Tag Archives: Joy

About this weekend P1


Hello world, so you should all guess by now that this area girl with these different auras knows how to enjoy herself. So far, my weekend has been a mix of rest, fun and work on my company. The P2 will be about the second event we are hosting today. And oh the pictures seem to read from last to first… Eg last one is my arrival at the mountain village, next one is the mountain, then my being invited to the national radio impromptu to talk about the Gbm Foundation (7 am and it was damn cold), fourth one is huge breakfast offered by my Co-Founder (asap after the show) and finally hiking and team building (that afternoon – Saturday). When I got back home by 6 pm, I went straight to bed until 4 am this Sunday morning…

Till then, enjoy… and take care of yourselves; we all got but one way tickets to through this journey of life

Where does your Peace come from …?


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I once read a memoir written by one of my heroines called Iyanla Vanzart. The book which was titled Peace from Broken Pieces… was a very intense memoir which took us via the author’s journey to find peace after she had seemingly ‘gained’ so much, only to lose twice as much including her daughter and all time soul buddie. I was no doubt left shaken when I read that and realized that it was possible to pull through after going through so much in life, and to find peace. (reminds me to do that book review…)

Peace I seek, peace is all I want to give. More than every material possession, my priciest possession is my peace. When I lose it even for a second, I can’t vouch neither for my ‘holistic wellbeing’ nor what I can offer to anyone else even in terms of the least courteous relationship.

At the 3 day spiritual retreat I just completed, peace kept coming up because each time I’ll admit I was in search of peace. My spiritual director asked about when I felt so nervous and turned to food for comfort, didn’t that bring any peace? I said no. He asked if my friends didn’t help? I said no. He asked if even my sons didn’t bring me peace and joy? I agreed they did for some time but I equally admitted to getting irritated with them and how I sometimes bought them stuffs so they should focus on that and let me find some peace in my aloneness. Gradually, with his direction, I came to realize and admit that peace could never come from without.

The times in my life when I had ever felt peace, it was because I was spiritually whole above all. It never had to do with my material standing or even who my partner or friends where nor what they thought about me. Even my family in both the nuclear and extended sense could not bring me peace. No Fame nor Fortune, Friends nor Foes oh my nothing from the exterior could give or bring me peace…

Aha, my Peace came from making peace with my Almighty Father. No matter what seemed to be my outward show of strength, stability and even shape, I went through real tough times of restlessness within – synonymous to having no peace of mind and mine… No doubt I couldn’t give Peace… all my deeds brought such headaches and heartaches I was damned and almost thought myself doomed…

But alas… there it dawned on me… I could finally answer Father’s question when on the 28th of of October I felt such peace I had not felt in years. I had just made an amazingly big peace with my Almighty Father, He who had never relented/nor given up on me; and who like the Prodigal Father was watching out for my return. Father I cried, MY PEACE COMES FROM WITHIN! Alleluia I was Rahabilitated and I was rightly the woman in Jn 8 v 1-11…

My spiritual director helped me to see that peace doesn’t need any material attachments. The evidence is that, on that day I was ‘bare’. In a very modest surrounding, with the barest necessity and away from all the ‘vibes’ of modern day life, yet I could find such peace I hadn’t found even the previous day in the same setting, nor the previous years in far better off settings.

Dear all, the Peace I now have is really that one of total Abandonment to my Almighty Father’s will. I will in the coming days share with you my legacy and prayer written on that day. Oh how I have so much Peace now, the type that surpasses human understanding. Materially, financially, socially I am struggling; but spiritually I am riding high and I know that He who is in me, What I have in me, is stronger than anything that can come against me or seem daunting as is. Peace indeed be Still Marie it is well with your soul…

Oh join me praise my Almighty Father as you reflect on where your peace comes from… Shalom

Today is the feast of all souls… I thinl of my brother dearest Gabriel but I have peace within and the pain is sipping and sipping away with each passing day

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It’s been 13 years since I stumbled onto & into Motherhood


motherhood-on-the-way
10 days to D Day

Wow : How time flies…

He’s such a young man today and even has his own Bo like swag…

I still remember how it happened – I have said it over and again I felt it the moment he got into me, and I told his dad with whom I wasn’t supposed to be in the first place, that it had happened…

Yes, he is the fruit of one of my most unconventional loves and lives – but oh yes, how I love him just so so so much – He the appex of my joys and sorrow…there’s been no fairy tales in my life … I have stumbled onto and into many things and even motherhood I must be candid… never planned nor groomed so to speak… but am happy just as is…

