Tag Archives: Therapy

When you say…I will say…


When you say I don’t know me anymore, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say my mind is murky, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say you can’t take it no more, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say you had a miscarriage, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say you just buried a child, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say those kids drive me nuts, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say I am having a divorce, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say I left and lost everything, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say I was abused and raped, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say I want my life back, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say I really need help, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say am making progress, I will say I can imagine how you feel…

When you say thank you we did it, I will say thank you too we really did…

P.s: Excitedly looking forward to starting a new chapter of my life as a professional life coach and CBT therapist. One of coaches told me I had an impressive toolbox of personal experiences. I sure do and am grateful for those… I say the serenity prayer now more than ever…I see where all this is heading to…My long term goal with all this is to open ‘Marie’s Healing Home for inner peace’

Unspoken words


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Unspoken words

Those you don’t say

Those you can’t say

Those you wouldn’t say

Those you didn’t say

Those you really want to say

……………….,..

Unspoken words

Those you want me to hear

Hear straight from your heart

Hear by your stare

Hear by the feel

Feel of the hug you scared to share

…………………

Unspoken words

Sometimes the truth is in such words

The real you stuck with them

The fade you says fine

But those who have learnt

To listen from the soul

Will clearly hear words unspoken

.……………

(C) Marie Abanga 2017

P.S: written on the commute to work and dedicated to all my therapy clients

Bibliotherapeutic: all the way from maralago


What better gift on another stressful day? My first son has malaria and the doctor was near appalling.

I now have to find time to do that book justice. I pray for traffic jams so I can read in the cab for hours lol

I mean with such an autograph… What can disturb your evening?

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If you want to find out why that sate is significant, get the epic book: am at 50% already I don’t know how am doing the reading lol

Update (26.04.17/ 3.05 pm)

  1. I just finished the super epic memoir; I have never laughed as hard when reading a memoir;
  2. As a single mother, Trevor’s tribute to his mother goes straight to my soul;
  3. I don’t know if I ‘ll get to doing a review, I think the book already has thousands of them on the amazon;
  4. My Son is fine and did attend some school today

 

And This is Why…


And this is why

Why I do what I do

Why I say what I say

Why I dance as I do

Why I cry so sad

—-

And indeed this is why

Why I share it all

Why I love so bad

Why I hurt so deep

Why I heal so slow

And yes this is why

Why I long to help

Why I want to bare

Why I need to show

Why I can relate with that flow

To thyself be true

Leave me to my guise and grace

That may help another soul

Part of the master plan

By faith and not fear

It ain’t easy but it’s mine

Why I am the way I am

And that is why

Why I’ll keep being me

Why I’ll go on bare

Why I’ll speak it loud

Why I’ll write as it flows

Can you sense it ??


sense-it

Can you see the mirage in my mind

Can you see the hole in my heart

Can you see the search in my soul

Can you see the helpless thought

Can you feel the hurt there is

Can you feel the pain in it

Can you fee the drudge and drought

Can you feel the storms within

Can you touch the cancer cell

Can you touch the insane mind

Can you touch the heart beat

Can you touch the scars on the soul

Can you smell the peace I seek

Can you smell the love I have

Can you smell the smile in me

Can you smell the strides I make

Can you hear the voice within

Can you hear the silent screams

Can you hear the songs they hum

Can you hear the drums not beat

Can you sense any of it

Can you sense all of it

Can you sense even a mite

If not what can you sense ???

Book Review: Nothing like Normal; Surviving a Sibling’s Schizophrenia by MGW


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What is NORMAL Anway?

This was the question I was ‘foolishly’ or maybe ‘highly unrealistically’ expecting to be answered in this all too human and yet piercing memoir.

I began reading this memoir by carefully studying the cover picture. I concluded the two chubby innocent girls on the front cover were  Martha Graham-Waldon (MGW) to the left and her dearest sister Kathy Graham (KG) to the right. While MGW looked at the camera, KG looked more closely into the gaze of the pet birds they carried. I noticed her shirt lifted up a little and showed her tummy and yet that wasn’t a problem for the photographer. Yet, some of you may agree with me that in some cultures, keeping birds for pets, or not being properly tucked up be you kids, is simply not NORMAL.

