Barely 30 minutes ago they were manning up to each other lol
It’s been a while since I shared any shenanigans from our Home Inc, and so I just felt to start this week with one. You know as a parent you have to get that discerning spirit to know how to run the affairs in the Home Industry, and how, when or why to get involved guys’ wahala. For me as a single mother, it is even a little complex because I may have to intervene the mama way, and then the papa way – or could I just let them fume it out sometimes?
I preferred the third option one Saturday morning a few months ago when I was still on my long spiritual journey. One of the things I was fasting from was from anger, and so I couldn’t allow myself the luxury of asking them – the bickering boys – to shut up. I can’t for the life of me remember what was the issue, but I know tempers were up that morning, Gaby spoke so menacingly and David was fast approaching him. I decided there and then to just go close to without saying a word. I actually needed for them to spit out all the energy and fume it out before chilling some. When they chill, I can then rationalize the whole saga, we make peace and then draw conclusions, but otherwise no way. I also like leaving them sometimes to ‘man it up’ and ‘fume it all out all’ that way all the challenging emotions they feel at the time, get felt and faced. Cutting someone short when they are fuming may not be the best and as a psychotherapist I know and uphold same.
After they had therefore ‘manned it up’ and ‘fumed it out’, I gave each of them a glass of water and put two chairs behind them. We had a discussion and then made peace. I could still feel so dense energy in the air and so gave each person some chore to distract and help them chill more. Bottom line, they actually helped get the breakfast ready and we all sat down to a lovely breakfast with gusto.
And that is how sometimes the right technique can save the day in our industry and we continue to live, love and laugh ever after lol. It is vip for parents to not sweat the small stuff, or resort very easily to making the energy around more dense using whips, slaps etc, even though such methods may seem tempting and ‘provide faster solutions’. My sanity being at stake more often than I’ll appreciate in the Home Industry, being creative is imperative for me.
Be inspired all you parents and single mothers in the Bsphere
Hello world, I may be smiling in those pictures but one can one do?
So, those two guys D&G are still around because well their dad didn’t take them last friday as agreed for a month. Alain is on an internship and as is at dearest Grandma’s for the month since Sunday. You can imagine how all over the place my schedule now is. Indeed, since yesterday I have been working from home.
Yesterday afternoon, I just had to stop at some point and take them swimming (gladly not so far from home and all free cause it’s their family business lol) so Gaby whom I had initially grounded, was about to make me lose my nerves for real with his pranks. Taking them there was to be honest therapeutic too for me and I could use that chilling and bonding time.
Today, ha David of all pulled some dishonest pranks and I decided to take him to the market with me. Oh had I forgotten his girlfriend Patience. I mean a trip that solo will last 20 mins max, ended up lasting 60 minutes. Gaby who had gone out without my permission and was specifically told not to step out, ignored the instruction and went right out to play. Second grounding right? I found him dirty and asked him to bathe under my supervision. Well, he loves water and showed me just how much…ok relax Ayo… He wanted to go sit outside to eat and I said no, right next to me on the table while I work…what was I even thinking?
In short, he wouldn’t siest, has all sorts of stories and distracting stuffs he has to do indoors now, and I just ended after 2 full hours of sighing and near shouting to let him off…
I mean, there are days in the life of a parent especially a single parent…you just end up laughing at your own calamity…I really think I was punishing my own self lol
Hope this post makes us parents and single parents in the house laugh some…it was good release & anger management typing same off…and my mental health is vip for me…
Be inspired and motivated…one day it shall be another stage and story lol
Live and let life live lol
Self Care is the best Care
p.s: anyways, all is well that ends well and I took myself out for dinner hurray. the last time was in December 2017 lol
P. S: Am writing this post to calm down some while waiting for the party scheduled for 4 pm to actually start. It is 6.20 pm my time and I have given up on this ‘black man time’. Anyways, it’s not even like I remembered the birthday party until I visited another supermom and bossom friend of mine… As to my new name, I upgraded myself to supermomhood period…
OK now hold up, how did I get here?
My day started at 4:50 am with prayers+meditation. I then hit some workout, grateful for an extra kilo since I finished fasting weighing 70kgs.
So truth be told, I was in celebration mode and even wrote about it earlier this morning.
Another super note this morning is the joy of speaking to a kindred spirit super dad for 30/40minutes after my workout.
