Tag Archives: Motherhood

Mother is Gold Gathering


Hello world, so this was me at the IMA gatherings for mothers yesterday to talk about singlemotherhood. It was awesome although the media guy didn’t come and so did many invitees. Due to security reasons ahead of today which is ‘national unity day’ in Cameroon_ the event was ordered to be over by 6.30 pm. In Africa and maybe elsewhere, when you say an event is due to start at 3 or 4 pm, well people start trickling in by 6 pm.  I thought I was running and I took my time because I had decided to do so henceforth, and yet I was still the first person there.

Anyway, in images for our collective eyes. My VIP guess was none other than Alain who also spoke twice to his sheer…

You can tell it is us by our smiles lol

A selfie just before the event started

Happy weekend to us all

Amen…it lasted not even a week…my prodigal son is back


prodigal-son

Oh hello my e world, an update and some food for thought for the weekend maybe?

Last week, I shared here how I decided by Faith and not by Fear to let my last son go live with his dad and make his own experience.

Well, the experience lasted not even a week. My youngman is back home safe and sound as of the 25th. He is sure he got it. You needed to hear him pray last night, we were all so happy and had a pancake party.

Sometimes, when we let go and let Love and Faith Lead, the return is hundredth fold. It is that leap into the unknown which is so scary. We fight albeit mentally and emotionally to stay in control, to have it our way, to feel or face no pain, hurt, embarrassment you name it.

I mean this is history repeating itself. I equally left my mum to go live with my dad and survived 3 months before coming back home. Yes, there are some like myself (and my son) who will want to put their hand on the fire and make their own experience. After all, that flame may burn you and teach you some invaluable first hand (aid) lessons, or warm up your  determination further to get it right next time.

It was tough going to leave him there, but it was so glorious going to bring my young man back. Motherhood ain’t easy, parenting equally, but above all parenting solo ain’t the least; but by God’s Grace I am trying my best. I equally have such amazing and unconditional support from my family and friends, I am beyond grateful.

And so dear all, do we take anything from here? Do we have any to share?

Wishing us all a happy weekend

There goes my Gaby after my own heart 🙂

Deciding by Faith and not by Fear


Dear World,

Sometimes and yes there are such times, we get to a crossroad in life where we have to imperatively make a critical decision. In such times, one or more of those dreaded emotions overtake us, and we feel so frustrated because we just want to be Ok. We just want whatever situation it is to be over, and not being sure of how to proceed nor the outcome, fear creeps in. In such moments, I think if we decide led by that fear, we may make a painful or even bad decision.

Now my story… I have made a decision to use my story as often as I can to illustrate my write ups.

Yesterday was a day like most, I sent my boys off to school. My last son however, has since returning from the Christmas vacation developed the aching habit of leaving school once they close, and going to his dad’s until evening. This will leave me worried and I’ll be making calls sometimes ignored. Yesterday and even on Wednesday my birthday, he did same. I have been praying over this situation and yesterday it came to my heart to let him go live with his dad if that will make him wander less, make me worry less and keep him safe and stable. We talked and he told me that’s all he wanted.

I talked with a few others especially my mother, and I called his dad. We prayed with his brothers and I took him there. It’s a 15/20 mins walk from my home and he’ll stay in the same school as his brother.

Ah, although none of us shed tears, I wept within. That was another of those emotions, that negative voice trying to convince me am a failure at motherhood. The same kids I fought for and came back home for, can’t stand me blablabla. But this I know deep within, I let him go for him and not for me. My ego can hurt all it wants. My boy is entitled to his own experience. He’ll be Ok by faith.

