Tag Archives: Parenthood

There is a more effective alternative to skinning a child alive & other musings


 

This is Miguel, the son of Aime mon amour, the one she used to skin alive until even I who doesn’t hear well will hear and cry some. She has given me permission to share her story if only someone could be inspired and motivated.

Don’t ask me what Miguel used to do to warrant those skinnings. One day she honestly admitted to me it was his dad she was lashing out at, through the poor child’s skin?

Anyway, I started working with Aime, helping her heal. I also took Miguel under my wings, and nurtured him to stop being so scared of his mother and stop behaving as difficult as she would often complain he did.

On the 28th of March recently, she came once again as agreed, to tell me “that your son again doesn’t want to go to school”! I was working from home gladly, and told her to send him to me once he woke up finally. The first time she woke him up, he had made such a tantrum and his dad who was still home had ordered her to leave him alone. Easter break was just around the corner and he is in nursery two for crying out loud.

She did as I asked, and when he came, I decided to first of do any activity with him before talking with him. From my suggestions, he chose writing and drawing. You can see for yourself how well he writes and draws.

Then we sat down to have a chat. I have walked him to school before and had actually noticed a reticence to go into school although he was happy I walked him there on one of those days you know.

It was then he opened up and told me why he didn’t want to go. His teacher beat him, because he wrote for others, who will beat him if he didn’t. Imagine what this small child is dealing with and all along we didn’t know and he was getting skinned sometimes before he even went to the school where he was sure of getting some more. He had just figured out it was better to get only one skinning and not two or three.

Aime was so relieved when I spoke with her, and she promised to find time and go see his teacher. No more energy to waste, no more traumatizing a child further and etc.

This doesn’t mean each tantrum will have a happy ending, but there are many alternatives to skinny I tell you.

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And so last March 23rd when David who sometimes still has a tantrum or the other ( he inherited his dad’s anger and used to throw himself as a child only I could help him out – once at my dad’s he had an episode my dad had to stand behind me lol), came to my room with a litany of issues and a very red face.

I did my best, calmed him down and later asked him if drawing could help both of us further. He accepted and there in less than 15 mins drew that image which was on my PJ.David's inspiration I was so proud of him, he was much calmer, and made it to school on time. No negative energy dispensed, sadly unlike another neighbour this time a man, who skins his 5 year old son until I had to go knock at his gate on that same March 28th.

I hear this man skins that boy until telling him he’ll kill him. Oh my goodness. That little boy committed the crime of going out that day and coming into my own home. I was sitting outside studying and playing with all my many little angel friends, and sadly for him his dad showed up just then. His dad is the one with the motor bike parked in my own home given he has no yard so to speak. We barely greet each other, and I remember his wife coming to ask me when they just moved in to tell Gaby to stop going there to play and scatter stuffs. I saw a frightened woman (I was once one so I can tell), but I couldn’t ask – better mind my business right? Anyway, I told this dad I was going to have to call the police on him if he beat his son again like that – and although he ordered me out and banged his gate, he stopped the skinning at least for that day.

How I wish this rubbish of skinning children alive could stop, as we parents explore more and more alternatives to understanding them kids, relating with them, and getting them understand us too…why have them children only to skin them alive?

Be inspired and motivated someone

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On a mini lighter note before I start my purification: Could someone refer me a parenting manual?


So, merry me again, got back home yesterday evening to no electricity and water. Electricity was cut/turned off by the provider – kind of ok news for us out here, they do that every other few days.

But no water, hmm that’s where Gaby comes in. My friend invited friends over for a game of football (there is a field nearby and am tired begging him to take his crew/disciples out there), ok well so I hear the game turned nasty and there was a fight or so. Result for me to validate is: pipe burst and meter off – call plumber dear mama cherie

The neighbour above travelled and I can’t go knocking on the furthest neighbour’s to get some water because she left very early.

Solution to avoid more wahala this morning especially after my friends slept like real logs last night, is to go fetch water for them at the nearby public tap. That I do, and on my way to find oga plumber I slip big time on the muddy foot path. Ashia mama is the chorus when get back. It rained last night and all are in a light mood including myself.

