Am so tired these days and all the hustling and teaching are waxing my blogging groove. But I’ll be ok and hope everyone is.
Much love to all
Am so tired these days and all the hustling and teaching are waxing my blogging groove. But I’ll be ok and hope everyone is.
Much love to all
Wow, sometimes swallowing your own prescription pill is hard I must confess.
Come see me to be sharp in advising my clients to write a letter to their younger selves lol. It took a call for stories (for an award hahaha) over at World Pulse (which I equally just joined after years of procrastination I must add).
Please, go here and read the letter yours truly wrote to Ayo as I was then popularly known…
Have a great weekend everyone
After my rant of yesterday and the meh feelings, I am happy to be on a great going today.
We did our meditation, starting again with a mini course for life. Those daily cards are simply epic. Such communion time with the team is more VIP to me than putting the home in order and etc etc.
I have said my serenity prayer over the missing lenses, and handed that over to my Almighty Father.
Indeed the day started on a very positive note and I feel fantastic.
Wishing us all a happy midweek and a day full of life and love all the way.
Hello world, this is the mega wrap up of my self care journey I have been sharing with us all for the past two Fridays, and I couldn’t do any conclusion without letting you in on my Super Support System. Now, I have a whole support system and not just a support network of individuals, because some key actors in my super support system are not individuals, nor even tangible objects. I mean you can think of a forest, a beach, a river, waves, music, feelings invoked by meditation…
My family+friends and oh my 3 musketeers. Some of my few but special friends have been featured here and are both offline and online. From Judi Joli to Beautiful Bea to Darling Donna and my own Lady D Harwood not forgetting my precious Phoebe and more; hmm I am special and blessed. My mum is equally an indispensable person in my support system even if our relationship has been through its own share of shaky hahahaha. My sibling too know what to do or not to do to show some support too. The musketeers know so much about me and what I even sometimes need without my screaming so much lol. They are one of my natural antidepressants and am ever grateful.
2) The Places
There are places I just need to go to and I feel supported. First on this list is the Loo my love. Sitting in the loo especially my own loo lol, is like …words fail me to describe the experience. My room, the woods, the beach, you know those places which just help you calm down and relax. I have hardly felt any “fire on the mountain or had 1000 miles per micro second thoughts” in these places.
3) The Activities
When am down and I fight to even get up and dress up for a work out, the chances are if I do leave that bed, I’ll walk. Walking even if painfully and no matter how many steps I take nor what I do thereafter, is a big support. I feel much better when I try to work out especially when I don’t feel so good. Another activity is meditation, or praying, listening to calm music, a recording of the waves…so much soothing support
4) The reading and writing
I know they could go under activities but they just deserve to stand alone. I know realize the extent to which reading has been a vital coping mechanism and now a very special component of my support system. Now, writing is but the natural effect of all that reading right? I once wrote a book in 30 days at the height of my grief following my brother’s death. Insomnia near sent me to a psych ward but it seems the writing kept me grounded – dunno if this makes sense lol. I just don’t know how to spend a day without reading or writing and I have been known to calm down and glee when I see a book (especially one of mine) when am not doing too good.
5) The Advocacy for myself and others like myself
I have come to realize that advocating for myself and others like myself, is very important to my self support. I add this to my support system because I know that the more I advocate for myself and others going through similar or more difficult times, the chances are I feel better and more people relate to me out of empathy than sympathy. This is why I write about the good, the bad and the ugly of my thrilling life hahaha
Be inspired and motivated…a big big THANK YOU to all who are part of my support system, the activities and all – Girl you are definitely trying your best lol
Have a great weekend us all
Another is week is here and we are starting a new month for real. Wow, the 9th month in this 2018 which just started like yesterday? And yet, I have so much to tell about this year, one which my spirit revealed to me was my year of Grace. Ah, it’s been Amazing Grace how sweet the sound…all along. Thank God really that I blog so much and have all my records as I progress – cause sometimes it could feel surreal what has happened or is planned by faith you know…
One of these plans, is to join a panel of 10 amazing storytellers to share my story of what I did when “Shit happened”, and I was near checking out altogether from this life.
