Tag Archives: Spirituality

The serious foursome Ss which stall mental health and wellbeing in Cameroon


I have written extensively on mental health, mental wellbeing and mental illness on my own website, blog and the Gbm Foundation for epilepsy and mental wellbeing of which I am the Country Director; and on numerous national and international media. But, these serious foursome Ss pop up again and again – seems like there will be no meaningful progress until they are squarely addressed.

S1: SPIRITUAL ATTACK

When you are in a very religious country or community, you should realize that religion and spirituality or whichever comes first to the people, plays a very big role in their lives. Indeed, long before ‘white man’ medicine came, people were cured or healed through incantations and other process including drinking various portions and following special protocols. A spiritual attack is when there is a belief that the origin of the attack is mysterious especial when no other logical explanation exists. Truth be told, no logical explanation exists to explain a mental health challenge or disorder, and the first stop when there is a crisis here, is mostly to a Man or Woman of God. Hold up, they are actually competing or on the same line of importance as the traditional doctors when we consider the second S.

S2: SUPERSTITION

Even where it can be ascertained it is a spiritual attack, the source must be rooted out right? Who else but a jealous person or witch/wizard can cause someone to have a mental health problem or illness? The predominant belief in our communities had always been that any sudden illness or death is superstitious and very suspicious. Mental health challenges or illnesses are no exception. Indeed, for these categories of ‘wahala’ (local slang for trouble), it is the norm and can only be cast out or cleansed by the traditional doctor aka Ngambe man (witch doctor) for us. I mean, if neither the spiritual healer nor the herbal healer cannot help, why not just chain up the person and let them waste away and die instead of bringing more embarrassment to all concerned? The next S comes in here.

S3: STIGMA

Stigma is both from without and within. The society and even families stigmatize the patient and their family; and the patient loses all their self-esteem and stigmatize themselves by withdrawing further and further into their own ‘world’. Families get fed up trying to help while navigating all that stigma, and the patient’s ‘supposedly non-compliant attitude’ only makes matters worst. Tie them and lock them up or outside in a barn let them become whatever they want. The patients equally fed up with the treatment and stigma, lookout for ways to live their ‘freedom’ and to ‘communicate their frustration’ in anyway that appeals to their already very distorted cognition. Society notices and sighs in slushed sentences and all stakeholders are at a lost on what to and how to proceed. And then the next S.

S4: SHAME

Note I write the last two Ss in all caps. My own way of shaming them actually. Shame can make even families with the means to take their patients to the hospital and seek better and alternative treatment protocols not to do so. Shame is the outcome of all the stigma explicit or implied, and we all know how people could sometimes fight to protect their ‘reputation’. We have surely heard of ‘honour killings’ in some countries where families have taken the lives of one of theirs because of the shame this individual was bringing to their name. Some patients out of shame, could also contemplate or commit suicide because the life they now lead is definitely the skeleton what was before they fell ill and they can’t stand the pain, stigma and all any more.

It is therefore my humble submission that we in Cameroon have to address these foursome Ss if we are to really make any progress with any mental health campaign. Our realities are still far different from those of the west, I saw this first hand when I did a two months internship at the lone public psychiatric ward in the city of Douala. Many patients brought in are already so challenged and ill, it’ll take much more than a brief hospitalization to help them. Some even in the hospital don’t open up to get any little help available, they are ashamed or feel stigmatized even by some medical personnel – sad to admit.

Today as we celebrate World Mental Health Day under the impressive theme Young People and Mental Health in a Changing World, I salute the efforts made to raise awareness to the different issues involved surrounding mental health, but I add that we should step up our listening. Sometimes people hurt so bad but there is just no one to listen to you even when you want to trust enough to tell.

Marie Abanga is a phenomenal woman by every account who defines herself simply as a person of passion and a tale of talents. She runs a private psychotherapy practice in the city of Douala – Cameroon and be contacted through her website at https://marieabanga.com.

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What could I have as personal feelback from the Leading Lady Conference???


