Tag Archives: Love

Healing is not an illusion but a possibility: My brother lives in me


 

Four years on, day for day since I got the call which shook me like no news had shaken me before.

My brother…whose brother? like I would say before starting a fight in your defense whether you were wrong or right.

I am so grateful for where I am in my healing journey and I know you are smiling at your ‘mama Ayo’ from deep within the clouds of our lives.

I can never say thank you enough Lord for letting me have my brother for 33 years, to love and learn from, and to share with in all ways I could. He is forever in my spirit anyway, so the death of the flesh could only hurt me this much now I conclude.

Healing is not an illusion dear all, it is a possibility if you get to looking beyond what you see; if you get to feeling beyond what you touch; if you get to listening beyond what you hear.

p.s: I will forever miss you Gaby, but I will forever feel you as you live on in my spirit – and in our hearts

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Be inspired and motivated dear gentle readers and followers

 

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Pray tell how did you learn about Patience?


 

That guy there taught me about Patience big time…I mean as if she was his girlfriend lol

Now, some are lucky to be called Patience and I should assume that virtue is inherent for them. Others learn it at different intervals of their lives, I learnt it from the months before he was conceived, spanning throughout the pregnancy, post delivery and on to present date.

There was to be a girl before David, I had a miscarriage at 5 months, and as if that wasn’t traumatic enough, I was told the gods had to be appeased or else I will not get pregnant again. I wasn’t ready to appease any god, the God I knew needed no such appeasing. I trusted Him and patiently waited on Him.

Exactly 5 months later, I got pregnant for David and then begun more lessons about Patience. Some days when he started kicking, he will take so much time in between or before the kicks, I will get worried. I was advised by the doctor to calm down.

Dday came and although I felt spasm by 7am, David took his time and showed up at 7pm crying his heart out. Alain got me labouring only 3hours and Gaby 1hour lol. As if that wasn’t enough, he developed a respiratory infection just 15minutes after, and had to be put in the cubicle for 10 days. In short, I was numb and well I could only call on Patience to SOS…

David took his time and still does, he was fed right up to 4 years and same with dressing up. He still takes his time today, be it while drawing or playing football lol. The fun for him still seem to be in the kicking of the ball, how cool is that?

 

 

 

Recently on June 20th when he turned 12 years old, he took his time to get his small party going and his invitees left in frustration. David didn’t mind and still put on his best for a hommies dinner.

The amount of Patience I now have today is unarguably thanks to David for a very large part. Even his speech demands your total attention to understand all he is saying. I try my best not to frustrate him by cutting him short or allowing anyone to do so.

Very little gets me on any impatient edge nowadays, and this is very VIP for my mental wellbeing. Even the popular notoriety of Black man time makes me smile and patiently wait while reading, writing etc

 

Patience they say is a virtue and that cannot be overemphasized. Patience has saved my day and life several times, and I am truly grateful for all the lessons David and siblings have taught me about darling Patience.

And now you dear gentle readers and followers, pray tell how did you learn about darling Patience?

There is a more effective alternative to skinning a child alive & other musings


 

This is Miguel, the son of Aime mon amour, the one she used to skin alive until even I who doesn’t hear well will hear and cry some. She has given me permission to share her story if only someone could be inspired and motivated.

Don’t ask me what Miguel used to do to warrant those skinnings. One day she honestly admitted to me it was his dad she was lashing out at, through the poor child’s skin?

Anyway, I started working with Aime, helping her heal. I also took Miguel under my wings, and nurtured him to stop being so scared of his mother and stop behaving as difficult as she would often complain he did.

On the 28th of March recently, she came once again as agreed, to tell me “that your son again doesn’t want to go to school”! I was working from home gladly, and told her to send him to me once he woke up finally. The first time she woke him up, he had made such a tantrum and his dad who was still home had ordered her to leave him alone. Easter break was just around the corner and he is in nursery two for crying out loud.

She did as I asked, and when he came, I decided to first of do any activity with him before talking with him. From my suggestions, he chose writing and drawing. You can see for yourself how well he writes and draws.

Then we sat down to have a chat. I have walked him to school before and had actually noticed a reticence to go into school although he was happy I walked him there on one of those days you know.

It was then he opened up and told me why he didn’t want to go. His teacher beat him, because he wrote for others, who will beat him if he didn’t. Imagine what this small child is dealing with and all along we didn’t know and he was getting skinned sometimes before he even went to the school where he was sure of getting some more. He had just figured out it was better to get only one skinning and not two or three.

