Tag Archives: Spirituality

Steady for Stage 2 of my Purification/Spiritual Journey


How much more serene, peaceful and happy will the next 14 days be? See you on the 15th day and thanks for all the wishes. I have faith in the fast, I treasure my treasure so much, and love the path I see in the horizon carefully charted just for me. The entire path may be daunting, the journey initially lonely, the steps shaky – but in God I Trust and believe in Angels…

My sons, my GA and some of you have been so supportive! I am so grateful and carry everyone in my thoughts…

I have given up a lot including my choice to be angry like when someone stepped on my toes at the market, I can’t even raise my voice again anyhow hahaha

I have lost some relationships already, some are now simply put most shallow. That’s the price you pay when you don’t know how to belong or care about what others say, think or do in reaction to your actions be they for personal growth…which they sadly see as selfish, weird or self-absorbed…hush lady enough now, there we go… What did you learn from the movie The Shift by Dr Dyer?


Thanks to Gaby’s Shi Shi I enjoy an hour of walking; and muggle down memory lane


I will write an entire blog post at the end of this special spiritual journey/fasting, to share my personal experience, the pros and cons of such a profound journey. But let me just state the fact that whenever you decide to do something in life, the ego and the self centered self seek to take center stage and direct you. This will definitely conflict if what you are embarking on is spiritual in nature – for example a fast.

On Wednesday 07/03, the 7th day of stage 1 of this thrilling spiritual journey am on, a conflict arose in the form of how to deal with Gaby’s Shi Shi*. He didn’t want to bathe – inshort he didn’t want to go to school even though they were starting 4th sequence exams that morning. Hod up now, he even wanted to switch education systems again back to French ha. I don’t even know where to start with the merry go round…

I first told him to give me a minute and I went into my loo to pray. I asked for serenity and discernment (Those are the first lines of my personal prayer). There wasn’t much time left. I invited Gaby to come bathe with me (inviting or allowing any of them into the loo my love is a privilege no one wants to ruin), he was calm and started singing as he often does when bathing. I joined in (I hadn’t planned on going out that early nor going for a walk, I wanted to do some small sports once they all left) and sang and danced with him until I realized he was in no haste to leave of course lol.

He said if I should please accompany him to school which was the idea I had anyway. We walked kind of fast (20 mins and not 40 when you don’t hold his hand and he gets to kick pebbles and watch birds hahaha), and by midway he was more mellow and we started to gist. At the school entrance, he met some friends and all was good – bye mummy…

It was then I continued walking taking a longer route, and I stopped by my former landlady (who owns the home where my marital sagas unfolded leading to my fleeing – she knows it all and stepped in a few times God bless Ma Made). Her grand daughter now a young miss, asked after the boys and especially about ‘le petit Alain la’. She still thinks of them like small boys although she is only a year older than Alain now. When I jokingly told her Alain was big and macho and could date her now, Maeva blushed and sad lol like they do. I always check in on Ma Made every now and then because she was simply put awesome to me and us all when we were her tenants.

When I got home, I met David outside (the college guy didn’t have school today because their class finished exams yesterday, and they were asked to stay home for a 3 day break,  while Alain finishes today) He was fiddling with the neighbour’s motor bike, and I was taken down memory lane…

Thanks to Gaby therefore, I had a good 56 minutes walk, I saw Ma made and Maeva (whom I last saw on New Year’s morning), and I sat on the neighbour’s motor bike and went down memory’s lane to a moment in time when I had a length Period of Grace before my relocation back home.

All in all, I didn’t raise my voice nor use a whip, Gaby bathe and went to school not whinning anymore about moving back to french system of education, I did exercise and got even some extra.

When life shows up with some twists, twist yourself around calmly and you may just have fun in the process like I did…

*Shi Shi: local slang in french to mean childish whining or something of the sort

p.s: My friend comes back from school 2 good hours after they closed, he stopped at a friend’s house he slurs. I look at him like that… sigh and say a silent prayer, then I take away 2 of the 3 mangoes I kept for him. He loves mangoes very much, maybe he could learn a lesson from there? I mean he could tell or ask me this morning he wanted to hang out at a friend’s after school; and that’s not even cool to just leave school and go to peoples’ homes like you don’t have one right?

