Tag Archives: Self Care

Twinkes not Wrinkles 


Twinkles not wrinkles

Those I want for the season

The reason but no treason
Twinkles not wrinkles

They come naturally

Please let them be
Twinkles not wrinkles

In my eyes not on my brow

That’s all by Grace
Twinkles not wrinkles

You want those too?

If yes, you welcome

If no, I know you nought.

Up and about this Saturday for some respite

P.s: Wishing us all the best for the season, new year ahead and life in general

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My Prayer and Affirmation Wall 2 Inspire some…


 

Hello World, am inspired to share something close to my heart which helps me every day, morning and night to stay grounded irrespective of any circumstances. The above is my prayer and affirmation wall just above my bed. The lighting is sort of dim because I have a ‘green coloured’ bulb in there. That colour green, is my favourite and so happens to be the mental health colour lol. It is soothing light to say the least and makes me love my room more – my serene space. Having that wall helps me introspect a lot each day as I wake up or prepare for bed. There you find my personal prayers I have written down this lane, some of my poems, some affirmation, gifts from the boys, and drawings from Gaby etc.

When I read for example the above appreciation note, I know even if I don’t feel so good or up to that day, I have and I am appreciated so I can’t be any hard on myself – I mean I should appreciate myself more right?

Indeed, it is that prayer and affirmation wall which led a cousin of mine to recommend the movie “War Room” to me. That movie is a soulful one and nothing to do with the violent war the world knows. If you have time, it is free on youtube and here is a link.

Be inspired by my journey dear world, and wish you find your own serene space…

Happy Midweek everyone

Alone time to better position yourself…


Alone time 1

Hello world, this is a short post but I hope the title and graphics tell us it not one to be taken lightly. I will as usual use a personal incident to illucidate why I so value alone time.

One day a few weeks ago I returned home from seeing off a friend and there was smoke in the kitchen. It later on turned out my last son Gaby had turned the burner on and gone off to take a shower and then forgotten about what was on the stove. David had put some rice to warm us as I was leaving, and after he turned it off, Gaby taught he hadn’t done done a good heat up. When I came back, already stressed from some incident during the day, I was so angry I was shaking… all the what ifs were running wild in my head… I instinctly gave David a slap and just realized that wasn’t the best approach… I had tears in my eyes and the boy was apparently so shocked he burst into tears too… I quickly went and locked myself in my room and put some soothing music… I stayed in there for like 45 mins and although they all came knocking on the door, I had to calm down completely before letting them in. We talked, made peace and I was so sorry. I was however glad I locked myself up and got that alone time…

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We need alone time especially to care for ourselves, our mental health, take perpective etc. I call them My Me Moments and used to plan them and structure them and all… but now, even when I wake up and have some precious 15 minutes before the boys barge in, am grateful…I take even blogging breaks when I need to and I don’t appologize for saying No I can’t go with someone because I’ll rather stay by myself home… Life can be so hectic, these alone times are so needed to better position oneself

Alone time 3

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Precious alone time in on the beach Dakar after sports

And you gentle readers and followers, any thoughts on alone time?

Emotional and Mental Preparation goes a long way I advocate


I am just back from a trip and I did share some update on Friday and Saturday.

For the main part of the trip and a personal mission, I had prepared myself emotionally and mentally intensely for a week. I knew organizing a medical mission targeting 500 – 1000 beneficiaries was no joke. Yet, all and I mean much did not depend on me. So I was ready to sleep late and deal – heal from overwhelming scenarios as much as I could. Glad to say I lost my cool only once on the DDay.

Today Sunday, was another day however and I had not prepared emotionally and mentally for the day’s events. I wasn’t even aware of  the program up to the last hours. You can imagine how that shook my mind already so frail. I couldn’t make it and yet I was stuck there and had to wait. I was so tired and slept a little but my thoughts of getting back home and my disrupted routine kept bugging me.

I finally got home 5 mins ago and it is 10.30 pm here. My normal sleep time is 9 pm. Yesterday I missed that but I was prepared, today I am not. I have to deal with it. I hope writing my worries down like this with help me. Maybe I will also go drink some hot chocolate, I believe it helps soothe me. 

I know some will say in life you have to be flexible and adapt and face stuffs like a ‘normal’ person. I am not a ‘normal’ person; diagnosis is not what will make me believe I am/or confirm that I am not … Whatever normal person is. I feel more and more mentally taxed by what will otherwise be ‘normal’ to others. Not being able to be ahead of my program or to even know what is planned and well ahead of time, drives me to an edge. Not sleeping on time, not eating what am used to, too much noise and different reactions from people are taxing now more than ever. Sometimes, even an hour’s preparation can do, but I need to be ready in my mind.