Aime was so relieved when I spoke with her, and she promised to find time and go see his teacher. No more energy to waste, no more traumatizing a child further and etc.

This doesn’t mean each tantrum will have a happy ending, but there are many alternatives to skinny I tell you.

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And so last March 23rd when David who sometimes still has a tantrum or the other ( he inherited his dad’s anger and used to throw himself as a child only I could help him out – once at my dad’s he had an episode my dad had to stand behind me lol), came to my room with a litany of issues and a very red face.

I did my best, calmed him down and later asked him if drawing could help both of us further. He accepted and there in less than 15 mins drew that image which was on my PJ.David's inspiration I was so proud of him, he was much calmer, and made it to school on time. No negative energy dispensed, sadly unlike another neighbour this time a man, who skins his 5 year old son until I had to go knock at his gate on that same March 28th.

I hear this man skins that boy until telling him he’ll kill him. Oh my goodness. That little boy committed the crime of going out that day and coming into my own home. I was sitting outside studying and playing with all my many little angel friends, and sadly for him his dad showed up just then. His dad is the one with the motor bike parked in my own home given he has no yard so to speak. We barely greet each other, and I remember his wife coming to ask me when they just moved in to tell Gaby to stop going there to play and scatter stuffs. I saw a frightened woman (I was once one so I can tell), but I couldn’t ask – better mind my business right? Anyway, I told this dad I was going to have to call the police on him if he beat his son again like that – and although he ordered me out and banged his gate, he stopped the skinning at least for that day.

How I wish this rubbish of skinning children alive could stop, as we parents explore more and more alternatives to understanding them kids, relating with them, and getting them understand us too…why have them children only to skin them alive?

Be inspired and motivated someone

Let’s talk about cooking and eating: My story


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In any type of Kitchen I am ok to go; that’s the joy of being an area girl

I love that picture very much because it represents so much to me. I am cooking no doubt, but I am cooking in a some what difficult condition. Yet, am doing it with love. That is the whole line of my story at least with cooking.

From my earliest recollection of cooking for my dolly, (mud puddings and iced tea with mint leaves plugged straight from the trees lol) I loved the whole process. I got lost in the art of it all and I had fun taking myself so seriously and vital – dolly was going to stay hungry unless I cooked for her. The mockery and shun offs I got from home at the time when I offered to cook for all, only motivated me to want to cook better lol.

I also knew cooking food was more nutritional than buying food because both parents told us so. Above all, my late mami mami loved cooking, and cooking so deli, I just fell in love with cooking.

I cooked for us siblings when mum left, and for near two years when living in a single bedroom with my late brother in our father’s villa, I smuggled a kerosene cooking stove, and some food every now and then, to cook for us in that room turned home for us. You can all imagine this was traumatic but I was grateful to be able to cook for my brother who was ere so fragile and could not stand not eating like I could, much to the annoyance of step mother.

When I got married, I will cook and make little salads and deserts as often as I could. I did it with love, but oh how it started piercing my soul when hubby stopped eating what I cooked for all sorts of reasons.

Today, I am in a very good place mentally and all, and I still cook with all that love. Indeed in Belgium, my little private restaurant was baptized merry tables. Ah I wish I could a restaurant out here for real as a retirement venture maybe? Hmm, I got them talents and ideas in abundance no joke..

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Not so skinny here though

But now, what about eating? Hmm, I was a skinny child growing up, play in lieu of food was an ideal bargain I tried all the time. But then, I used to be forced to finish my plate so I managed to share it with the table, ground my hair, dress you name it lol

When living with my brother in that our room/cell if you may, eating was not my priority. Not knowing when next provisions would come or the chance to sneak out, jump over the fence with broken bottles and go smuggle them in, meant that I had to hoard or eat carefully. You can imagine eating lost all significance to me. Maybe only later resurfaced as a coping mechanism?

Exactly, that’s what eating became to me for half of my marital life. I started eating in abundance, topping all the yummy I cooked with ice creams and other delis from the bakery etc

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Not so genuine smile and weight not appreciated one bit, but helas what can I tell you? on my way to 115

When I hit 115kgs, I knew enough was enough. Breathing indeed became a problem and I had to do something.