I then went to the market, not knowing the boys were to receive their report cards today. I never got the sms the school said they always send. Fortunately, their school is not far from the market and curious to all the cars parked out there, got me to know it was today.
So supermom, rush back home, fix quick lunch of stir fry cabbage and then hop out to their school. I have to rush back home because I have a 3pm session. I get home 2.30 pm, and gladly give the boys cash to go swimming…they all made honour roll so grateful to God…
I then have a much more consistent lunch after the session lol, and head out to go see my friend whose daughter has been sick all week. My plan was to continue from there to my aunt’s where we assembly for my cousin’s vigil while awaiting the corpse. But when reminded of the 40k bash of another schoolmate of ours to which I had been invited personally, I quickly rush home to change in white the designed colour for the event. I stop by the barber for a hair cut and then shower and out hurrah.
I mean, the last time I was out with friends was another one’s 40k birthday on February 28, eve of fasting take off, so you can imagine my excitement Hahaha…
Tomorrow is another day, I will go to my aunt’s then; afterall, the corpse get here but on the 24th and I have been there some already.
OK now, if you think events can delay starting, try one of ours out here. It is currently 7.03 pm and only a handful of invitees lol…
Now y’all, enjoy your weekend. I will hang around 1.5/2 hours and then go home to call it a night after a super day spent superbly.
p. s: Party finally kick of by 7.59pm and guess who is called to lead prayers? Guess how long her prayer is? Guess who leads to the buffet? Guess how much she piles on her plate lol? Welcome another half kg hopefully.
All is well that ends well for I zoom it all and get home at 9.03 pm. Boys I meet up pray with me and am off to zzz. Thank you papa.
David running errands and transporting kids for a fare
All three taxi and school bicycles
When Alain was 9 years old and asked for a bicycle, I quickly got him one because I remembered how he loved his tricycle as a kid and will carry David behind as the zoomed the house. I had left Cameroon when he was 8 years, and was still dealing with so much guilt. Anything he asked for (given that I had easier access to him and barely any to his brothers), I quickly bought.
That was how he quickly learnt to ride his bicycle at his granny’s, and became the ‘chef du quartier’ par excellence (translate this as neighbourhood hero by popular acclamation lol). He always had what I call 12 disciples following him around, negotiating for even only 2 mins on the bike. We don’t have a bike culture here, and most middle or struggling families can’t afford the luxury of buying bikes for their kids, not to talk of each kid having their own lol
So, I got one for Alain, and when his brothers started visiting, they’ll learn how to ride on his bicycle. Their dad the ever his type, refused to get theirs for different reasons. He said they’ll run into the road when I offered to send the money to buy them…his first reason had been he had no money…
Anyway, fast forward to 2018 of course, we now have 3 bicycles for three guys in another neighbourhood like at granny’s. David of all, the one his dad feared for most, is the chief errand guy in the area. He flies on the bicycle, he rides almost standing, and does business with his bicycle more than the others.
They (except Gaby oh lol) ride their bikes to school too, and that spares me some change for taxi etc. It gives them so much autonomy and empowers them, they even give me some coins every now and then. They are fast learning to save and manage their finances and I couldn’t be more proud and grateful.
Alain is now with his 3rd bicycle since then, and he takes immaculate care of his bicycles. David does too, Gaby is just Gaby.
He puts the chair and chain on each time hahaha, but he still has some clients too; just for smaller amounts like 25 frs a ride or even a mango in exchange for some time on his own bicycle lol.
Alain bargains the most and he is big guy now right, so his own generation use the bike for more serious reasons like going on a date etc. One paid 500frs just last Tuesday for 3 hours. You can bet he needed that bike, maybe to go impress a chap lol.
I also seize the opportunity to continue teaching them to save and manage their finances, save also for when the bike breaks down and a wheel needs air for example. Alain and David have been doing that so well, Gaby is still trying to get that right hahaha. They even try fixing it themselves sometimes too and from them I have learnt some parts of a bicycle like the chain, brakes, nodes etc
Talking about business further, David is what we call a real Bamileke man (These are like the super business minded in matters of business in our country – a tribe renowned for being business inclined and with all the pride we can give them). He also has a sticker business. Stickers are called ‘autocolants’ in French, and he gets a packet of say 20 at wholesale price, then retails them for a profit.