Sharing to inspire and motivate especially parents in the blogosphere – wishing us all loads of patience in dealing with and bringing them kids up

What do you Treasure: How and How much do you treasure it?

Last outing before fasting
Last outing on the eve of my spiritual journey

I remember writing a chapter titled Alain my Treasure in my very first memoir. This Alain in not Alain my son, He was a boyfriend. The relationship over, I moved on to find another treasure. I have dabbled to call two others my treasures again since then before the final enlightenment…

What am I trying to say, we all (at least majority), seek something to cherish here below, to consider our treasure. In yester years, I sought that in men and sex was a good – welcome part of the search. Oh how I blundered and sauntered – strolling miserably through life with no particular direction and near losing my mind…

Could I have so failed to think I could be my own treasure?

And so, when I came to find the one and only true love I could ever truly possess here below; the infinite source from which I could genuinely give to all others on my path; the love that had been buried deep within thanks to all the happenings of life regardless of their source, I couldn’t stop crying.


And who am I? I already got the answer to this one, thank God – my source of all…

So, how do I take care of my treasure? In 5 lines shall I?

  1. I keep it healthy and happy; no junk food, thoughts, actions or reactions so help me God;
  2. I protect it from toxic relationships regardless of off or online, I have that power;
  3. I keep it clean and free from fear, worry, and all such in between;
  4. I nurture it each and every moment by appreciating it and sharing its shine for in giving we receive;
  5. I commit it to its great purpose as designed by the creator itself – by Grace I have found my path and purpose; even if I still have a long way to go; am in a much much better place and grateful for the purification journey just started.

And how much do I treasure myself, oh I am grateful to be alive – to not have left in 2009 when I picked up that knife– Thank you Lord

Dear all, in the above picture taken on the eve of my purification journey, I was on my way out to a birthday where I ate meat for hopefully my last time. I am a vegetarian now for health and spiritual reasons – and yes because that is good in safeguarding my treasure.

And so this morning for breakfast (day 1 of 3 days break) I fed my treasure the following: Small plate of mixed veggie salad, a bowl of soybean pap with some rice, ginger/turmeric tea with honey and a banana. I make much tea and keep in the flask to drink as needed during the day for my small cold lol



May I therefore encourage you to find yours and take good care of same…


Fasting is not for the faint of faith in the fast

Day 3 of fasting
Am eating all of this during this 3 days break lol

Wow, 1st 3-days break and I am super excited. I will publish 5/6 posts during this break because yes, I missed writing out here – so bear with me gentle followers.

On a more serene note, the above picture was taken on day three of my fast, a Saturday, I was back from the biggest farmers’market in Central Africa – found thankfully in Douala like 30/40 mins away from my home, I bought all that and fixed them all up for the month – or however long we can keep that lol. I worked in that kitchen all day, because I love cooking (big temptation if you are fasting but I had no option and could do that lol), and only left that kitchen at 6 pm. Someone said wow?

So, as I announced last week, I started a spiritual/purification journey of 70 days as guided by my inner compass and this includes a 4 stage fasts with there being a 3 days break in between the stages.

Fasting and day 1
resume of what am fasting from, and how day 1 went

I am fasting from 6 things as directed- and as you can see if you use magnifying glasses lol (food, anger, worry, hate, attack thoughts and yes the last one is sex, so that doesn’t even cross my mind during this period), and to be honest, so far so good. I sincerely evaluate myself 80% and this is an A – Period.

The day started off so cool because it had rained cats and dogs the previous night. I walked Aime’s son to school, well she came along, I worked with my dearest Sahadat (you’ll read about her before stage two begins I promise) from home, talked for long with my son Israel, it’d been such a while and I so love to connect with this full of promise adopted son of mine, and to make my first day so special, another small daughter of mine who was looking to connect with her dad all these years, called me to announce the good news. She is 22 and has never spoken to nor seen her dad. I once helped her zoom trails to find him to no avail. What a first day right?

