to provide. This indeed is simply wonderful and to show my gratitude all the way, I will try my best to be a deserving member of the e-team.
1) The nominee shall display the Wonderful Team Member Readership Award logo on his/her blog.
2) The nominee shall nominate 14 bloggers s/he admires, over a period of 7 days, all at once or little by little, by linking to their blogs and informing them about it.
In case any of my nominees would prefer not to accept the award, please simply consider this a token of my appreciation for your awesome blogs. No worries. 😉
My pal T whose blog takingthemaskoff, inspired my personal post on just that – he is such a fierce blogger, his posts will make a good and challenging read for anyone interested in Mental Health
My friend of at least two similarities over at Pieces of Bipolar : http://piecesofbipolar.wordpress.com/
Nicolemoncada with her poetic Bipolar Tapestry over at http://nicolemoncada.com/
bpdyke whom I recently discovered, with his soul searching blog over at http://bipolardyke.wordpress.com/
Kitt O’Malley and her enlightening blog over at http://kittomalley.com/
And there we go for the time being and maybe for better? Lets see how it goes in my search of the remaining 7 members 🙂
Dear gentle readers and followers, it is for obvious and not so obvious reasons such as this, that I surely can’t relent either on this blog nor in all other work I do. If only one person is inspired or motivated by my work, I will work on 🙂
I think I have received the cream of creams now. When I started blogging, I remember visiting a blog on blogger where this Award was displayed with a dozen or so others. I just admired and wondered to myself if I would ever get one of those. Maybe I admired the Liebster Award most because of it’s ‘Germanness’? (Emm, whatever that means). So imagine my stupor when on reading my dear Phoenix the rebirth’s blog and seeing my humble and modest blog as her first nominee for this prestigious award!
The Liebster Award recognizes new, up and coming bloggers who have a certain number of followers, ranges from 200 to 3,000. (I am not even there yet but already this noticeable? Wow)Liebster is German meaning “beloved” “sweetest” “dearest”. Essentially, I like to view this award as acknowledging some of the “sweetest” bloggers who connect their blogs to their viewers in a welcoming and hearty fashion.
If you wish to accept this award, the following guidelines are below. There is no pressure to accept the award. I find your blog genuine and would like you to know that I value your honesty and content.
The steps for The LiebsterAwardare as follows:
Thank the person who nominated you for the award! A warm, hearty, & standing ovation thank you to Tempest Rose for recognizing the good in my blog!
Add The Liebster Award logo to your post and blog.
Answer 10 questions provided to you by the person who nominated you.
Provide 10 questions of your own for your nominees to answer.
Nominate 7 bloggers for the award and notify them.
**These are the general guidelines. With that being said, you do not have to do the full amount to accept the award. You can answer and/or ask only one question,nominate one person, whatever you feel comfortable doing. ** (This I love most because I know many don’t have time to do them awards ‘school’).
And so dearest Phoenix, I am most grateful, humbled and fortified in my journey. One of my dearest venture being Mental Health Advocacy. My story says it all and I stigmatize all those who out of lack of ignorance and empathy, degrade themselves or humanity further.
These are Phoenix’s questions and I choose to answer all of them:
Questions for my Nominees to pick and choose to answer:
If you were stranded on an island and only had 3 things, what would they be? Faith, Hope and Love
If you could change one thing about your country, what would it be? Stewardship
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My Depressions
If you could try something new today, what would it be? Water Surfing
What is your life mantra? Honesty henceforth until death do me part
What is your biggest fear in life? Dying too soon before laying a strong foundation for the work I’ve embarked on
If you could have dinner with one person (alive or deceased) who would it be and why? Ellen Johnson because she is my idol
What is the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? No place external like my Soul
Name a song that describes your life in a nutshell. My Way by Frank Sinatra
And my two nominees are:
Theresa Reed at http://theresareed15.wordpress.com/, she was there on one of those dreary nights when I couldn’t sleep and my tears and anguish were threatening to ruin my vacation (and yes, this is trumpeting a post).
and my friend over at Pieces of Bipolar: http://piecesofbipolar.wordpress.com/, She describes herself as a unique girl in a unique world and am glad she sees herself so. There is so much positive in pampering and upholding one’s self albeit in all honesty.