The Leading Lady conference had as theme, Intentional Leadership. Leadership I know includes leading yourself (most vip) and leading others – be this at home, at your workplace, business place – church etc

I love learning even more than I enjoy sharing – and of course these come with or involve networking right? Can you do or partake in these activities without others?

I really appreciated the package they put together and the organizers themselves were so warm. I mean I got a call from the co-founder of the mother organization like 2 days later to thank me for coming and spreading the word like via my blog and other social media outlets. Never happened before.

Now, I am a very spiritual person, and anything spiritual catches my attention. Prayers for me are powerful, whether you admit it or not, it is different when you start an event with prayers (even a silent one or a hymn), than when you do not. I am talking about events like these, which are looking at the person and their spirit, and not one on politics, policies or outright glamour.

You have to be spiritual to live and lead intentionally. Well that’s how it works for me. I was so happy to attend a conference which put together and brought out all of this.

So for day one, we had some soul praise and worship – I mean live one and even a trumpet maestro. There was a warm welcome and a first presentation by the co-founder of the mother organization which I enjoyed. The 1st teaching session was on the power and importance of purpose by the one and only Frankie Powell – that man is spiritually fired up, the 2nd on handling life’s detours and the third on intentional living.

The breakout sessions were equally wonderful, sad I couldn’t be in all because they happened at the same time lol. I attended one just to hear that speaker life at last, and another one to learn from a young, dynamic and diverse business woman.

A big take home was the book I bought at the conference. I read it in one go on my return trip and hardly saw time pass (like we can right?). I have already written a brief review on facebook as follows:

Book Review: From the Past into a life of Purpose: A Tale of Four Women edited by Dr Madison Ngafeeson
Review Title: A Tale worth Telling
I was probably the first participant who paid for this book even while it was being launched. I already knew I was going to love every word in there and I was happy to have a book to read on my return trip to Douala the next morning. It was worth the 3000frs I paid and it made the trip pass in no time. Indeed I finished it as we got to Yassa. Are we concluding it was a captivating read?
I am an author, and not any simple type but one who writes more of memoirs than fiction or poetry. I know how tough a feat that is especially in a culture which still ‘values’ the adage ‘no talk bring man disgrace’!!! In this book made up of four tales worth telling, the authors ‘talk’ and I feel them. No shame I mean what is there to be ashamed of?
Let he/she who has never struggled in their lives be it with a relationship/several for some of us, be it with career paths, be it with socio-cultural norms and traditions which can leave you ‘finished’ before your own time, ah be it with just about any precept of life, let that someone pick the first stone.
I love the authenticity in memoirs, it takes work and nerves – no holding back or looking for characters to ‘dash’ them your tale – telling it as it is, as it happened and as we now look forward to.
That indeed is the whole essence of this particular commendable book. The past was painful in each narration, but life goes on and intentionally. All the stories have beautiful continuations because I can’t talk of endings…
I sincerely recommend this book all and sundry.

Sad for now the books are only sold in Cameroon and no online copies yet.

I equally sadly left before the closing ceremony because hmm, thanks to the infamous BMT aka Blackman Time, the conference ran late on both days. I didn’t therefore collect my beautiful certificate personally, but a friend did on my behalf and I got same from her 2 weeks later.

I gave them a 7/10 and was of the opinion when surveyed, that they organize one every year. It was indeed a wonderful investment in my personal growth and self love, and I got to be hosted in one home I so love and have the utmost fond memories of.

Wishing us all a wonderful weekend, full of some self care and all

Cycling all the way to the finish line…it was worth it…thank you God, thank you Universe


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Picture taken 06.05.18 Healing eye was still taking its time too lol

God is God, God is not Man…He has done it again in my life period.

Watch this 18 seconds celebratory clip lol

It has been with tremendous honour and humility that I cycled on, braving it uphill amidst sometimes intense emotional, mental and physical challenges, some from quarters hard to imagine; while also at other times, sometimes steadying my balance as I sloped downhill especially towards the end of each stage of the journey started last March 01 2018.

Spiritual Journey Notebook
These notes may make another memoir someday right?