You could watch the Ted X by the amazing founder and host Ms Beatrice Achaleke – my boss lol, where she talked about what she did when “shit happened” in her own life. Needless to say Beatrice is my heroine, have worked with her from my most tender age and we are related by much more than blood. Here is the introductory post I did of her several years ago hahaha.
Now therefore, anyone who believes like Iyanla Vanzart once asserted that:
Will rush to book one of the few remaining early bird tickets before they are all picked up…click right here and sign-up cause am so excited to get to tell my story on this beautiful platform offered by the Globuntu Academy for Happy Minds. I will forever be grateful to and for Beatrice.
Hello World, last Friday I started sharing seven of my top self care habits harnessed over the years, and I promised to post P2 today. Here we go without much …
4) Writing and Blogging like merry marie lol
In September 2012 I got the writing bug for my first memoir. I couldn’t sleep at night and seriously wrote each day from 12 am to 2 am – God knows how my brain didn’t explode. I was now at mum’s waiting to go to Belgium in January 2013, I was on a serious fast which got mum seriously concerned I could be going anorexic again, I was also working out 45mins/1hr each day except Sunday. Lord, the writing was needed to calm me down some. It felt real good. I am so happy for that because today I have 5 books which I self-published in the past 5 years wow. In November of 2013, Blogging joined the mix by some curiosity, and that has been another big outlet for me to write down whatever and then process same whenever need arises. This has also led me above all, to network and read about people whose journeys are hmm… I have a great support system from the blogosphere, I became more aware of myself and my journey and its impact on me and mine, I even got more inspiration and motivation from all the writing. One super way writing and blogging help me take care of me is that, when am struggling or just feeling anyhow, I start to write and somehow start healing. It’s been simply amazing all that has happened since I started writing (with regards to my books, since I have kept journals from childhood) and blogging. I even rebaptized myself “merry marie” and have strived to live up to that one day at a time hahaha. I just make sure to find a balance and not let my gadgets or social media take me hostage lol
5) Finding Self-Love and My Me Moments
Some of those pictures up there show me in My Me Moments swags and jives. I mean, what should I write again about those moments? Once I found the truest and best love right where I had failed to look all along – inside; once I realized my best friend and I could give each other as many treats as we wanted or needed; ah it’s been a great source of self care, rest, recuperation, re-bonding and re-bouncing…I am so comfy just being with me even in the company of others…call that what you wish, self -love is my own appelation.
6) Going & Living Spiritual all the way
This was a gradual process, I mean not going religious but spiritual. I have come to embrace intermitent fasts, mediation, retreats, and courted some like Patience & Humility with love. So, when my inner voice told me last February it was time for a long spiritual journey of 70 days; fasting from 7 big stuffs including blogging and eating, hmm I knew this was it. Spirituality and I are now good for life. Try it whoever is inspired, ah the serenity even in the midst of the most nasty adversity and all – I ain’t trading this for nothing. The lessons I learned, all I gave up, conquered and the new me who emerged in spirit, soul and body – God am Grateful beyond words. This was definitely the next best investment in my self care.
7) Staying ever mindful of new habits and weary of all toxic stuffs
If you have been reading right from P1, you can see I have come a long way. My poem titled Hopeless to Hopeful tells it all in 2 stanzas. All I have learned and am now implementing, both personally and in my psychotherapy practice, have made me very mindful. I sleep as much as I can at night (often 9 pm – 4 am, turning all those gadgets off), I have my serene and safe space (my loo no shame lol), I don’t sweat the small stuffs especially at home with my 3 muskeets, I know my temperature and feel it, literally learned to walk confidently and speak in a proper way and tone. Today, I take my time to reply to any ‘perceived attack sms/emails’ (once took 7 days and another time 30 days, and others I ignore outright); inshort I don’t go near anything toxic consciously. I have bashed my ego and ditched perfection, I am not fazed by food or fashion…I could go on and on…
In conclusion, if after reading about my 7 self care habits someone is not inspired or motivated, then I may not be doing a great job living my purpose. There is one stand alone self care vital habit I will blog on… you guess right if you call it Support System. Until then… hope you find some inspiration and motivation in my self care journey.