It takes stubborn but passionate faith to walk such fate especially if any fasting whatsoever is involved. I mean I ate no pin, and tried my very best to fast from the other items. The 20% less is the shaky thoughts because am human of course… but I have faith in the fast… I said I was ready and stand by that…

Let me borrow from my friend Pammie’s view on faith: “faith is not a religious faith…it is trust in life-serving-life” and this is why I am going through this 70 day purification and fasting. I have faith in the outcome.

And so, me thinks, to fast especially in stages and for so long, whatever the motive (be it for health, wealth, weight, or religion prescribed) you need to have faith in the fast. No fast cars involved here, you have to walk your talk.

To, summarize this first post of my first break from my first stage of fasting, I am so grateful for the Grace to fast. The picture below is me that same saturday after working all day. I sate down to a full tray of a balanced diet which included a detox home made juice (smoothie if you want lol)  in the red cup, a succulent fresh mango, some fresh tender corn on the cob home cooked of course, a yummy risotto in rice salad style, pap and enough water to fill my thirst tank hahaha. It was not so clear by the time I wrapped all up and freshened up,  but the focus should be on my tray and not my face hahaha



So seven days later, here I am trying my best. Happy with the firm implementation of my 3D principles of Determination, Discipline and Dedication. The spiritual fruits are already starting to bud… but that will be fully revealed at the end. I could however treat myself to a hefty dinner and ignore the irritation on my eye and knee cap – guess my body not so pleased with me o



Stage one; For the next seven days…


On this day when my girl would have turned 10: I am ready for my purification by Faith and not by Fear!!!

My baby girl had this much hair

I feel that inner compass shifting towards which direction I can’t tell yet so clearly. I have had a searching soul for so long, only late year it dawned to me it had become a serene soul. The poems written thereafter will be published eventually and can sure attest to that.

I realize there has been a gradual preparation for a spiritual journey since 2008 when I learnt the toughest lesson I think I’ll ever learn from life. The daughter I had been so badly craving for, was born and buried in less than 24 hours. The pain I felt on that has only been seconded by the pain I felt when my brother Gabriel died.

Ange Claire as I named her, was born on the 27 of February 2008 at noon, and died on the 28th of February 2008 at 3:52 am. That lesson was called DETACHMENT.

Today, I am ready as directly from within, to start with my official purification as from March 1st 2018.

The following are some of the books accompanying me along:

  • Peace Pilgrim;
  • Every Day Meditation with James Allen;
  • Fasting and Eating for Health: A Medical Doctor’s Program For Conquering Disease;

  • A Course In Miracles;
  • Chicken Soup for Your Soul: Counting Your Blessings

Some of my most cherished prayers include:

See us all during each of my breaks, thanks for all the best wishes and prayer thoughts


Prayer for My Sons

Prayer for my sons

Dear World, on this last day of April and a Sunday befitting for sharing a prayer, I share the prayer I was inspired to write for my sons and put up on my ‘War Room’. Whoever has watched the movie War Room will understand what I am talking about. I think you can find it on youtube – here is a link. The fun is, I already had what I call a prayer wall before recently watching that movie, it was actually referred to me when my cousin saw my prayer wall in my room. It is on that wall that I have my personal prayer, our affirmation and rules and etc. I share all this to inspire and motivate. Living is tough, Dying is tough, we need special Grace to cope with both. I am so grateful for the special and Amazing Grace I keep having from my Almighty Father and the support be it directly or indirectly of all those He puts on my path. Sometimes, even a toxic relationship teaches you and helps you so much.

Here is to a happy sunday for us all


Religious Fanatism…You hypocrites…



Hello world, I don’t care what people think or say, I don’t ‘flaunt’ my religion nor try to ‘throat’ it down anyone – gosh we are ere past the Inqisitions. I have dabbled into various religions at different times of my life, and even at some point left all thing to do with Religion. That didn’t mean Jesus wasn’t in my heart and life, better still I loved doing good and striving to be a good person. So, if after my ‘religious prostitution’ (let me use the kind of strong language Jesus himself will use when He shouts out: ‘hyprocrites’), I re-settle as a ‘Catholic’ (even if with yes still some reservations) I got ash today reminding me of my ‘vanity’ – we will all die but how we live matters, then who am I to think I am better off or should belong or shun or ‘judge’ someone because of their religion or absence thereof?