Can we say this was a spiritual journey or what? It can’t be explained to anyone’s satisfaction – I just came to conclude; I can only share some to hopefully inspire and motivate so that anyone set out on any dear project of theirs, especially one of a ‘spiritual cum purification’ nature, will brave on and hang on … yes it was worth it. Let me try to sum it more…

So, this was a four stage spiritual journey dictated to me by my inner voice (call this crazy am ok with that – I do work in a psy ward anyway); and you could refresh on my preparedness for each stage by clicking 1, 2, 3, or 4.

I got to find out the names of the stages and the reason for their breakdown into 7, 14, 21 and 28 days on the first day of the 4th stage last April 23rd (this happened to be the anniversary of my beloved Grandma’s passing and I was real emotional). So, the stages were dictated to me to be:

Stage 1: Stage of New Beginnings (7 days were sufficient for me to see how new it would be if I persisted)

Stage 2: Stage of Determination (14 days was ample time to get real and hang on)

Stage 3: Stage of Discipline and Dedication (This was the make or mare stage and only perseverance for 21 days could take me on)

Stage 4: Stage of Grace (28 days to feel the Grace to my core amidst all what can go wrong and right full cycle)

Come on someone say wow, this happened and happens to me… am so in tune with my spirit and my world inside out, my prayers have been answered, I guess this is the price I was thinking I am very well prepared to pay, to benefit from and deserve to keep benefiting from all these gifts and responsibility and the accompanying Graces…I am so proud of me, I am my own heroine…dare to be yours for you sure can…

I will be writing more in the days ahead, today I am simply in awe of my tenacity and resilience; including the 3 days break in between stages; I fasted and watched myself like a hawk for 79 days…

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Eating some day with near fire and fury after I broke my fast – captured by Alain lol

I’ve got to learn to eat and do other stuffs again lol, but I don’t miss not shouting, getting angry and having attack thoughts…serenity and discernment are really my daily portions now… Aw I love this new me and am so proud of her…she is indeed a brave lady and will live her purpose in all faith…she self-evaluates herself at 85% and this is an A PERIOD!!!

For tonight, let me go and celebrate with my muskeets at this new Ice cream house (opened in January but we had to have a big reason to go check it out lol – with us it’s always about making memories out of moments) in our neighbourhood. We had decided in our last family meeting to draw a budget and save to go check it out when I crossed the finish line of my official spiritual cum purification journey.

I know it is a life time journey, and am ok with this… I am well passed lesson 100 of the student manual in A Course in Miracles, and taking it in strides with the other sections of the book. One day I may write about my journey studying and practicing all am learning in there…

A very soulful expression of deepest gratitude to all those who encouraged and motivated me with encouragements or otherwise. You may have been very few, but quality has always mattered to me over quantity.

I just got struck by Marianne Williamson’s quote on our deepest fear yesterday and I find it so apt to summarize this journey I so bravely undertook.

Some reached out to me, seemingly concerned about the length of the fast and the physical effect especially with an inflamed eye quickly confirmed by them to be a result of the food deprivation – come on, food was the least I was working on or fasting from. Others were scared I had joined a sect or was visibly mentally ill/challenged and should seek professional help – I think my Age and tenacity saved me. I was left in awe and near mute where all this fear came from, why some could be seeming led by fear to the edge of outright panic attacks? So what is this deep fear?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Be inspired and motivated everyone, have a great weekend

Come on Stage 4: When I think of the Prize, I am very prepared to pay the Price


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My spiritual journey reached its climax in stage three. Stage four may seem the longest to fast from food in a stretch ie 28 days, but I am very good to go. I have done two 30 days stretches before and am already familiar with that arm of fasting. Actually through out this journey started March 1st, of all things am fasting from, food is the last on my mind. I am proud of how fasting from all the other 6 vip things has been going.

