Tag Archives: Life

Have you ever had to go out of town just to savour a book? Introducing Birth of a New Brain by Dyane Leshin-Harwood


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My kindle and I, my kindle & I… oh what a wonderful treasure…

Dear world, last week while on a brief blogging break, I was excited to receive the ARC (Advanced review copy) of my lady Dyane’s forthcoming memoir. I got it in my email on Wednesday night, and tried to start reading it on Thursday. With the boys ha, I can’t find the time to read at home so I read on the go as in when stuck in traffic. But when the book you browse promises to be one so full and pregnant with ‘stuff’, men you have to go find some cool place to savour that book. I was fortunate to have a trip planned for the next day although I wasn’t so decided yet. Well, that book sealed it for me. Whatever thing I had planned to do during that trip was going to take second stage because I had to savour that book and finish it before or else…

I am going to be very honest with you, not because I know Dyane online, but because I laughed so much while reading that book – I just want to recommend it to you before I even tell you more. I am going to do three posts on that epic memoir just to tell you how much it got into me…

In this first post, I’ll share the pictures of my reading cocoon and the beauty of the day even when I got back to the home I was hosted in with the boys. In my next post on this memoir, I will share the reasons (not related to the main topic of the memoir) which make me advice you to get the memoir. The third post on this memoir will be focused on my review of the main topic of the memoir which is “mental illness” – “Postpartum Bipolar disorder” in Dyane’s case. Thank you already so much Dyane for loving and trusting me enough to send me an ARC of your epic memoir. My hats off to you after all you’ve been through and still go through, to find it in you to finally write this memoir and in that style. Reading truly takes me roaming & roving

Dyane Harwood’s memoir Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder with a foreword by Dr. Carol Henshaw (co-author of The Modern Management of Perinatal Psychiatry) will be published by Post Hill Press on October 10th.

It’s available for paperback pre-sales on Amazon at this link – Kindle pre-sales arriving this summer!

And the boys also got a blast at our host, a highschool friend of mum’s whose husband and her are befittingly called Papa and Mami by my siblings and I. The boys call Mami, Icecream Grandma because she has a big icecream venture. They negotiate to visit there at least 3 times a year. Look at the pictures:

Ain’t all that wonderful? It was a well deserved break for me afterall, Dyane’s epic memoir topped it all for me… I am so grateful.

Wishing us all a happy and cozy week ahead

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Near two tough weeks: Grateful for a reachout from Kenya


This is a zig zag post, beating myself to write. Scared am losing my blogging zeal, thanks to some real tough times for almost two weeks now.

My last two posts of last Friday and Monday this weeks were equally sketchy and soulful. Indeed, the two before those were on ‘achievements’ and ‘allegations I took the easy way out’. Don’t even have energy to link those.

One big ray of cheer came last weekend from a guy in Kenya who wanted to get two copies of one my books. Amazon doesn’t mail there, he had to pay me first and then I ordered the books to be delivered to the US from where they’ll be mailed out to him. ‘Too much Trouble’? I learnt so much from that experience and really appreciate that reach out.

One thing trying to keep me sane so far is sports, and yes my boys and all their buzz, and a few others  – the campaign for my late brother’s foundation is ok on my mind though lot of pressure comes from there too…

Let me not bore you more – glad I did write this – a way to face my demons and not flee from them – and I know such times shall come to pass in my Almighty Father’s name Amen

Have a nice weekend

The Mystery Blogger Award: What an awesome Birthday gift


Am I any mysterious? Hahaha
Am I any mysterious? Hahaha

Wow, Hello World, I am a whole year older+2 days and I feel good… so good… I mean how better can it get to receive a mystery blogger award ? I thought I had received all sorts of awards out there, even thought to paste it up front that this blog was henceforth award free… but truth be told, who doesn’t like recognition, appreciation even if it be outright flattery ? Well I do, and am diving head on into this award game once again – I mean even if only for the reading and regaling pleasure of my Cameroonian Sister Ngumabi who nominated me. Look, she is also the first of my Cameroonian sisters or bloggers to offer me a blogging award. But then, what is this whole mystery stuff about ? I asked her  (and she’s super excited since this is her first award), and then I read her own nomination post – I copy and paste some of that to spare us some nods 🙂

WHAT IS THE MYSTERY BLOGGER AWARD?

