Tag Archives: Love

There is a more effective alternative to skinning a child alive & other musings


 

This is Miguel, the son of Aime mon amour, the one she used to skin alive until even I who doesn’t hear well will hear and cry some. She has given me permission to share her story if only someone could be inspired and motivated.

Don’t ask me what Miguel used to do to warrant those skinnings. One day she honestly admitted to me it was his dad she was lashing out at, through the poor child’s skin?

Anyway, I started working with Aime, helping her heal. I also took Miguel under my wings, and nurtured him to stop being so scared of his mother and stop behaving as difficult as she would often complain he did.

On the 28th of March recently, she came once again as agreed, to tell me “that your son again doesn’t want to go to school”! I was working from home gladly, and told her to send him to me once he woke up finally. The first time she woke him up, he had made such a tantrum and his dad who was still home had ordered her to leave him alone. Easter break was just around the corner and he is in nursery two for crying out loud.

She did as I asked, and when he came, I decided to first of do any activity with him before talking with him. From my suggestions, he chose writing and drawing. You can see for yourself how well he writes and draws.

Then we sat down to have a chat. I have walked him to school before and had actually noticed a reticence to go into school although he was happy I walked him there on one of those days you know.

It was then he opened up and told me why he didn’t want to go. His teacher beat him, because he wrote for others, who will beat him if he didn’t. Imagine what this small child is dealing with and all along we didn’t know and he was getting skinned sometimes before he even went to the school where he was sure of getting some more. He had just figured out it was better to get only one skinning and not two or three.

Aime was so relieved when I spoke with her, and she promised to find time and go see his teacher. No more energy to waste, no more traumatizing a child further and etc.

This doesn’t mean each tantrum will have a happy ending, but there are many alternatives to skinny I tell you.

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And so last March 23rd when David who sometimes still has a tantrum or the other ( he inherited his dad’s anger and used to throw himself as a child only I could help him out – once at my dad’s he had an episode my dad had to stand behind me lol), came to my room with a litany of issues and a very red face.

I did my best, calmed him down and later asked him if drawing could help both of us further. He accepted and there in less than 15 mins drew that image which was on my PJ.David's inspiration I was so proud of him, he was much calmer, and made it to school on time. No negative energy dispensed, sadly unlike another neighbour this time a man, who skins his 5 year old son until I had to go knock at his gate on that same March 28th.

I hear this man skins that boy until telling him he’ll kill him. Oh my goodness. That little boy committed the crime of going out that day and coming into my own home. I was sitting outside studying and playing with all my many little angel friends, and sadly for him his dad showed up just then. His dad is the one with the motor bike parked in my own home given he has no yard so to speak. We barely greet each other, and I remember his wife coming to ask me when they just moved in to tell Gaby to stop going there to play and scatter stuffs. I saw a frightened woman (I was once one so I can tell), but I couldn’t ask – better mind my business right? Anyway, I told this dad I was going to have to call the police on him if he beat his son again like that – and although he ordered me out and banged his gate, he stopped the skinning at least for that day.

How I wish this rubbish of skinning children alive could stop, as we parents explore more and more alternatives to understanding them kids, relating with them, and getting them understand us too…why have them children only to skin them alive?

Be inspired and motivated someone

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Let’s talk about cooking and eating: My story


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In any type of Kitchen I am ok to go; that’s the joy of being an area girl

I love that picture very much because it represents so much to me. I am cooking no doubt, but I am cooking in a some what difficult condition. Yet, am doing it with love. That is the whole line of my story at least with cooking.

From my earliest recollection of cooking for my dolly, (mud puddings and iced tea with mint leaves plugged straight from the trees lol) I loved the whole process. I got lost in the art of it all and I had fun taking myself so seriously and vital – dolly was going to stay hungry unless I cooked for her. The mockery and shun offs I got from home at the time when I offered to cook for all, only motivated me to want to cook better lol.

I also knew cooking food was more nutritional than buying food because both parents told us so. Above all, my late mami mami loved cooking, and cooking so deli, I just fell in love with cooking.

I cooked for us siblings when mum left, and for near two years when living in a single bedroom with my late brother in our father’s villa, I smuggled a kerosene cooking stove, and some food every now and then, to cook for us in that room turned home for us. You can all imagine this was traumatic but I was grateful to be able to cook for my brother who was ere so fragile and could not stand not eating like I could, much to the annoyance of step mother.