The gate is the notice billboard lol
Definitely all sizes
The small downside of this business atmosphere here is that they tend to neglect other stuffs like washing their clothes. Nope I don’t do it for them, and nope I don’t have a washing machine, and nope I don’t have a housemaid.
Alain the most responsible often does his without any need for a reminder
So one day when I got back home and they had all gone out wherever, I didn’t want to raise my voice on their return – see am also fasting from anger and attack thoughts etc. I therefore left them a note on the kitchen door, and went to the nearby lake to read in peace. On my return, my obedient sons had done their laundry and we were all so happy. All is well that ends well, parenting can be fun if we are creative and let the children be themselves too.
Be inspired and motivated all you parents especially single mothers in here
So, merry me again, got back home yesterday evening to no electricity and water. Electricity was cut/turned off by the provider – kind of ok news for us out here, they do that every other few days.
But no water, hmm that’s where Gaby comes in. My friend invited friends over for a game of football (there is a field nearby and am tired begging him to take his crew/disciples out there), ok well so I hear the game turned nasty and there was a fight or so. Result for me to validate is: pipe burst and meter off – call plumber dear mama cherie
The neighbour above travelled and I can’t go knocking on the furthest neighbour’s to get some water because she left very early.
Solution to avoid more wahala this morning especially after my friends slept like real logs last night, is to go fetch water for them at the nearby public tap. That I do, and on my way to find oga plumber I slip big time on the muddy foot path. Ashia mama is the chorus when get back. It rained last night and all are in a light mood including myself.
Parenting can be tough let no one fool you. There goes my monday, am sitting here waiting for oga plumber and resigned to working from home. Thank God Gaby gave up his 2000frs savings as contribution to the total repair cost.
Here is to wishing us all parents a good try at this challenging but ultimately rewarding adventure hahaha
Your last son at age 8 can finally also sew a button on his uniform like his siblings;
Your first son gives your last son home lessons, and this clearly helped him transition from the french system of education to the english system in Grade 4;
When your second son is the DIY chef in the house, and helps even at the neighbours;
When all three know how to cook and willingly help you in the kitchen;
When your second son’s grades in form one are much better than when he had after school lessons from a tutor;
How proud of my sons should I be? How grateful and graceful? Do I focus on some normal incidents of their age such as: naked dancing during laundry, some missing books and, non attendance at doctrine; and miss out on all the miracles and bliss they bring?
Parenting I am learning, got lot to do with balancing various choices and actions, but above all having a real relationship with your children. Even if physically apart (like I once was intermittently for four painful years), a spiritual connection is possible.
Since returning in August 2015, and moving to our own home in February 2016, it has been more of thrilling than not. No enticing or lucrative prospect can lure me to leave my sons again like that.
Be inspired and motivated all ye parents and single parents in the house
You ask them kids to do their laundry on the veranda while you are in the kitchen. You get a call and when you turn round you see one of them like that. Your first impulse is to take a picture to immortalize the moment, then I flash-backed to my own youth and saw myself not even at home but in front of the school taps while everyone studied. I at least kept my panties on and I stopped doing that at age 7. He is 8 years. Some say I should skin him alive, others say to pray hard, others say to talk to or with him, and one laughs loud saying therapist heal your own son, there is likely some ADHD there. What you advice my gentle readers and followers?
You come back home and find some neighbourhood kids invited by your son to play baby football in your living room. You see proof of what he does with his exercise book sheets and how he treats his school bag all the time. Well, I let them play because at least I get to see him, he gets to forget about TV (not that I have any), and he develops camaderie and learns to lose without fighting. On the down side, they finish and leave all that paper and chalk drown on the floor for you and you get to shout out your lungs before order returns. What will you do gentle reader and follower?
You grill groundnuts for soup and you give him to go out and peel them so you can make the paste. He does just that but he eats up near half of that. Times are hard and you were hoping the 2 cups you had could make a pot of soup to last 2 days fora family of four for lunch and supper. I have explained to him previously why he shouldn’t eat dem groundnuts. Well, I shrugged, and decided I was better off doing that myself next time unless I could give that to a bigger child. I explain to him again why he shouldn’t eat them up especially in tough times like these. Can’t recall if I was any better or worse at his age, or if anyone even gave me such a chore in the first place. And you?