“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging and they do it with so much love and passion.
Okoto Enigma (creator of The Mystery Blog Award)

RULES

1. Put the award logo/image on your blog
2. List the rules.
3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
4. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
5. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
6. You have to nominate 10 – 20 people
7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
8. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
9. Share a link to your best post(s)
#Now let’s talk about me#

Three things about me:

  1. I decided in May 2011 to speak my truth henceforth regardless of the price – so far so good though it sure costs a lot sometimes;
  2. My boys and my cat keep me going above all else – I hardly can hold down any anger in thei presence;
  3. I am a hopeless passionate and romantic girl, sometimes I just don’t wanna get too close to any situation which may warrant my being me

Answers to Ngumabi’s Questions

1. Is blogging a profession or just a hobby?
A hobby oh my dear – remember me the hopeless passionate?
 
2. Funny question: Which is your favourite fairy tale story?
Cinderella – really wish I were she or maybe somebody’s fairy God Mother?
3. What is your best advice for handling criticism?
Ignore them – Haters gonna Hate – Keep doing your thing and let them criticise until their graves!
4. What surprising lessons have you learned along the way?
Life is indeed simple, love can fluctuate, Hope should be constant, Faith is fabulous, gratitude is golden, charity has harvests you can’t imagine!
5. What do you want your legacy to be? How do you want to be remembered?
I did a blog post on that on the eve of this new year: That I lived and Loved – & I loved and Lived
Aw dearest Ngumabi, thank you for the nomination. I did this for you, but am afraid I can’t follow all the rules to the letter. I can’t nominate as required, many of those I know don’t do these awards stuffs – see we past that “age” hahaha. You keep doing your thing ok girl… see you someday I mean it 🙂 And yes my best blog post is: And wow I found Love
And now to you my gentle readers and followers, anyone is welcome to regal themselves and any of us who will hop by with accepting my open nomination 🙂 – you can devise your own questions if you chose too 🙂

Ahead of my 38th Birthday: My Gift to You with gratitude


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I got the best photgrapher for this one

 

Hello World,

The above pictures show a now, and all the years back … I love them both. In the meantime, what has that lady done with her life so much that she can offer you a gift of it? She has made several interesting twists and turns leading to discoveries which made her loathe herself more before finally loving herself whole. It is one of the memoirs in which I record some of my greatest fears in life and how I have learnt to face them throughout the years thanks in large part to life’s lessons and my shaggy self, which I am offering to you.

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What’s the Worst Case Scenario…

From the 18th of January – my birthday, to the 22nd of January, my fourth and toughest memoir to write, will be free on amazon kindle. I bet you it’ll make a good read. I also hope it’ll convey my gratitude to you all who have in one way or the other impacted me on my earthly journey. It also in total gratitude to my Almighty Father and Mother Nature, that I keep writing and sharing and appreciating and reading and loving and living. I once asked how many times one outght to say thank you, glad I got no answers for I know I’ll always do love saying thank you over and again.

So, without much ado, get your free kindle apps and get set to download this modest gift of mine to you. Tell your friends and family who may be interested in reading such a memoir, it’s also my modest contribution to mental health advocacy – shaming the stigma to be candid.

I know many people wish me well, I wish someone who reads this will go out of their way to honestly tell me what they think about it… it could generously be via a review on the amazon (such a big gift for me), or even here on my blog; whichever suits you. All I really want to say by this post and gesture is THANK YOU – because saying that has never gotten any ackward for me 🙂

Book Review: Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant


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Hello world, My Biological clock is ticking (turn 38 next week by Grace); and peace is my number one top priority at all times now. I admit to having several broken pieces in my life – heck still do so much and they sometimes just poke up and make me bawl my eyes out all over again. I was thus very excited to pick up this other soulful memoir by Iyanla Vanzant one of my all time favorite – No nonsense authors. I mean, I cried again when I read one of her other power books titled Yesterday I Cried – Here, you can find my review of that one. I have had it for almost two years now but I guess it wasn’t time for a review. I even mentioned the book in my own personal journey to uncovering the source of my peace.

