Tag Archives: Self-acceptance

My Self Care Journey: P2 of some seven self care habits of mine


Hello World, last Friday I started sharing seven of my top self care habits harnessed over the years, and I promised to post P2 today. Here we go without much …

4) Writing and Blogging like merry marie lol

In September 2012 I got the writing bug for my first memoir. I couldn’t sleep at night and seriously wrote each day from 12 am to 2 am – God knows how my brain didn’t explode. I was now at mum’s waiting to go to Belgium in January 2013, I was on a serious fast which got mum seriously concerned I could be going anorexic again, I was also working out 45mins/1hr each day except Sunday. Lord, the writing was needed to calm me down some. It felt real good. I am so happy for that because today I have 5 books which I self-published in the past 5 years wow. In November of 2013, Blogging joined the mix by some curiosity, and that has been another big outlet for me to write down whatever and then process same whenever need arises. This has also led me above all, to network and read about people whose journeys are hmm… I have a great support system from the blogosphere, I became more aware of myself and my journey and its impact on me and mine, I even got more inspiration and motivation from all the writing. One super way writing and blogging help me take care of me is that, when am struggling or just feeling anyhow, I start to write and somehow start healing. It’s been simply amazing all that has happened since I started writing (with regards to my books, since I have kept journals from childhood) and blogging. I even rebaptized myself “merry marie” and have strived to live up to that one day at a time hahaha. I just make sure to find a balance and not let my gadgets or social media take me hostage lol

5) Finding Self-Love and My Me Moments

Some of those pictures up there show me in My Me Moments swags and jives. I mean, what should I write again about those moments? Once I found the truest and best love right where I had failed to look all along – inside; once I realized my best friend and I could give each other as many treats as we wanted or needed; ah it’s been a great source of self care, rest, recuperation, re-bonding and re-bouncing…I am so comfy just being with me even in the company of others…call that what you wish, self -love is my own appelation.

6) Going & Living Spiritual all the way

This was a gradual process, I mean not going religious but spiritual. I have come to embrace intermitent fasts, mediation, retreats, and courted some like Patience & Humility with love. So, when my inner voice told me last February it was time for a long spiritual journey of 70 days; fasting from 7 big stuffs including blogging and eating, hmm I knew this was it. Spirituality and I are now good for life. Try it whoever is inspired, ah the serenity even in the midst of the most nasty adversity and all – I ain’t trading this for nothing. The lessons I learned, all I gave up, conquered and the new me who emerged in spirit, soul and body – God am Grateful beyond words. This was definitely the next best investment in my self care.

7) Staying ever mindful of new habits and weary of all toxic stuffs

If you have been reading right from P1, you can see I have come a long way. My poem titled Hopeless to Hopeful tells it all in 2 stanzas. All I have learned and am now implementing, both personally and in my psychotherapy practice, have made me very mindful. I sleep as much as I can at night (often 9 pm – 4 am, turning all those gadgets off), I have my serene and safe space (my loo no shame lol), I don’t sweat the small stuffs especially at home with my 3 muskeets, I know my temperature and feel it, literally learned to walk confidently and speak in a proper way and tone. Today, I take my time to reply to any ‘perceived attack sms/emails’ (once took 7 days and another time 30 days, and others I ignore outright); inshort I don’t go near anything toxic consciously. I have bashed my ego and ditched perfection, I am not fazed by food or fashion…I could go on and on…

In conclusion, if after reading about my 7 self care habits someone is not inspired or motivated, then I may not be doing a great job living my purpose. There is one stand alone self care vital habit I will blog on… you guess right if you call it Support System. Until then… hope you find some inspiration and motivation in my self care journey.

 

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My Self Care journey: Sharing Seven Self Care (SC) habits of mine P1


Hello world, another Friday is here and I want to continue looking at self care being the best care. Some say I am a “multiple person’ and am ok with that. I recall my 39th birthday blog where I appealed for more empathy towards people like myself who were high functioning from every indication, but who also had their struggles. I live with RA and PTSD and so self care for me is a matter of survival.