This memoir did more to me than just help me see how another family just like mine had, faced and dealt with their member’s mental illness. MGW may not know to what extent her memoir will impact some, but it has definitely completely shattered this paradigm of ‘NORMAL’ to me.

Was NORMAL to be the absence of a diagnosis mindful of some signs that something was seemingly going on with KG? Was it now their new NORMAL that something was indeed going on with KG but then they had to ’embrace’ that as is, or ‘pretend’ to still fit in with ‘conventional community’? What about it being NORMAL to sympathize with their mum who suffered a stroke, and yet shy away and stigmatize the Grahams for having a ‘mad member’ in their family?

I am not going on any further, I read this memoir with so much attention to everything because I couldn’t really believe another family, far away in the USA, could go through such shattering trauma and deal with stigma too! I really thought such things happened only in Africa, to families like mine, well in a setting where people died more from ignorance than from Negligence. I don’t know what to make of the ‘medication tradition or pattern out there’. What is NORMAL now? Go after the symptoms? Go after the illness as diagnosed? Go after the person and beat the Shit out of them?

And in the process of it, how do you a close sibling deal and heal with it all? I applaud MGW’s vivid narration of their various exotic and adventurous family vacations and existence before ‘Life happened’. This in my firm opinion as an aggrieved sibling like herself, states the strong case that the ‘lunatic’ the world now sees, had a ‘NORMAL’ life before their mental illness. I am glad and actually obliged to MGW for writing this memoir mindful of her pain. I rate the book a 5/5 because of the ‘intensity of the different subjects covered’. If I could recommend only 3 books for your year end, this will definitely be one of them. If you read carefully and in between, you’ll definitely re-evaluate that word NORMAL.

About the Author

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Martha Graham-Waldon is a writer, spiritual entrepreneur and armchair activist who resides in the Santa Cruz Mountains of California with her family and a menagerie of pets. Her articles have been published locally, internationally and online. She is a winner of the 2015 Women’s Memoirs contest for a vignette based on her memoir Nothing Like Normal: Surviving a Sibling’s Schizophrenia published by Black Opal Books. A member of the National Association of Memoir Writers, Martha also loves travel, the outdoors, Jazzercise and music.

Gestation hours in preparation for Ella


Dear World…

It is with so much excitement and even trepidation that I announce the hours left till I go bring Ella home…

Gestation is one of the synonyms for getting ready and well I looked for a word with effect because welcoming Ella to our household will have a similar effect on us four…

She will be a sibling to the boys, and we all agree to consider her a girl and not seek to find out her gender…

She will be a daughter, friend, and so much more to me… her name was nearly Ulla but I thought last minute it not to name a pet after our beloved Ulla… gladly the boys voted 2:1 to have her called Ella…

I first met her yesterday at my former Landlady’s (she’s one of my mama I met as a tenant and will remain one for life), but didn’t bring her immediately home because well I had to discuss that with my teammates/housemates…

They all were so excited and said I should have brought her home… hence am going back for her today as in a few hours (5 or so)

Oh my at long last I’ll have my own cat (and at barely 3 weeks, she’s literally a baby to our familly)… I wish I knew her breed because my SSh’s family had a siamese cat and he told me so much about that breed…

Anyway, am working rush rush rush so I have the afternoon free to go get Ella and bring her home with joy and love… and sure get her small stuffs you know…

Just took a moment to share this with you…

Anyone has some tips to share?

Book Review: The Latte Years: A Story of Losses, Gains and Life Beyond the After Photo by Phillipa Moore


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I will title my review as follows:

A candid account about getting on the dreaded scale to shed more than the nagging kilos

I want to begin my review of this yet another awesome memoir by thanking Dyane for recommending it to me. Indeed, it mirrors quite a handfull of my own story.