Hello world, another Friday is here and I want to continue looking at self care being the best care. Some say I am a “multiple person’ and am ok with that. I recall my 39th birthday blog where I appealed for more empathy towards people like myself who were high functioning from every indication, but who also had their struggles. I live with RA and PTSD and so self care for me is a matter of survival.
So today, I decided to start sharing seven of my best self care habits harnessed during the years, hoping they serve some powerful communication + inspiration and motivation. It was in December 2009 that I was first told to seriously start to take care of myself. I was at an all time low and my last son was barely 5 months old. That year was a very troubled one for me, having attempted suicide some 9/10 months earlier. The good side of all that low was my readiness to try another way now… This way I came to realize involved ME taking care of ME and I mean very Good Care. This has come to justify Self Care as being the Best Care to me lol. This said, let’s see how we cover this P1:
1) Working out has resumed and has become VIP for me
I weighed 115kgs by then, had not worked out for like 15 years or more, ate like a ‘hoax’, hoping it will choke my ex husband up…do you visualize me at this point? And so on the 1st of January 2010, while the world slept after St Silvester’s shenanigans, while ex husband was yet to return from his jives, I stepped out at 3.30 am for my 1st walk. I had also decided to start a 30 days fast (had never done one before)…, and all my pain/hurt/and oh so so much, were in those first fearless steps. This the origin of my love affair with determination + discipline and determination (my 3Ds) …8 years later, swagging between 70-77kgs, I have overcome so much and can now do so much. Working out is simply non negotiable for me now… I have still been through a few days in a stretch where I can’t work out due to a health flare up (whichever it is P for physical or M for mental; doesn’t really matter to/for me), but then I always know it shall pass, I keep at the self care and I go right back to working out once the spirit is back …
2) My health + holistic wellbeing has become my priority
The same friend who encouraged me to work out, was amazed at all the medications I was on. I was taking at least 3 different meds for the RA and sleep issues+anxiety, although over all no improvement was being recorded. I look back today and think the over eating could have also been due to the side effects of those meds. Anyways, I heeded to his advice and started weaning myself off the meds with ‘vengeance’. I started searching for alternative remedies for my symptoms and after two years of meds, I was ready to try even cayenne pepper if it got to that lol. Eating healthy became an obsession. I have carried a lunch bag almost religiously since then. It was tough working on the sleep especially while still in a very toxic marriage, I just had to sleep during the day either in the office or at an aunt’s home nearby. I chose the latter often because I could then bathe thereafter and feel fresh to be more productive in the afternoon. That way, if I barely slept at night and got up at 2.30 am as was the habit then, I could go for my 3 am walk with no qualms. Running into thieves twice didn’t scare me off, that is how bent I was on taking care of myself. Eventually off all the meds, I only take any when in a crisis or when I feel one is coming… My wellbeing has become so priority, I can’t even tolerate ‘fake relationships’ from any point of view…
3) I reached out for professional help
The next and biggest self care habit I embraced was in knowing when to reach out for professional help, and then doing just that. You can only take good care of yourself so much. There comes that point when you need ‘professional help’. I had succeeded in salvaging myself from that ‘sham and shame’of a marriage, and was finally in a place where I could start a healing journey. I was meeting Angels on my path and my Gentleman encouraged me to seek ‘professional help’ for all what I told him about me. No more energy to strive on without help, I first hired a life coach. I call that the best investment I ever made for ME. My Hero Jeff Moore, oh God bless him forever, helped me so so much. Next, I booked appointments with a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. That was so much self care, self love, self acceptance and all things self… And come to think of all this Amazing work and Grace by which I have become a life coach and psychotherapist too? Come on somebody and say ‘self care is the best care’…
Let’s take a break here today, I will blog on the last 4 self care habits next Friday ( it was a bit intense recalling some stuffs in here – but no tears came and I actually felt some pride at how far I have come)
p.s as I write this post (22.08.18) I have had a mini flare up which started on Saturday. I have been all wrapped up in the office today as seen in the picture above, and it is 3 pm here now. I however feel so much better and am taking care of myself the best I can (some back to school preparation stress and anxiety too but I facing that head on by Grace)
Last Wednesday I didn’t publish a post because I was already working on my psychology lol. I am officially an Author at the awesome blog SIWO aka Success Inspirers’ World! I mean they have such a noble vision and massive outreach of over 10.000 subscribers not to talk of readers. You may really want to check them out and why not shot them an email if you want to join their over 100 authors.