Some small tips:

 

  1. Keep busy, live your life, and keep a cheerful/real demeanour even with a swollen healing eye – so grateful it ain’t a swollen spirit or soul lol;
  2. If you know your why, and then the how plus when, why bother answering the what? You can save that energy cause your resilience will speak for itself lol
  3.  When you break your fast from food each evening, hydrate yourself as much as possible and eat the most balanced next to natural food you can (this has proved a little more challenging for me in this stage though, my belly seems to have shrunk and the appetite taken a hit – but am hanging in and doing my best) ; and while at vip self-care, brush your teeth often and use mouth wash + of course shower a time or two more each day – it all feels so refreshing…

 

I am busy with my internship as a therapist and my studies in psychology (just finished an online diploma course), add this up with single motherhood, my writings plus all the reading and other professional occupations, and you can tell I sometimes struggle to keep track of time lol…indeed am so grateful to the universe… I had the most thrilling first day at the psychiatry unit, starting off by doing something I just so love – cleaning so we could settle down quick and start receiving patients lol

 

I had nine good days home alone this Easter – how grateful could I be?

One other big big bonus from my spiritual journey so far,  is that I have a much clearer and concise picture of my 3 but interconnected career paths…

Thank you all who have been wishing me well all along, by grace in 28 days, and these will fly by pretty soon…

the sports is on esp on day 35
Photo taken on day 35, full workout to celebrate 50% mark which happened to be day 14 of stage three – nicknamed our Valentine’s Day (my God & I)

 

What is my Secret or rather Style???


What is my style (2)
I AM NOT DISTRACTED BY THAT NAGGING SWOLLEN HEALING EYE, SO PLEASE DON’T BE (Photo taken 30.03.18)

 

I haven’t been out rightly asked this question – at least not yet, in as much as my spiritual journey cum purification is concerned. Indeed, nothing intriguing to find out about it all if fasting for 70 days (especially from food lol) were not involved in any way. When I received the message from within that I was to embark on this journey (barely two or so weeks before the due date), and that one of the highlights will be a 70 day fast broken down into 4 stages with a 3 days break between each stage, I couldn’t give up and laugh at my own inner voice. Nope, that’s not me – I am the type obviously who thinks of solutions and not focus or dwell on the situation, scenario or outlook. When you have what you yourself qualify as a stubborn but passionate faith, words like ‘impossible’ don’t faze you – they fuel you. I loved the idea of a spiritual journey, even if only to get me further grounded in my life and aware of who I am and what my purpose in life is, then I was all in. How to go about this journey whose road map I happen not to have, is the whole thrill.

I am proud of the journey so far. It’s candidly been so rewarding even if I may look, be or feel foolish sometime. It actually seems I have a secret right?  I don’t want to call it a secret but a style lol. You know a style like Usain Bolt’s when he runs that fast and shoots his hands in the direction of…like gimmie more…

What has been my style since March 1st 2018 when I started out on this thrilling but complex journey?

  1. I sought to understand what a journey like that could demand and how good in shape I was for one. It doesn’t matter how long this period lasted, it matters how well it lasts. For me it went so well. Three days into this mind and soul exercise, I was ready for the journey. I had three more days to actually start warming up, explaining to my sons (and of course my GA) what was going to go on for the next 70 and more days with me, writing different stuffs down and plans, including a grand celebration plan for give or take May 20th;
  2. Talking about plans, I knew I will be spending some waking hours without food or water, and will have to replenish for two good hours when I broke the food fast daily at 6 pm. Given my own self-imposed rule not to eat after 8 pm except in very special circumstances, this means I have only two hours to drink at least 1.5 l of water and eat plenty of nourishing stuffs (not any easy sometimes, and I battle). If am still around and looking this way, then it means am trying my best;
  3. Trying my best also means trying not to focus at all on what if any am missing on this journey, but look forward or even dream about all am gaining and going to get once am done. This approach has kept me going, even in the midst of great endurance, mental and physical challenges including big objections, frustrations and distractions, including a nagging swollen but healing eye;
  4. I am gratefully seeing the swollen eye find its way out (even if it may seem not so evident lol), and lots of other stuffs I am fasting from don’t even mill around my mind -I could even sit through an Easter meal and not bother. I hardly think of food until 6pm or more, I don’t have attack thoughts and try very hard not to entertain any which strays. I am quick to be compassionate and forgiving towards myself and others who visit in any form with objections, frustrations and distractions;
  5. Last but not the least, talking about others, I decided because I know from precedence; that I was not going to care very much about who thought, felt or did what in relation to my spiritual journey and chosen path (s). So far so good. Some have seemingly understood my style and settled down in their corners, while others are almost out of energy trying to ‘fight’ me or ‘get’ my attention. Given that I have assumed total personal responsibility and accountability for this spiritual journey, I share here because that is in line with my purpose, but I am very serene and nearly not discerning about any unsolicited advice I may get. And all of that is my style for my spiritual journey…