When I look at my notes from the book, I can share some of the most poignant I made:

  1. …I didn’t know anything about rebound relationships. I didn’t know that it takes a respectable amount of time for one person to get over another person and come to a place of completion… (Neither did I and it’s barely 3 months I finally knew and got there);
  2. …One powerful lesson I learned from him was that just because a man is a good man, it does not mean that he knows how to be a good partner ( my comment on that note says it all: woah, similar to what l wrote about mine);
  3. When two broken people bring their broken pieces together, chances are they will never become a whole anything. (very high chances I think too);
  4. Unworthiness always puts you in debt to anyone and everyone who shows you the slightest degree of attention or love or energy. Eventually, in this form of bankrupt relationship, your benefactors will demand or expect more than you are able or willing to give. This is the precise moment they will choose to call in the loan; (I can relate 99.99%);
  5. When you do not believe that who you are and what you do is good enough, that message will contaminate everything you do. When doubt is present in your consciousness it indicates a much more profound problem. It is a story that we tell ourselves about who we are and what we do and do not deserve in life. Your personal lie is a function of all of the broken pieces of your puzzle—all of the elements of your history, all of your experiences, all that you have been taught about yourself merging with all that you have made up about yourself. 

And now three lessons she shared which helped her find peace amidst all those broken pieces

  1. Until and unless you know that you are enough just the way you are, you will always be driven to look for more. Knowing that you are enough is a function of consciousness. Your enough-ness develops in direct proportion to the relationship you have with your true identity. Until you wholeheartedly believe in your own worth, in spite your of accomplishments and possessions, there will be a void in your Spirit. I had more than a void. (here is my comment: this is what l wanted);
  2. When you are starting your life over, with a new sense of self, who you once were is going to challenge you. Who you once were is going to dangle old carrots, old wounds and issues, in front of your face. When that happens, you will be tempted to revert to old feelings, old patterns of thought, and old patterns of behavior. When, however, you have made up your mind that the old you is dead and buried, when you have embraced a certain level of clarity about who you are and are not, as well as who you are choosing to be, you have a different response;
  3. “When you can tell the story and it doesn’t bring up any pain, you know it is healed.” (I got there Amen)

This really is the best way I can review this book – I broke down again so sourly two days ago, and bawled myself to instant sleep just where I was – I got up and with so much unconditional love and support – I decided to stick by the new response to ME and my Life. A big gratitude among others to Iyanla Vanzant and memoirs of hers like this one. I can’t rate this book any less than a 5/5: written in such down to earth english – so personal – so fine to read without a break.

About the Author

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There isn’t anything I can say about Iyanla which isn’t everywhere and I mean including on O. here is a snipet from her website:

“What I have learned from all of the difficulties in my own life is that human beings have very thick skin. I call that skin, spirit, our Highest Most Powerful self. Spirit is the key to everything we desire. It is our weather-proofing, our Teflon, our line of credit that assures if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day; there will be a miraculous payoff.”

Visit her website and there you’ll find all the links you need to that great woman described as: ” one who embodies a no-nonsense approach in her message and teaching style. Outspoken, fiery, transparent, truthful, and sage-like”.

My Legacy: Happy New Year to All


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Hello World, I scheduled this post for the first day of the new year – here’s to hoping am still around. If I comment on any of your comments, then I sure still is around Amen…

I started writing this sometimes in October 2016, but for some reason I didn’t post it then… I’ll want for it to be live on my blog… to just be here for all to see… each passing day, each passing moment, brings me closer to the inevitability of my life’s closure… something I had even wanted to usher in myself over 7 years ago… it’s been a long trip since then and am still around… more glad than not to be here…say I love to live…

In my last memoir titled What’s the Worst Case Scenario: Fighting my fears within mindful of my mental challenges ; the last and shortest chapter (a single page), was ‘The fear of Dying’. I had to face that fear because it had already dealt so much with me and that fear greatly impacted my living to the fullest. Paradoxically to put it simply: The more I feared to die – the more I feared to live! Whatever show I put up, was very often just that, a show! Hurray am past that now… I not only faced that fear, I think about that past and I chuckle… I don’t look forward to dying any time soon, but who does? And yet it’s so inevitable that we’ll all walk or drift or etc. through that door of no return… and I just thought about my legacy especially on this day, what will I like to be remembered for? This is it:

I lived & loved: I loved &Lived

Truth equally be told, if in the in between of living and loving: loving and living; I was an inspiration to some and hopefully motivated even just one; then that’s a big bonus to my legacy: This is what I sincerely wish to leave behind for my sons and posterity; and be remembered for – and for all the gratitude I have always had in me for all who crossed my path in whatever way, even the hurtful way…

Without much ado now, we can’t afford to become sad on the first day of a new year: Happy New Year & Best Wishes – Thank You to all my gentle readers, followers and soul family…This year I make no resolutions other than to continue striving to thrive in every circumstance in total faith… So over to you;

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Friends are the Family we chose for ourselves: My Soul Family


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Dear World, Another year is drawing to an end and I am still thinking how it started. In January this year, I was actually planning on moving into my own home and taking my boys to live with me, and this was a daunting project to say the least. Thanks very largely to the emotional support of my few but precious friends especially you out here on the blogosphere, I safely made that transition.