Parenting can be tough let no one fool you. There goes my monday, am sitting here waiting for oga plumber and resigned to working from home. Thank God Gaby gave up his 2000frs savings as contribution to the total repair cost.

Here is to wishing us all parents a good try at this challenging but ultimately rewarding adventure hahaha

How early is it to start talking to your kids about girl/boy friends?


 

All about love
Source

I had a family meeting with the boys last Sunday and top in matters arising was Valentine’s day. For starters, we are a very open foursome, and I mean we tell each other pretty much everything (I surely spare them some sizzly details of my romantic getaways lol).

So, I have known their crushes since pre-nursery even, and visited some of those tiny misses with them back then. I recall even inviting one darling called Ange and her mother to a party back home like a decade ago.

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When they also start being so mindful of their swags like this, what can you expect when it comes to Valentine’s day?

So, here is how our conversation about the day went on;

Boys: Mama what are you giving your Valentine whom we all know of?

Mama: I don’t know, just telling him am happy to have him in my life…

Gaby: Mama that wouldn’t work for me

Me: Why?

Gaby: Last year I told my Valentine that only and she left me for another boy

Fella 2: Well, I already got something for her and I showed you remember?

Me: Yes I do, it’s even under my bed as we speak

Fella 3: Am not going to school on that day

Me: Why?

Fella 3: I want her to be worried and come to visit me and not be concerned about what I got for her. I don’t yet have anything and can’t get something she may like from the look of things…

And hohoho I went. The guys are definitely aware of much more than we think, they do learn about sex and all in school. So why not spare myself headache and even heartache by squaring out those discussions with them from a young age? Just how young some may wonder? I started from infancy like when they started going to pre-nursery and I noticed any interest in a chap. Some in my circle thought that was ridiculous, but I did how I felt and took it in strides according to the boys disposition to understand and share their feelings. I never had such an opportunity in my childhood and looking back it still hurts sometimes…

And so all you gentle readers and followers,  How early is it to start talking to your kids about girl/boy friends?

Happy Valentine’s day and hope we all have a blast in whichever way we plan… I hope to watch some movies and go for ice cream later in the evening lol…

Painful flashbacks and handling the trauma/anxiety from a missing school bag


What can a missing school bag do to a 39 years old mother? Well, read on!

33 years ago, I received one of the beatings of my life, the type known as ‘I’ll skin you alive’. My crime and sin and all put together: I had misplaced my school bag (probably again if I can recall well)

33 years later, my son Gaby came back home last Wednesday without his school bag.

Once I was told, I gave myself timeout very fast because my head started to spin. I was so angry and frustrated at Gaby and my first impulse was to ‘skim him alive’. I was also angry at myself for thinking that, and for not being able to not pass on that ‘negligent and zam zam’ gene to Gaby.

I recalled the beating which drew blood and blisters and left me sore. My friends in the neighbourhood didn’t see me for some days, and I must have skipped school the next day not only because dad had to buy a new bag and books, but because I was bed ridden. I despised life and wished I could run away or disappear.

Those memories actually helped me decide not to ‘skin Gaby alive’, actually I didn’t even beat him. They know I hate beating them because it hurts and pains me double to beat them or anyone. I just think I had taken all the beatings for us all there ever could be.

And so, after my time out, I had a discussion with Gaby who has had some attention and other pranky attitudes this week. I just needed to know if the school bag could be found, as in any idea where he may have left it. (Two days prior, he had gotten home 2 good hours late because he stopped by a field to play football with friends on his way back, and lost all notion of time).

It turned out he forgot the bag at his aunty’s place which is midway between his school and home. I went there myself yesterday for the tripple reassurance that he had collected same that mornimg on his way to school. Some books are once again missing but that’s not as alarming as losing an entire school bag.

Ha, I also recall having to buy all his school needs on the eve of back to school because it was dropped on me just that eve, that was my p.o.s henceforth.