I got so angry with myself and the world, I stopped eating period. I hid behing dry fasting from 6-6, to reduce my eating to an apple and a gladd of hot cocoa at night. Needless to say anorexia surfaced and near thrived for 18months until mum threatened then pleaded…

Today, at 77kgs, and with the real and free and lovely me now present, I eat for nourishment and out of love too. Love for me, my body, my children, my family, my guardian angel. I also keep cooking for all with love, conscious too of the effects on my physical wellbeing especially with my RA diagnosis and sometimes very painful reality…when I can’t even lift my hand.

In conclusion, I am especially grateful for all those STILL who eat what I cook with love like my boys, and to all those who understand my pull to their kitchens or loo when I visit them hahaha. Maybe I’ll also take up professional cooking on retirement?

Dear all, while wishing you a happy weekend, may I encourage you to think about why you cook or eat…and to be grateful to be able to do either or both…

Give Kids the World: Show the love while they still live


 

Those beautiful kids will never meet my grandma not only because we are continents apart, but also because she died this wednesday at mum’s at the ripe old, gracious age of 91. Mami mami as I called and nagged her from childhood, did love children and spoilt us with candies, food and stuffs she could afford. Had she been able, she would have loved to donate to such a noble cause for kids.

I am not mourning for my Mami Mami because she lived a grateful and gracious life, thankful for even the glass of water she drank ever often. I loved her of course and enjoyed washing her toilet, clothes and even body when she couldn’t do it all alone again. That picture was in 2013 shortly before Mami Mami’s health started to fail the following year. She lived for three more years therafter and stood the test a while.

Please, am not asking for any sympathy not creating any tribute fund (not that it would appeal to any you my gentle followers who may however not know me well enough to give me your money). I am however asking you to donate to a cherished blogger’s search for kind and caring people as he prepares to be a super hero at the Give Kids the World village in February 2018.

May a recent comment he left on a previous post of mine on this same issue, answer any other questions you may have/make it more appealing for you to donate whatever amount you can.

“There is no bigger heart than the one that reveals itself when we offer our services to others in need. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your heart with all your readers and helping them become aware of “GIVE KIDS THE WORLD.” This is an organization whose ONLY purpose is to give critically ill children an experience of a lifetime. Not only have you shared this mission with your readers, you have personally chosen to participate in contributing to this benevolent organization.

I have reached out to many people asking for help. A few have explained their predicament preventing their ability to contribute. I appreciate their candor and honesty. Most, however, have chosen to “look the other way” expecting the rest of the world to deal with this. It is disappointing at the very least to become aware of the reality that so few people care about each other’s welfare.

I have spent my career seeking answers and providing for people’s health needs. When people couldn’t afford my fees for service (but showed true concern about their health issues) I provided the services without fees. If the only time we’re willing to “GIVE” to others is when we can achieve personal gain, we are imposing obstacles and blinding ourselves to great opportunities in life. We must come to realize that this one on one exchange only provides one source of benefit. When we reach out and GIVE to the world, countless numbers of people will reach back.

I hope your readers find it in their heart to donate to GIVE KIDS THE WORLD. This organization provides ALL EXPENSE PAID VACATIONS for critically ill children AND THEIR FAMILIES from around the world! It is one of the most transparent charities I’ve discovered and provides over 92% of the money raised DIRECTLY to the children in need keeping administrative costs and salaries exceptionally low.

Since some people have concerns about the legitimacy of various charities, I encourage anyone to visit charity navigator (an independent organization that rates 1000’s of charities worldwide.) You will be pleased with their confidence rating and more comfortable supporting this charity.

Thank you again, dear Marie for all that you have done. If anyone wishes to join us on this wonderful mission, they can click on the following link to show their love and commitment to the children of the world.
http://support.gktw.org/goto/JCsGoingOverTheEdge
Once you reach the home page, click on the green DONATE button at the top right side of the page.

Thanking everyone in advance for consideration and support of the mission I pursue for children”.

Dr. Jonathan N. Colter

 

Thank you therefore all, may you be moved to click right here and donate to Doctor’s campaign

Have a great weekend

What better remedy for my anxiety right now?


Am sitting alone in the set up classroom of this school which will host the Gbm event I have been talking about recently. It is due to start at 10 am and here we are at 9. 55am and no one but me. The kids on break time tiptoe in one by one and then realize am thrilled by the company. I mean what better remedy for my anxiety just now? And then I get a call that others are stuck in traffic and will be 30mins late, bring it on! 