So today, I decided to start sharing seven of my best self care habits harnessed during the years, hoping they serve some powerful communication + inspiration and motivation. It was in December 2009 that I was first told to seriously start to take care of myself. I was at an all time low and my last son was barely 5 months old. That year was a very troubled one for me, having attempted suicide some 9/10 months earlier. The good side of all that low was my readiness to try another way now… This way I came to realize involved ME taking care of ME and I mean very Good Care. This has come to justify Self Care as being the Best Care to me lol. This said, let’s see how we cover this P1:

1) Working out has resumed and has become VIP for me

I weighed 115kgs by then, had not worked out for like 15 years or more, ate like a ‘hoax’, hoping it will choke my ex husband up…do you visualize me at this point? And so on the 1st of January 2010, while the world slept after St Silvester’s shenanigans, while ex husband was yet to return from his jives, I stepped out at 3.30 am for my 1st walk. I had also decided to start a 30 days fast (had never done one before)…, and all my pain/hurt/and oh so so much, were in those first fearless steps. This the origin of my love affair with determination + discipline and determination (my 3Ds) …8 years later, swagging between 70-77kgs, I have overcome so much and can now do so much. Working out is simply non negotiable for me now… I have still been through a few days in a stretch where I can’t work out due to a health flare up (whichever it is P for physical or M for mental; doesn’t really matter to/for me), but then I always know it shall pass, I keep at the self care and I go right back to working out once the spirit is back …

2) My health + holistic wellbeing has become my priority

The same friend who encouraged me to work out, was amazed at all the medications I was on. I was taking at least 3 different meds for the RA and sleep issues+anxiety, although over all no improvement was being recorded. I look back today and think the over eating could have also been due to the side effects of those meds. Anyways, I heeded to his advice and started weaning myself off the meds with ‘vengeance’. I started searching for alternative remedies for my symptoms and after two years of meds, I was ready to try even cayenne pepper if it got to that lol. Eating healthy became an obsession. I have carried a lunch bag almost religiously since then. It was tough working on the sleep especially while still in a very toxic marriage, I just had to sleep during the day either in the office or at an aunt’s home nearby. I chose the latter often because I could then bathe thereafter and feel fresh to be more productive in the afternoon. That way, if I barely slept at night and got up at 2.30 am as was the habit then, I could go for my 3 am walk with no qualms. Running into thieves twice didn’t scare me off, that is how bent I was on taking care of myself. Eventually off all the meds, I only take any when in a crisis or when I feel one is coming… My wellbeing has become so priority, I can’t even tolerate ‘fake relationships’ from any point of view…

3) I reached out for professional help

The next and biggest self care habit I embraced was in knowing when to reach out for professional help, and then doing just that. You can only take good care of yourself so much. There comes that point when you need ‘professional help’. I had succeeded in salvaging myself from that ‘sham and shame’of a marriage, and was finally in a place where I could start a healing journey. I was meeting Angels on my path and my Gentleman encouraged me to seek ‘professional help’ for all what I told him about me. No more energy to strive on without help, I first hired a life coach. I call that the best investment I ever made for ME. My Hero Jeff Moore, oh God bless him forever, helped me so so much. Next, I booked appointments with a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. That was so much self care, self love, self acceptance and all things self… And come to think of all this Amazing work and Grace by which I have become a life coach and psychotherapist too? Come on somebody and say ‘self care is the best care’…

Let’s take a break here today, I will blog on the last 4 self care habits next Friday ( it was a bit intense recalling some stuffs in here – but no tears came and I actually felt some pride at how far I have come)

p.s as I write this post (22.08.18) I have had a mini flare up which started on Saturday. I have been all wrapped up in the office today as seen in the picture above, and it is 3 pm here now. I however feel so much better and am taking care of myself the best I can (some back to school preparation stress and anxiety too but I facing that head on by Grace)

What, and why, is self care the best care?


Hello World, both on a personal scale and as a psychotherapist, self care is a very important precept to me. I therefore decided to wrap up this week with a post on self care, which I tell my clients is the best care. Many times they ask me in return, what really is self care and why is it the best care? We all know how taking care even of our basic necessities when we are mentally challenged can be difficult right? But here is the great thing, self care is not only about doing it alone, but also about knowing when to ask for help because right then that is the best way you can show yourself you care for you!!!

So, while on the web searching, I came across some sites having an article or the other on self care. The LawofAttraction.com defined self-care as copied below and indented, and I find that definition apt. I wouldn’t be adding to it and bore you out, thus here we go:

Self-care is a broad term that encompasses just about anything you to do be good to yourself. In a nutshell, it’s about being as kind to yourself as you would be to others. It’s partly about knowing when your resources are running low, and stepping back to replenish them rather than letting them all drain away.