You see, for me, it’s all about sharing the good I have come to conclude there is in this life. My first blog there is the resume of my crisscross life and an answer to the above question lol
I plan to be a Wednesday author over at SIWO, and hope many of you follow me to and from there hahaha.
Have a fab midweek everyone…
The last time I visited Dschang (not go through it), was over 2 decades ago. The post I wrote yesterday about my real relationship with MC tells more on what’s so special about that city to me.
So, I got there via night bus and spent the first day resting, doing chores at home, reconnecting and cheering dad up some. He is what we can call an IDP in his own country due to a civil and political strife going on in the English speaking regions of the country.
The next day a Saturday, was reserved for sightseeing once I was done with basic chores including cooking for dad who is on a diabetics diet.
I then visit the mamiwata falls in a nearby village, and the museum of civilization (Musee des Civilsations) and then return home tired to rest some before returning to my own city of Douala the very next day. It was a soul trip and I even got to go back with holiday makers I hadn’t really planned but loved having them anyway lol
In my next post, I will talk about the dinning table and the step mom effect. It’s all for closure o.
P. S: Am writing this post to calm down some while waiting for the party scheduled for 4 pm to actually start. It is 6.20 pm my time and I have given up on this ‘black man time’. Anyways, it’s not even like I remembered the birthday party until I visited another supermom and bossom friend of mine… As to my new name, I upgraded myself to supermomhood period…
OK now hold up, how did I get here?
My day started at 4:50 am with prayers+meditation. I then hit some workout, grateful for an extra kilo since I finished fasting weighing 70kgs.
So truth be told, I was in celebration mode and even wrote about it earlier this morning.
Another super note this morning is the joy of speaking to a kindred spirit super dad for 30/40minutes after my workout.
I then went to the market, not knowing the boys were to receive their report cards today. I never got the sms the school said they always send. Fortunately, their school is not far from the market and curious to all the cars parked out there, got me to know it was today.
So supermom, rush back home, fix quick lunch of stir fry cabbage and then hop out to their school. I have to rush back home because I have a 3pm session. I get home 2.30 pm, and gladly give the boys cash to go swimming…they all made honour roll so grateful to God…
I then have a much more consistent lunch after the session lol, and head out to go see my friend whose daughter has been sick all week. My plan was to continue from there to my aunt’s where we assembly for my cousin’s vigil while awaiting the corpse. But when reminded of the 40k bash of another schoolmate of ours to which I had been invited personally, I quickly rush home to change in white the designed colour for the event. I stop by the barber for a hair cut and then shower and out hurrah.
I mean, the last time I was out with friends was another one’s 40k birthday on February 28, eve of fasting take off, so you can imagine my excitement Hahaha…
Tomorrow is another day, I will go to my aunt’s then; afterall, the corpse get here but on the 24th and I have been there some already.
OK now, if you think events can delay starting, try one of ours out here. It is currently 7.03 pm and only a handful of invitees lol…
Now y’all, enjoy your weekend. I will hang around 1.5/2 hours and then go home to call it a night after a super day spent superbly.
p. s: Party finally kick of by 7.59pm and guess who is called to lead prayers? Guess how long her prayer is? Guess who leads to the buffet? Guess how much she piles on her plate lol? Welcome another half kg hopefully.
All is well that ends well for I zoom it all and get home at 9.03 pm. Boys I meet up pray with me and am off to zzz. Thank you papa.