So my dear nominees, if you accept my nomination, I leave the same questions above for you to choose from or answer all!
Dear gentle readers and followers, to me it is always all about gratitude. This blog’s life has been sustained not only by my three D’s, but above all by your direct and indirect support. Really, I want to say thank and wish each of you could accept this Liebster Award too.
I want to be very honest with you today because to me, it’s all about honesty in here. The emotions I have found hardest to control, are those emotions which depict my happiness, joy, gratitude and you name the rest.
Life hasn’t always been ‘Great’
I went through and still go through so much in life that I could in another scenario, have given up and given in to drugs or whatever for some sanity. At some point as a married woman, l thought to find solace in one adultery after the other.
I was sincerely used to ‘not so great emotions’. Negative ones. I hated my life, l hated living, l attempted suicide. l didn’t even cry, l just closed up and lived parallel lives. l gave so much for it made me happy to do so and yes l still do.
Life has been Great nevertheless
I can’t say l didn’t receive anything. Oh no, l got so much from life too. my mother my best heroine, gave me the good, the bad, and the ugly. Others did too. But the one I craved the most from, barely had my time. My ex husband gave me some expensive gifts but l never felt any love flow through his actions and so emotions didn’t pop up then.
l will honestly say that it was at this point in my life that I started realizing the impact of emotions on our well being. He has been doing so much for me, and with him l discuss my emotions. l cry now more than l ever did even as a kid when my parents will lash me.
l am realizing how much it is important to manage our emotions because as Tony Robins rightly states, that is how we can reshape our daily experience of life. Yes, I want to in every situation, identify even if only a tiny ‘great emotion’, cling onto it, manage it, and get the best out life.
My darling darling surprised me the other day with business cards. We had conceived them together but l wasn’t yet ready to order them. Ah there l go, l cried so much that my vision was blurred and my face dull:
He says I am a good cook and my restaurant is called MerryTables. I thought of the name Merry Marie for my business and hence the name became:
At least, I feel l am on the right track. I don’t want to be a crying doll even if that is to show gratitude. However, I think l have to go through this process to be able understand myself better and eventually my clients.
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, what says thou? How do you manage your great emotions? Thanks for sharing, that is caring!
She has all sorts of names but I choose Lady Di. She still is though dead, the people’s princess. She is my ultimate inspiration for writing about my parallel lives in such brutal honesty.
I was living in far off Cameroon 17 years ago when she left this world. I remember hearing my parents and the cream of our society discuss a fairy tale wedding of the heir to the British throne and a beautiful young ‘virgin’.
A few years later, in 1985, when my father bought our first TV, I finally got to see Lady Di on TV. I was in awe just like several of us have been.
It wasn’t all fairy in the end
Around same time, we started hearing and reading stories of how all wasn’t well in their marriage and how she said they were ‘three’ of them in there. However, I initially thought it was her bulimia that drove the prince to look else where.
But, in 1992, with the book Diana her True Story by Andrew Morton, came some shocking revelations about the difference between perception and reality even for a princess. In her numerous interviews, a lot could be learnt. I listen to the one below over an over.
If a Princess can do that, so can you
We all know how conservative that society is, not to talk of the Royal Family right? We also all know what Lady Di had been doing to stay ‘humane’ like visiting those auspices and championing the fight against land mines.
Now, she braved it to lash out, to tell it all through Morton and then the Panorama Interviews. She shared her hopes, aspirations, betrayals and all. She said she also had ‘affairs’ while in there. And this is where I got it all.
I am no Princess
Who was l therefore not to relieve myself of all that internal baggage? What did I stand to lose? What happened to Lady Di after the books, reports and all were published, played and replayed? Well, in the end, some say paparazzi killed her – but hey , am no Princess and don’t ever figure paparazzi wasting their time and money behind me.
The bottom line is who we also help
The bottom line is who we also help with our story. That is how I saw it then and still do. My boys will cope just like Lady Di’s boys have done. At some point, we have to make a choice to be unconventional if only for the sake of staying sane and probably inspiring someone else.
Dear gentle Reader and followers of mine, Lady Di was my ultimate inspiration and she is my heroine. Do you have any such heroines or experiences to share too?
My thrilling life as a single mum, author, coach, mental health advocate & CBT Therapist
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