Meanwhile, it also involves integrating self-compassion into your life in a way that helps to prevent even the possibility of a burnout.

However, it’s important to note that not everything that feels good is self-care. We can all be tempted to use unhealthy coping mechanisms like drugs, alcohol, over-eating, and risk-taking. These self-destructive activities help us to regulate challenging emotions, but the relief is temporary. The difference between unhealthy coping mechanisms and self-care activities is that the latter is uncontroversially good for you. When practiced correctly, self-care has long-term benefit for the mind, the body, or both.

That addressed, why do I uphold self care to be the best care?

No one knows you better than you. No one can take care of you better than you. No one can make you valued, happy, sad, and all other feeling and emotions in between better than you. This is so so true for me, I mean I know myself inside out and I am true to myself.

I am therefore in charge of my own care – and so should/can you!!!

I have gradually developed several self care habits which truly make me happy and serene. When I am overwhelmed or need help, I keep my therapist hat aside, and reach out to my support circle. It is very important to have one, and to nurture your circle with your own presence, that way, when you reach out you will be helped and not shunned. We each have something magical to share, that smile or email or drawing, or a few poetic lines which makes someone’s day.

When we are in charge of our own self care, we can tell what works and what doesn’t, we can let go and laugh or cry without tearing ourselves down, we remain alive to ourselves and not zombie out under the influence of drugs – be they prescribed or illicit. The deal for me is identifying earlier than later what works for you, who can help you best when you are not so in tune with your self care plan ( yup good to have a self care plan), and what is the worst case scenario…

More to follow in a part two hahaha

Have a great weekend us all

Do you know thyself? Are you true to thyself?


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So glad to be in my current serene space inside out

Hello all, am back to bloggerville after a ‘supposedly two weeks of…staycation’ – vacation didn’t finally work out but I did relax some and really got to study me some more. My first post after two weeks could only be centered around what I learned about myself, and really wish to share same in order to inspire and motivate others in their own quest  to learning more about themselves and living their truth…

We have probably heard this phrase thrown at us once in a while right? Some sage or elder advice to be true to thy own self. Now I used to think, that just meant running my mouth all over the place saying what I wanted, thought, and looked forward to about all and sundry, and doing pretty much the same… ah some stuffs stubborn teenage years can get one think and do?

I have finally come to know who I am and what my purpose is, I have grown spiritually no doubt, but I didn’t have the full picture of me until recently like 7/8 days ago – although I had sometime ago come up with my own self-definition. And guess where that all sunk in – in the Loo of all places – inshort the Loo has been crowned my ‘spiritual haven’ – and no, mine doesn’t smell because there are scented candles in there and co to make and keep it cozy.

So, because I needed to know all what I was made up off like what I really like, need and expect of myself so as to truly live my purpose and truth, I sought this by doing great introspection and paying attention to what people said and didn’t say in our interactions, how they behaved, how I also behaved and how I related to/in my whole realm.

The following are some 5 facts I can package about myself and be true to:

  1. I am called Marie Angele Abanga and this name I am transforming into a brand one step at a time;
  2. I am a simple spirit, not impressed nor depressed by latest trends, tastes, gossips and all things toxic…I can call those out, and work on my attitude towards that in all truth…;
  3. I am a free spirit and an extrovert and I am finding more of a balance than not to my personality vis à vis any situation and or person and relationship I come across. I hold myself responsible and accountable for my thoughts, intentions and actions and I owe myself the utmost love, honesty and respect;
  4. I am a very passionate, highly talented and equally emotional lady and I am ok with the fact that these could sometimes set me a little off balance…I love the lady I see and talk with everyday in the mirror and prefer to let her live her truth in these states whether any interactions as a result or consequence is mutual or not;
  5. I have come to devise, embrace and effectively test my coping and healing techniques, and I am honoured and humbled to use same in my psychotherapy practice…a large part of being true to one’s self involves being able to deal and heal or heal and deal or else we are not being true to ourselves…my ego can as well get lost in the process with no regrets…what I know equally is that self care is the best care!!!

And I was thus very happy to spend two days and two nights in the atlantic city of Limbe with my Darling Donna – she is a sister soul and a kindred spirit; and I really wish us all a Donna in our lives…

And now over to you my dear gentle followers and readers, do you think it is worth knowing and being true to one’s self?