Be inspired and motivated any or everyone

It ain’t all glamour: Be prepared to be or feel foolish and lonely big time…


Fasting and day 1
Day 1 01/03/18 Recap of vision, goal and strategy

PRE-SCRIPT: Scheduling this post for 6.05 pm once I break my fast, contrary to midnight as in the first two stages, is a testament to how much I missed blogging

It is not like I expected it to be all rosy this spiritual journey; no I didn’t expect any palms on my my path to say it plain. After all and above all, I am doing this all alone, under no direction, supervision or approval – seeking or waiting for no validation, counting not even on my own small allowance but on the Lord’s Grace and Strength. I mean, it will take some real heart to hear someone talk all this and not feel, think or even outright say they are ‘foolish’! – Just listen to, watch or outright ask Jim Carrey

Am I ‘foolish’ then? Do I feel ‘foolish’? Am I lonely?

I have been told I am ‘foolish’. ‘foolish’ to put so much on hold, have nothing saved up for real, and then ‘claim to be embarking’ on such a weird and seemingly ‘self-absorbed’ journey – call it spiritual or purification – it makes no logical or coherent sense especially with a swollen eye seemingly tagging you along as you journey on! Truth be told; it indeed makes no sense even to me – and yes to some extent I may be ‘foolish’.

As for lonely – oh big time. I don’t mind it but it still sucks some. Then lonely without trollers is much better than my current type of lonely. Let me stop at this. But am ok with being lonely, I own and appreciate and embrace it and choose that over being accepted and found ‘conventional’.

What else if not stubborn and hopelessly blind faith can get me ready, steady and set for a journey I know not the destination nor have a concrete nor convincing plan? I mean, when I was asked what was the plan, and I didn’t even have anything to babel with and still don’t – ah poor me right? I really had and still have none to provide or illustrate period! How ‘foolish’of you was the chorus. If I were to keep track of the number of times I have heard the word ‘foolish’ since I started (even just a day or so ago), ha I should be long way gone by now !

Is this a pattern for those who decide to set themselves aside like Peace Pilgrim; and ‘Trust’ their Higher Power, Inner Voice, God, or Who/Whatever you call Him/Her/Them? Again, Just listen to, watch or outright ask Jim Carrey (more current than Peace Pilgrim)

This apparent ‘foolishness ‘even makes it and me seem and look awkward and ridiculously hopeless. I have been brought down my knees not because I was hungry, but because I didn’t quiet know where the next meal will come from to feed my sons- take this literally…

I have read and now affirm, that when You say Yes Lord I am Ready, be prepared to Watch it all near go away until you become a near veteran beggar and Trust on Him and Him only. If you are into business, it starts to trickle out moment by slow moment. If into working with clients and co, the appointments, numbers and all may take a big toll downwards…

A lot seems to not go right (in this illusive world), and it could seem all is linked to your ‘irrational and illogical’ choice to embark on the journey you have embarked on.

When I once read that God loves our undivided attention, I though that was just a reality for nuns, monks and other religious – not for an ordinary woman like myself. I would be lying to say I haven’t been conflicted some throughout this journey whose third stage just ended. Will share more about these in due time.

I have felt foolish as a result, foolish of my persistence and perseverance with a passion I  discovered. The determination, discipline and dedication I am putting in, can make even a 3 year old wonder if the prize will be a Gold Trophy. Who knows for real, I am prepared to keep being and feeling foolish if that is the price to pay for such faith, no matter how ‘foolish’ it may all seem and sound.