I wasn’t like this before. Maybe youthfulness and the ‘people pleaser’ in me made me  very flexible and outgoing etc. I have been through stuffs since then which have plainly caused such trauma; going on nowadays,  my mind gets scared of future foreseeable ‘trauma’ which may be caused by I don’t what… Sometimes I am scared I am becoming emotionally and mentally frail to a not so good edge. Maybe that’s why I try so much self care you know… I don’t want to rely on meds. Hence I need to prepare myself emotionally and mentally well in advance for any program which will change my routine. For example I attend the African Epilepsy Congress in Dakar in 2 weeks and I have been preparing emotionally, mentally and of course logistically since January.

Empathy not suspicion and disgust of people going through such challenging times is needed. Sometimes, it seems the ‘normal’ people don’t understand or are quick to say they do while advising you to just pray, get over it etc. Maybe that’s why people going through such challenges like these isolate themselves and will rather smile and say all is fine, rather than begin to explain what may only be rediculed? Others try to cope doing whatever numbs their feelings of makes then ‘feel happy’ and ‘on top of it all’/

I am what may be considered highly functional, but I love being prepared and also following my routine. Now Sleep evades me and yet my internal alarm clock will do it’s 4 am jingle and I wish to do sports and help the guys off to school. I know it may not work out that way because of the disruption so far. I hate to struggle and have to try calming down by writing all this. But I also share so someone be inspired and motivated. We are in this together.

Here is to my trying to sleep and to good logic of taking people as they come… That is equally fighting mental health stigma when we share our struggles and seek for ways to take care of our mental health

Pleased 2 Piss People Off


Wow world, another friday is here and am glad to share a big discovery I made during my recent BBB.

You know, when I have an issue and take a break, I look forward to understanding what’s going on, why or how am faring the way am faring, and what to do next.

So, the first thing I noted was that I am still getting worked up over other people’s reactions or expectations of me! I mean I sometimes felt pissed off and decided to google the word hoping to find some anti piss-off ‘medication’. I didn’t find no solution, only some images like the above.

Bingo, I have a cat and could use the first one, but I have no hair to shampoo, so I could  only offer that to whoever was pissing me off literally speaking right?

Further reflections made me realize some vip things now:

 

Oh my gosh yes, yes, yes: I could learn the art of pissing people off too 🙂

Afterall, why should some piss people off and get away with that? I didn’t want to be nasty or outright mean, but I had to make my points henceforth and no longer suffer in silence:

  1. If speaking my mind is pissing people off: am pleased;
  2. If caring for myself is pissing people off: am pleased;
  3. If keeping quiet and letting someone fume is pissing people off: am pleased;
  4. If sleeping over something before responding is pissing people off: am pleased;
  5. If not being excited as I am expected to be is pissing people off: am pleased;
  6. If unflinchingly saying NO and standing by it is pissing people off: am pleased;
  7. If saying yes with a but… Is pissing people off: am pleased;
  8. Gosh, if to my own self am true is pissing people off: am very pleased!

The bottom line I advocate is that although the words ‘Piss Off’ may be found repelant or repugnant, they can be appreciated and used positively to stay sane.

I share my discovery and strategy with the goal of inspiring and motivating others. How many suffer in silence because they don’t want to ‘piss anyone off’ while being continually ‘pissed off’? For a previous and still struggling people pleaser like myself, if passing through learning and practicing to piss people off my way is what I need to find a balance: am pleased.

Ahd now over to you gentle readers and followers? What do you think about these words and their impact on one’s mental health?

An official BBB 4 me at this point


Hiya my gentle readers and followers,

I have decided to take a BBB… OHh a brief blogging break.

My last few posts have surely revealed some about my current state of mind and matter, and so a break is highly needed. I wish I could travel for some much needed me moments. But Nada, not especially for a single mom of 3 boys with one of them not going on any Easter break because well he is in an ‘examination’ class.

Am just taking a BBB from writing, not reading and commenting. I think something like 7 or 10 days you know. I plan to blog daily in May which is Mental Health Awareness Month and so yes I need to get my grove back sooner than later.