When I got married, I will cook and make little salads and deserts as often as I could. I did it with love, but oh how it started piercing my soul when hubby stopped eating what I cooked for all sorts of reasons.

Today, I am in a very good place mentally and all, and I still cook with all that love. Indeed in Belgium, my little private restaurant was baptized merry tables. Ah I wish I could a restaurant out here for real as a retirement venture maybe? Hmm, I got them talents and ideas in abundance no joke..

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Not so skinny here though

But now, what about eating? Hmm, I was a skinny child growing up, play in lieu of food was an ideal bargain I tried all the time. But then, I used to be forced to finish my plate so I managed to share it with the table, ground my hair, dress you name it lol

When living with my brother in that our room/cell if you may, eating was not my priority. Not knowing when next provisions would come or the chance to sneak out, jump over the fence with broken bottles and go smuggle them in, meant that I had to hoard or eat carefully. You can imagine eating lost all significance to me. Maybe only later resurfaced as a coping mechanism?

Exactly, that’s what eating became to me for half of my marital life. I started eating in abundance, topping all the yummy I cooked with ice creams and other delis from the bakery etc

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Not so genuine smile and weight not appreciated one bit, but helas what can I tell you? on my way to 115

When I hit 115kgs, I knew enough was enough. Breathing indeed became a problem and I had to do something.

I got so angry with myself and the world, I stopped eating period. I hid behing dry fasting from 6-6, to reduce my eating to an apple and a gladd of hot cocoa at night. Needless to say anorexia surfaced and near thrived for 18months until mum threatened then pleaded…

Today, at 77kgs, and with the real and free and lovely me now present, I eat for nourishment and out of love too. Love for me, my body, my children, my family, my guardian angel. I also keep cooking for all with love, conscious too of the effects on my physical wellbeing especially with my RA diagnosis and sometimes very painful reality…when I can’t even lift my hand.

In conclusion, I am especially grateful for all those STILL who eat what I cook with love like my boys, and to all those who understand my pull to their kitchens or loo when I visit them hahaha. Maybe I’ll also take up professional cooking on retirement?

Dear all, while wishing you a happy weekend, may I encourage you to think about why you cook or eat…and to be grateful to be able to do either or both…

Give Kids the World: Show the love while they still live


 

Those beautiful kids will never meet my grandma not only because we are continents apart, but also because she died this wednesday at mum’s at the ripe old, gracious age of 91. Mami mami as I called and nagged her from childhood, did love children and spoilt us with candies, food and stuffs she could afford. Had she been able, she would have loved to donate to such a noble cause for kids.

I am not mourning for my Mami Mami because she lived a grateful and gracious life, thankful for even the glass of water she drank ever often. I loved her of course and enjoyed washing her toilet, clothes and even body when she couldn’t do it all alone again. That picture was in 2013 shortly before Mami Mami’s health started to fail the following year. She lived for three more years therafter and stood the test a while.

Please, am not asking for any sympathy not creating any tribute fund (not that it would appeal to any you my gentle followers who may however not know me well enough to give me your money). I am however asking you to donate to a cherished blogger’s search for kind and caring people as he prepares to be a super hero at the Give Kids the World village in February 2018.

May a recent comment he left on a previous post of mine on this same issue, answer any other questions you may have/make it more appealing for you to donate whatever amount you can.

“There is no bigger heart than the one that reveals itself when we offer our services to others in need. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your heart with all your readers and helping them become aware of “GIVE KIDS THE WORLD.” This is an organization whose ONLY purpose is to give critically ill children an experience of a lifetime. Not only have you shared this mission with your readers, you have personally chosen to participate in contributing to this benevolent organization.

I have reached out to many people asking for help. A few have explained their predicament preventing their ability to contribute. I appreciate their candor and honesty. Most, however, have chosen to “look the other way” expecting the rest of the world to deal with this. It is disappointing at the very least to become aware of the reality that so few people care about each other’s welfare.

I have spent my career seeking answers and providing for people’s health needs. When people couldn’t afford my fees for service (but showed true concern about their health issues) I provided the services without fees. If the only time we’re willing to “GIVE” to others is when we can achieve personal gain, we are imposing obstacles and blinding ourselves to great opportunities in life. We must come to realize that this one on one exchange only provides one source of benefit. When we reach out and GIVE to the world, countless numbers of people will reach back.