That faith which is so beautifully described in the Bible as among others: ‘evidence in things not seen … in things hoped for…’ And I don’t need my eyes to see what I will get if I persevere to the end – nope, sorry, yes I may be foolish if I can’t list them and point them all out to you, that my faith thing once more… That hope fuels me on!

It was a very peaceful 21 days of spiritual journey and fasting from all the stuffs am fasting from, and to cape it, while starting and staying on a very fulfilling once in a life time internship at the lone psychiatric unit of our main public hospital here in Douala.

Food being one of the stuffs am fasting from, is the least of my preoccupation. I dealt with food issues midway into stage two. Arriving at a point where I don’t react to smells nor get upset if others are eating or cooking some nice or foul smelling stuff by me. I can cook all day and be indifferent to food even after the hour to stop fasting has long past. This to me is self discipline and mastery. When I break my fast, I nourish my body just as well – I have even battled with me to eat during this stage argh.

Even just a year ago, I wouldn’t have believed I could have such faith to embark on such a journey, and stand it all so strong.

I AM TRULY GRATEFUL FOR THE AMAZING GRACE, AND FOR ALL THE ANGELS ON MY PATH.

Dear gentle readers and followers, be oh so positively inspired and motivated to strive on in faith in whichever area of your life you may need to work on. Be mindful of your universe as much as possible, be open to the possibility of several angels on your own path too, you may need to be more prudent than myself, that way you are not – or do not feel outright ‘foolish’.

Grateful for a 3 days break to share some with you all before my fourth and final stage…

 

Sharing some notes from Peace Pilgrim


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Dear All, when my guardian Angel introduced me to peace pilgrim and some of her literature, I new I just had to read as much as I could find about her. Her picture above is linked to her website, and below are some notes from her “Steps to inner Peace” pamphlet. Who knows who will be inspired and motivated? I share for just that purpose!

Reflections from Peace Pilgrim’s steps to Inner Peace

“You are now in control of your life. You see, the ego is never in control. The ego is controlled by wishes for comfort and convenience on the part of the body, by demands of the mind, and by outbursts of the emotions. But the higher nature controls the body and mind and the emotions. I can say to my body, “Lie down there on that cement floor and go to sleep”, and it obeys. I can say to my mind, “Shut out everything else and concentrate on this job before you”, and it’s obedient. I can say to my emotions, “Be still, even in the face of a terrible situation”, and they are still . It’s a different way of loving. The philosopher Thoreau wrote: If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps he hears a different drummer. And now you are following a different drummer – the higher nature instead of the lower”.

                                               –FOUR PREPARATIONS-

  1. Assume right attitudes toward life: Stop being an escapist or a surface-liver as these attitudes can only cause inharmony in your life.
  2. Live good beliefs: The law governing human conduct apply as rigidly as the law of gravity.
  3. Find your place in the life pattern: You have a part  in the scheme of things.
  4. Simplify life to bring inner and outer well-being into harmony: Unnecessary possessions are unnecessary burdens.

                                               –FOUR PURIFICATIONS-

  1. Purification of the bodily temple: Are you free from all the bad habits? In your diet do you stress the vital foods – the fruits, whole grains, vegetables and nuts? Do you get to bed early and get enough sleep? Do you get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, exercise, and contact with nature? If you can answer “Yes” to all of these questions, you have gone a long way towards purification of the bodily temple.
  2. Purification of the thoughts: It is not enough to do right things and say right things. You must also think right things.
  3. Purification of the desires: Since you are here to get yourself into harmony with the laws that govern human conduct and with your part in the scheme of things, your desires should be focused in this direction.
  4. Purification of motives: Obviously your motive should never be of greed or self-seeking, or the wish for self-glorification.