So, see you over at your blogs…

Have a great week aheas

When my routine gets interrupted… I really struggle


know-yourself

Hello world, glad I am really getting to know myself and can anticipate what may come if I do certain things, or if certain unplanned stuffs are sent my way.

You see, for a pretty many years now, I have functioned by routine. I mean those close to me know how I like to plan everything and log them in my todoist, google calendar or even on post its. Then my brain loves to log out between 8:30/9 pm and up on its own between 3.30-4 am. That’s how routine I am. Then there is the time for this, and time for that all stored in my internal memory. Once that routine gets interrupted I struggle to get back with almost sometimes big efforts near exasperation.

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Last week I was trying once again to get back to my normal routine and self because I had spent the week before that on the road tavelling to one burial after the other. I therefore missed out on sleep as schedule, on sports and even eating what and when planned. I also realized on my return I had lost my work grove. Last week I started on monday with a 30 minute workout, doing only 2/3 of what I normally do because I was listening to my body. I tried to catch up the sleep I missed but I just couldn’t because I’ll feel so clumpsy when I ‘over sleep’. I actually did really over sleep thursday morning and got up at 6.15 am and the boys were not ready for school, the house a mess, and I was weary before I even started anything. Save for the Grace of God I didn’t lash them and I really tried to calmly pull it all together.

I have struggled to get my work ethics and groove back too, and yet it got so stretched on Tuesday and Wednesday I almost threw working away. Needed to motivate myself so much. This wasn’t helped by what I felt were last minute changes to some projects, or delays in some work and all. I fumed in me and then calmed myself down. Preferred to end the week by working from home although I also needed to be home because my last son wasn’t going to school.

I try hard to keep a calm demeanour especially at home, and so far not bad. Grateful also for meeting some awesome people on my trip like Erico who made it worthwhile. I just wish I didn’t have to struggle this hard to get back together when my routine gets interrupted cause my mental wellbeing takes such a hit and I fight not to go ‘down the black hole’!

And now over to you dear gentle readers and followers; have you ever made or had a similar experience? Any tips to share?

Listen to your body and nurture it to spare you some…


listen-to-your-body-2

Dear World,

Last week I returned from work one day and suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired. The kind of tiredness I felt was far from my normal. I got alarmed and decided to let a few friends know I could be on my way out at that rate. I mean I couldn’t even leave my room – my bed actually, and I had to be fed right there. A small meal took like for ever and once I drank the milk I slept for 9 straight hours. I woke up the next morning feeling better although my eyes hurt like I had over slept and my head was just calming down.

My friends advised me to rest – a lot – and that’s what I did the very next day – all day I took it at my pace and fed my body some healthy stuffs. I didn’t go into town to sit for 8 – 10 hours working away at the frantic pace I had somehow in retrospect picked up and was even proud of. I usually work hard, even sports is no joking business. But there is only so much the body can take, and as one of my friends pointed out, you can’t twist a 38 year old brain and body like you were 18. Let your size not fool you she added. I gladly re-tweeted a tweet from Ms Marala Scot an American best selling author which says: ‘Your body is not your enemy listen to it’.

listen-to-your-body-1

I have known that the body deserves breaks, I have just often thought we are masters and the body servants. It seems that’s a selfish way to look at it right? I keep learning it the hard way. It is not right, we can’t seem to want to play power tussle even with our own body and brain – makes no sense.

Sometimes, our to do list is simply overflowing and we feel like all the energy is there anyway. Yet, if we know ourselves and listen to our bodies, we could get to spare ourselves some headaches and heartaches. No doubt high blood pressure is said to be the silent killer. And when death does come, what will happen to that over stimulating to do list anyway? Maybe read out at your requiem or something?

Therefore my dear e-family, although it is good and even commendable to be ambitious and even audaciously daring, you need to listen to the body you are relying on!

Have you had any such experience with your bodies you would like to share ? How do you nurture your body ?

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Book Presentation: Sassy, Single, and Satisfied: Secrets to Loving the Life You’re Living by MMH


sss-by-mmh


For All the Single Ladies in the House

My Story with this epic book

When I first came across this book by Michelle Mc-Kinney Hammond, whom I really just so love, I really contemplated whether I should buy it, read it, and review or share my reading /enlightenment journey whenever I was done. I knew even then, that this book wasn’t going to leave me the same although I couldn’t for sure figure out what this book was going to do to me. I could only hope that whenever I did get to read it, I should want to read it a second and third time again. I have had it for 12 months, and I have read it 3 times, and I now feel ready to share my reading/enlightenment journey.