So, I remember asking his dad what next, and he told me excitedly that he was going to provide for his son ; I inquired if he knew what it took, and he said whatever it took wasn’t gonna be above him… Like he knew what mother or parenthood was all about…

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5 days after his birth, on his way to be circumcised – I cried so bad that day and was sent out of there (blurry picture due to age now)

It’s been rough and tough terrain for me, who has practically been the sole parent he knows ; It’s been rough and tough terrain for me who has had to learn to be a transcontinental mother and be brave about it…

I stumbled onto motherhood because it already existed in several homes including ours, although growing up in there I never learnt from it nor envied it to be candid. It seemed to me you had no more ‘life’ once you became a mother – I now know why a friend often told me her husband constantly reminded her her future was behind her – that future was those kids she had to make sure grew up the best possible way and could be proud of the mother who raised them…

An aunt told me they are the reason I wake up everyday and indeed that’s so true – when I was oceans away from them and had trouble even speaking with and to them, life was pretty miserable and I hit some real lows…

one-of-our-moments-1I stumbled into motherhood and today find myself mum to three jolly guys I fondly call my musketeers. We are a team and most Friday nights are set aside for team building at some eat out. The deal is not what we eat out or where, but it’s the moment we share and the little ‘scoops’ they tell me about their day/week/pretty much anything. I sometimes get to answer some questions, but it’s pretty much about them and theirs. I have cherished those moments right from when they were in my womb.

On this day when my first baby turns 13 – it was exactly at 00:25 am on that 8th of October 2003, 40+ weeks to the date of the great fertilization, I am so grateful to God and so full of awe for this miracle and mystery called Life. I understand some about this motherhood now, I am deep into it with all four of us finally living under the same roof in a house full of peace and love which to me is much better than one filled with Gold and Silver – trust me I know the difference. I am so grateful for all I have met in my various journeys and all I have learnt and shared especially about motherhood…

Here is to all the mothers in the blogsphere; all those mothers who are perpetual caregivers; all those mothers who regardless of the age of their children, still take their vocation so seriously. My mum reminds me that and proves it over and again to me, I am trying and giving my best…ever conscious of the woman and mother I am becoming

Thank you for reading and all the best to us all

Stepping on the dreaded scale and other musings of mine…


What’s Up ?

Copyright Phototèque ACCOR.Photo Gilles TRILLARD.So, I am in Abidjan since 1 pm today, and although the hotel I am lodged at has greatly tempered my excitement to be here because of it’s ‘wifi which is out of service’ (and now works only at the recption), I am still happy to be here. This hotel was the first to be built in this country in 1952, and among their distinguished guests you have General Charles de Gaule and H.E Felix Houphuet Boigny – the 1st and awesome president of this country known as Cote D’Ivoire. I remember grumbling to mum I wasn’t sure I’ll be glad here because there’s no gym at the hotel, but then on flight I read the palmares of the hotel and I was like mum you see where I am? And it’s close to the beach meaning I can go there and jog, and my room gives out to that view oh my, just see for yourself…

View from my room, that's where am going jogging
View from my room, that’s where am going jogging

And what about stepping on the dreaded scale ?

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One of our backstreet medical cabinets, I have sour memories of going to one of such years ago

Ok, over to my stepping on the dreaded scale right ? No sooner had I posted the book review of the Latte Years which narrates Philippa’s brave journey to shed 30 good kilos and more life aches, than it came haunting me that I had definitely put on some ‘feelable’ weight since my return to Cameroon last August 2015. I returned home weighing and feeling 75kgs, but now although I hadn’t stepped on any scale since I returned, I felt ‘heavy’ to say it simple. I didn’t feel like I was back to 115kgs like in 2010, but I had to know what the scales said.

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Another of our backstreet medical cabinets

I bravely went out to find a scale I could step on, and see the verdict for myself. I did have to look around to find a scale because I didn’t have one at home, and the nearby ‘medical cabinets’ like this one which are in my neighbourhood, were either still closed or didn’t have a scale. I hadn’t had breakfast yet because I wanted to weigh ‘light’ you know, and I needed to step on that scale sun or showers even if only to justify my ‘skipping breakfast’.

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A famous polyclinique in my neighbourhood

I finally went to the nearest Clinic and gladly stepped on the scale. Bam 79.850 kgs. Let me honestly say the needle was very close to 900 grams and my face fell. It took me 2 tough years to lose 30 kgs, how many months now to lose 5 ? I just need to lose them by December latest and I am joining Dyane’s team on Lose It – No more excuses period.