As a result of the delay in start time which extends to an hour, I have the honour of spending some time with the nursery school kids (one of my dream jobs). Such fun I had and I even made some friends too. 

Alain turns a whooping 14…Hurray


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He did that himself last November and he calls himself…

It’s been much more joy than anything else for real

Alain has always done so so well in school regardless of the school he went to; or the circumstances WE were going through like when I upped and disappeared in May 2011.

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A one month ‘visit’ (not planned as such) in July /August 2011 a few months after I left them behind

I am so grateful for him. He loves sciences that I see, but he writes poetry, draws some and enjoys football. I could never thank my God our God enough for Alain. He is for all time the epitome of my sorrow and joy and has a very special place in my life and heart of course…He is my Hero…Thank you so much Alain from my every pore, you know how much I love YOU!!!
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Sharing some ice cream love over at one they call Ice cream Grandma’s in the cool city of Buea, Cameroon
Sometimes in July on our way for a diiner date just us, brothers were at their dad’s

 

That was on friday on our way to a dinner invitation

 

We are out today having a blast at a Chinese all you, can and then some ice cream hurray.

When I reread this post and what I wrote last year for his birthday, I’ll say although I stumbled into motherhood, am so proud and grateful for the journey.

Dear all, kindly join me in wishing Alain a belated birthday, he’ll sure see all your likes and read/reply to your comments.

I Sing it’s Okay for your listening and why not dancing please…


My dearest Dyane encourage me with her suggestion when I shared the poem, and I got inspired sooner than later. My 3 muskets were my excited audience. Ella had gone out. The Microphone was a ruined shower head lol.

Here is the Youtube clip for the office mode activated playback:

Happy weekend all, I go to spend a few hours by the sea in Limbe to renergize me some yuppie.

About this weekend P1


Hello world, so you should all guess by now that this area girl with these different auras knows how to enjoy herself. So far, my weekend has been a mix of rest, fun and work on my company. The P2 will be about the second event we are hosting today. And oh the pictures seem to read from last to first… Eg last one is my arrival at the mountain village, next one is the mountain, then my being invited to the national radio impromptu to talk about the Gbm Foundation (7 am and it was damn cold), fourth one is huge breakfast offered by my Co-Founder (asap after the show) and finally hiking and team building (that afternoon – Saturday). When I got back home by 6 pm, I went straight to bed until 4 am this Sunday morning…

Till then, enjoy… and take care of yourselves; we all got but one way tickets to through this journey of life

Pleased 2 Piss People Off


Wow world, another friday is here and am glad to share a big discovery I made during my recent BBB.

You know, when I have an issue and take a break, I look forward to understanding what’s going on, why or how am faring the way am faring, and what to do next.

So, the first thing I noted was that I am still getting worked up over other people’s reactions or expectations of me! I mean I sometimes felt pissed off and decided to google the word hoping to find some anti piss-off ‘medication’. I didn’t find no solution, only some images like the above.

Bingo, I have a cat and could use the first one, but I have no hair to shampoo, so I could  only offer that to whoever was pissing me off literally speaking right?

Further reflections made me realize some vip things now:

 

Oh my gosh yes, yes, yes: I could learn the art of pissing people off too 🙂

Afterall, why should some piss people off and get away with that? I didn’t want to be nasty or outright mean, but I had to make my points henceforth and no longer suffer in silence:

  1. If speaking my mind is pissing people off: am pleased;
  2. If caring for myself is pissing people off: am pleased;
  3. If keeping quiet and letting someone fume is pissing people off: am pleased;
  4. If sleeping over something before responding is pissing people off: am pleased;
  5. If not being excited as I am expected to be is pissing people off: am pleased;
  6. If unflinchingly saying NO and standing by it is pissing people off: am pleased;
  7. If saying yes with a but… Is pissing people off: am pleased;
  8. Gosh, if to my own self am true is pissing people off: am very pleased!

The bottom line I advocate is that although the words ‘Piss Off’ may be found repelant or repugnant, they can be appreciated and used positively to stay sane.

I share my discovery and strategy with the goal of inspiring and motivating others. How many suffer in silence because they don’t want to ‘piss anyone off’ while being continually ‘pissed off’? For a previous and still struggling people pleaser like myself, if passing through learning and practicing to piss people off my way is what I need to find a balance: am pleased.

Ahd now over to you gentle readers and followers? What do you think about these words and their impact on one’s mental health?