All is well that ends well, I beat no one and was able to stay calm and temper my upset. Am so grateful for my GA who helped me, for the other boys who stayed calm while David even went out that afternoon to go try to find it.

Peace

Introducing Family Meditation: Kindly wish us well; be inspired & motivated too


David definitely doesn’t want conflict so much he already kicked out the c lol

Hello world, happy mid-week.

January 2018, is making its way out and I have successfuly completed a month of meditation using not one but 3 awesome books (PN: a very intense experience, glad two of the books were for a month only…wouldn’t do that again next time). Anyway, wow, girl am proud of you especially given the events of this past month and near 2 weeks of ill health. I mean, if I could persist, then you can imagine how good it was. I took my books even for mami mami’s burial in the village. Indeed, I so benefited from the meditation that I felt to introduce family meditation would be the right thing to do instead of just lecturing the boys on what I was learning. They had already been curious enough .

The above book is one of those I was using, written by Gerald Jampolsky and his lovely wife Diane (talk of me having a crush on anyone with this name 🐩, my ears fall in their aura lol) founders of Attitudinal Healing and Attitudinal Healing International respectively. That book has 18 cards to use each other day, and some other great stuff which I also find kids friendly. David our record man wrote it out on the board so we see that daily and make the choice we want to experience each moment.

We therefore started off today with a powerful poem at the end of the book captioned: “Love is for Everyone”. We took turns reading a stanza, we reflected and shared and promised to try to live that poem today…

Dear all, another soulful journey am embarking my family on, I sincerely wish we make it to a more serene spot and that someone reading this gets inspired or stays motivated.

I kicked of this year of Grace with a big kick which landed me back in bed with an RA Flare, some emotional and mental muggles and etc. But am Alive as WH (RIP) sang and am Grateful for that.

Nkongteh (This means thank you in my dialect)

With a hurt in my heart, I watched him go and hope he learns a bitter lesson about borrowing…


An old shot of the musketeers for fun (LtoR: Alain, Gaby and David)

This week may be kids week on my blogging roll at this rate…

I just have to write this out and get over it while really hoping and praying Gaby learns a bitter lesson about borrowing. I can’t continue bailing him out lest he grows up with that…

The deal is that he is often owing Alain money for different curious reasons. A piece of meat/chicken, an hour with his bike, some candy or biscuit, or his whatever Gaby wants and gives any amount to get.

Yesterday he ended up owing Alain 200frs for whatever I couldn’t really understand. This morning, his school allowance of 200frs was reclaimed by Alain. Gaby wanted to pay in 2 installments, but as they often mimick Koffi Gombo (an ivorian comedian): “No pity in business”. He paid up and came crying to mama about how unfair life is and how inconsiderate Alain is.

I had begged them to stop this lending and borrowing business and David had long stopped, but those two nah they are “Tom and Jerry” to put it simply. Other times, I will be sorry and give him another 100frs, but today I decided to add the cereals in his bowl knowing he wouldn’t get a dime from me for school. He made his bed, mama ain’t lying down with him anymore on that.

He is a popular guy in school with a big heart too. I hope a friend shows him extra love today; but above all that he learns a bitter lesson about borrowing.

Sometimes, some hurt actually helps our growth process from personal experience; what do you think gentle readers and followers?

Sometimes when your kid is acting naughty, empower them; but, watch out any promise you make on the spur


Hello world, happy new week. You sew us glowing in our selfie, hmm it was in celebrating good bargaining and promise kept o.

Our story started at 5am when Gaby came out to me grumbling and wanting to cry because Alain refused he could have breakfast before bathing. I mean, wouldn’t that have been a very unhealthy precedence?

I tried to bully him into going to bathe, nada. I told him to sit down and wait until I finished my workout but the whining continued. I was already wrapping up and it occured to me I could do with a natural back massage.