You are once again convoked to David’s doctrine school (just friday I was in his school) where he has accumulated three absences although he leaves home each Sunday morning for doctrine he himself chose to attend. He knew it was a three years program although he is by this second year already failing with his grades and attendance.What do you do? Beat him up, withdraw him or let him continue to do whatever he wants? I give him 200frs each Sunday and tbt am getting tired with the whole thing too. Yet, I don’t want to stop him from having or making that experience. Gaby didn’t opt for that, while Alain is already done with his from a school where he had only a year of doctrine. I give him some work as punishment when he returns, and ask him to write a 700 word essay about the whole saga not leaving out the resolutions. I can’t go and sit there with him and still get to do all I have to do with and for them…my me moments are near getting threatened completely lol;
You have sworn not to buy flip flops again nor a pair of shoe before school breaks out. Yet you feel so sorry for Gaby who has no flops again Lord knows where each goes to, and his lone pair of Shoes already looks so haggard. I confess I recognize that child and the genes he inherited And so, .I decided today after laughing at myself, not to bother swearing any never again around. I consoled myself by getting a dark chocolate bar from the market. Chocolate indeed is an anti-depressant unless any proof to the contrary…
Dear Readers and Followers, some of my quirps and muse as a parent and single one for that matter… ever grateful for my support team and journey to holistic wellbeing via different mental wellbeing plans…Yes We Can…we always try to find the Fun in the dysFUNction… (thanks Linda for the inspiration)
Hello world, happy new week. You sew us glowing in our selfie, hmm it was in celebrating good bargaining and promise kept o.
Our story started at 5am when Gaby came out to me grumbling and wanting to cry because Alain refused he could have breakfast before bathing. I mean, wouldn’t that have been a very unhealthy precedence?
I tried to bully him into going to bathe, nada. I told him to sit down and wait until I finished my workout but the whining continued. I was already wrapping up and it occured to me I could do with a natural back massage.
I thus told Gaby that in return for the massage, we could bathe together, eat together and leave home together. He accepted and after the massage and while I relaxed some, he skipped some with my long rope…no more whinning hurray…guess our photographer? That very Alain hahaha
The deal now came to be the promise I made. Ok, bathing together wasn’t something difficult other than trying to get him to stop playing with the shower hose. As for eating together, nop, Gaby didn’t wait for me because of course I hardly sit down on a Monday of all days, to eat breakfast at home.
Finally, my leaving home together idea was to say our byes up the street where I’ll take a cab to the office. But Gaby thought it meant walking all the way to his school.
Now, walking with Gaby to school is far different from walking with David to school. You don’t walk in silence enjoying the feeling of walking together holding hands, na you kick peebles, wow at birds and their nests and greet all neighbours you recognize. You even stop to greet the mentally ill by the big refuse hip near their school, and then well get to school late when the national anthem is being sung and the gate is closed until after that.
I just got to work and marvel at how I handled the wahala of this morning, spared our minds and hearts some hurts and toxic energy, while making the best of my promise.
I will however think twice before making any promises in the future lol.
Hello and happy weekend e-world, I just felt inspired to write this blog to motivate the mums and parents in here. As the title says, I want to encourage us to take our kids along as much as we can, on those heart and soul outings because that’s the best way they can learn. You know, when they are exposed to life (other facets of) early on, those experiences make or mare them and helps them make the choices they opt for when they get to that stage of their lives… Two of my ‘daughters’ had babies last week or so, and out here it is custom to go visit the new babies with gifts or cooked food. Cooked food because that helps the new mum worry less about feeding her family, and rest more because she needs it.
David helped me to cook what we call ‘pepper soup yams’, and we were ready in time for lunch.
I couldn’t just shuttle in and out of both homes, so I sent them off to the home they knew, while I went to the other and met them where they were after 2 hours or so. I know it can be tough organising all the logistics and even getting them interested in this otherwise ‘women stuffs’, but starting out at an early age is the deal – at least for me it worked. I took them to visit 2 orphanages when they were toddlers, and I have taken them to the ghetto parts of town for the experience too, and we all attended mami mami’s wake keeping.
Can you also see what Lady Diana’s exposure of her sons to the other side of life has yielded today? I indeed feel good taking them along as much as I can, for that is giving them real lessons in informal school while increasing our family time. I therefore encourage and motivate us moms, single mons and parents in here to try as much as we can to take our children along…
mum, author, mental health advocate, therapist, inspires & motivates with personal experiences