I have simply come to the conclusion that religion or my religion has nothing to do with spiritual wellbeing if I neglect my personal relationship with Jesus and my fellow human being. To me, it boils down to the form of external worship in fellowship I am most ok with… interprete that as you wish…

Now, the Pope is ‘Catholic’, but I have seen him embrace such universality and all values, I am in awe. I just read him urging people to give to the homeless this lent not caring on what they spent the donations….

What makes you a better christian than the other, or even a better human being?

Fasting for me is not only during lent, I actually love fasting whenever I feel like and from whatever I feel in my spirit to fast from and for whatever duration and etc. I once barred religion and politics from my blog because I was noticing some recurrent comments trying to patronize this blog as one of Religious orientation – manifestation etc etc: I leave my blog and life open and really don’t even want to know what is whoever’s religion or no religion … so long as they are not hurting me and are just trying to be good people.

Without spewing more, I just want to share today’s gospel reading which you don’t have to be a catholic to appreciate. The bible is there for all and you can read it and call it what you like…

Faith without deeds is useless… preaching without Love and Charity and tolerance is useless…

Matthew 6:1-6.16-18

‘Be careful not to parade your uprightness in public to attract attention; otherwise you will lose all reward from your Father in heaven.

2 So when you give alms, do not have it trumpeted before you; this is what the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win human admiration. In truth I tell you, they have had their reward.

3 But when you give alms, your left hand must not know what your right is doing;

4 your almsgiving must be secret, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.

5 ‘And when you pray, do not imitate the hypocrites: they love to say their prayers standing up in the synagogues and at the street corners for people to see them. In truth I tell you, they have had their reward.

6 But when you pray, go to your private room, shut yourself in, and so pray to your Father who is in that secret place, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.

16 ‘When you are fasting, do not put on a gloomy look as the hypocrites do: they go about looking unsightly to let people know they are fasting. In truth I tell you, they have had their reward.

17 But when you fast, put scent on your head and wash your face,

18 so that no one will know you are fasting except your Father who sees all that is done in secret; and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.



Book Review: Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant


Hello world, My Biological clock is ticking (turn 38 next week by Grace); and peace is my number one top priority at all times now. I admit to having several broken pieces in my life – heck still do so much and they sometimes just poke up and make me bawl my eyes out all over again. I was thus very excited to pick up this other soulful memoir by Iyanla Vanzant one of my all time favorite – No nonsense authors. I mean, I cried again when I read one of her other power books titled Yesterday I Cried – Here, you can find my review of that one. I have had it for almost two years now but I guess it wasn’t time for a review. I even mentioned the book in my own personal journey to uncovering the source of my peace.

When I look at my notes from the book, I can share some of the most poignant I made:

  1. …I didn’t know anything about rebound relationships. I didn’t know that it takes a respectable amount of time for one person to get over another person and come to a place of completion… (Neither did I and it’s barely 3 months I finally knew and got there);
  2. …One powerful lesson I learned from him was that just because a man is a good man, it does not mean that he knows how to be a good partner ( my comment on that note says it all: woah, similar to what l wrote about mine);
  3. When two broken people bring their broken pieces together, chances are they will never become a whole anything. (very high chances I think too);
  4. Unworthiness always puts you in debt to anyone and everyone who shows you the slightest degree of attention or love or energy. Eventually, in this form of bankrupt relationship, your benefactors will demand or expect more than you are able or willing to give. This is the precise moment they will choose to call in the loan; (I can relate 99.99%);
  5. When you do not believe that who you are and what you do is good enough, that message will contaminate everything you do. When doubt is present in your consciousness it indicates a much more profound problem. It is a story that we tell ourselves about who we are and what we do and do not deserve in life. Your personal lie is a function of all of the broken pieces of your puzzle—all of the elements of your history, all of your experiences, all that you have been taught about yourself merging with all that you have made up about yourself. 