I thus told Gaby that in return for the massage, we could bathe together, eat together and leave home together. He accepted and after the massage and while I relaxed some, he skipped some with my long rope…no more whinning hurray…guess our photographer? That very Alain hahaha

The deal now came to be the promise I made. Ok, bathing together wasn’t something difficult other than trying to get him to stop playing with the shower hose. As for eating together, nop, Gaby didn’t wait for me because of course I hardly sit down on a Monday of all days, to eat breakfast at home.

Finally, my leaving home together idea was to say our byes up the street where I’ll take a cab to the office. But Gaby thought it meant walking all the way to his school.

Now, walking with Gaby to school is far different from walking with David to school. You don’t walk in silence enjoying the feeling of walking together holding hands, na you kick peebles, wow at birds and their nests and greet all neighbours you recognize. You even stop to greet the mentally ill by the big refuse hip near their school, and then well get to school late when the national anthem is being sung and the gate is closed until after that.

I just got to work and marvel at how I handled the wahala of this morning, spared our minds and hearts some hurts and toxic energy, while making the best of my promise.

I will however think twice before making any promises in the future lol.

Happy Monday us all

Take them along as much as you can…


Hello and happy weekend e-world, I just felt inspired to write this blog to motivate the mums and parents in here. As the title says, I want to encourage us to take our kids along as much as we can, on those heart and soul outings because that’s the best way they can learn. You know, when they are exposed to life (other facets of) early on, those experiences make or mare them and helps them make the choices they opt for when they get to that stage of their lives… Two of my ‘daughters’ had babies last week or so, and out here it is custom to go visit the new babies with gifts or cooked food. Cooked food because that helps the new mum worry less about feeding her family, and rest more because she needs it.

David helped me to cook what we call ‘pepper soup yams’, and we were ready in time for lunch.

Even Ella kept us company in the kitchen lol

I couldn’t just shuttle in and out of both homes, so I sent them off to the home they knew, while I went to the other and met them where they were after 2 hours or so. I know it can be tough organising all the logistics and even getting them interested in this otherwise ‘women stuffs’, but starting out at an early age is the deal – at least for me it worked. I took them to visit 2 orphanages when they were toddlers, and I have taken them to the ghetto parts of town for the experience too, and we all attended mami mami’s wake keeping.

Can you also see what Lady Diana’s exposure of her sons to the other side of life has yielded today? I indeed feel good taking them along as much as I can, for that is giving them real lessons in informal school while increasing our family time. I therefore encourage and motivate us moms, single mons and parents in here to try as much as we can to take our children along…

Parents we could spare ourselves some screaming: I tried and it helps


 

 

I was working from home last week when I heard that sound – the ball on glass: When no scream followed to signal someone had been wounded, I said a little prayer and bolted the door to my room. I had work to finish, let them clean their mess.

Gaby eventually came to my window begging for attention to explain what happened, I said I was working and we’ll all discuss that later.

During the extraordinary meeting a few hours later, I learnt they were playing on the veranda although I have begged that they play football out of the gate on the open field just  nearby. We reviewed the situation, and this was the 6th time in just over a year they were shattering that glass. I wasn’t going to pay for it alone again.

We all agreed to contribute, each according to the heart; they all have their banks and I greatly encourage them to save. Alain has given 1500 frs, David and Gaby 500 frs each.

We then made peace as a family and I think they will learn the lesson for real this time around.

I am so grateful for all I am becoming, doing, learning and sharing.

Happy new week us all

Can someone tell dad I need a hug and not a handshake?


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Hello world,

A girlfriend of mine was recently praising Obama so much and I got hooked ,nearly drooled…

I finally got a minute in her mono rambling to ask her what personally affected her in his ways: she looked at me and asked if I didn’t see how he hugged his girls…

And then it dawned on me that over 50% of our African dads may never hug their daughters at all…

This flashed me back to a draft I wrote called “Healing Hug”, (I never posted that post because I stumbled on a website called Healing Hugs and didn’t know if they hay copyrighted that name or something) and I agreed with her that a hug from one’s dad could definitely make big difference…

Or should I even stretch by saying a hug from one’s parent…?