                                                –FOUR RELINQUISHMENTS-

  1. Relinquishment of self-will: You have, or it’s as though you have, two selves: the lower self that usually governs you selfishly, and the the higher self which stands ready to use you gloriously.
  2. Relinquishment of the feeling of separateness: All of us, all over the world, are cells in the body of humanity.
  3. Relinquishment of attachments: Only when you have relinquished all attachments can you really be free.
  4. Relinquishment of all negative feelings: Work on relinquishing negative feelings.

I read all I could about her and her work during the first stage of my spiritual/purification journey, and I made these notes during my second stage, needless to say how inspired and motivated I am especially on the eve of my 3rd stage. Indeed as I once learned, when the student of life is ready, the teacher appears. It’s been a real year of Grace so far and I cannot be grateful enough for all.

What is your Purpose? I found mine 19 good years after reading the purpose driven life


The purpose driven life

The year was 1999, precisely in July. I was at another crossroad in my thrilling life. I was already in the university and could thus fearlessly tell mum what I wanted. I was ‘fed’ up staying with her (oh this once troubled soul), and I asked to go live with my dad (I hadn’t seen him in 5/6 years). When she asked me what I needed to take along, I challenged her to get me 3 books. I didn’t know she’ll do just that.

She got me three once in a life time books:

  1. The Purpose Driven life by Rick Warren;
  2. The Way by Jose Maria Escriva,;and
  3. Growing in Christ (not by J. Packer but by a Nigerian Author whose name I can’t seem to remember).

I still have The Way

 

with me, but sadly the other two got burnt alongside my other stuffs by my ex… another blog for this lol, back to finding my purpose…

That book (the purpose driven life especially) sparked a tsunamis in me…but it took me 19 years of dabbling to finding my purpose…I call this period now the gestation period.

Now no joking, but I got that purpose delivered to me in words of Gold while I sat in the loo my love, doing my business on the 7th day of stage 1 of this purification journey.

The papa up there (as I sometimes refer to God), was gradually ushering me there. My way was a really up/down bumpy one, but I now see it was all part of getting there – to finding and loving my purpose oh so much.

Below is what I wrote down there and then, and when I shared same with a mentor, we can read his feedback after my purpose in bold too:

To Inspire and Motivate people from different walks of life with my personal experiences

I truly like it. It’s personal and REAL. People will likely relate very easily and appreciate your honesty and sincerity.

It’s a wonderful feeling discovering one’s PURPOSE. It improves clarity and focus. It lightens one’s negative emotions while adding fuel to one’s passionate ones. It helps create greater MEANING in this thing we call LIFE!

Hmm, now that I have so spelt out, I am using this time in my spiritual and purification journey to take it all in and embrace it all dimensions. No doubt I have this mountain high of personal experiences. My papa up there/in here,  is simply wonderful.

There really can be miracles when we believe. We have to search and keep doing, patiently, persistently, with all the perseverance we have. My 3 Ds can help too, we are determined, we work on being disciplined always and we stay dedicated. It takes time, yes it does. It is tough, yes it is, but it is fulfilling – none can compare to my joy right now…

And so dear gentle readers and followers, may I formally let you in on my purpose, inspiring and motivating you with my own personal examples of all things cool and shaggy, to find yours or keep at it for those like myself who have already found theirs.

Which is your faith… I was asked?


Souvenir of the Desert 2011
A souvenir of the desert era precisely Dubai-2011; after my first 30 days fast lol

The Stubborn but Passionate one I answered…

No no, like in which church do you go to they insisted?

Is faith now relegated to a church you attend, I fired back?

Ah Marie ok, which religion do you practice?