Philippa nails her soul search in this anecdocte: “Growing up in a small town does one of two things to a person – it either breeds a fierce desire for independence and adventure, so you leave as soon as you can or it gives you Hotel California syndrome (as in, you can check out whenever you want but …)” . However, her lack of self esteem, her abundance of self doubt, her poor choices which ranged from all she stuffed in with regards to food, and the quick ‘yes I do’ to the first ‘suitor’ who barely proposed but took his dance lessons seriously; quickly shoved her desire to the back of her oversized closet.

Philippa got it when one day no matter how hard she tried to lift the size 18/20 pants up, they just wouldn’t zip up. She looked at recently developped pictures and all but threw up… that was it and as she put it: “Becoming conscious of what I had actually been doing to myself had frightened me”.

Gladly enough, this time she had had enough and something had to be done. She started out with the scale and both her eyes and heart near collapsed at the figure she read. Thanks to the encouragement of her friends, family and above all herself, she finally got to her ideal weight. But, it was a journey that involved so many loses and many more marvelous gains. Not only did she shed the kilos as the after photo will show, she shed her old self for a fresh new self confident and independent her. She even ran full and semi-marathons, travelled quite some and met her soul mate. She admits it to the core when she writes: “I had proof in front of me that if I tried, I would find out what I was capable of. It was an amazing feeling that I clung to with all my might”.

Thank you Philippa for sharing your incredible journey with us, your physical and mental aches, your bizzare and super friends, your ever supportive family, and above all a glimpse into your soul mate and your marriage. I will sincerely be failing myself if I give this book any less than a 5 star. I have pretty much walked some of her shoes and closet, and I do mean it when I say I wholeheartedly recommend this memoir to all.

About the Author

philippa-moore

Philippa Moore is a writer, editor and award-winning blogger who has held a lifelong fascination with language and stories. Her writing has been published widely and she also hosts a popular podcast, Book Ends, featuring interviews with leading contemporary writers. She was the author of the award-winning health and fitness blog, Skinny Latte Strikes Back, which was one of the UK’s most popular health and fitness blogs. Philippa now lives in North London with her husband Tom and many pairs of running shoes.

Warming up to pay it forward


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Dear 🌍,  that’s me 45 or so mins ago. I am warming up to pay it forward… This means it’s a positive payment right? And difficult one nonetheless as you’ll see. That’s why I need constant warm ups henceforth. I’ll commit to a daily 30 mins workouts for the next 3 months and then I’ll see how that goes…

Why warm up daily? I mean am a 3/week adept already, and although one hap or mishap can sometimes tamper with that routine, am trying my best… And sure, anyone who has tried, will agree me about the therapeutic sensations and effects derived from these workouts. I mean, Obama was quoted as saying: ” Give me my workout time, and my work time will be just wonderful”. As for Michelle O, gosh that skin of hers drives me with motivation…  Can you imagine the holistic wellbeing of these two?

And now, in addition to holistic wellbeing,  I find myself in a pay forward situation already. What’s to pay forward you may wonder? The help and support I got to be on this awesome path to a Big, Better and Brighter Merry Marie… It wasn’t easy, it still isn’t. But I sure am in and on it with all my 3 Ds…

I acknowledge seeing a psychotherapist and working with an awesome life coach, I even admit taking pain killers, sleep pills and vitamins. Yet, it was the constant, selfless and unconditional love and support of my SSH, that worked the biggest magic. Uh huh I did lot of work and homework myself, but I just couldn’t on my own – messed up as I then was…

It’s been 5 years and more since I started out, one inconsequential step at a time. Today however, even the weight loss is evidence enough. Some still don’t believe I once 🕒 115kgs…

Whenever I thanked my SSH, he’ll say ‘just pay it forward’: that’s the best recognition. Did I know that will be happening barely 7 months after my relocation home? And the situation is slightly complicated because my new client is behind bars and thought by some to be despicable… Yet they at slightly over my age, acknowledge that it’s high time and they are ready, cause they are sick and tired of being sick and tired of their life as is…

Dear Lord, I pray the serenity prayer with all my heart. I, like Solomon, pray for Wisdom and Grace… I need thee every hour, I know I have my e-family, my SSH and my guardian angel to cheer me on…

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Have a wonderful Sunday everybody and keep up in all you strive…