Have you discovered something about yourself you may want to inspire someone or us all with?

p.s: it feels so good to be back although I feel am getting blog matured a lot as the years go by hahaha. Thinking  some style and stuffs will be reviewed in the coming weeks or months – but looking forward to with excited anticipation and not dreaded apprehension…

What do you want? This may sometimes proceed from what you don’t want


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It’s a sign of maturity for me to know what I want and what I don’t want

I remember when as a hyper active kid ( I guess I could very well qualify for what will be categorized and drugged today as an ADHD kid), my exasperated mother will exclaim: You this child what do you want? Several years have passed and I am 39 years today and recently got a satisfactory answer for this question.

You see, the answer didn’t just pop up like that, I was reflecting on my life and all the the things I have been doing and what I like most about the woman of faith and conviction I am becoming. I then stopped just this past March around the 26th, and I asked myself what I didn’t want to be made of it all.  The way the question popped up actually took me aback. Why should I bother what is made of my life by someone but me? But the reality is that once a public person, regardless of the category, quality or renown, your life is subject to all sorts of interpretation and conclusions.

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It may thus indeed be a very apt time to define my life specifically by what I don’t want – hence end up with what I want.

I don’t want to be accepted!!! I want to be respected!!!

There you go and that is what I got from deep within. And I turned this over, meditated and contemplated, and then came to the conclusion that was it. I didn’t write the prayer/bible verse inviting us not to conform ourselves to the standards of this world… (easy thing to do or not is not the subject of this post), but I have always love that prayer and consoled myself with that when told I was unconventional – this has come to stick as I adopted and embraced same and go by that among other tags.

And seriously, if am I not accepted or respected, I don’t care, what matters to me is self-acceptance and self-respect. It is the person’s business if they want to take me or treat/relate with me any way – all I can control is my attitude to their actions or reactions, and I have chosen to go an extra mile by stating clearly what I want/what I don’t want.

Now, is this daring? Is this dashing? Is this doable? I don’t know, I just share some of my musings to inspire and motivate, and why not to simplify myself further

 

Who are you not good enough for? Who are you waiting to believe in you?


Four more days to the official start of my purification, I got final details of the fasting I’ll be doing. When I first heard from within it’ll be in four shifts of 7,14,21 and 28 days, I smiled broadly because I have done 30 days fasts before and didn’t die so will surely do just fine. Then, that little voice told me it’s in shifts because I’ll have to fast from blogging and talking (this I will do only the barest essential). So, fast from blogging for 7 days, not so bad but 21 or 28 days oh my (still not sure if it’s 3 days break I’ll have between each fast or what – sometimes tricky to understand all what the inner voice is saying especially with this distraction full external world). But I want to commit to the end of this inner voice directed purification, and be ready for the next stage of my journey – where this will lead me to, am open handed.

And now, do you think I care what anyone thinks about what am talking about and what I’ll be doing? Well, I have heard some direct remarks but am good enough for myself and will give no power to their dissuasive remarks.

Someone told me I wasn’t doing good enough in their opinion, given all my IQ, skills, talents and personal disposition. I didn’t find it in me to be explicit in my response, I just shrugged because am beginning to learn and appreciate the power of non verbal communication.

I am good enough for myself, I believe in myself as a noble instrument of God. Many are called, few are chosen – it is a privilege to be among the few even if you have to go through some dark nights of the soul to be a good vessel for the conservation or transportation of any message.

I am aware of my initial profession as a lawyer and how some would have rather had me be one of the fiercest and richest around in my generation, but that is not my calling. I have searched and sought for 39 years, and I did say this was my year of Grace.

Reading Peace Pilgrim currently, I can relate with what she writes about being prepared and purified for a spiritual journey. There is a lot involved, and when I connect the dots backwards like Steve Jobs said, I see how the preparation started in 2008 with the death of my daughter. I was taught a very tough lesson in detachment. 10 years on, I have learned and been through so much more, even enduring and embracing some small doses of purification every now and then. Those were part of the preparation still.

I am ready now and I have talked with my sons. With regards to going vegan, no further details yet.

Am I becoming a psychic? If that be it, so what? Is that reserved only to a certain type of human beings? Born as such maybe? And even then, were any of ‘those’ever deemed good enough from the start? Did they wait to find out, or wait to see who believed in them?