The above and several other reasons and scenarios, have come to confirm that saying to me: You my friends (my e-family as I have so fondly called you), are really part of my soul family: Indeed, unlike my birth family which I never chose, I chose each and everyone of you. I chose you because I had a choice not to. When I decide to chose a friend, I am very aware of what is at stake. Even when someone choses me, I have that choice not to reciprocate.

I therefore wanna sincerely thank you all my friends – my dear e-family (yes I barely have a palm full of offline friends – not to be confused with my throng of acquaintances) oh my, who can I name? Captain – Lady Dyane, Junie my dearest, Pammy sweet Pammy, Bradley of Bipolar Bear, Blah diaries of such sweet/sour memories … I can’t go on… such unconditional friendship – something deeper and redder than blood flowing in my veins when I think or reach out to you …

I wish us all so so much well – Life is so short, each day we learn of a death – sometimes more than one – I just wanna try my best till it’s my turn …

And now over to you: Do you agree friends could be the family we chose for ourselves? Any experiences you may wish to share?

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What gives you an edge?


For Closure

What gives you an edge?

I mean what gives you that edge?

Do not look at that guy; I mean You

What makes you think you have an edge?

Why feel superior over all the animals?

Is it the extra whiteness or blackness of your skin?

Or the very greener trees and grass in your yard?

Maybe it’s actually the size of your account?

The extra large house, car or coke?

I have seen some with an edge though

Who live as free with their back packs

No care and wear and tear

Except what you may seem to see

And now over to me

Dear lord, I pray any edge to take

Shalom is all I wish

Still I Smile


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Still I Smile

You can mock me all you want

Murmur my plans will fail

Foresee my projects are doomed

Whisper am a loser

but still I smile

You can pretend I am your friend

Talk behind my back all you can

Make excuses for avoiding my calls

Rejoice over my mistakes

for your hypocrisy still I smile

You can sit there and gossip

Spend your time visiting

Talking about who said and did what

while you grumble nothing is working

to that misery I smile

Don’t think you are the loser?

Are you serious you still can?

Do you think anybody really cares?

Why not say you can’t instead of the silence?

That’s why still I smile

I just get it – it’s not about me

You are whallowing in your own misery

self pity, doubt & loathing masqueraded

you point a finger and three point to you

Isn’t that worth smiling at?

You now can tell my smile

I smile at me, for me and with me

and it keeps me oh so young

ever fresh and genuine

no need for make up

I’ll keep my smile

Your friendship ain’t worth my mind

I’ll have my smile with each meal

and for each mistake I make

I’ll keep the take

And for that …

still I smile

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What happened this weekend


Well, on Friday, as I had earlier blogged about, I passionately attended the Returnee networking and gala night. I learnt so much, I met some amazing people and heard some incredible grass to grace stories. One of them, Dr Nick Ngwanyam, a former miserable civil servant now Founder and CEO of the St Louis University in Bamenda, moved me with his journey. He told us he attended primary school bare feet, some days barely having enough to eat. Just look at him now, of course I had to meet him and will be visiting his University soon…

And this is the magic Miranda Oben who founded this project and built a modest team of 5 to start off with… Of course am in that team for 2017…

On Saturday by 10 am, I was on my way to the end of year staff assembly at the university Institute where I lecture… I was tired but looking forward to the event… And I dared to go up to the Founder and greet him and told him mum said he was her teacher at the university several years back… He remembered his intelligent student and was glad I now gave lecturers in his own university… He literally said they weren’t letting me go anytime soon

And am in class now, waiting for my students to show up for our last class before the break… These group  warm me up though they are often as early as black man time permits… They are organizing and end of year cocktail and I am invited… I actually contributed the full amount of 2000 frs regardless of their protest…

And oh lest I forget, yesterday evening I had a 45 mins Skype chat with one I call my boss, sharing my homecoming journey in all candidness… She is relocated to SA after 20 years in Austria, and she has launched a Follow Me to Africa Academy … And so much so much more. She is collecting homecoming stories and creating a database of homecoming experts ha

The boys are fine and so is Ella… Just discovered this morning she can scale up and down my entire window… How time flies

Miss Ella for our oh and aw…

Happy Sunday us all