I hope your readers find it in their heart to donate to GIVE KIDS THE WORLD. This organization provides ALL EXPENSE PAID VACATIONS for critically ill children AND THEIR FAMILIES from around the world! It is one of the most transparent charities I’ve discovered and provides over 92% of the money raised DIRECTLY to the children in need keeping administrative costs and salaries exceptionally low.

Since some people have concerns about the legitimacy of various charities, I encourage anyone to visit charity navigator (an independent organization that rates 1000’s of charities worldwide.) You will be pleased with their confidence rating and more comfortable supporting this charity.

Thank you again, dear Marie for all that you have done. If anyone wishes to join us on this wonderful mission, they can click on the following link to show their love and commitment to the children of the world.
http://support.gktw.org/goto/JCsGoingOverTheEdge
Once you reach the home page, click on the green DONATE button at the top right side of the page.

Thanking everyone in advance for consideration and support of the mission I pursue for children”.

Dr. Jonathan N. Colter

 

Thank you therefore all, may you be moved to click right here and donate to Doctor’s campaign

Have a great weekend

What better remedy for my anxiety right now?


Am sitting alone in the set up classroom of this school which will host the Gbm event I have been talking about recently. It is due to start at 10 am and here we are at 9. 55am and no one but me. The kids on break time tiptoe in one by one and then realize am thrilled by the company. I mean what better remedy for my anxiety just now? And then I get a call that others are stuck in traffic and will be 30mins late, bring it on! 

As a result of the delay in start time which extends to an hour, I have the honour of spending some time with the nursery school kids (one of my dream jobs). Such fun I had and I even made some friends too. 

Alain turns a whooping 14…Hurray


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He did that himself last November and he calls himself…

It’s been much more joy than anything else for real

Alain has always done so so well in school regardless of the school he went to; or the circumstances WE were going through like when I upped and disappeared in May 2011.

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A one month ‘visit’ (not planned as such) in July /August 2011 a few months after I left them behind

I am so grateful for him. He loves sciences that I see, but he writes poetry, draws some and enjoys football. I could never thank my God our God enough for Alain. He is for all time the epitome of my sorrow and joy and has a very special place in my life and heart of course…He is my Hero…Thank you so much Alain from my every pore, you know how much I love YOU!!!
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Sharing some ice cream love over at one they call Ice cream Grandma’s in the cool city of Buea, Cameroon
Sometimes in July on our way for a diiner date just us, brothers were at their dad’s

 

That was on friday on our way to a dinner invitation

 

We are out today having a blast at a Chinese all you, can and then some ice cream hurray.

When I reread this post and what I wrote last year for his birthday, I’ll say although I stumbled into motherhood, am so proud and grateful for the journey.

Dear all, kindly join me in wishing Alain a belated birthday, he’ll sure see all your likes and read/reply to your comments.

I Sing it’s Okay for your listening and why not dancing please…


My dearest Dyane encourage me with her suggestion when I shared the poem, and I got inspired sooner than later. My 3 muskets were my excited audience. Ella had gone out. The Microphone was a ruined shower head lol.

Here is the Youtube clip for the office mode activated playback:

Happy weekend all, I go to spend a few hours by the sea in Limbe to renergize me some yuppie.

About this weekend P1


Hello world, so you should all guess by now that this area girl with these different auras knows how to enjoy herself. So far, my weekend has been a mix of rest, fun and work on my company. The P2 will be about the second event we are hosting today. And oh the pictures seem to read from last to first… Eg last one is my arrival at the mountain village, next one is the mountain, then my being invited to the national radio impromptu to talk about the Gbm Foundation (7 am and it was damn cold), fourth one is huge breakfast offered by my Co-Founder (asap after the show) and finally hiking and team building (that afternoon – Saturday). When I got back home by 6 pm, I went straight to bed until 4 am this Sunday morning…

Till then, enjoy… and take care of yourselves; we all got but one way tickets to through this journey of life

Pleased 2 Piss People Off


Wow world, another friday is here and am glad to share a big discovery I made during my recent BBB.

You know, when I have an issue and take a break, I look forward to understanding what’s going on, why or how am faring the way am faring, and what to do next.

So, the first thing I noted was that I am still getting worked up over other people’s reactions or expectations of me! I mean I sometimes felt pissed off and decided to google the word hoping to find some anti piss-off ‘medication’. I didn’t find no solution, only some images like the above.