After my third read, I realized I had never looked up the word sassy before:

sassy: ˈsasi/: adjective informal lively, bold, and full of spirit; cheeky.

Single we know or I do, and satisfied I think I do too. Honestly, it is the sassy I didn’t know what to really make of in relation to ME. There is a me and there is a ME and after my divorce in 2011 I can’t even tell which was living inside and outside my body. Today, over 5 years later, thanks in a very large part to the hundreds of books I have read in the past 3 years, from great authors like Maya Angelou, Iyanla Vanzart, MMH… and up coming ones like my friend June Whittle and several fellow bloggers, the inspirational and motivational messages listened reverently to from Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama … I can say I am well on the scale of ME living inside and outside of my body: Closest I feel to being Sassy; Single and Satisfied. Don’t get me wrong, one day I could get back into a relationship, MMH is actually in a fabulous one now – but I guess the big deal is in embracing and loving your singlehood to the point of being sassy and satisfied enough with you and life as is. I think you contribute best to a relationship you go into being whole inside out than otherwise!

What is in this book  Disclaimer: I don’t know what happened to the formatting, just bear with me am no techy

This book is about Love! Wow wow wow… MMH takes us through her personal journey of finding, keeping and sharing love. With who? First with herself; jointly with God; and then with the world; and then with whoever came next by God’s Grace. In this book, no one came next but that was ok for then. The most important she shares in this book is her journey to loving the marvellous mess she had made of herself, and of realising and accepting and surrendering it all to God who in his Awesome Almightiness revealed to her that she had every right to be Sassy; Single and Satisfied until her next chapter as He would will.

MMH uses her knowledge of the bible and much more, to teach us and share with us much of what she has learnt and now knows about Love – and Men – and Lovingly Living with Yourself all through the process of Life. Maybe I am gradually becoming a very intense person or am just being so really ME and sharing same in all vulnerability – but I have no regrets whatsoever.

This is another of those books I can’t do any justice to with any rating or review: has hit me as hard as the Four Agreement and Taking The Mask Off. Before I got married, I never really contemplated what being single meant and how I felt about it. I actually lived that stage of my life out waiting for the next boy friend/man/relationship … a very tiny and near insignificant me to my eyes and mind lived inside my body and I even at one point thought of discarding that body completely from the face of this earth. I can never forget that. This explains my total Gratitude to all who have helped me along my journey to ME. I hope this book does something to anyone who picks it up especially the single women in the house.

About the Author

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Michelle McKinney Hammond is the author of over 30 books on living, loving, and overcoming. She is the President and Founder of HeartWing Ministries, which hosts annual DIVA Weekend Getaway Conferences. As a relationship and empowerment coach, internationally known speaker, singer and television co-host, it is Michelle’s mission and passion to help women and men to first be intimately connected to God and then empowered to become their personal best in order to experience victory in every area of their lives.


Michelle’s ministry began many years ago when she suffered a devastating leg injury from being hit by a car. The accident was a spiritual turning point, a wake up call to embrace her purpose and fulfill her destiny. Those bedridden months gave her time to complete her first bestselling book, “What to Do Until Love Finds You.”
Michelle eventually left behind her career as an advertising art director/writer/producer for clients such as Coca Cola USA, McDonald’s Corporation, Ford Motor Company, and others, to speak to audiences, encouraging people to fulfill their God-given purpose in life.

Still I Smile


smile

Still I Smile

You can mock me all you want

Murmur my plans will fail

Foresee my projects are doomed

Whisper am a loser

but still I smile

You can pretend I am your friend

Talk behind my back all you can

Make excuses for avoiding my calls

Rejoice over my mistakes

for your hypocrisy still I smile

You can sit there and gossip

Spend your time visiting

Talking about who said and did what

while you grumble nothing is working

to that misery I smile

Don’t think you are the loser?

Are you serious you still can?

Do you think anybody really cares?

Why not say you can’t instead of the silence?

That’s why still I smile

I just get it – it’s not about me

You are whallowing in your own misery

self pity, doubt & loathing masqueraded

you point a finger and three point to you

Isn’t that worth smiling at?

You now can tell my smile

I smile at me, for me and with me

and it keeps me oh so young

ever fresh and genuine

no need for make up

I’ll keep my smile

Your friendship ain’t worth my mind

I’ll have my smile with each meal

and for each mistake I make

I’ll keep the take

And for that …

still I smile

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