If you know who you are, you will surely know whose’s validation matters most to you.

Even my writings are becoming increasingly dictated though I still negotiate to use personal examples which I believe suits the purpose of the point being made anyway.

Tomorrow, I blog on Who I am, and am grateful for the opportunity to serve humanity and do my Amazing and Almighty Father’s will whichever way he leadeth me. So long as I am good enough for him, so long as he believes in me, I am here marching on. He can and does tell me that directly inside me, it’s an honour to feel this spiritually connected.

Be inspired and motivated you all, think about these pertinent questions whatever be your mission. Even if it is still at the discovering you level, or confronting your demons level, or helping your inner you level etc, decide to be good enough for yourself and to believe in yourself – all others will fall in place eventually trust me…

I’ll be Home Alone for the New Year and I definitely need it…


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That picture was taken this morning at my mum’s, a few hours before I had some mild palpitations and felt so weak I had to take some natural remedy and go back to my home.

I went to mum’s to help out as we prepare for Grandma’s funeral come January 5-7 2018. That dress am wearing was just stiched by a seamstress and it’s the uniform for the funeral. Pictures are good because they don’t lie if you are not faking postures or heavily made up. I was none. I see my neck strained out, I see pale though cute eyes, and an entire body and mind crying for a ‘do nothing day’.

I am so grateful for my cousin who has agreed to take all three boys over from tomorrow 31st December to January 3/4 , and so I’ll be Home Alone (well with Ella).

It is hard to explain why someone looking so seemingly healthy and one who used to be the mover and shaker and dooer even of the seemingly impossible, isn’t the same anymore. It sometimes beats my own immagination too. I think it is hard to comprehend even by an immediate family, and sometimes I wish it were the Rhumatoid Arthritis rearing its head and the swollen articulations are there for all to see and say sorry.

Not only am I tired, my ears are ringing and the hearing aids seem to be capturing all the wrong sounds and amplifying them for poor me.

So, I’m holed up from the 31st of December at 4 pm right up to the 2nd of January 2018 when I resume work.

Happy new year to us all and happy celebrations to those who will be joining family and friends. To those like me, we are gonna be fine, it is just some uneasy rest and recuperation.

Journey or Ending?


The Journey

What cares you more?

The journey or the ending?

I am happy with the journey

I chose to let go

Of both the past and future

Happy is a choice

I have that power every day

To chose it over again

What will be will

Am grateful already as is

p.s: was inspired to write the above after a friend in an email exchange remarked the following ” …Everything works out well at the end. Yours too Marie will have a happy ending…”
And you gentle readers and followers, as you start this week what do you think of the question subject of this poem?

With Sincere Gratitude to my Eternal Friend: I Give Myself permission…


I Give Myself Permission

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Ain’t waiting no more for no one

Life is short & sweet & sour

How would I even know if I don’t live

the now is here and no point worrying

the future is a streak and yet mayn’t be

Hence I give myself permission…

to be me

Wouldn’t wait to know it all

Even science can’t keep it up

We all are an individual value

Should I let any one make & keep me sour

Joy & happiness is just a short distance

no chaos & creeks should blur my vision

Hence I give myself permission…

I give myself permission

All I got are my voice & word

Not taking it personal means to keep it out

All mental space I have is taken

With thoughts of a rosy here & now

I wouldn’t assume: I’ll just do my best

still it’s okay every now & then to falter

Hence I give myself permission…

Give yourself permission

P.S: I am eternally grateful for serenity and I see that in all the poems I write these days regardless of the circumstances. This poem oh my is in one of those my special categories, indeed YOU ARE BEST WHEN YOU ARE: YOU

The Best you can: Definitely one of my Best


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The best You Can

Be the best you can be

Say the best you can say

Do the best you can do 

Feel the best you can feel

Love the best you can love

———-

Oh Cry the best you can cry

Feel the hurt as it hurts

Then Heal the best you can heal

Share the best you can share

——-

Then Claim the best you can claim

and Live the best you can live

——-

Cause you got only once

And YOU DESERVE It

Oh yes YOU DO

and That’s my wish — for ME & MINE

© Marie Abanga Sept 2017

Enjoy an upcoming artist and be inspired to be the best you can this weekend and always, Amen