Bingo, I have a cat and could use the first one, but I have no hair to shampoo, so I could  only offer that to whoever was pissing me off literally speaking right?

Further reflections made me realize some vip things now:

 

Oh my gosh yes, yes, yes: I could learn the art of pissing people off too 🙂

Afterall, why should some piss people off and get away with that? I didn’t want to be nasty or outright mean, but I had to make my points henceforth and no longer suffer in silence:

  1. If speaking my mind is pissing people off: am pleased;
  2. If caring for myself is pissing people off: am pleased;
  3. If keeping quiet and letting someone fume is pissing people off: am pleased;
  4. If sleeping over something before responding is pissing people off: am pleased;
  5. If not being excited as I am expected to be is pissing people off: am pleased;
  6. If unflinchingly saying NO and standing by it is pissing people off: am pleased;
  7. If saying yes with a but… Is pissing people off: am pleased;
  8. Gosh, if to my own self am true is pissing people off: am very pleased!

The bottom line I advocate is that although the words ‘Piss Off’ may be found repelant or repugnant, they can be appreciated and used positively to stay sane.

I share my discovery and strategy with the goal of inspiring and motivating others. How many suffer in silence because they don’t want to ‘piss anyone off’ while being continually ‘pissed off’? For a previous and still struggling people pleaser like myself, if passing through learning and practicing to piss people off my way is what I need to find a balance: am pleased.

Ahd now over to you gentle readers and followers? What do you think about these words and their impact on one’s mental health?

1 Whole Week 4 just David & I


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That was in David’s School

Hello world,

Wow I just spent a whole week with David.

David is my Shepard; David is my King; David is my gentleman. David opens the door for me, David likes insisting on the dinning table: ‘after you mama’ and when I ask why he’ll say because it is ‘ladies before gentlemen’. I don’t want to bother his young and fresh mind on what sometimes goes on in the ‘bigger world’. David is my second son aged 10, and he didn’t have an Easter Break per-se because they in final year of primary school had preparatory classes in school daily from 8-12 pm.

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Those particular shorts of his I have begged to have them given me to fix but nada

And so hmm, that is how David and I came to have a whole week to ourselves at home. I had left his 2 brothers in Buea when I went there to savour Dyane’s epic memoir. Ok, my plan had been to send the three of them to Buea for the Easter break before I knew David wasn’t going to have a break. Now, during the first week of that break, Alain had opthalmologist appointments and now wears glasses, and Gaby the star had a tummy rumble and a wound under his foot which he picked up from one of his many adventures in the neighborhood barefeet of course – oh poor me.

With David, you talk less, do more,  and appreciate silence and art more than all. He loves , cooking, drawing or watching one comic or the other. He also has a like minded friend in the neighborhood who goes to his school too. They often hole up in our home after school and draw all those characters they see.

I made it a point to have dinner with David everyday and to help him with any assignments. I thought of what else to do with David, and realized I could start by walking with him to his school. The last time I had walked with them (Gaby is in that school too), was at least 2 months ago and that was a quick dash.  

Last Thursday therefore, althought having a hectic day ahead, I decided to walk with David to school. We walked mostly silently, enjoying the breeze and birds chirping , with me making not so successful attempts at conversation. Yet, David was smiling all the way and I later realized he was just happy to have me all to himself and walking with him to his school. When we got there, he asked me to buy him something to eat (we hadn’t had breakfast before leaving, happens sometimes). I also decided to have whatever he opted for so as to taste for myself what they eat in school.

David was so happy he became talkative, introduced near his entire class to me and then em – wished me to enjoy my meal. He wanted to go on with his friends now.  My entire day was set to be yummy, nothing could wipe the sweet memory of our walk to school and his joy at introducing his mates to me.

A walk and a sandwich was all it took this day. When I asked David on the eve of his brothers’ return while we had our last quiet dinner together,  what he liked most about our ‘home alone’ days, he said the best thing was my walking with him to his school that day, and my not being so stressed out the entire week.

Oh these kids, not only do they notice but they also have their own peculiar benchmarks. Alain the first will shrink if I offer to walk with him to his school for example, and Gaby the last will not be bothered. No I think he will find my presence by his side restraining since he plays as he walks and stones play with him too.

All in all, although I had hoped to have this Easter break to myself, I have a book I started writing in January and am not finding time to write, I am grateful for what I got – a whole week to bond with David.

If life doesn’t always turn out the way you want, turn yourself out to make the most of it.