And now three lessons she shared which helped her find peace amidst all those broken pieces

  1. Until and unless you know that you are enough just the way you are, you will always be driven to look for more. Knowing that you are enough is a function of consciousness. Your enough-ness develops in direct proportion to the relationship you have with your true identity. Until you wholeheartedly believe in your own worth, in spite your of accomplishments and possessions, there will be a void in your Spirit. I had more than a void. (here is my comment: this is what l wanted);
  2. When you are starting your life over, with a new sense of self, who you once were is going to challenge you. Who you once were is going to dangle old carrots, old wounds and issues, in front of your face. When that happens, you will be tempted to revert to old feelings, old patterns of thought, and old patterns of behavior. When, however, you have made up your mind that the old you is dead and buried, when you have embraced a certain level of clarity about who you are and are not, as well as who you are choosing to be, you have a different response;
  3. “When you can tell the story and it doesn’t bring up any pain, you know it is healed.” (I got there Amen)

This really is the best way I can review this book – I broke down again so sourly two days ago, and bawled myself to instant sleep just where I was – I got up and with so much unconditional love and support – I decided to stick by the new response to ME and my Life. A big gratitude among others to Iyanla Vanzant and memoirs of hers like this one. I can’t rate this book any less than a 5/5: written in such down to earth english – so personal – so fine to read without a break.

About the Author


There isn’t anything I can say about Iyanla which isn’t everywhere and I mean including on O. here is a snipet from her website:

“What I have learned from all of the difficulties in my own life is that human beings have very thick skin. I call that skin, spirit, our Highest Most Powerful self. Spirit is the key to everything we desire. It is our weather-proofing, our Teflon, our line of credit that assures if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day; there will be a miraculous payoff.”

Visit her website and there you’ll find all the links you need to that great woman described as: ” one who embodies a no-nonsense approach in her message and teaching style. Outspoken, fiery, transparent, truthful, and sage-like”.


Book Presentation : The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz, Janet Mills


This book I read has been seven years on the new york times bestseller list! Having read a lot of books and their ratings for the ‘American’ literatture world, being on the new york times bestseller list is the ultimate deal. In the four agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. The book is described as one based on ancient Toltec wisdom, and offers a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love. This book did just that for me when I read it and re-read it. I am not worthy to review such a life transforming book – really that’s why I call this post a book presentation. I was introduced to this book by my dearest friend Pamela Wagner (and for those who think people living with a mental illness don’t know nothing, you are the loser)… I will just share the resume of the book and few of my highlights while reading this revolutionary book.

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well-rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Some of my higlights (cause I did like 160 – just to say I almost highlighted the whole book):

Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 15
We keep searching and searching, when everything is already within us.
the truth (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 17
Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans.
vip (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 17
We especially try to please the ones who love us, like Mom and Dad, big brothers and sisters, the priests and the teacher. Trying to be good enough for them, we create an image of perfection, but we don’t fit this image. We create this image, but this image is not real. We are never going to be perfect from this point of view. Never! Not being perfect, we reject ourselves. And the level of self-rejection depends upon how effective the adults were in breaking our integrity.
VIP VIP (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 18
We dishonor ourselves just to please other people. We even do harm to our physical bodies just to be accepted by others.
oh my (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 19
They wish to be a certain way, but they are not, and for this they carry shame and guilt.
hmm (my note)
Highlight (Yellow) and Note | Page 20
In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself. And the limit of your self abuse is exactly the limit that you will tolerate from someone else. If someone abuses you a little more than you abuse yourself, you will probably walk away from that person. But if someone abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, you will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly. If you abuse yourself very badly, you can even tolerate someone who beats you up, humiliates you, and treats you like dirt. Why? Because in your belief system you say, “I deserve it. This person is doing me a favor by being with me. I’m not worthy of love and respect. I’m not good enough.”
capital (my note) This was a wow wow wow so so so true for me

In summary, this book may not be one of the conventional ones but it is definitely one of those revolutionary and True to the Core ones. Maybe you’ll want to check this out and add to your Christmas ‘to read’ list?