Other Musings

I successfuly tried some new aspects of me out and am definitely pleased with the results :

1) I didn’t pack a month before my trip although I couldn’t do that on the eve either. I gave in to my anxious mind and did pack a week before. I used too when I was in secondary school, return home in June and be all packed ready to go back by July although school resumed only in September;

2) I didn’t leave my house for the airport at 5 am as I had been struggling in my mind to do, all in a rational that I could be late for my 7.50 departure if I wasn’t that early at the Airport. I chided myself and calmed down and left at 5.45 am, got to the airport on time ( a 25 mins drive from my home), and checked in fine and waited quite some at the departure lounge…

3) I didn’t ask for an aisle seat nor wear my winter jacket on the plane. There was a time my legs got all wobbly when I was on a plane and so I always asked for an aisle seat to stretch them out. I equally ever felt so cold in the plane I just had to have my winter jacket or several pullovers on. Sometimes even back home in the Douala heat, I will have a pullover on and I couldn’t stand neither a fan nor AC. Things are definitely getting better and now on the first time since my return from Belgium, I sat in an assigned middle seat, and I didn’t wear my winter jacket. I had brought it with me but at last minute shoved it in my hand luggage…

4) The flight was on the average cool, but I wasn’t in the mood to chit chat on the flight. I had ear plugs on anyway and I could feel my neighbour wanting so much to chat by the glances he kept making. I finally borrowed his magazine and smiled at him. I equally bothered him some to go to the loo and this is one reason I might as well ask for that aisle seat after all. I do use the loo way too much both on flight or on the ground.

5) Ah my luggage almost didn’t show up and I started panicking and near crying pitying myself it it didn’t. I have been through those scenarios more than once and if it happens in Africa, either I lose it altogether or it shows up on the eve of my departure. Some more polite countries like Tanzania sent it to my hotel, others just called and said it was at their ‘wherever’. I therefore started pleading with the luggage wherever it was and I begged that it surely wouldn’t want me filling one more of those forms right? After 20 or so minutes, it showed up almost the last piece and I was so full of love for it. I almost shouted out: “What took you so long Hon?” (I did say that to myself and I was the last guest on that hotel list who hadn’t shown up in the arrival hall yet)…

6) I meet friendly Isa the luggage help who told me much in 10 minutes and made me already plan to go visit his area which is opposite the lagoon where my hotel is. You first take a ferry to cross and then a bagoda to go to his area. When I told Isa I was from Cameroon, he gave me a military salute. Our countries seem to have a love affair especially since our ‘football star’ Samuel Eto Fils married one of theirs.

Oh me this area girl huh? And then I have just me a guy call Pape referred to me by our favourite foreign currency exchange agent called Marabout – more plans for after conference outings for dinner already being made… hmm la vie est belle la…

Dear World, I am learning and loving so much, and am filled with so much gratitude at the awesomeness of my Lord. I even got another big surprise on my arrival at the hotel and this one is still so much for me to share. I just wish us all so much well in all our corners of the globe and all our different endeavours…

Pray thee: what happened to my Me Moments…


am so full of Gratitude
am so full of Gratitude

It’s been barely a year and month since I relocated back home from yet another of my ‘flights into the wilderness’, but I discovered one awesome thing this last time precisely in Belgium. I discovered there was a Me and that this Me deserved to have her own Moments. Gosh it was like an epiphany. I set out to become best friends with Me, and oh my we so treated ourselves to some moments.

Souvenirs like these boosts the moods tons
Souvenirs like these boosts the moods tons

When I returned home, we went on two great moments to the sea side cities of Limbe and Kribi, and we built further into our relationship.

enjoying some ccnut

On the Limbe trip, I got to finish my fourth memoir and looked at some of my biggest fears squarely, making firm resolves to deal with them thoroughly when the showed up.

These Me Moments have helped me tremendously, but alas they were toned down or near written off when I moved into a place of my own and took my boys with me… This was my main reason for coming back anyway, so that was hurray and neither Me Moments nor Blogging as I used to do it, could take my mind off from that Graceful Vocation of Motherhood…

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I have however come to realize to my pleasure and our satisfaction, that Me Moments are still possible… I take off for them in the minutes when I wake up and have time to meditate and pray; while I step out early for my workout in all that quiet; when on a work trip I treat us to a lunch and get to discover new dishes like Green Rice; and much more…

And now oh my, I get a week away in Ivory Coast precisely in beautiful Abidjan; and although it’s actually a conference am attending on yes a full scholarship, I would have all my nights and pre conference mornings for Me Moments. There is even a 20 free hours after the conference before my return flight…

So dear world, I am super grateful to the Universe and my Lord for these twists and turns, and for the possibility to embrace them and make the most of them for my holistic wellbeing. And you, any such Me Moments?