Papa please faith and religion are not the same to me oh

And the conversation stopped there and I got the look…one I seem to get a little more these days which may be intended to make me look weird, or queer or self absorbed or any of those names which have been thrown at me recently hahaha

When I blogged that I was starting a 70 day spiritual retreat cum fasting, hell let loose. I didn’t really get comments here, but since the post was shared on facebook, twitter and sure the fastest means of communication ever; “hear-say, I got them solicited and unsolicited feedback in abundance.

a) so you mean you now have faith more than all of us?

b) so you mean you now hear voices?

c) so you mean you can do the impossible?

d) so you mean you don’t need anybody’s advice even the doctor’s or a priest? …

Ok, with the type of faith I have, could it now be clear why I am who I am? I have long had such faith, but I compromised myself way too much. Wanting to be accepted and to belong – conform, to be believed in  lol

I am difficult to persuade or dissuade…try it. I listen to all schools of thought, do my research, pray over it and then take my decision. Let me get burnt and learn my lesson, I love such lessons and already have over double dozen catalogs (like in the days when it was chic to order via a catalog hahaha)

Let me borrow this from the awesome book The Way which am reading all over again. He wrote it in 1954 and it was simply put revolutionary – no spoilers but hmm, one of those books which reads you too. And so he says in point 14: “Don’t waste your time and your energy – which belong to God – throwing stones at the dogs that bark at you on your way. Ignore them”.

And so dear all, 14 days ago I wrote that I was steady for stage 2, I made it by Grace… slightly tougher than stage one, give myself a 75% ( this was really a getting steady stage, got upset a few more times – may be also side effects of some Primalan or etc I was prescribed ha)but that’s still a bravo for me. I am so thrilled to be back and passionate about the possibility of sharing 6/7 more posts with all my gentle readers and followers before setting out on stage three.

The not so good news is that I have a swollen eye which has been around for close to 20 days now and I was taking my part in its healing slow. I went to to the ophthalmologist finally last Wednesday (near regretted I did spend my money for a nonchalant 10 mins consultation and prescriptions for all including tests and lenses and no diagnosis even ha). So, I gave those products up to today to make any impact (ignored the tests nor lenses prescription -not wearing both hearing aids and lenses period) and all I was getting was blurred vision+drowsiness+sour and dry mouth… I recalled not having read the side effects of those products, having even pressured to be told what they were specifically for. When I FINALLY (better late than never but best to always read once product is bought) read the side effects of the three products he prescribed this afternoon, I identified with some of those effects, and thus decided to go full scale natural remedy during this 3 days break. I got me some Aloe Vera and Cucumber, I also have turmeric and honey , some this and that. I googled how to use them for a sore eye, and am fixing them up to use them religiously for the next three days. We’ll see how that goes lol, but I have already used some semi-frozen Aloe Vera Gel on the eyes, drank a glass of the gel too (yummy negative), put a slice of cucumber dipped in real cold water on each, dropped in turmeric mixed with mild warm water, eaten 3 spoons of garlic+turmeric +chopped onions+moringa leaves +ginger+honey ha – full healing in 3 days by the force of my faith, and put some ice cube on the hurting one – I swear I already feel better and the boys notice a difference…I never heard of overdose with natural remedy nor side effects so am all enrolled…my inner compass is guiding me once more… I drank an xl cup of warm milk and honey too, didn’t feel it right to drop that in the eyes hahaha

 

Thanks to all well wishers, and I wish us all be faithful to our faith in who or whatever we put or see same…inner peace is my compass, which indicates the right direction in matters of my faith.

Happy Sunday (happy Palm Sunday to all who celebrate this day) …this post seems so befitting of a Sunday right? Hope it was a good and soulful read…

 

Steady for Stage 2 of my Purification/Spiritual Journey


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How much more serene, peaceful and happy will the next 14 days be? See you on the 15th day and thanks for all the wishes. I have faith in the fast, I treasure my treasure so much, and love the path I see in the horizon carefully charted just for me. The entire path may be daunting, the journey initially lonely, the steps shaky – but in God I Trust and believe in Angels…

My sons, my GA and some of you have been so supportive! I am so grateful and carry everyone in my thoughts…

I have given up a lot including my choice to be angry like when someone stepped on my toes at the market, I can’t even raise my voice again anyhow hahaha

I have lost some relationships already, some are now simply put most shallow. That’s the price you pay when you don’t know how to belong or care about what others say, think or do in reaction to your actions be they for personal growth…which they sadly see as selfish, weird or self-absorbed…hush lady enough now, there we go… What did you learn from the movie The Shift by Dr Dyer?