It’s been 13 years since I stumbled onto & into Motherhood


motherhood-on-the-way
10 days to D Day

Wow : How time flies…

He’s such a young man today and even has his own Bo like swag…

I still remember how it happened – I have said it over and again I felt it the moment he got into me, and I told his dad with whom I wasn’t supposed to be in the first place, that it had happened…

Yes, he is the fruit of one of my most unconventional loves and lives – but oh yes, how I love him just so so so much – He the appex of my joys and sorrow…there’s been no fairy tales in my life … I have stumbled onto and into many things and even motherhood I must be candid… never planned nor groomed so to speak… but am happy just as is…

So, I remember asking his dad what next, and he told me excitedly that he was going to provide for his son ; I inquired if he knew what it took, and he said whatever it took wasn’t gonna be above him… Like he knew what mother or parenthood was all about…

circumcision-day
5 days after his birth, on his way to be circumcised – I cried so bad that day and was sent out of there (blurry picture due to age now)

It’s been rough and tough terrain for me, who has practically been the sole parent he knows ; It’s been rough and tough terrain for me who has had to learn to be a transcontinental mother and be brave about it…

I stumbled onto motherhood because it already existed in several homes including ours, although growing up in there I never learnt from it nor envied it to be candid. It seemed to me you had no more ‘life’ once you became a mother – I now know why a friend often told me her husband constantly reminded her her future was behind her – that future was those kids she had to make sure grew up the best possible way and could be proud of the mother who raised them…

An aunt told me they are the reason I wake up everyday and indeed that’s so true – when I was oceans away from them and had trouble even speaking with and to them, life was pretty miserable and I hit some real lows…

one-of-our-moments-1I stumbled into motherhood and today find myself mum to three jolly guys I fondly call my musketeers. We are a team and most Friday nights are set aside for team building at some eat out. The deal is not what we eat out or where, but it’s the moment we share and the little ‘scoops’ they tell me about their day/week/pretty much anything. I sometimes get to answer some questions, but it’s pretty much about them and theirs. I have cherished those moments right from when they were in my womb.

On this day when my first baby turns 13 – it was exactly at 00:25 am on that 8th of October 2003, 40+ weeks to the date of the great fertilization, I am so grateful to God and so full of awe for this miracle and mystery called Life. I understand some about this motherhood now, I am deep into it with all four of us finally living under the same roof in a house full of peace and love which to me is much better than one filled with Gold and Silver – trust me I know the difference. I am so grateful for all I have met in my various journeys and all I have learnt and shared especially about motherhood…

Here is to all the mothers in the blogsphere; all those mothers who are perpetual caregivers; all those mothers who regardless of the age of their children, still take their vocation so seriously. My mum reminds me that and proves it over and again to me, I am trying and giving my best…ever conscious of the woman and mother I am becoming

Thank you for reading and all the best to us all

The woman and mother I am becoming…


image

Dear world, it’s been a while and I have been from meds cum side effects tuned, to feeling good. I have wanted to write several posts on different subjects, but oh my where is the time!!!

Oh before I proceed, I finally got a new good smart phone so I got my beloved WP and other dear apps back 😍

So this morning while waiting for court to start, I can do a post from my new gadget…

These past few days have got me thinking and doing lots towards becoming a better Me: Me the Woman and Me the Mother…

Souvenirs like these boosts the moods tons
Souvenirs like these boosts the moods tons

Me the Woman is already on track with the sorting out via my memoirs, the continuation of Me Moments, and more reading and writing. I am also beginning to connect physically with some old and new acquaintances. I had an awesome lunch with my dear Bea at some chic beach restaurant and she even spent the day and night with me yesterday. Indeed, my favourites are very few but that’s perfect for Me…

What's the Worst Case Scenario...
What’s the Worst Case Scenario…
” In my writings, I have come to transcend boundaries to the me I thought was long ‘dead’. That little troubled but hyper kid nicknamed ayo, that turbulent teenager fondly called by some ‘ayobebe’, ‘radicaux’, ‘zam zam’, that battered, tattered but not shattered woman and wife, that ‘guilt stricken‘ mother, that transformed young, dynamic, disciplined and dedicated lady with a new ‘soif’ for life.” Excerpt from my fourth memoir  – cover above