Happy midweek to us all…

He does His thing: Not all kids go for Playstations – Listen to Them


David with his local bow and arrow: A hanger and some broom sticks
David with his local bow and arrow: A hanger and some broom sticks

Hello world,

Since deciding to move back to bloggerville, I am also fighting the urge to post twice a day 🙂 So for now, let me calm my fingers with daily post and hope the ‘bloggania’ dies out by Saturday…

Yesterday, I did a quick post on my boy David finding such joy in kicking the dang football. You know, I think he will bloom into an artist of sorts, and I just keep marvelling at his imagination and his style 🙂

I just saw the above picture of his taken this past summer while he was doing his thing, crafting a local bow and arrow and having fun while his siblings were glued to the screen watching whatever 🙂

I don’t prefer any one of them to the other, I just love that I can appreciate their styles and stars, and share same with us all. Maybe something in here will inspire us too? And I have learnt to listen to them all, and listen very attentively especially to David who still has a little difficulty keeping up his speech with his ‘age or age mates’, and who equally takes all his time to do whatever it is he is set at doing.

I even admit am glad he is not into play stations, nor are his siblings really because this saves me headaches and bucks anyway 🙂

Dear gentle readers and followers, what do you think of him doing his thing? Do you have any such experience to share?

Happy Tuesday to us all 🙂

His Joy is in the kicking: And yours?


Hello World,

Hmm another Monday, hope not so grumpy for most of us. When I worked corporate, Mondays were definitely my worst. Fortunately, I wasn’t alone to hate it, and so we voted for our department meetings to start from 9 – 11 which we somehow often saw drag to noon and hurray that was half the day gone… Well the work load piled up anyway… But one thing I learnt from those years, was to love what I was doing or better still make the best of my loss 🙂

Yesterday, as I watched my boys play football, I concluded my middle son David 10 years (the special meek and docile one who grew up fearing those team games where he could be hurt), had found a way to mingle and play with joy. Oh my, you needed to see him get ready to kick the ball. The sound he’ll make like a goal was a second near… And he’ll literary clap for himself if he kicked right, goal scored or not…

It dawned on me there was another big life lesson again. What was I after? Winning at all cost, being declared a ‘success story’, or just living to my best…?

My joy today is definitely in living my best, being grateful for the least obvious instead of grumbling for not having the most glaring…

And you gentle readers and followers, what makes you laugh out? Keep going for it, and have a  great week 🙂

A MEMO I almost forgot to share…


Souvenirs like these boosts the moods tons
Souvenirs like these boosts the moods tons

Hi all, it’s Friday and I am happy for the break. I am happy I will be having my boys for the weekend, and I am happy there is nothing ‘big’ from the fever and meh I have been dealing with since last saturday. Actually, just some antibiotics prescribed although for a sad 20 good days.

Ok now to today’s post. I almost forgot to share hmm because of this fever and meh following me around for close to a week now. Almost ruined my birthday for me even.

Aha it was about this MeMo… I was actually on my way to Kribi – this sea side resort in Cameroon I told you I was planning on treating my best friend and I to for the weekend ahead of our 37th BD. It was there that it struck me the meaning I am henceforth giving to Memo. Me Moments. I’ll be writing several to myself henceforth and sticking them wherever… especially in my ‘cool’ moments or even the contemplative ones – before I can open my journal or go on my PC to blog etc

For example: Hey girl, I was just thinking if we could check out this new club you know, or look up that book, blog…

Hey girl, I have been wondering what’s on your mind recently; your mood seems to be swinging? and on an on – yes I need to put the dates always and yes I need to go get post sticks

So back to that ‘Memo’ (I called it Me Time then 🙂 you know ) which took my best friend and I to Kribi. Our stay was cut short but we did our best. The trip had initially been for a colleague’s wedding, but I changed my mind at the last minute about attending that wedding, and chose to transform it to a Memo.

I got a good deal for some sightseeing which took me to visit the pygmies by canoe (a big big first one for me, panicked until I used breathing technique and survived the one hour to and fro trip)

in the nearby tropical forest, and

spend the afternoon on some white sandy beach by a ‘cool cute’ waterfall eating roasted shrimps…

Yummy huh :)
Yummy huh 🙂

I had been wondering what to blog about today before I leave the office you know; something not dreary as such; a post which could hopefully lighten our moods and not fuel melancholy if you get my point. And so this is to wishing us all the best for the weekend… and oh I forget to add that I climbed and slept on a hammock for my first time too

enjoying me some reading in that hammock on the beach :)
enjoying me some reading in that hammock on the beach 🙂