Me the Mother is still trying. Trying so hard to be there for my boys though homes apart. My first son is in boarding school so I can only visit him once a month – school rules. We write to each other weekly though… I brought him a letter this morning and saw him looking rumpled and pale – he is sick but also very homesick… Will take him out for check up and emotional support…

The other two still live with their Dad because am not ready yet to take them full swing. I have them every other weekend, and visit them at school once a week as much as feasible. This Saturday I decided to go pick them up and spend the afternoon with them. I found them in a very uncomfortable situation. At least their dad finally agreed that I could give the 9 years old a phone. This is a huge milestone we are talking about HERE …  You can imagine how many times we communicated yesterday by sms and calls…

They both asked me to visit them at school today and my initial reply was No. But sure guilt and even logic set in and I called back to say sure see you guys at 3 pm. It’s logical I think that I try to see them much more often than when I couldn’t either because I was in my travels, or I didn’t even know their school nor home location…

I just think it’s going to fall in place slowly but surely. I have to work so hard to become the best Me the Woman so as to be the best Me the Mother. For me that’s proving to be the order of things. I am learning lots of patience, tolerance, boundaries, and alternative ways of saying and doing…

I am grateful for all the opportunities I have had in life, and ever conscious of the need to stay close to my bliss and faith…

Wishing us all a nice week…

I haven’t been this heartily disappointed in a long time…


I will just rant and then cool down because well there was some good news in the end…

Yet, I am still not so pleased one bit. Even if BMT (blackman main time) is out rightly ridiculous,  that doesn’t mean bringing an event hours ahead is pleasant for the guests you know…

Yesterday I learnt that my 1st son Alain had a football match in school today. He had lost his sports attire and badly wanted one to play today. I went to all ends to get him a new one. I was told the match will start at 11 am and I was invited as a spectator of course. Alain was happy I’ll be there for the 1st time in a very long time. Oh my I was so excited. I decided to buy several oranges for his team, and made some sweet lemon juice too…

How heartily let down I was when I got there at 10.45 am only to learn from him that the match was over. What? Well the school authorities had decided to kick off at 9 am instead.authorities Am sure it was Ok by them and they surely are not used to parents showing up to watch their kids play…

I mean, after all those years in the wilderness,  after haven’t missed so many moments in my boys’ lives, you sure can imagine a lot…

At least, all is well that goes well. Slain scored a goal. Well, sure I couldn’t take a picture… I left the oranges and all so he shares with his team mates after all… I look forward to the next match. Am glad he was happy anyway, I remember teaching him about team spirit and all those stuffs…

Now I have written all these, I feel much better…

Thanks for reading

 

 

 

 

Wow: I am going to my see my Boys!


August 2012, the young men with their commander.
August 2012, the young men with their commander.

I am so full of joy, I am still learning how to deal with my great emotions. Woah, after a year and a half, I am going to see my Boys.

I don’t have much to say because many would never understand how a mother in her right senses can leave her children behind in the same ‘shit’ she was running away from. Suffice it to say l wasn’t in my ‘right senses’ then.

My Boys and l  have all been through so much.The poor internet connections, high phone costs and much more, got us to often get in touch only once a week or less. Talk of motherhood across the ocean?

That aside, here is a video l did for a presentation in my school on global cultures. Have fun and know that for the next three weeks, I will crisscross as much of my beautiful motherland as possible. Of course, there is no doubt that my “3 mousquetaires” will be with me all through my stay home.

Hmm, l am taking them to at least one of the radio shows l am invited to, and maybe one of my TV Interviews too. The line up is pretty exciting for actually only two weeks with them, giving that 5 good days will be … at some summit in Kigali.

So, those weeks are all I have for now. However, someday, it shall surely be different. Anyway, as it currently stands, I am going HOME to see my BOYS and l even have some blogging awards to show them too!

Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, thank you in advance for the safe journey wishes and all. My Boys and I will sure do a post from home just for you!